


Rumours

by aTimeInSpace



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rumours, Season/Series 03, implied eating disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2018-10-29 14:25:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 133,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aTimeInSpace/pseuds/aTimeInSpace
Summary: Isak and Noora strikes up an unexpected friendship when she return from London. It complicates things. For everyone.---AU where things are mostly the same but also very different





	1. Where is Eskild?

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this idea and couldn't let it go. This is first fanfic I've ever written so be gentle with me. Have about 7 chapters already written which is nice for when I get stuck. Fair warning, it will be quite a slow burner and at first less Even content than one would like. He will show up though! 
> 
> I try to stick to the actual season 3 timeline but with some minor changes. Fic starts at the first revue party (aka Nooras return) but, to have time to build the friendship between Noora and Isak the date of the revue party in the fic is October 14th instead of October 21st. But the halloween party is still on the 28th. Meaning there will be an extra week between the two.
> 
> POV will change but will mostly be ISAK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had this idea and couldn't let it go. This is first fanfic I've ever written so be gentle with me. Have about 7 chapters already written which is nice for when I get stuck. Fair warning, it will be quite a slow burner and at first less Even content than one would like. He will show up though!
> 
> I try to stick to the actual season 3 timeline but with some minor changes. Fic starts at the first revue party (aka Nooras return) but, to have time to build the friendship between Noora and Isak the date of the revue party in the fic is October 14th instead of October 21st. But the halloween party is still on the 28th. Meaning there will be an extra week between the two.
> 
> POV will change but will mostly be ISAK

**Chapter 1 – Where is Eskild?**

**Friday October 14th 2016, 22:47, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

“She’s cute though” Isak says, not being able to look up into his face, eyes firmly on

the kitchen floor, “Sonja”. He could feel his stomach tightening as he said her name, eyes still fixed on the ground, heat rising in his cheeks. Even suddenly steps closer, but Isak doesn’t look up. Instead he holds his breath, his body frozen, not being able to understand what is happening. Something is happening though, he realises as Even positions his face painfully close to Isaks. Isak can feel the heat radiating from Evens body, he can smell the beer on his breath, he can hear his own heart pounding in his chest, still not daring to breathe, the air constricted in his lungs. After a short moment of hesitation Isak slowly turns his head to meet Even, their lips so close and…

The high sound of a door closing shut rips Isak out of the moment and back to the reality. A reality where he is far from comfortable with the fact that he likes boys rather than girls and even more uncomfortable with the thought of someone else finding it out. 

Isak hurriedly moves into the hallway, too stressed to throw a second glace at Even, who follows closely behind. He expects it to be a tired Linn wanting to escape back into the safety of her room. It’s far more unlikely for Eskild to be the cause of the sound seeing as he regards any party ending before midnight to be an epic waste of his youth. It’s however neither Linn nor Eskild who stands in the hallway as Isak, closely followed by Even, enters. It’s Noora.

She stands quietly in the hall, wearing a white tight fitted t-shirt under a grey dress and Isak looks at her puzzled. For a second he is sure his roommates knew she was coming and that he must have tuned Eskild out when he told him. Isak does that a lot, tunes Eskild out. Eskild talks a lot and often it’s just jibberish. As Isaks eyes flashes over Nooras face again and he notices the cautious and nervous, almost fragile, look on her face and realise that his roommates probably didn’t know.

“Eeh… Where is Eskild?” Noora is the first one to speak, her voice low but steady. “He just left for the revue party a little while ago. We were just cleaning up a bit before joining.” Isak answers and gestures at Even who’s standing behind him, feeling that he quickly had to justify to Noora why he is alone with some guy, even though she hadn’t seen anything. Cause nothing had happened. So there was nothing to see.

“Hi, Even, I’m in kosegruppa with Isak”, Even holds out his hand.

“Noora”, she shakes it politely before turning back to Isak. “Can I borrow your…” she starts but stops mid-sentence, looking uncertain of how to continue, “I was gonna call…”. Noora closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She speaks quickly, with a determined voice when she finally manages to get out a full sentence. “I meant to call but my phone died, can I borrow yours? I just need to tell Eskild… Her voice trembles slightly when she says Eskilds name but her face is composed.

Isak hands over his phone over to Noora who immediately pulls up Eskilds number and presses the phone to her ear. There is a silent awkwardness surrounding the three of them as Isak and Even stands quietly, Isaks refusing to look at Even and Even looking curiously between Isak and Noora, waiting for Eskild to pick up. He doesn’t  pick up and Noora uncharacteristically sputters a low “Fuck” before making a second attempt to reach him. When Eskild still hasn’t answered after the fourth attempt Noora looks completely deflated. She hands the phone back to Isak and for a little while they just stand in silence. 

Isak is the first to break the silence.

“Are you okay?” Noora, nods to indicate yes but her lips start to tremble and he can see tears building in her eyes.

“Yeah, I just… “She starts but doesn’t finish. Isak is a bit taken a back by this fragile version of Noora, only having seen her being happy, confident and strong before. It makes him uncomfortable, like he should comfort her but shouldn’t because they don’t really know each other. Isak has probably never had a conversation with just Noora, only spoken to her when she has been with Eva.  Noora takes a breath and continues to speak, her voice slightly broken. “I just want need to see Eskild” She pauses, wipes with her fingers under her eyes, trying her hardest not to start crying. “London, it’s…” Tears starts to stream down her cheek and Isak becomes even more uncomfortable. “It’s not working” Noora’s final words are barely a whisper as tears keeps coming and she hides her face in her hands.

Isak is frozen for a second before he takes a quick step forward and pulls Noora into his arms. She sobs and shakes in his arms and Isak becomes extremely aware that he has no idea what to do or say, so he just holds her. As he holds her and wonders what to do next Even suddenly speaks. Isak’s uncomfortableness had made him temporarily forget about Even and the almost-kiss in the kitchen.

“Eh… I was going to the revue-party” Evens eyes travel over Isak’s face and meets his gaze, almost like tries to tell Isak something without saying it aloud. Isak however has no idea of what. “I could try and find Eskild and tell him to call?” Even continues and Isak smiles gratefully at him and Noora detangle herself from his embrace. She wipes the tears from her face, and looks at Even.

“Yeah, thanks” She gives him a weak smile before she continues, “Could you not tell anyone else? I’ll talk to the girls tomorrow, but I just…” She shrugs and doesn’t finish her sentence but turns back to Isak and wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. This surprises Isak slightly but he holds her tightly nonetheless.

Isak looks apologetically at Even and mimes _thank you_ as Noora clings on to him, her body shaking from crying. He holds her tightly as Even puts on his shoes and jacket, feeling that he should say something to acknowledge what almost happened in the kitchen but he doesn’t know what. So he stays silent, his hands stroking Noora over the shoulders while his eyes are fixed at Even. Even, who have concentrated on tying his shoelaces looks up at Isak, giving him a crocked smile.

“Isak, I don’t have your number”, he starts and Isak’s stomach flutters, “I mean, so that I can let you know if I find Eskild.” Disappointment rinses over Isak. Even continues and hands his phone over to Isak, who manages to pull of a neutral face and. quickly saves his number in Evens phone, one arm still tightly wrapped around Noora’s shoulder. Even turns around, heading for the door without another word and Isak thinks that maybe he imagined the almost-kiss or maybe Even changed his mind, when Even turns around looking Isak straight in the eyes, “Hey, let’s hang out tomorrow, yeah?” Isak’s jaw almost drops as he utters a simple _yeah_ back. Even raises his eyebrows, smiles and heads out without another word, leaving Isak with a second wave of stomach flutter.

Isak and Noora stand in the hallway for a few minutes after Even has left and Isak feels even more awkward now, not knowing at all what to say or do. As Noora’s breath steadies and her body slowly stops shaking he loosen his arms, not pressing the as tightly around her.

“You want water?” He asks her carefully, it’s the only thing he can think of. Noora nods and Isak moves into the kitchen to grab a glass for her. He stops for a minute by the sink, in the same place he stood just half an hour ago feeling Even’s breath on his cheek. They were going to kiss, Isak is sure of it and blushes of the memory as a tingling sensation fills him up.

Noora sits on the couch in the living room when Isak returns with the water, hugging her knees into her chest. She takes the glass, drinks half of it and gives Isak a weak smile when she puts it down on the living room table. Isak takes a seat on the couch, keeping a slight distance to Noora who, on his right side, has curled herself together hugging her knees again. Isak is, again, extremely uncomfortable and does not know whether hold her or not or if he should say something or not. His own way of coping when things get rough is to bottle everything up and not talk about it. It hasn’t really been a successful way of coping seeing as Eskild once found him in a gay club drunk of his as, bawling his eyes out and refusing to go home. Also, Isak is not great at comforting people, he tried hundreds of time with his mom and failed. There was that time when he held Eva for hours after Jonas had found out about Chris but seeing as Isak was the one who caused the secret so spread all over the school even though he promised Eva not to tell anyone he doesn’t feel that is counts.

They sit like that for a while, Noora hugging her legs, Isak positioned on her left side feeling that he is probably the roommate Noora least wanted to be home. When tears start to stream down Noora’s cheeks once again, Isak is too uncomfortable to just sit by and pulls her into her arms letting Noora cry into his chest. It is awkward, but strangely not as awkward as Isak anticipated. He doesn’t say anything but just keeps holding her, his left arm steadying her against him and his right hand loosely stroking her arm. It takes about 15 minutes until Noora no longer cries, but neither of them shifts their position.

“I’m sorry” Noora starts, “I didn’t mean to ruin your night and make you stay behind and everything” Isak smiles down at her.

“Honestly, I didn’t really feel like going, that’s why I stayed behind and cleaned up when everyone left.” That is true, Isak had no intention to go to the revue party to watch Even and Sonja make out and feel compelled to make out with Emma to maintain the façade of straightness he had made everyone believe. Noora looks like she is unsure whether to believe him or not but gives him a weak smile. “Do you want to talk about it?” Isak asks carefully, not sure what answer he would prefer. Noora contemplate the question for a while before answering.

“No. It’s not that big of a deal” Isak doesn’t believe her but says nothing. “It’s just…” Noora seems to have changes her mind and tries to continue but seems unsure of what to say. She takes a breath. “It’s just, I haven’t slept for two days and I just really needed Eskild but my phone’s dead and William is just… and I’m really tired” She doesn’t specify what William is but buries her face in Isak’s chest once more. Isak no longer feels awkward holding Noora like this. Instead he feels bad for her, gathering that Noora probably feels worse than she lets on and that she really needs support right no. Preferably from Eskild.

“Noora? Why don’t you try and sleep for a while and I’ll wake you once Eskild is home? You can stay like this”. She doesn’t say anything but nods into his chest before adjusting her body so that her legs are outstretched in the couch, her face pressed into Isak’s chest and her arms half-hugging him. Isak holds her tightly, figuring that’s the right thing to do and softly strokes her back.

It doesn’t take long until he can feel Noora relax and her breathing slowing down. He manages to pull his phone from his pocket and disappointedly notices that there are no messages from Even. There are a few from Emma, wondering where he is. He replies that he won’t make it before putting the phone down then he allows his mind to wander back to the moment he and Even had in the kitchen. He is sure of it. Even was about to kiss him. Isak smiles at the memory and soon he too is sleeping, Noora cuddled up in his chest, his arms holding her tight and that’s how Eskild finds them a few hours later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had this idea and couldn't let it go. This is first fanfic I've ever written so be gentle with me. Have about 7 chapters already written which is nice for when I get stuck. Fair warning, it will be quite a slow burner and at first less Even content than one would like. He will show up though!
> 
> I try to stick to the actual season 3 timeline but with some minor changes. Fic starts at the first revue party (aka Nooras return) but, to have time to build the friendship between Noora and Isak the date of the revue party in the fic is October 14th instead of October 21st. But the halloween party is still on the 28th. Meaning there will be an extra week between the two.
> 
> POV will change but will mostly be ISAK


	2. Are they cuddling?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas is at the revue party when he finds out about Isak hosting a pre-game without inviting him and the boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter. Figured I could post the second part right away!

**Chapter 2 – Are they cuddling?**

**Saturday October 15th 2016, 00:38, Revue party**

**JONAS**

Jonas didn’t intend to go to the revue party, but after tagging along to a pre-game with Magnus and Mahdi it is where they ended up. He stood chatting with a few guys in a corner when he heard a familiar voice.

“Jooonas, Hi” Eva smiled at him drunkenly and hugged him. He grinned as he hugged her back, he was still very fond of her. They exchanged the usual, ‘how are you’s, before Jonas asked her what she did for pre-game. “We were at kollektivet, why weren’t you there? Isak hosted” This surprises Jonas, it was not like Isak to host anything, and to host without inviting Jonas and the boys just seemed off. He furrowed his brows and was just about ask Eva about it when a guy Jonas recognizes but can’t place interrupts them by pulling Evas arm slightly. He is tall, blond, wears a neon yellow headband and is probably a year or two older than Jonas and Eva.

“Eva, have you seen Eskild anywhere?” Eva smiles at him, giving Jonas the impression that the blond is not unknown to her.

“Sorry, he’s not here, he decided to go and meet up with someone from Grindr instead of coming here.” The blond looks disappointed by the news and mutters “oh, okay” before pulling his phone up, quickly texting someone. This makes Jonas wonder if the blond is one of Eskilds many guys from Grindr, cause according to Isak, Eskild has a few. Jonas thinks that Eva also registers the disappointment when she asks him why he is looking for Eskild. The answer though, is not what Jonas expected. The blond guy hesitates for a moment before he smiles and answers.

“Oh, Isak wanted him to call.”

“Where is Isak? Wasn’t he supposed to bike here with you?” Eva asks and Jonas realizes from where he recognizes the tall guy. It’s the same guy that handed Jonas red snapback back to Isak in the cafeteria when they were looking at the dance try-outs. Jonas remembers Isak saying that he was part of Vildes revue group and, gathers that the blond guy must have been at the pre-game that Isak hosted. And didn’t invite Jonas to.

“Yeah, but he decided to stay in and just wanted me to get Eskild to call him” Eva looks at the blond guy, Jonas looks at Eva. By the look of Eva’s face, she doesn’t look like she believes that the blond has told her the full story but she doesn’t get the chance to ask anymore questions before two girls come up to them. One of them is Emma, the girl Isak hooked up with earlier this year. The other one is blond, also with short hair, although longer than Emma’s. The blond girl kisses the blond boy before they drag both Eva and the blond guy onto the dance floor. Eva tries to drag Jonas along with them but he declines by shaking his head at her.

Jonas is confused and slightly hurt by the information that Isak has hosted a pre-game and inviting Eva and the girls but not Jonas and the boys. Isak is not even friends with any of the girls, other than Eva, and Eva and Isak hasn’t really been that close since Eva and Jonas broke up. He decides that he should ask Isak about it next time he sees him. He spots Magnus and some other guys in a corner and walks over to join them.

It’s a few hours later, 03.08 to be exact, and Jonas finds himself at McDonalds with Magnus and Mahdi, eating and laughing before they all plan to head back to Jonas house to sleep. His parents are out of town but his little sister is home and Jonas has promised her that he would sleep at home tonight. Jonas is halfway through his Big Mac when they see Eva, Vilde and Chris Berg coming trough the doors. They wave at them and after ordering the girls sit down at at their table. They have a good vibe, constantly talking and laughing. This pleases Jonas, being able to hang out with Eva like this is something he really misses.The familiar sound of an iPhone receiving a text message interrupts their discussion and Eva starts looking in the pockets of her jackets. Chris Berg sniggers.

“Ha! Time to go and get laid?” Vilde, Magnus and Mahdi laughs. Jonas doesn’t. Eva rolls her eyes at them.

“Doubtful, Chris and some of the penetrators are on a weekend in Amsterdam so I bet he’s getting some anyway” Eva moves to open the text but Vilde distracts her.

“You think he’s gonna sleep with someone else?” Eva looks at her like that’s the most stupid question she’s heard and answers,

“It’s Chris, kid can’t keep it in his pants to save his life. Of course he’ll be sleeping with someone.” Jonas looks a bit dumb folded at Eva and can’t help himself, so he asks her.

“And you’re okay with that?” Eva shrugs.

“We’re not together, he can to whatever he wants”. Then she turns her attention back to her phone and says “it’s Eskild” while swiping to open the message. Then she starts to scream.

It’s an excited and surprised scream and everybody around the table looks at her.

“What?”

“What’s going on?” Eva passes the phone to Vilde, who also screams and laugh. Chris has the same reaction.

“Did you know?”

“Did she tell you she was gonna come and visit?”

“When did she arrive?”

“Aaah this is amazing!”

They girls shout at the same time while Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus still don’t know what’s happening.

“Eva?!” Jonas has to shout to take her attention away from the girls. “What’s going on?” As Eva hands her phone over he sees a picture on the screen. It’s Noora, sleeping on the couch, in Isak’s lap. Isak has his arms around her, her face buried in his chest. Isak half sitting, half lying in the couch, his legs stretched out on the floor. Noora fully lying on the couch. Suddenly Eva’s phone stats vibrating, Eskild is calling.

Eva takes the phone and talks to Eskild for a few minutes while the rest of them discuss the news. Vilde is the first one to say it. “

Seriously though, why is she sleeping Isak’s arms? Do they even know each other? Are they cuddling? Do you think they hooked up?” She looks at Jonas during the last part, like she expects him to know the answer. Eva returns to the table and saves him from having to respond.

“Well, Eskild found them sleeping like that about 15 minutes ago but Isak woke up as he took the picture so now they are all awake…” Eva hesitates for a while before continuing and she doesn’t look like Nooras arrival is as good news as she first though. “Eskild didn’t say much, but seems like Noora is staying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter. Figured I could post the second part right away!


	3. Did you guys hook up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas questions Isak about the pre-party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the love I've gotten for this fic so far. 
> 
> This chapter is quite short, but I didn't want to drag it out just for the sake of it. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

**Chapter 3 –  Did you guys hook up?**

**Saturday October 15th 15:12-22.04, Skate park and kollektivet**

**ISAK**

It had not been the best of mornings for Isak. First, Eskild had woke him up by Britney Spears way to loud and way to early. When Isak snarled at him Eskild told him it Noora needed to listen to happy music and that Isak would have to suck it up. When Isak tried to make breakfast he discovered that him milk had gone sour only after putting his first spoon of milk and cereal in his mouth. Instead of eating, Isak joined his roommates in the living room to comfort Noora. Noora, who yesterday had been a crying wreak was now composed. Isak could tell that she was still very sad, she just didn’t want to talk about it. Not talking about it suited Isak as it gave him the opportunity to think about what almost happened before Nooras return yesterday. It only took him a couple of re-writes but he managed to send a text to Even and his stomach fluttered at the though of hanging out with him today. But of course, Even had plans with Sonja. Fucking Sonja. So no, it had not been one of the best mornings. When Jonas texted him about heading to the skate park Isak didn’t hesitate, hanging with Jonas could only make the day better. 

Isak started to slightly regret this decision when Jonas sits down on a bench instead of starting to skate. He looks at Isak with his ‘I’m your best friend and I know when you’re hiding something’-look and Isak knows what Jonas will say before he opens his mouth.

“Tried calling you yesterday”

“Yeah, sorry” Isak begins, “There was a lot going on yesterday, Noora came home”. Jonas looks at Isak and Isak knows that something is bugging him and he is pretty sure he knows what. His suspicions are confirmed when Jonas next speak.

“Yeah, heart that. Also that heard you had a pre-game yesterday”. Busted. Isak had hoped, naively so, that his friends wouldn’t find out and saw the pre-game as an opportunity to talk to Even without them interrupting and requiring his attention. He couldn’t confess this to Jonas so instead he goes with option two, blame Vilde. Jonas accepts this explanation and and they drop the subject and starts to skate instead.

The afternoon is considerably better than Isak’s morning. He and Jonas goes for kebab after skating for a couple of hours and later decide to meet up with Magnus and Mahdi at kollektivet to pre-game. Eskild is on a date, Noora is with the girls and Linn is at her parents meaning that Isak, for once, could have the guys at the apartment without worrying about disturbing Linn or getting disturbed by Eskild. Tonight the party is at Isak’s ex-girlfriend Sara’s house but that doesn’t bother Isak at all. Him and Sara are cool, they don’t necessarily hang out or talk anymore but say hi when they run into each other. They weren’t together for long and the break-up was undramatic. To be honest Isak was relieved when she dumped him. Sara had said that she couldn’t date someone who was so clearly not in love with her and all he could say that he was sorry, that he really wanted to be in love with her. That he really tired to. “You like the idea of having me as your girlfriend but you don’t really like me”

Isak was starting to get a bit tipsy as the subject turned to the previous night and after getting some hate for not inviting the boys, Magnus asked a question he was not prepared for.

“Dude, what happened between you and Noora yesterday? Did you guys hook up?” Isak choked on his beer and started to laugh, looking at Magnus with disbelief?

“Me and Noora!? NO! What the fuck, why?” His gaze swipes over both Jonas and Mahdi, who seems to think the question is completely valid. They boys all look expectedly at him and and he raises his eyebrows at them in frustration. “What!?” Mahdi takes pity on him and is the one to offer an explanation although not one Isak understands.

“We saw the picture Eskild sent to Eva last night.” “Picture? What picture?” Isak has no idea what they are talking about but makes a mental note to kill Eskild. Jonas sighs and Magnus elaborates.

“You and Noora, sleeping all cuddled up on the sofa”. Isak rolls his eyes, shakes his head and smiles all at once as he realises what they’re talking about.

“That was nothing. She was really sad, crying and all. What was I supposed to go? Girls crying are the worst” They guys agree and Isak assumes the topic to be finished, he is wrong.

“So, you didn’t hook up at all?” Magnus, again, hopefull. Isak rolls his eyes, again.

“No hooking up, at least not with Noora” Isak winks during the last part but is not sure why. He is in no mood to discuss Emma, or any girl for that matter. It’s like it happens automatically, him projecting the image of being a ladies man, who flirts and hooks up with girls like there is no tomorrow. Even now, when there was absolutely no need for it. He voluntarily brought up the fact that he hooked up with Emma when he just could have settled with denying hooking up with Noora and closed the subject. Now he will be forced to answer questions about Emma instead. Questions he would rather avoid seeing as he has no intention to make out with Emma ever again. He would much rather make out with Even, not that he’d ever admit it to the guys. Or anyone. As expected, there are questions and Isak answers all of them as is expected from him, with a crooked smile and a certain cockiness.

“Who did you hook up with?”

“Emma”

“You guy do it?”

“nah, too much people around”

“she wanted to though?”

“Ha! Yeah, next time probably.”

“You like her then?”

“Nah, she’s a bit to keen.”

Isak hates himself with every answer he fakes and wholeheartedly wished they were true. When he thinks about it though, it’s not like he actually lied about Emma to the boys. They did hook up, they didn’t have sex but she probably wanted them too if Isak were to believe the 3am texts he received from her. He doesn’t like her, but that they’ll probably have sex next is a flat out lie as Isak doesn’t plan for it to ever be a next time.


	4. Didn’t think she was your type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a party at Sara's house the day after the revue party. Emma is there and so is Noora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- So friday's clip fucked me up big time. I don't even know where to start to be honest. The whole thing is just painfull.  
> \- Yes the party this chapter is about is at Sara's house even though she's currently on my shit-list.  
> \- So far I've tried to make one scene/event in each chapter but that also means that the chapters sometimes are quite short. That cool or should I have more then one scene in each chapter?

**Chapter 4 – Didn’t think she was your type**

**Saturday October 15 th 22.48, Sara’s house**

**ISAK**

The party is in full swing as Isak and the rest of the boys arrives, the girls are there and so is the one person Isak wish wasn’t, Emma. The boys all give him meaningful looks and all he can muster as a response is an eye roll and a sly smile. Isak sits on the corner of the sofa, eyes sweeping over the dancing crowd as he contemplates how to avoid Emma when someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around to face Noora.

“Hi”, she smiles at him and looks happier than he has seen her since returning yesterday.

“Hi, how are you doing?” He asks and her smile falls a bit.

“Better. I just wanted to say thank you for yesterday. You really didn’t have to but you it was nice. To not be alone” Her voice cracks a little bit during the last hug and Isak pulls her into a hug, just like he had yesterday.

“Hey, it was nothing”. She smiles at him and squeezes his arms as she leaves his embrace.

“Thanks anyway…” She gives him a final smile before walking away to join the Eva and Chris Berg who are dancing close by.

Isak is standing in the kitchen when Emma comes up to him. She smiles, hugs him and tells him how much she enjoyed the pre-game the day before. Isak feels like either barfing or telling her that the only part he enjoyed was almost kissing Even. He, of course, doesn’t do either of those thing but hugs her back, smiles and nods at her like he agrees. He decides to try and keep the conversation going to avoid making out with her and eventually use some shit excuse and slip away. So he asks her whether she had fun after leaving the pre-game last night. He really shouldn’t have, because Emma starts a monologue with one of the worst topics Isak could ever imagine, Sonja. Sonja and Even.

“You met Sonja right?” Isak nods. “We had such a great time, dancing and everything. Then Even came and they are just the cutest couple, don’t you think?” Isak can feel himself going completely rigid but at the same time boiling with rage, he does not want to hear about how cute Sonja and Even are together. Isak has gone completely stiff but Emma is unaware and continues. “Did you know they have been together for like four years? They are like high school sweethearts and will probably get married. How awesome is that?”

Isak had promised himself to not make out with Emma again and he really planned to keep that promise but hearing her rave about how cute Sonja and Even were and how they would probably get married makes something snap inside of Isak. He has to make her shut up. He just has to. So he kisses her. Again. Because he’s an asshole. Because he would rather make out with her than hear another word about Sonja and Even. Because that’s the only solution he can think of that stops her from talking and keeps his secret desires secret.

Emma is not slow to respond and hungrily kisses him back. Isak is grateful that they’re in the kitchen and not somewhere were they are alone. He tries to reciprocate the eagerness in which Emma kisses him but it’s difficult. He’s just not that into it. He just feels fake. Emma doesn’t notice though but pulls away after a couple of minutes and gazes at him adoringly.

“You wanna go somewhere more private?” She winks at him and her intentions are crystal clear. Isak has absolutely no intention of going anywhere with Emma and deeply regrets kissing her. He should have just made up some excuse and bolted the fuck out of there instead.

“Sorry, this is my ex-girlfriend’s house and I don’t what to be an asshole” he says, pleased with how fast he thought of that excuse. She smiles at him adoringly, like he’s the sweetest guy ever.

“So, we’ll just stay here then?” Isak doesn’t get a chance to respond before Emma plants her lips back on Isak’s, and he internally screams but forces himself to kiss her back. They have been kissing for what feels like forever when they’re interrupted by a friend of Emma who wants her to join her for a smoke outside. Isak is beyond relieved.

“Go, I’ll find you later” He even winks at her as she leaves but let’s out a big sigh and shakes his head trying to figure out how the hell he’ll get out of this situation. Not only tonight, but how to get Emma to permanently loose interest in him. Preferably without having to be an even bigger asshole than he’s already been. It’s not like he enjoys leading her on knowing that she’ll be the one to get hurt. For tonight tough, he figures he could just get to drunk to be even remotely attractive so he turns around grab another beer but sees Noora standing against the fridge door, slightly smirking at him.

“Enjoying yourself?” She raises her eyebrows at him and continues to smirk and suddenly Isak is just royally annoyed. At everything. At himself for hooking up with Emma in the first place. At Emma for bringing up how cute Sonja and Even were. At Even for almost kissing him and then going to the revue party to be cute with Sonja. At Even for not kissing him. At himself for not being able to be normal. At Noora for teasing him about Emma like Emma is something he enjoys.

“What? You don’t approve?” Isak doesn’t intend to sound so rude but he really can’t help it. Noora looks weirdly at him but smiles, eyebrows still raised.

“Just didn’t think she was your type”. She isn’t but Isak can’t say that and it frustrates him more than he can express so instead he sounds even more rude. Because he’s an asshole.

“What do you know about who’s my type?” Noora looks slightly affronted but her expression softens as she starts to speak.

“I’m sorry, that’s true. I really don’t know and I didn’t come in here to fight with you”. Isak can feel himself deflate, Noora is not really who he is annoyed at. There is just so many emotions and thoughts in his mind and keeping up his straight image is just so fucking tiring.

“It’s cool, sorry for snapping, what did you want?” They share a smile and Noora has this look where she seems to contemplate what to say next.

“I’m gonna go…” Isak tries to read her face but can’t so he asks.  

“Are you okay?” Noora takes a breath before she responds.

“Yeah, I’m just not really in a mode to party…” Isak smiles fondly at her and is just about to respond when Noora adds “and well, I just thought that I should tell you or whatever.” Noora smiles but there is something about it that makes Isak’s heart break a little, like Noora might also be putting up this front to hide her true feeling. Like she pretends to be okay but is actually really sad. He makes the decision in a heartbeat.

“I’ll come with you” Noora scrunches her eyebrows together looking surprised.

“Really?” On second thought, Isak thinks going back to kollektivet with Noora is a great idea. It means he won’t have to deal with Emma anymore tonight. Also, Isak realises to his own surprised, hanging out with Noora feels like something he could actually like.

“Yeah, you don’t have to walk home alone and we’ll talk” At this, Noora gives him a look so he changes his mind. “Or not talk and then we’ll go to bed and you’ll make pancakes in the morning” Noora actually laughs at the final part and keeps smiling as she speaks.

“Okay fine, pancakes it is then”.

As Isak follows Noora out of the kitchen on their way to grab their belongings he does not notice the three first year girls stood by the kitchen window who looked at him with belief having heard their entire conversation. Isak is just happy to leave the party and Emma and everything that about her that’s slowly suffocated him. The notion of pancakes in the morning also helps. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Isak might be a slightly bigger asshole towards Emma in this fic than he was on the show but there's a point to it so bare with me
> 
> Also, I've tried to make one scene/event in each chapter but that also means that the chapters sometimes are quite short. That cool or should I have more then one scene in each chapter?


	5. Noora?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak wakes up the morning after the party to discover that rumours about him and Noora has started after they left together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaay another update. This one is also quite short but I think I'll stick to short ones when I don't feel that the "scene" require longer ones.
> 
> One another note, I've had major writers block this week due to the bloody hiatus. It's been so difficult to write Noora after the last clip even though I'm quite sure that Noora wasn't aware of how much it hurt Sana. I guess we'll find out soon though but I'm kinda freaking out about it.The fight, the bus, the girl squad, Evak, Sana, Elias, everything seems broken atm.

**Chapter 5 – Noora?**

**Sunday October 16 th 2016, 11:29, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Isak is woken up by Eskild knocking on his door.

“Isaaaak! It’s almost lunch-time and Noora has made pancakes, come join us!” He is a bit hangover and considers falling asleep again but knows that Eskild will wake him up again in five minutes if he does. His stomach rumbles at the thought of pancakes so he sits up, grabs his washed out Simpson t-shirt and a grey pair of sweats form the floor and throws them on. Before heading to the kitchen, he stashes his iPhone in one of the pockets. 

The kitchen smells like pancakes and there is a plate full of them on the table as well as both jam and whipped cream. Isak, Noora and Eskild sit down at the table and Isak half-listen as Eskild tells Noora about his date last night. Isak pulls up his phone and discovers discovers a bunch of messages from last night. A couple in the group chat with the boys and a couple form Emma. Being completely uninterested in what Emma has to say, he opens the group chat first.

_(00:22)_

_Magnus: Isak, where’d you go?_

_Mahdi: Come to the upstairs bathroom and smoke with us!_

_(01:19)_

_Magnus: Hahahaha Isak you fuckin legend!_

_Magnus: Emma is pissed_

_Mahdi: What he do? Where are you guys?_

_Magnus: Jonas was hooking up with some first-year last I saw him. I’m in the kitchen._

_Magnus: Isak were hooking up with Emma but picked up an ex and went home with her the second Emma went out to smoke._

_Magnus: Emmas friends stood right beside Isak as it happened. Questioned me about who the girl was._

_Mahdi: HAHAHHAHAHA_

_Magnus: They are pissed._

_Magnus: Isak, what girl is it? Sara is still here, you have another ex?_

_Mahdi: How do know it’s an ex?_

_Magnus: Apparently is was obvious that they’d slept together before.  Something about Isak saying “let’s not talk about it but go home, fuck and you’ll make pancakes in the morning”_

_Mahdi: hahah poor Emma_

_(04:14)_

_Jonas: Jesus Christ, let him fuck in peace._

_Jonas: But really, who’s the girl?_

Isak puts his left hand over his eyes and sighs while silently cursing Emma’s friends. Maybe his and Nooras conversation could have been interpreted as them flirting if you didin’t know that they literally live together but how was he supposed to know that her friends where listening. Now he looks like an asshole again and even though he would really like to get rid of Emma, a rumour about him and Noora is not the solution. Isak can tell that both Eskild and Noora are looking at him but doesn’t look up.

_(11:43)_

_Isak: WTF? There was no girl._

_Magnus: Really? That’s disappointing._

_Isak: But had pancakes for breakfast._

_Mahdi: WHO MADE PANCAKES?!_

_Magnus: What did Emmas friends mean then?_

_Magnus: Yeah, how they know about the pancakes if there was no girl?_

_Isak: Noora made pancakes._

_Isak: Walked her back to kollektivet so she didn’t have to go alone, so she made pancakes!_

_Magus: NOORA? Did you guys fuck?_

_Isak: Fucks sake, NO! No fucking, no hooking up._

_Isak: Only walking and pancakes._

Isak rolled his eyes and closed the conversation before they could say anything more. He looked up to see Eskild and Noora looking at him expectedly but instead of saying anything Isak opened his conversation with Emma, knowing almost what to expect. 

_(00:31)_

_Emma: Where did you go?_

_Emma: Can I stay at yours tonight?_

_(00:59)_

_Emma: Asshole_

_Emma: Did you seriously leave with an ex of yours just seconds after I went for a smoke?!_

_Emma: Seriously?!_

_(01:30)_

_Emma: ASSHOLE_

Isak sighs again and this time Eskild has apparently gone impatient and expects Isak to deliver gossip after his intense phone staring.

“Baby Jesus, did you do anything embarrassing last night or what’s going on?” Isak rolls his eyes at him and considers not answering but he knows Eskild would pester him about it until he gives in so he answers.

“Emma’s friends overheard me and Noora talking about leaving the party last night and now everyone thinks we hooked up, oh and that we’re exes” Noora, who was drinking as Isak spoke sputters milk all over the table.

“WHAT!?” Noora looks slightly horrified and Isak tries to not be insulted.

“Emma? That was here on Friday? Short brown hair?” Eskild asks. Isak is too tired to explain so he hands them his phone. Eskild laughs loudly and Noora shakes her head.

“That’s ridiculous”. Isak nods in agreement, gets his phone back and before he knows it Eskild is telling Noora something about his work. He looks at his conversation with Emma again and decides to reply. He could just let her think she’s an asshole but it’s not fair to Noora. Not when she just came back from London being all upset about William. 

_(12:02)_

_Isak: Sorry for bailing._

_Isak: Left with my roommate Noora so she wouldn’t have to walk home alone._

_Emma: Seriously Isak? That’s what you’re gonna claim?_

_Isak: ??_

_Emma: There are only three people living in your apartment. We talked about it on Friday.  Your roommates are Eskild and Linn, who I also met on Friday._

_Isak:  And before I lived here, my room was Noora’s room. She moved in with her boyfriend during the summer but came back unexpectedly on Friday when I and Even were cleaning up. That’s why I didn’t come out on Friday. Didn’t feel right to let her walk home alone yesterday so went with her._

_Emma: Oh…_

_Emma: I’m really sorry_

_Emma: That’s really sweet of you. Sorry I called you an asshole._

_Isak: It’s cool_


	6. She cooks you dinner now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys tease Isak about Noora. Isak and Noora go to IKEA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another short chapter, hope you guys like where I'm going with this. Let me know :)

**Chapter 6 – She cooks you dinner now?**

**Monday October 17th 2016, 12:55, Hartvig Nissen**

**ISAK**

Isak is sitting with the boys in the canteen eating a shitty sandwich and listening to Magnus telling some ridiculous story about a girl. It doesn’t really bother Isak and he usually likes to listen to the boys trying to pull but it still kind of bothers him because he always has to fake his own interest in girls. If he could just talk about guys the way they talk about girls, then he’d be cool with it. But he can’t. So, it is slowly eating him up from the inside. Also, he wishes the guys would stop teasing him about how Emma thought he went home with Noora during the weekend. A rumour that he has been asked about several times today, something which the guys have laughed plenty at.

Isak’s phone, which is placed screen-up on the canteen table, starts to vibrate and everyone curiously looks at it. Noora Sætre is displayed on the screen and the guys immediately starts to giggle. Isak rolls his eyes at them but says nothing as he picks up.

“Hi, what’s up?” he asks.

“Hi, when do you get off today? I need a favour?”

“Okay? 15:30”

“Could you go with me to IKEA? I can’t sleep in Eskilds bed or keep all my clothes in a duffel bag anymore. I need a mattress and a chest of drawers.”

“IKEA!?” Isak sighs, he really doesn’t want to go to IKEA “Can’t Eskild do it? Or Linn?”

“Eskild works late and Linn is well, Linn. Please Isak?” Isak sighs, again, and is just about to answer when Noora continues. “I’ll take your next cleaning week and I’ll cook you dinner for like a week. Please Isak?” Isak really hates to clean and to be fair usually ‘forgets’ when it’s his week to clean and Noora is a good cook so he sighs and agrees in defeat.

“Fine I’ll come with you, but I expect fucking gourmet dinners the whole week!”

“Thanks! You’re the best, I’ll meet you outside Nissen at 15:30 then” Isak finishes the call to find all his friends smirking at him.

“IKEA?” asks Mahdi at the same time as Magnus says.

“She cooks you dinner now?”. Isak rolls his eyes at them but doesn’t bother to respond so he changes the subject back to Magnus attempt to pull during the party on Saturday. Magnus immediately launches back into the story and Isak leans back in his chair trying to listen. It’s difficult though since his own emotions and thoughts are all over the place. For one, he is quite sure that Even did try to kiss him on five days ago but he can’t be sure because all Emma fucking did on Saturday was talk about how cute Even and Sonja were. Barf. Second, Emma. Isak definitely regrets kissing her (again!) and intently hopes that Even does not find out. He considers what would happen if Even found out. It’s not like Isak did anything wrong, Even has a girlfriend for fuck sake. Third, he hopes that the stupid rumour about him and Noora dies. Fast. For both his and hers sake. He knows it bothers her even though she said it doesn’t. He’s just lucky that all friends of William graduated last year. Like why should they care about a stupid high school rumour.

When Isak finishes his final class of the day it takes him a few minutes to leave his books back at his locker. Isak hates his locker, it’s always difficult to open. He can’t remember the last time it opened by him just punching in the right code. He literally has to force it open every time. As he exists the building he can spot Noora chatting with Sana, Chris, Eva and Vilde just by the courtyard exit. Everyone has a school bag with them except Noora who hasn’t gone back to school yet. Eskild said something the other day about Noora trying to see if she could return to school even though the semester had already started. Otherwise she’d have to take a gap year and start again next fall and that would suck.

IKEA sucks. It feels like a maze and there are too many people even though it’s just a Wednesday. Isak has never been a fan of shopping and furniture-shopping is simply the worst. Isak is relieved when Eskild calls to tell them he found the old spare mattress in the basement since it means one less thing to carry but can feel his cheeks burning as Noora tells him the story about the random guy Eskild had living in the basement last year. Isak, of course, already knows the story seeing as it was him living in the basement. Noora, however, seems to believe that is was some guy that Eskild wanted to band who worked with the refugee crisis. Isak sees no reason to tell her otherwise.

When they finally return home to kollektivet Isak tries to help her assembly the chest of drawers but it’s impossible. First, he places the side of a drawer upside-down. Then he accidentally hits his thumb when trying to nail the tiny nails that attach the back of the chest to its frame. He swears, loudly, several times, and somehow in a fit of anger and frustration manages to overturn the chest of drawers. Noora is crying of laughter as Isak lays down on the living room floor in defeat. “I give up” Eskild captures this moment. Overturned chest of drawers, Noora sitting on the floor clutching her stomach from laughing, Isak on his back.

Noora manages to assembly the chest of drawers fairly quickly after Isak gives up, something both Eskild and Noora tease him extensively about. Noora also delivers on her promise to make dinner and it’s the most vegetables Isak has eaten since he moved in. Afterwards Eskild forces them to watch paradise hotel and Isak only protests a little bit but makes sure to roll his eyes and make snarky comments during the whole episode. Eskild is laying spread out on one of the couches and Noora and Isak are in the second one.

Isak who had left his phone in his room after dinner is unsurprised to see that the boys had been active in the chat once he returns to his room. The chat seemed to be almost constant, not that he minds.

_(20:39)_

_Mahdi: See that IKEA was a success Isak_

_Magnus: What?_

_Mahdi: Insta_

_Jonas: Hahah being all domestic and shit_

_Jonas: Imagine Emmas reaction._

_Magnus: HAHAH_

_Mahdi: hahaha_

_(20:57)_

_Magnus: Seriously though, something is going on with you guys?_

_Mahdi: deffo_

_Magnus: ISAK?_

_Magnus: Whatever, they’re probably hooking up_

 Isak went straight to Instagram after reading their messages to investigate why the hell they kept bothering him about Noora. He gets an answer quickly and he should have guessed. Fucking Eskild. It’s a picture of the fucking overturned chest of drawers with Isak lying on the floor and Noora laughing. Caption: _@loglady99 need no man. @isakyaki vs IKEA 0-1_


	7. I guess they’re just not good at parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora and Isak gets closer and Isak tells Noora a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7, here we go! Had just written chapter 7 when the hiatus started so had so much trouble writing both it and chapter 8 just because Sana was so hurt. Am currently in the same mode due to the Ramadan-clip yesterday which completely broke my heart. I put all my trust in Julie to solve this mess.

**Chapter 7 –  I guess they’re just not good at parenting**

 

 **Tuesday October 18 th, 2016, 02:22 – Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

It’s in the middle of the night and Isak can’t sleep. He has just watched the video he found of Even when stalking him a couple of weeks back for what feels like the millionth time. Isak could probably recite it perfectly by now, not that he’d ever admit to it. He may or may not also have watched Romeo + Juliet again. There are a thousand thoughts spinning in his head. It’s Emma, who has returned to flirting with him in school and over text and it makes Isak’s skin crawl but he flirts back because not doing so would cause suspicion. There’s Even who most definitely tried to kiss him almost a week ago but who haven’t spoken to him since. Isak has seen him in school, from afar, and they have nodded in recognition to each other. Like a subtle hello. Then of course there is Sonja and the thought of her makes him slightly nauseous so he tries to not think of her. At all. Then it’s his mother and her endless texts with misspelled bible verses and nothing makes Isak as sad as knowing that his mother would probably hate him if she knew how much he wanted Even to have kissed him that time in the kitchen. It’s also his father, of course, who is just a constant source of pain, disappointment and anger. So Isak can’t sleep because his brain just won’t shut up. 

Isak decides to go and grab a glass of water from the kitchen. He assumes that everyone is sleeping and exits his room only wearing a pair of boxers. He regrets his decision almost immediately as he almost trips over Noora when walking through his bedroom door. She is, for some reason, laying on the floor in the hallway right outside his door. It’s dark in the hallway but Isak had turned on the light in his room when he got out of bed and it shines on Noora’s face through the open door. Noora, who apparently wasn’t sleeping but looking at something on her phone quickly puts the phone down and uses the back of her hands to wipe her cheeks. Isak has no idea why she would choose to sleep on the floor outside of his room instead of in Eskilds bed or on that old mattress that Isak used to sleep on in the basement or on the fucking sofa.

“Eh... what are you doing here?” Noora meets his gaze and Isak can see that her eyes are red and puffy. She has been crying.

“Eskild has a guy over and eh… the walls to the living room are very thin” She gives him half a smile, which he returns. It’s now that Isak notices that Noora is not laying on a mattress, which she should, but on a few of the cushions of the couch. It’s looks terribly uncomfortable so he asks her about it. She rolls her eyes before answering. “The mattress Eskild found in the basement was mouldy so I threw it away. That only leaves the cushions if I don’t want to sleep on the actual couch and hear Eskild getting laid all night.” They both giggle at the final part.

Isak doesn’t know why he makes the decision but he looks at Noora and the shitty cushions on the floor for a few seconds and say it before he actually has time to think about it.

“You can share my bed if you want”. Noora raises her eyebrows in surprise and Isak realise that it might sound like he’s hitting on her which he really isn’t so he quickly continues. “I mean… It fits two people without problem...” He’s rambling.” But you know that cause you used to share it with William” Noora’s face falls.  “Shit sorry. I didn’t mean” He takes a breath to avoid putting his foot in his mouth, again. “Noora, do you want to sleep in my room instead of on the floor?” She gives him a weak smile and nods.

“Which side do you sleep on?” Noora asks as she walks into Isak’s room after putting the cushions back on the couch. She carries a pillow and a blanket with her.

“Right, by the window.” Noora eyes the orange blanket Isak uses as a make-shift curtain and the Baywatch poster taped over his bed. “Love what you’ve done with the place”. Isak rolls his eyes at her.  The bed is big enough to fit them both lying on their backs without touching each other. Isak feels slightly weird about having a girl in his bed even though he really thinks it’s something he should want to have. But then again, he should also want to kiss Emma. But he doesn’t.

An awkward silence fills the room and Isak is unsure whether he should say something or try to fall asleep. He decides on the latter and closes his eyes hoping that sleep would find him soon. It doesn’t and he finds himself stuck in the spiral of anxiety creating thoughts he normally ends up in during his sleepless nights. Noora apparently can’t sleep either because she is the one who breaks the silence a little while later.

“We both know why I can’t sleep. Why can’t you?” At first, Isak isn’t sure of what to say or if he wants to answer at all. He settles for;

“I’ve got a lot on my mind I guess” which is about as vague of an answer as possible. He can feel Noora shifting in the bed, turning on her side to look at him. Isak can make out he outlines of Noora’s face as he turns his head to look back at her.

“Anything in particular?” Isak turns his head again to look back up on the ceiling. Does he want to talk about it? Maybe about Emma or his parents but definitely not about Even. He takes a breath.

“My parents, for one”. Noora is silent for maybe a minute and Isak wonder if she will ask him questions about it and if he’ll answer truthfully or brush it of is she does.

“It’s why you moved here isn’t it? Your parents I mean?” The subject of his parents usually makes Isak extremely uncomfortable and ashamed. He wishes so badly that he could have a normal family, like Jonas, and not be in the dysfunctional mess created by his parents. His father leaving last autumn enrages Isak more than he seems to be able to put words to and constant stream of bible verses that his mother sends him only reminds him about the fact that Isak also left. And nothing makes Isak feel more ashamed. His mother is also a source of rage and frustration. Isak wishes that she would just be normal and take care of him. Recognise him when he sees her and actually listen when he talks to her. There are moments of clarity but they are few, mostly she seems to be in a different world. A world on the brink of destruction.

“I guess they’re just not good at parenting” It’s a vague answer, Isak knows it but Noora doesn’t ask him to elaborate.

“Good thing you could move here then” she says and Isak smiles.

“Yeah.” The room falls silent once again but this time it feels less awkward. Isak doesn’t feel like sleeping just yet so this time he asks the question. “What about you? How come you moved here?” Noora is silent at first but seems to be contemplating her answer.

“I moved to Madrid for a year before starting at Nissen and when I came back to Oslo I just didn’t move back in with my parents. I guess they’re also not that good at parenting” Isak wants to ask why. Why do her parents suck and how come she moved to Madrid? He doesn’t though because he has a distinct feeling that Noora wouldn’t want to answer more questions about it.

“Good thing you could move here then” Isak’s reply is identical to the one Noora gave him when he spoke about his parents. He turns his head slightly as he says it and can make out a soft smile on Noora’s face.

“Yeah”

Isak thinks about his parents in the silence that follows. About last autumn when his father left and everything went to hell. About how he really really tried to help his mom, to be there for her during the following months. About how nothing seemed to help. About all the times he called his father crying into the phone for him to help him help her. About how he after one particularly bad day when his mom only screamed and threw everything she could find at him when he tried to get closer to her and comfort her. About how he eventually sprinted out of the door without the intention to come back but without any clue of where to go. About being so drunk that he could barely stand and meeting Eskild in that shady gay bar and refusing to go home. About seeking refuge in Eskild’s basement and freaking out when he realised how Eskild was connected to Noora and Eva.

“I used to live in your basement” Isak doesn’t know why he says it. It’s a secret he never imagined telling anyone.

“What!?” Noora sits back up in the bed and turns toward Isak. There is enough light shining through the orange curtains for Isak to be able to see the chock plastered over her face. Noora continues before Isak can say anything “That was you!?”

“Yeah” Isak answer and wonders how much detail he should reveal.

“I always suspected it was that guy who worked with the refugees who Eskild wanted to bang” Isak has no idea what Noora is talking about so he stays silent. Noora wrinkles her eyebrows and Isak can almost guess what she’s going to ask. “How did you meet Eskild? I always thought it was at that party William had but that’s not it, is it?” Isak snorts a little at the memory, how he and Eskild pretended they hadn’t met before when they were introduced at William’s.

“No, that’s not it.” Noora looks like she wants to ask him something but refrains from it. Isak however decides that he might as well tell her seeing as he already started. “It’s actually embarrassing…” he starts and he can feel Noora gaze curiously at him. “It was last spring, in May or April sometime and everything was shit at home so I went out, got shitfaced at some bar where Eskild found me. He tried to get me home but I refused to go back so he took me here and I slept in his room on that old mattress that night” Isak intentionally leaves out the part about the bar being a gay bar. He doesn’t think that is a very important detail. Noora says nothing, but looks at him with empathy. Isak takes a breath and continues. “Then, next morning, I found out that you lived here and freaked out because I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it was at home or you know think that I’m gay or whatever.” Isak almost mumbles that last part but Noora shows no visible reaction. “And then Eskild told me I could crash in your basement for a while if I needed to”.  Isak is still laying on his back in bed and is surprised when Noora suddenly lays down and embraces him for a little while. “What was that for?” He asked when she pulls away and positions herself on her back again.

“Because you had to live in our shitty basement. And to say sorry, because I was the one who told Eskild to kick you out eventually.” Isak can’t help smiling at that. “Maybe we should try and sleep” Noora says after a little while of silence.

“Maybe”

“Good night Isak, and thank you, for sharing the bed and all”

“Good night Noora”


	8. You weren’t exactly innocent in their breakup either, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Noora grows closer during a week of sleepless nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter of bonding. It was hard to write because I'm super invested in the current season and I started to write this part during the hiatus where my mind was filled with worry about Sana, Isak and Even and annoyance at Noora (which she prob don't deserve cause I'm guessing she's oblivious to Sana's feelings). Hope you like it!

**Chapter 8 – You weren’t exactly innocent in their breakup either, right?**

**Tuesday October 18 th – Friday October 21st 2016, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

It becomes a thing. Noora sleeping in Isak’s bed. On Tuesday, they start off in different beds, Eskild is sleeping somewhere else so Noora has taken his bed. Isak can’t fall asleep as per usual. His mom texted him five misspelled bible verses in two minutes and Isak has spent the past hour staring up in the ceiling trying to shut out the immense guilt he feels about leaving her. It’s usually not a problem during the daytime when he can distract himself with whatever conversations that are happening around him or focus on doing his homework. He doesn’t have that luxury during the nights.

It’s an hour after midnight when he decides to, once again, go to the kitchen and grab something to drink before making another attempt of falling asleep. This time, Noora is not sleeping on the floor outside his room. Instead he finds her in the kitchen. She is sitting on the floor, under the table, aggressively scrubbing the legs of one of the chairs and doesn’t notice when Isak enters the kitchen.

“Ehh… What are you doing?” Noora jumps at the sound of Isak’s voice and bangs her head on the table top.

“Ow! FUCK!” Isak can’t help it, he bursts out laughing because that’s the kind of person he is. The kind who laughs loudly when someone falls over or accidentally bangs their toes into a corner. Noora thankfully also laughs while simultaneously holding her hand where the table hit her head and grimacing in pain.

“Shit, are you okay?” Isak asks after a little while. Noora peeks out from under the table and looks at him.

“I’m fine, you just scared me” She looks fine-ish. Her head is probably fine but she was sitting underneath a table scrubbing a chair in the middle of the night so Isak guesses that she is probably not completely fine. Here eyes are red, she has bags under her eyes and there there is something so painful about the expression on her face. It’s the vulnerable side of Noora that he has never seen outside of this apartment.

“So, are you going to tell me why you are sitting under the table?” He asks her and she just shrugs.

“Cleaning” Isak can tell that Noora probably doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s it’s some form of coping mechanism but he’s not letting it slide this time.

“In the middle of the night?” 

Noora doesn’t reply and Isak is scared that he might have overstepped. He considers leaving and letting her be but settles for filling a glass of water, leaning back against the sink and observing Noora who is still sitting hunched under the table. Noora doesn’t look at him but keeps her eyes on the sponge she fiddles with in her lap. “I hate sleeping alone” Noora keeps her head down when she speaks and continues before Isak has the chance to answer.

“I just lay awake for hours and keep thinking about how much of a mess I’ve made of everything so I figured I could just do something useful and clean until I’m tired enough to actually fall asleep” Isak thinks it’s one of the saddest things he has ever heard and his heart aces for Noora. She looks so small and broken sitting on the floor and expressing her pain.

“You can sleep in my room if you want.” She does and they end up talking in the darkness until around three in the morning when they both drift off to sleep. 

On Wednesday evening, they sit at opposite ends of the couch with their legs stretched out towards each other. The couch isn’t that big and Isak is tall so he can use his feet to poke Noora’s sides whenever she teases him. Noora usually responds by kicking him wherever she can reach. Mostly his thighs. Eskild forces them to watch paradise hotel and with him and Linn and afterwards Noora and Isak stays up chatting until the wee hours. 

“Eva and Chris, are they like… together?” Isak can’t remember how or why they started to talk about Eva but he asks the question, because he is seriously curious. He used to count Eva as one of his closest friends but they’ve barely spoke since he caused the breakup between her and Jonas last year.

“Naah, just friends with benefits or something, why?” Noora looks curiously at Isak as she answers, like she knows something he doesn’t.

“Just, a bit weird you know. He was part of reason her and Jonas broke up” Noora raises her eyebrows at him and studies him for a second. It makes Isak want to look away.

“You weren’t exactly innocent in their breakup either, right?” Isak stares at her in shock, he can feel his throat tightening and cheeks burning.

“She told you?” Noora nods and Isak doesn’t say anything else. His role in the break up is something he feels immensely guilty and ashamed about. Not only because how hurt Jonas would be if he ever found out but also because of the ramifications his actions had for Eva. She almost transferred to a different school for fucks sake. Isak almost forgets that Noora is there, his mind filled with guilt about Eva.

“Is it hard for you to watch her with him?” Noora’s voice transport him back to reality.

“Hae?”

“You liked her right? Isn’t that why you did it?” 

Isak bits his lip and for a short second he imagines just spilling it all. About Jonas and how fucking shit it was to fall for your best friend. About how much more shit it was to see Jonas heart break knowing you were part of the blame. About how the guilt sometimes seemed to consume him. About how fucking much he missed the friendship he used to have with Eva. About Even and how fucking shit it was to be interested in someone who had a girlfriend. Again. He doesn’t say any of it but plays into the old I-liked-Eva-lie that he created for himself.  

“Yeah I did, but it’s not like it could have ever worked out. Like I know that what I did was shit but I don’t think I could’ve actually ever gone there. I know how bad everything was when Jonas left Ingrid for Eva. It would destroy Jonas. I couldn’t do that”. Noora nods and they sit in silence for a while, fiddling with their phones. Isak checks, for like the millionth time, whether Even is on Facebook or Instagram. He isn’t. It’s 2:30 am when he decides that it’s, at least for him, time to go to bed.

“I’m gonna go to bed, are you sleeping on the couch or do you want to sleep in my room?” Noora hesitates for a second.

“Is it okay if I sleep in your room? It’s okay if you don’t want me in there every night” Isak rolls his eyes at her.

“Of course, it is, it’s not like it doesn’t fit us both”. 

Isak goes to the cinema with Jonas and Mahdi on Thursday and arrives back at kollektivet around midnight to find Noora already in his bed. She is wearing her usual nightwear, light blue striped flannel shorts and a white oversize t-shirt. Her laptop is probed in her lap and her back rested against the wall. She looks up as he enters, a slightly hesitant look on her face.

“Is it okay that I’m in here? Eskild and Linn were watching the Notebook in the living room and I just can’t handle romance right now” She looks at him apologetically but Isak reassures her that it’s fine. He pops himself down on the bed next to her, resting with his back against the wall.

“So, what are you watching?” Noora sighs.

“Trying to find just one movie that isn’t about love it seems impossible” Isak tilts his head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling.

“Well, love fucking sucks” he says. It makes Noora scrunch her face together.

“Does it? For you I mean?”

Isak internally screams at himself for slipping up. Usually, Isak is really restricted about what he says and avoid saying anything that could lead into a conversation about his feeling but he somehow forgot and put himself in a situation where just brushing things off will be difficult. Love fucking sucks, it’s not something you say unless you feel shit about it. Isak brings one hand up to his face, pinches the bridge of his nose. He stays silent, with his eyes closed, for a minute and Noora doesn’t pry. When he finally opens them again he has every intention of saying something generic about how love never works and praying that Noora understands that he doesn’t want to talk about it and lets it go. So, it surprises even himself when he hears himself saying;

“yeah, it fucking sucks.”Noora places her hand on his forearm and squeezes it a little.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Isak sighs again and looks up at the ceiling.

“No, not really”. Silence fills the room once again but Isak’s mind is screaming at him so after a while he starts talking again. “It’s just… I like someone, I think” He weighs every word carefully in his mouth as he talks making sure he doesn’t slip up and reveal that the person he talks about isn’t a girl. Logically, he knows that Noora wouldn’t think badly of him if he were to tell her but just the thought of admitting it aloud makes his stomach clench together.

“You think?” Isak pulls his hands through his hair.

“No, I guess I know I like them. It’s just complicated… Like you remember when we talked about Eva and Jonas and how it sucked for me?” Noora nods and Isak continues “It’s a bit like that but if I hadn’t known Jonas”. Noora looks at him curiously and Isak worries that he might have lost her when trying to explain his feelings without exposing his actual feelings.

“So, you like someone who is in a relationship but the person their dating isn’t your best friend this time? So, you would go there, if you had the chance?” Noora smiles at him and Isak smiles back knowing that she got the gist of what he was trying to say.

“I don’t know if I’d go there, maybe” Noora frowns a little and looks at him curiously. Isak, who never planned to talk about his feeling in the first place can’t seem to stop himself from doing so. A few seconds ago, he spoke carefully and now he tries to get it all out in the same breath and almost rambles. “It’s just, they’ve been together for like four years and everyone who sees them say that they look so cute and so in love so I don’t even know what I’m hoping will happen. But at the same time, we almost kissed on Friday and then I went and made out with Emma again on Saturday so now maybe I’ve given them the wrong idea but they’re still in a relationship so it’s not like I did anything wrong but still. “Noora opens her mouth to say something but Isak doesn’t give her a chance, he only takes a breath and continues. “And it’s the same thing with this stupid rumour about you and me, I don’t want them to know but at the same time why should I care? And I don’t even know if they’d like me, like if they were single.” Isak can feel his anxiety rising with every word he says and Noora squeezes his forearm again and strokes it with her thumb.

“Isak! Breathe.” 

Isak tries to calm down but worries that he might have said too much but if he had Noora chose not to comment on it. Noora, who until now had been sitting on his side with the back against the wall shifts position and leans her head on Isak’s shoulder while still stroking his forearm in a comforting way.

“You almost kissed then?” Noora asks after a little while. Isak’s sighs.

“Yeah, almost, at the revue party last Friday”

“What happened?”, Isak doesn’t think before he replies.

“We were interrupted?” Noora lifts her head off his shoulder and looks at him and Isak can feel the panic rising inside of him. If Noora realises that it was her who interrupted them his secret is out. “Eeh… I mean… eh… phone rang and then people came into the kitchen where we were and the moment kind of died” Noora doesn’t question his answer, leans back down on his shoulder and Isak can feel the panic slowly leaving his body.

“And then you kissed Emma instead?”

“No, I had already kissed her earlier during the party” Noora raises her head off his shoulder again, she is frowning as she asks the next question.

“So, if you don’t like Emma, why did you kiss her again at Sara’s party?” Isak sighs for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Honestly, she was talking about how cute of a couple they were and I just wanted to shut her up” Noora looks like her eyes might pop out of her head and he could feel the judgment oozing off her.

“Isak, you can’t just do shit like that. She clearly likes you and you just what, use her because you’re jealous?”. Isak can feel the heat rising to his cheeks, he clearly knows that what he has been doing to Emma isn’t fair.

“I know. I know I’m an asshole okay. I don’t want to be one and it would be so much easier if I could just like Emma but I can’t” Isak’s voice breaks a little during the last few words and it surprises both him and Noora.  She squeezes his arm a bit more firmly and looks at him with kind eyes.

“Isak, you are not an asshole. You are just hurting and taking it out on other people”.

Isak is overwhelmed with the kindness and warmth that Noora is showing him and wraps his arm around her to pulls her close. He places a kiss in her hair and whisper a quiet thank you. They stay like that for a while and Isak is find himself wondering how he can be so comfortable having Noora pulled close while being so put off when it’s Emma. It reminds him of how it used to be with Eva but without having the guilt of being in love with her boyfriend. It’s completely comfortable because it’s completely asexual. With Emma, there are all these expectations about how he should feel.

“Do you wish you liked Emma instead?” Noora asks and Isak does not know how to answer it so he bits his lip while pondering on her question. Does he? It would be a lot easier for one seeing as Emma had made her feelings for him quite clear. Emma is also single so he wouldn’t have to be in as much of a mess as he is now. Also, Emma is a girl which would be so much easier on so many levels. He wouldn’t have to hide his feelings, he could talk with his friends about it and mean it, he wouldn’t have to be afraid of what his mother would say. He would be normal. But Emma doesn’t make him laugh over cheese toasts and weed, Emma doesn’t make him want to show off his rapping skills, or listen to Nas, or send him stupid memes.

“No, I don’t. It would be so much easier but I don’t wish it was her instead of…” He almost slips and adds _him_ but catch himself.

On Friday night Isak convinces Noora to watch Fast and Furious in his room in favour of Legally blond with Eskild and Linn. Eskild gives them a weird look when they leave the living room but doesn’t say anything about it. Isak figures he will probably get a talking to about it soon but tries not to think about it.


	9. Cool sweatpants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas arrives at kollektivet earlier than expexted one morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas is back! <3 
> 
> This is quite a short chapter but teaser - chapter 10 will be the same situation but from another perspective. Guess who's POV I'll be doing in the comments and receive fictional bonus points. 
> 
> Also, in slightly more depressing news, my updates might be a bit more seldom starting from now seeing as I start writing my master thesis tomorrow. Not sure how much time I will have to for obsessing about SKAM and letting my creativity run free.

**Chapter 9 – Cool sweatpants**

**Saturday October 22 nd, 2016, 10:48, Kollektivet**

**JONAS**

Jonas and the boys had made plans to meet up for a day of Fifa at kollektivet. They hadn’t specified a time but usually their weekend plans consisted of texting each other when they woke up and taking it from there. Jonas hadn’t been out the previous night so he woke up quite early and sent a first text in the group chat. That was two hours ago and none of the boys had responded yet so Jonas sent a new message saying he was headed to Isak’s whether Isak was wake or not. Knowing Isak he would probably still be asleep once Jonas arrived. He would also be severely grumpy at Jonas for waking him up. He’d get over it. Jonas knew that Isak secretly loved it when he came over and woke him up since it meant that Isak wouldn’t have any time to get lost in his mind. They rarely talked about it but Jonas knew that Isak had it a lot harder than he let on. That Isak wasn’t as carefree and together as most people thought. Thinking about Isak’s family and how much pained they’d caused him always made Jonas feel uneasy. Jonas thought it as he walked up the stairs to kollektivet.  About how lucky it was that they’d been introduced to Eskild at that party in the beginning of the summer and that Noora was about to move out so that Isak finally could get a safe place to call home.

Eskild opens the door and it’s unsurprising to Jonas. Eskild however seemes slightly taken aback when he sees Jonas.

“Hi, Isak is still sleeping I guess?” Eskild is frozen for a second before he smiles brightly and starts to talk loudly, almost shy of screaming.

“Jonas! Great to see you! How u been?” Jonas raises his eyebrows at him but answers before he tries to go past Eskild and head to Isak’s room. Eskild however keeps talking very loudly and if Jonas didn’t know better he’d guess that Eskild was trying to stall him. “It’s great that you’re here. Everyone else is asleep and I have a serious fashion emergency. You have to help me.” Eskild gestures in the direction of his room as an invitation for Jonas to head that way. Jonas does not understand why Eskild is in such a hurry.

“I’ll just wake Isak first, then I’ll help you. Promise”

“No! I mean… eeh.. let the boy sleep. He’ll kill you if you wake him up before noon anyway” Jonas looks weirdly at Eskild and turns into the hallway from which you can reach both Isak’s room and the bathroom and suddenly Eskild’s behaviour makes a lot more sense. 

Noora is sneaking out of Isak’s room and is currently trying to shut his door without a sound. Her hair is ruffled and she is wearing a white oversize t-shirt over a too-long pair of grey sweatpants that Jonas recognizes as Isak’s. She notices him as she releases the door handle and turns to walk down the hallway. She freezes instantly, clearly caught doing something Jonas was not supposed to see. Jonas can’t help but smirk as he looks at her, still frozen with bed-hair, her mouth hanging open and a deer-in-headlights expression written all over her face.

“Ah, Nooora! Did you wake Isak up? That great, Jonas just arrived!” Eskild speaks louder than necessary and is clearly trying to defuse the situation but Jonas is not buying it. Noora arranges her face into a seemingly neutral position and starts to walk down the hallway. Jonas can’t help himself so he smirks as they pass each other.

“Cool sweatpants”

Isak is still under the covers as Jonas enters the room. He is laying on his side, intently reading something on his phone. At first glance Isak looks completely unaware of what happened just outside his door, his hair is fluffed up the way Jonas knows it to be before Isak has showered or put a snapback over it. It’s the colour of Isak’s cheek and the overly-neutral look he has on his face that tells him that Isak knows exactly what Jonas just saw. He considers to just let it slide for a while seeing as Isak isn’t exactly known for being open about his feelings but Jonas doesn’t want to miss such a great opportunity to tease his best friend.

“Seems like the rumours are true then?” He asks smirking at Isak who groans and turns onto his back. “

Nothing is going on Jonas” Jonas raises his bushy eyebrows and look at Isak imploringly. “Jonas, I mean it, nothing is going on!” Isak repeats himself in an attempt to make Jonas believe him but Jonas isn’t convinced.

“Bro, she sneaked out of your room, bed-head and all, wearing your sweatpants and Eskild clearly tried to stall me so something is definitely happening”. Isak tighten his lips together and he stays quiet. Jonas keeps his eyes on him, knowing that the easiest way to get Isak to spill is to give him time and a little pressure. Now is one of the times where pressure is a good tactic so when Isak hasn’t said anything for a minute he asks again. “You gonna spill or what?”

Isak sighs and looks at Jonas almost annoyed.

“Fine, she slept here last night but we’re not hooking up or anything. She just sleeps in here sometimes”. It’s not the answer that Jonas expected and he thinks the surprise shows on his face. Isak has never really been the type of guy that has many female friends or the type that regularly let female friends share his bed.

“She sleeps here sometimes?” Isak rolls his eyes at him. “

I almost fell over her Monday night. She was sleeping on the floor on some of the cushions off the couch just outside my door because Eskild had a guy home and was loud enough to make sleeping in the living room uncomfortable so I said she could sleep in my bed and then we just kinda continued with it.”

“So you’ve slept together in your bed all week but you haven’t hooked up?” Jonas is utterly confused, Isak is usually a huge flirt and Jonas doesn’t think he’d have a cute girl in his bed for a week without wanting to try something. He thinks maybe Noora isn’t Isak’s type or maybe Isak actually likes Emma and doesn’t want to screw it up.

“Exactly.”

“Okay.” Jonas decides to drop it but Isak seems to have more to say on the subject.

“Eeh… Jonas?” He starts and Jonas turns his gaze back to Isak, who suddenly looks a bit unsure.

“Yeah?” Isak bits his lip before continuing.

“Could you like not mention anything about it to the guys?” Jonas raises on eyebrow at him and it causes Isak to keep rambling. “Look, I don’t want to add to this stupid rumour. Noora is still quite down about William and I’m…  I mean… I really don’t want this going around, it salts my game.”

“Sure man, no problem” Jonas responds. If Isak didn’t want anyone to know even though he claimed there was nothing to know Jonas would respect it.

Isak’s phone buzzes and Jonas can see _Mom_ written on the screen and Isak’s face falls when he reads the message.

“How is she?” Isak shrugs.

“Fine.” It hurts Jonas to see how his best friend reverts into himself but Jonas knows that this is not a subject Isak should be pressured to talk about. He remembers the awful weekend he spent at their house after Isak’s father left. Isak has never looked smaller, more broken or confused and Jonas knows that it’s not something Isak likes to think or talk about. Jonas squeezes Isak’s should a little, to show him his support.

“Fifa?” he says and it puts a smile back on Isak’s face.


	10. I’m all for you meeting a handsome guy and having some rebound-fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nooras POV when Jonas catches Noora sneaking out of Isak's room on Saturday morning. Also, Eskild being Eskild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10, how insane! Played with the idea of doing this in Eskild's POV but it felt like too much of a challenge to figure out how to write him so maybe in the future.

**Chapter 10 – I’m all for you meeting a handsome guy and having some rebound-fun**

**Saturday October 22 nd, 2016, 10:48, Kollektivet**

**NOORA**

Noora usually wakes up quite early but having spent half the night watching movies with Isak meant that she was still asleep when the doorbell rang. Her and Isak hadn’t spoken much last night in comparison to how the rest the nights during the past week. Last night, when the first movie was finished they decided that they should try and go to sleep early considering how little sleep they both had been getting during the past week. So, they brushed their teeth, Noora changed into her blue flannel shorts and the white t-shirt she had slept in all week and Isak had on his usual attire; boxers and his Simpson t-shirt. They had laid in silence on their backs for a little while before Isak had turned towards Noora.

“Can’t sleep?” He asked and Noora shook her head.

“You either?” Isak replied with a “Naah” before silence fell over the room again. Noora thought they would leave it at that but Isak had surprised her by asking if she wanted to talk about it. She didn’t so she answered him.

“No, not tonight, you?”. Isak had sighed.

“No not really.” He stayed quiet for a while and Noora’s mind wondered back to William and their messed-up relationship. Everybody seemed to think that he was the one to blame for her return and Noora was to ashamed to admit that it wasn’t the whole truth. Whole truth: Noora hadn’t been able to testify against Nico and then lied about it to William. He found out and claimed that he understood but it became this unspoken rift between them. William started to work endless hours and Noora felt more and more alone and invisible. It reminded her of how her parents didn’t really care for her and her whole body ached for the only family she knew, Eskild and Linn. So, one day she just left, without a word or a note. She knew it was wrong and cowardly to leave like that but she also knew that staying and talking about it would have resulted in William convincing her to stay.

“I just…” Noora’s thought were interrupted by Isak who quickly went quiet again and looked like he had a really hard time deciding what to say.

“You remember how I told you about the person I like?” Noora nodded and it didn’t go unnoticed by her that neither this time nor the last time Isak discussed his feelings had he said weather it was a boy or a girl. Noora was admittedly curious but would never ask. It was just one of those things people had to figure out on their own, without pressure. Isak continued, his voice low, barely more than a whisper. Like it wouldn’t be as real if it was barely spoken.  

“I just… I think if they liked me back I would… I don’t know…” He sighed and Noora stayed quiet. She could hear Isak take a deep breath before he spoke again.

“I they liked me, I think, I would maybe actually dare.” Noora didn’t know how to react to what Isak had said but her curiosity peaked.

“Dare to what?” Noora didn’t intend to pry but she hadn’t been able to help herself. It had taken Isak a while to answer and he had kept his gaze up on the ceiling while biting his lip. When he finally spoke, his voice had been filled with sadness. 

“Be myself I guess”. His whole statement and demeanour made Noora’s heart break for him. In that moment Noora had turned around, placed her head on his chest and put her right arm around him. She had held him tight for a while and she had felt him slowly relax in her embrace.

“Isak?” She had to reassure him somehow.

“Mhm?” He replied quietly.

“I hope you dare, regardless of if they like you or not cause not being yourself sucks, I know”. Isak hadn’t replied but had put his arms around her and returned the hug. They had stayed like that for a while and for once Noora’s mind hadn’t been clouded with the misery of her own love life. Instead her heart had been aching for Isak, who regardless of sexual orientation, definitely had troubles to reconcile with his feelings. Her thoughts were interrupted by Isak who had decided that they were done with deep talk for the night.

“Fuck it! I hate feelings. Let’s watch another movie”

One movie had turned into two and was the main reason neither of them fell asleep before 4 am. Noora, who usually was the first one in kollektivet to wake up, was asleep when the doorbell rang the following morning.

 

Noora awakes suddenly, and groggily looks around in Isak’s room when she hears Eskild voice soar through the apartment.

“Jonas! Great to see you! How you been?” Noora freezes in panic. Jonas walking in on her sleeping in Isak’s bed is not something she wishes to experience. She punches Isak in the side and he groans.

“Isak! Jonas is here!” She whispers heatedly at him and his eyes go wide as he quickly sits up in the bed. Noora gathers that Isak too, isn’t keen on Jonas finding them in the same bed.

“Fuck!” They can hear Eskild speaking way louder than normal and apparently trying to distract Jonas (bless him) as Noora snatches a pair of Isak’s sweatpants of the floor and hurriedly puts them on. She opens his bedroom door quickly and gives Isak a final nod before silently closing her door.

Noora spots Jonas (and a hoovering Eskild) as she turns around. She freezes and silently curses. Eskild tries to defuse the situation by pretending the Noora was supposed to wake Isak up. Noora can tell that Jonas doesn’t buy it but is thankful for Eskild anyway. Jonas smirks at her as he passes her in the hallway.

“Cool sweatpants” he says with his characteristic brows raised and Noora silently curses again. She knows what this looks like and it just fuels the stupid rumours that both she and Isak wishes would die.

She meets Eskild’s gaze at the same time as she hears the door to Isak’s room close. Eskild has a look of sympathy written over his face but doesn’t say anything. Instead he nods his head in the direction of the kitchen as a sign for Noora to follow and she does.

“Noora…” Eskild’s tone is cautious as he fills up two cups of coffee standing with his back against her in the kitchen.

“Do you remember the conversation we had during in March… about Isak?” Noora does remember. It was when her and Eva had told Eskild about how the found gay porn on Isak’s phone.

“Look! I’m all for you meeting a handsome guy and having some rebound-fun and Isak is sure as hell handsome, but in regard to that conversation, maybe he isn’t the best choice. Also, don’t fuck where you eat, it’s bound to get awkward”. Noora rolls her eyes at him, but is also remembers why she is so fond of him. Eskild may have zero filter and zero shame but he is one of the most caring people she knows.

“Eskild, nothing is going on. We’re just friends” Eskild raises his eyebrows and Noora continues.

“Wasn’t it you that said that he wasn’t gay btw?”. Eskild sighs, exasperated.

“I only said that so you and Eva would stop snooping around”. His answer surprises Noora slightly.

“So, he is gay?” Eskild rolls his eyes at her.

“I don’t know but kid clearly has issues and if his sexuality is one of them he should be allowed to come to terms with it himself. Without you and Eva prying and gossiping about it”. Noora, again, is reminded of why Eskild is without a doubt her favourite person.

“We wouldn’t have told anyone. We haven’t actually. Except you.” Eskild shrugs at that but smile at her and Noora continues.

“Well you don’t have to worry, Isak and I are strictly platonic.“ Eskild smiles.

“Just looking out for you. Both of you.” She smiles gratefully at him, takes a sip of the coffee and they both stay silent for a second. 

“Isak told me about the basement btw. You are a really good friend you know.” At first Eskild looks surprised, then his smile is wide and warm.

“I know, think I might be god gift to the rest of you miserable losers who live here”

Noora bursts into laughter just as Linn enters the room. She has sweatpants, a long-sleeved t-shirt, a blanket wrapped around her shoulder and looks at them both with tired eyes. “Seriously, Eskild? Did you have to scream louder than fire horns this morning? I'm tired. Is there coffee left?”


	11. That was you two being roommates and nothing more?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Noora face some uncomfortable questions at Emma's party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter and I hope you like it. Know Even has been kinda AWOL for a while but I promise, Evak action is incoming.   
> Also, thesis work has been killing me lately but hopefully I will have some time soon to write a few chapters all at once so that I will be able to post while still spending my time on the thesis.

**Chapter 11 –** T **hat was you two being roommates and nothing more?**

**Sunday October 23 rd, 2016, 00:26, Emma’s house**

**ISAK**

Isak really doesn’t want to be here. He’d rather give in to Eskild’s constant nagging about having a “family-night” with kollektivet at his favourite gay-club than go to a party at Emma’s. And that says a lot considering Isak is painfully stuck in the closet. It would have been so easy to ignore the messages Emma sent him earlier that day but unfortunately, he had been playing a game against Jonas when his phone started to buzz and it had been Mahdi who casually looked at his screen as he handed Isak his phone. From there, it had been impossible to avoid going to the party. It’s not like he had a proper excuse, at least not one he could use.

One thing led to another and Isak was currently trying to avoid Emma by joining a group of people playing truth or dare. Isak hates truth or dare because he always has to lie anyway but it at least limits the opportunities for Emma to corner him. He wishes that she would just stop coming on to him but he knows that isn’t on the cards. For the past week, once she believed him about not hooking up with Noora, he hasn’t really been doing himself any favours. If he is being honest with himself, he has actually encouraged her flirting which he knows is wrong and stupid and he only has himself to blame. Isak silently curses as Emma sits down on a couch nearby to join the game. He assumes that she would be sitting next to him if there was space. He is squished between Eva and Chris Berg and is eternally grateful. At least he could push the moment he had to deal with Emma a little further.

So far, Eva had confessed that the last person she slept with wasn’t Chris. Something that made Chris’s face fall slightly but he recovered quickly by saying that they could probably make it happen later that evening. Since then, some random first years Isak had no idea who they were had made out heavily and left the group a few minutes later. Chris Berg and Penetrator-Chris had been dared to do a tequila suicide which had caused them to cry for several minutes. Isak had so far, been spared from doing much of anything and sipped on his beer leaning back in the sofa.

“Isak, truth or dare?” It’s one of Emma’s friends who asks, Isak thinks her name is Maria but isn’t sure.

“Truth.” He is pretty sure choosing dare would have resulted in him and Emma making out and he isn’t ready for it, not even to keep up appearances. Maria opens her mouth to ask Isak his question but more people rumble into the room before she starts to speak. Isak’s feels like his stomach does a somersault and a whirlwind of emotions overcomes him the same moment as he spots Even as one of the people entering. Even and Sonja. He is both excited to see him, not having spoken to him at all since the day after the revue party were Even couldn’t hang out because he had plans with Sonja but he is also slightly nauseous, because just seeing Sonja standing next to him is a reminder of everything he can’t have. Isak can’t look away, not even when Even meets his gaze and it’s painfully obvious that Isak was staring. Neither of them looks away as Even and Sonja settles on an armchair to the left of the couch that Isak sits on. Even smirks and gives him a tiny nod hello that Isak is sure no one else noticed.

“Noooora!” Isak hadn’t notice but Noora had apparently entered the room while he was focused on Even. Eva and Christ noticed and shouted at her to come and join them in the couch. There isn’t really room for one more in the couch but Eva pulls Noora down on her and Isak’s lap, letting her sit on one of their legs each. Noora hugs Eva, then leans over Isak to hug Chris before giving Isak a quick squeeze as she positions herself on their laps, her right arm over Eva’s shoulder. Isak’s right arm over hers. Isak spots Emma, who seems to be biting her jaw together and trying hard not to pull a face. Isak looks away quickly and catches Even’s gaze. He has his eyebrows raised but Isak isn’t sure if it’s a positive thing.

“Isak, are you ready for your question?” Maria pulls Isak’s attention away from Even and back to the game. He takes a sip of his beer as he nods in answer.

“Do you like anyone?” The question doesn’t really surprise Isak seeing at it was one of Emma’s friends who asked it. Emma looks at him, expectation and excitement written over her face. Noora discreetly nudges him with her elbow in encouragement. Isak bites his lip to quickly consider his options before he answers, keeping his eyes looked on Maria, not daring to look at Even and not wanting to look at Emma.

“Yes.” It’s the truth but he feels like he’s lying. Everyone is assuming that he means Emma or, if they believe stupid rumours, Noora. He didn’t feel like saying no though and none of his boys are around to ask silly follow-up questions. Isak brings the game along by choosing Chris Berg, who picks are and is on Isak’s order forced to sing the Macarena in front of the group.

Four rounds later, Noora chooses truth after another friend of Emma’s, Lea maybe, gets to pick who is next. Isak has a bad feeling in his stomach from the second Lea chose Noora. He doesn’t like how Emma’s friends seems to try and do her dirty work and dig for gossip.

“What’s the deal between you and Isak? Are the rumours true?” Isak rolls his eyes at the question and is pretty sure Noora does too because he can hear her sigh as she tilts her head back on his arm. Isak also notices how Chris has perked up on the other side of the room. His eyes fixed on both Isak and Noora, brows furrowed. Isak is relieved that the question is for Noora but still annoyed, he already has spoken to Emma about it. Why does her friends have to bring it up again? Can’t it just die?

“Jesus…” Noora starts, her voice showing annoyance. “We are literally roommates and nothing more” Lea looks at her in disbelief.

“And a week ago when you two talked about ‘Not talking about it, sleeping together and having pancakes in the morning’. That was you two being roommates and nothing more?” Isak feels like punching Lea. He has never spoken to her but she seems like a bitch. Noora sighs loudly beside him and Isak groans a little. Everyone has their eyes on the two of them, Chris in particular looks like he has swallowed a slice of lemon, lips pursed together. Noora leans forward a bit, her back lifting from Eva and Isak. Isak can’t see but from her body language she seems to look Lea straight in the eyes when she speaks.

“Oh, so you’re the one behind this rumour. Well, let me break it down the incredible Saturday night I had with Isak. We left the party together, walked home and didn’t talk about boyfriend. Then we went to bed. Isak slept in his bed and I in Eskild’s. On Sunday morning, I actually made pancakes which Isak definitely ate of together with me and Eskild. Later our other roommate Linn, who Isak for the record also isn’t sleeping with, joined the rest of us for a movie marathon. It is possible for a girl to not only be friends but also live with a guy without sleeping with him and vice versa so please take your gossiping ways somewhere else, it’s not at all charming.”

Silence fills the room as Noora leans back against both Isak and Eva again. Isak notice how Eva leans in to whisper something in her ear and Noora smiles. Isak uses the arm he already has behind Noora to gently squeeze her shoulder in appreciation. She turns to look at him and he uses the arm around her shoulder to pull her close enough that he can whisper thank you silent enough for no one else to hear. Isak looks around the room and catches Even looking at him and Noora. After a while people start talking again but the game seems to have died. Chris comes over and pulls Eva away from the couch making it possible for Noora to sit next to Isak instead of on Isak and Eva’s lap. Noora looks over at him and smirks. She looks around to make sure no one is listening to them before speaking. 

“So, are the secret person you like here?” Isak widen his eyes, he thought that kind over conversation was sacred for their midnight conversations but apparently not. No one is listening to them so he doesn’t actually mind though.

“Yes” He answers, a light challenge in his voice.

“Well are you going to speak to them?” Noora asks and Isak can feel his stomach flutter slightly.

“Probably, they’re not here alone and I’m not drunk enough yet.” Isak takes a sip of his almost empty beer and puts it down on the living room table. Noora smiles.

“Well go get yourself another beer then and grow some balls while you’re at it” Isak starts coughing in shock. Not believing what just came out of Noora’s mouth. She also laughs, maybe equally shocked but continues to talk.“Blame Eskild, he has no filter. But seriously, talk to them so at least you have a chance of figuring out where they stand.” Isak pulls Noora in for a sitting side-hug before he gets up from the sofa.

“I need more beer for that. You want one?” Noora shakes her head.

“I don’t drink.” Isak thinks that he should have known that. That he might have heard it before. He nods and starts to leave but halts in his step.

“We’re walking home together, right?” Noora smiles as she answers. 

“Yes Isak. No go and take care of your love life” 


	12. Let’s do shots!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak finally gets the chance to talk to Even. Weed and Alcohol is involved!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually so excited for this chapter, Even is back in the story and Isak well... he is Isak. 
> 
> Side note, SKAM is over and it's heartbreaking. Don't know what to do with my life except keep writing this fic. The plan is to tell the entire story until christmas and we are still in October story-wise so there is much left. Hope you guys will stick around and see where I bring this story!

**Chapter 12 – Let’s do shots!**

**Sunday October 23 rd, 01:03, Emma’s house**

**ISAK**

Isak had migrated out on the upstairs balcony and if anyone asks, he is definitely not hiding. He is just getting some fresh air. Far away from Emma. He had overheard her asking if anyone had seen him as he excited the kitchen holding a new beer and swiftly turned in the opposite direction, sneaking upstairs and out on the balcony. The October night is chilly, a few degrees above zero and Isak realizes that he will soon have to return to the party but for now he leans over the balcony railing staring out over the backyard. He’ll have to go and look for the guys and hope they are far away from Emma. He knows they think he likes her so they will definitely encourage him to talk to her. Maybe he can talk to Noora and leave with her under the pretence of making sure she doesn’t have to leave alone. Leaving would also mean that Isak would not have been able to speak with Even for just a second though and after not having really spoken to him since the revue party Isak is keen for another opportunity. As long as it doesn’t involve Sonja though. The balcony door opens and someone joins him on the balcony but Isak is too wrapped up is his thoughts to notice.

“Hiding from anyone in particular?” Isak jumps at Even’s voice and cringes at his own reaction, at how Even’s voice just made his stomach flutter and his heart beat twice as fast. Even however seems oblivious to the effect he has on Isak and just smiles as he stands next to Isak. Isak tightens his grip of the balcony railing, he has to steady himself and not freak out over once again having the opportunity to be alone with Even.

“Just getting some air.” He answers and hopes that he manages to sound as cool and collected as he intends.  Even nods and gazes out over the backyard the same way Isak is. They stay quiet for a while and while Isak might look chill his mind is spinning. He wants to say something fun and make Even laugh, or ask about his week, or ensure him that the rumours about him and Noora are false, or just straight out ask him about that almost kiss. He can’t bring himself to do any of those things so he idly watches the backyard as a couple walks out hand in hand, giggling and settles on outdoor furniture just below them. The start to make out and Isak wishes he had the balls to do that. With Even. He has the balls to do that with girls, he actually has done plenty of making out in corners with girls. Wishing, hoping, that he’d fall in love with (or at least get horny of) the girl although he deep down knew he wouldn’t.

Even suddenly moves his hands of the railing and starts looking for something in his pockets and a few seconds later he pulls out a joint and a lighter. He looks over at Isak, raising his eyebrows.

“You keen?” Isak nods, and Even lights it, takes a drag and hands it to Isak. As he takes a drag Isak can’t help to think back to the Friday he spent at Even’s apartment. About how comfortable he was while still feeling how his whole body was bubbling with excitement after discovering that Even wasn’t only good looking, he was also fun, had good taste in music, was a genuinely pleasant person to be around and Isak had for a moment allowed himself to play with the idea that maybe, just maybe, Even was a tiny bit interested in him too. In a non-platonic way. That was of course before Sonja joined and all the air escaped for Isak’s lungs. Then his whole world shifted again at the revue party where Even was definitely staring at him and Isak was 99% sure they were about to kiss before Noora interrupted them but since then they hadn’t had any real conversations, Isak had kissed Emma again and a stupid rumour had spread about him and Noora. Short story; Isak is confused and has no idea of what is going on and is afraid to ask. Even, again, pulls him out of his thoughts.

“That girl-drama earlier was intense huh?” Isak frowns and Even seems to think doesn’t understand that he means the truth-or-dare action that took place earlier. He does but it’s not on his preferred list of topics. Even attaches his gaze on Isak, a curious but cautious look on his face as he continues to speak. “The Noora vs Emma’s minions-drama. It was intense. Noora seems to be fiery when she feels like it.” There is an unexpected and barely noticeable edge in his voice when he speaks and it throws Isak a little bit but Even keeps a smile on his face and doesn’t break eye contact. Isak rolls his eyes without even giving it a second thought. That’s exactly how bored he is of the Noora rumours.

“Ugh... Emma needs to chill out. Noora and me? Not a thing.” Even raises his eyebrows as Isak answers, a slight smile visible on his face.

“No?” Isak is unsure but he somewhat thinks that Even sounds slightly hopeful. Isak rolls his eyes again, frustrated by how no one seems to believe him.

“No! Jesus! Even, you where there when she arrived. Do you honestly think there could be anything going on between us? In what universe?” Even starts to laugh at the exasperated tone in which Isak answers and it makes Isak’s stomach do a double turn. Even’s laugh could possibly be the happiest sound Isak has ever heard. Even bites his lip slightly in the silence that follows and Isak can’t help to think that he’d like to bite that lip. He shuts the thoughts out as fast as they arrived and forces himself to look away. He is still sober enough to know that if he allowed himself to go down that particular train of thoughts he’d probably not be able to stop himself from making a move and that could be catastrophically on so many levels. He could have imagines the whole thing and have to suffer the humiliation of Even not feeling the same thing. Or worse, Even completely pushing him off and outing him to everybody. Or if, by some reason Even doesn’t push him off, people could still see and Sonja is still here. Isak can feel his pulse racing as his minds spins with fear, anxiety and a tiny bit of excitement. Even clears his throat and Isak turns to look at him.

“No, I definitely didn’t think there was something between you and Noora when I heard it…”

“But?” Isak can tell there is more.

“But… Sonja and her new favourite minion have been nagging me about it all night and told me to go find you, ask you about it and report back.”

“Really?” Isak looks at Even in disbelief and Even keeps a curious gaze at Isak.

“Really”

“Ugh.. Girls” Isak is honestly so tired of girls and girls interested in him in particular.

Isak takes another drag of the joint in the silence that follows. He bends his neck and gazes up in the dark sky where only a few starts are left visible over the clouds. It’s only when he turns hand Even back the joint that notice that Even still, or again, has his gaze stuck on Isak. Their fingers brush for a fleeting moment as Even accepts it and it causes the butterflies in Isak’s stomach to make a somersault. He breaks eye contact and looks down over the backyard in an attempt to regain control over his emotions but feels the heat rising in his cheeks. He really is pathetic, freaking out and getting flustered over accidental touches.

“So, Emma not your type then?” Even asks and Isak, who needs to keep calm and not let the weed or the alcohol betray who his type is forces himself to keep himself from looking at Even when he responds.

“No, not my type” Then he smirks and continues. “Neither is Noora btw and please feel free to share that so we can get rid of all this gossip”. Even snorts slightly and Isak dares to sneak a glance out of the corner of his eyes. Even takes another drag and extends his arm towards Isak to hand over the joint while keeping his gaze straight forward and biting his lip in concentration.

“Who is your type then?” The question startles Isak and he turns to face Even before being able to restrain himself. He notices that Even has done the same, left hand resting dangerously close to Isak’s right on the railing and the distance between them way too short. Even is in his space and Isak can feel his heart hammering in his chest and the heat rising is his cheeks as the butterflies take over his stomach. Isak would have thought that his mind would be spinning and causing him to sputter the name of the first celebrity he could think of, especially since his body is reacting so heavily but for once his mind is clear and all he wants to say is: You, my type is you.

Isak swallows before turning his gaze up towards Even’s face where he is met by blue eyes staring back at him. Even looks curious but tense and his lips show the ghost of a smile. Isak closes his eyes and take a deep breath. Even stands so close that Isak can smell him and he smells like a combination of weed, alcohol and some kind of perfume that Isak instantly likes. Before Isak has even opened his eyes yet he can feel Even shift slightly and suddenly a single finger brushes his index finger for a second before it comes to a halt over it. It causes Isak to let out an almost soundless gasp and he can feel his heart racing. He swallows hard. He will do it. He will say it. For once he will actually dare. Isak opens his eyes and is met by Evens blue, they are filled with anticipation and Isak think Even might have moved a tiny bit closer during the time Isak had his eyes closed. Isak opens his mouth but before he can speak a high-pitched noise penetrates the silence of the balcony.

“THERE YOU GUYS ARE!” Emma. Followed by Sonja. 

Sonja walks straight over to Even who since the entered the balcony have managed to put a more appropriate distance between them and Isak tries to arrange his face so that it doesn’t show the pain he is feeling inside. Sonja hugs Even and seems to be going in for a kiss but Even kisses her cheek. She looks at him dissatisfied. The part of Isak's finger that used to have Evens finger resting on top of it burns cold.

“Have you been smoking?” The annoyance is clear in Sonja’s voice and Even only rolls his eyes at her, clearly annoyed back. Isak forces himself to turn away and look at Emma who have nestled herself under one of his arms. He can’t stand the thought of staying another second on this balcony if it means that he has to see Sonja and Even together. He needs to get out. Fast.

“Emma?” He turns to her. “Let’s do shots.” She smiles and he takes his hand to pull her inside, leaving Even alone with Sonja. He doesn’t look back. The thought of seeing Even and Sonja looking lovingly at each other, kissing or hugging hurts to bad. He needs to get shit-faced.  


	13. If he likes boys then good for him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And how’s the heart?” Noora’s voice is soft when she asks him and notice Isak swallowing as he meets her gaze. He shrugs and Noora thinks that it might be the only answer she will get but Isak surprises her by speaking.
> 
> “Can we talk about it later? I just want to sleep.” His voice falters a little and Noora smiles at him.
> 
> \---  
> “I just remembered! Is Isak gay? Like I know Eskild said he wasn’t but I still don’t get the gay porn on his phone.” Eva giggles and Noora thinks back to the conversations she had with Isak over the past week and what Eskild said in the kitchen the previous day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 is here and it's the longest chapter yet! I hope you like it, I had trouble writing it and am not extremely confident about it but I think it's important for the story and I want to move forward so can't keep go over it. 
> 
> Am currently on vacation and have managed to write two chapters in two days, which is good for me. This means that I currently have two more chapters written (but not proof-read). Also, I may have "forgotten" sunscreen today because the Scandinavian summer is usually quite tame. Short story short: My thighs are currently on fire and I will probably have to spend tomorrow in the shade. Hope that means I'll be able to get some writing done. 
> 
> Have most of the storyline lined up in terms of which P.O.V I will use when but if there is any moment during season three that you want from a specific pov let me know and I'll deffo think about it. Wrote my first Eva chapter today and I think I like it. If you miss Even, I get it, so do I but he will be back shortly in chapter 14 and massively soon when we get to the halloween weekend. Also, thinking about writing an Eskild chapter during the halloween weekend, thoughts? I'm massively intimidated by it because he somehow seems so hard to write but still, it could be a fun challenge.

**Chapter 13 – If he likes boys then good for him**

**Sunday October 23 rd, 2016, 11:15, Kollektivet**

**NOORA**

Noora is tidying away in the kitchen as she hears the front door shut and having a slight idea of who it could be, she puts the dish cloth down on the sink and heads towards the apartment door. Isak is in the process of kicking off his shoes, still wearing yesterday’s clothing when Noora enters the hallway. He is pale, sweat beads are showing on his forehead and his eyes are red. He looks terrible and Noora watches him with pity.

“Well, you look like shit!” Linn has surfaced behind Noora and looks at Isak, slightly gloating. Isak jumps at the sound of her voice, not having noticed either of them earlier. When he meets Noora’s gaze and her heart breaks a little. There is more than the pain of being hungover hiding in his eyes.

“I think I’m actually dying” He answers and Noora can tell he tries to lighten the mood by joking about his misery and while it causes Linn to laugh Noora just looks at him with pity. Linn leaves but Noora stays, worried about the previous evening where Isak had gotten too drunk and refused to leave with Noora.

“How are you feeling?” Isak meets her gaze and his whole tuff exterior is gone. His eyes are glossy and when he speaks, his voice more vulnerable than when he spoke to Linn. He sighs.

“I’ve been puking at least once and hour since 6am and had to hop of the tram twice on the way here just to puke”.  Noora looks at him fondly, there is something about that grumpy and miserable boy that she just can’t help to care about. Last night when she left the party without him, she had been both pissed at him and worried for him. Feeling strongly that his rudeness towards her and stubbornness to stay and keep doing shots with Emma was part of some coping mechanism. She guessed that his attempt to talk to whoever is was he liked hadn’t gone too plan. 

“And how’s the heart?” Noora’s voice is soft when she asks him and notice Isak swallowing as he meets her gaze. He shrugs and Noora thinks that it might be the only answer she will get but Isak surprises her by speaking.

“Can we talk about it later? I just want to sleep.” His voice falters a little and Noora smiles at him.

“Of course, movie night later?” Isak nods before heading towards his bedroom.

 

A few hours later, Noora is hanging out at Eva’s after having crawled through her window into her room. Eva is also hangover however not as hungover as Isak and had happily taken the crisps and soda Noora had brought for her. They were lazily watching paradise hotel while half-sleeping in the sofa and discussing the previous night.

“The thing with Chris right” Eva says. “Is that, like, I know what kind of person he is. I know that he is a fuckboy and a player but it’s okay because I expect nothing less. We laugh, have awesome sex and a great time together every once in a while, but we have no commitment to one other. He can do whatever and whoever he wants and so can and this arrangement or whatever… it’s exactly what I want.” 

Noora is impressed with her friend. Impressed with how much she has grown over the last year and about how grounded she seems and about how she now lives her life the way she herself wants and not according to anyone else’s rules. Noora tells her.

“I’m so impressed with you, you know.”

“Yeah?” Eva is taken aback by the compliment

“Yeah! You have become this strong and independent woman who just, I don’t know, owns life, is sure of herself and just does what she feels like without caring what strangers think.”

She receives a long and hard hug from Eva and can’t help to think how grateful she is to have Eva in her life.

“I’m proud of you to” Eva says after a while, still holding Noora close.

“For what?”  

“For coming back. And for leaving in the first place. it’s brave to follow your heart.”

 

Noora isn’t sure if she is proud. She is proud of going in the first place even though she now knows that it probably wasn’t the best decision but at the time she couldn’t have known. She is proud of coming back though, of realising that she life she was living made her miserable. She however isn’t proud of how she left. She should have talked to him and explained. She should have done it before leaving and she should explain to him. He deserves it but she just can’t bring herself to do it. She loves him, deeply, but doesn’t believe that it could work. Eva picks up on Noora’s sudden shift in mood and squeezes her a little in support.

 “Hey, are you okay?” Noora sighs. No not really.

“Yeah”

“You want to talk about it? About him?” Eva’s voice is soft and kind and it warms Noora to know that she has people that care so deeply about her.

“No, not really.” Noora says weakly and Eva squeezes her tightly again.

“But you’re talking to someone about it right? Eskild or Linn or someone?”

“Yeah. Have been speaking to Isak a little.”

“Isak?” Eva’s genuine surprise reminds Noora that she hasn’t told Eva, or anyone, about her and Isak’s fast friendship. Has it really only been just over a week? For a second she contemplates over how much to tell, feeling that the friendship between her and Isak should be allowed to be just between them. But it’s Eva, one of absolute best people she knows. Eva, who also cares deeply for Isak even if they aren’t as close as they used to be. So, she tells her.

“Yeah. We’ve been hanging out a lot, especially at night, neither of us seems to be able to sleep at the moment and I don’t know, it’s just easier to talk about stuff in the dark”

“In the dark?” Eva looks seriously confused and Noora smiles.

“Yeah. We’ve ended up watching movies of sleeping in his bed almost every night last week”

“WHAT? YOU’RE SLEEPING TOGETHER?!” Eva releases Noora from her grip to stare at her in disbelief and Noora realises that what she just said could easily have been misinterpreted. She starts to laugh.

“No, no! Jesus! We are just sleeping in the same bed. Completely platonic. At first it was because Eskild had a guy over and Isak found me sleeping on some cushions in the hallway outside of his door. I couldn’t sleep on the couch because I could literally hear everything going on in Eskild’s room so I migrated to outside Isak’s. He didn’t think sleeping on the floor seemed great so he offered his bed.”

“And now you sleep in his bed instead of Eskild’s?” Eva’s brows are furrowed.

“Mostly. It’s convenient. Eskild can keep bringing guys home and since neither Isak or me sleeps lot we end up talking or watching movies half the night.” Eva stares at her in disbelief.

“But, Isak? Talking about feelings? Really?” Eva’s surprise causes Noora to giggle slightly.

“Well, I think we mostly scratch on the surface, for both of us. But it’s nice. I don’t like talking about stuff either so it’s like a good level.”

 

They are silent for a few minutes and Noora thinks they might have dropped the subject for now. She leans forward and pours herself a glass of coke while the bag of crisps rustles as Eva grabs a few. On the TV- another episode of paradise hotel has started.Suddenly, Eva sits up and states at Noora again, this time with curiosity and excitement.

“I just remembered! Is Isak gay? Like I know Eskild said he wasn’t but I still don’t get the gay porn on his phone.” Eva giggles and Noora thinks back to the conversations she had with Isak over the past week and what Eskild said in the kitchen the previous day.

“I don’t know. Eskild apparently doesn’t know either and only said he wasn’t gay to keep us from prying.” Honestly, Noora agrees with Eskild but at the same time, she is curious. Eva rolls her eyes but smiles.

“It’s not like we would have said anything to him or anyone else. I just want to know. It would explain so much. Why he outed me and Chris last year and the gayporn and everything.” Eva sighs and leans back onto the couch and Noora smiles at her and thinks for a few minutes before deciding to share a little of her thoughts on the matter.

“I don’t know if he is gay or bi or anything but there is definitely something going on with him. Or several things probably.” Eva looks at her and she no longer looks curious, only thoughtful and Noora continues. “He likes someone. He told me. He hasn’t said if it’s a girl or a boy but I think it troubles him a lot.”

“I hope he figures it out. If he likes boys then good for him, boys are sexy and he shouldn’t have to feel bad about it” Noora smiles at her best friend, wishing that it was that easy but knowing that it never is. She says as much and Eva agrees, it probably is a lot more difficult than either of them can grasp. They don’t discuss the subject anymore but Noora makes them pasta for dinner and they hang out until about nine in the evening mostly discussing how great it will be the following week when Noora is back at Nissen.

 

Noora arrives back at kollektivet half past nine and spends half an hour in the kitchen listening to Eskild and his need for Noora to buy more toilet paper before carefully knocking on Isak’s door. Isak is spread out on the bed watching something on his laptop rather than on the TV, dressed in sweatpants and the Jesus t-shirt that used to belong to Eskild but that Isak know has claimed as his. A grey snapback keeps his blond curls away from his face and Noora thinks that he looks a hundred times better than he did in the morning but still far from well. Isak makes room for Noora on the bed when she enters the room and she flops herself down on the bed next to him.

“What are we watching?” Noora says as she gets comfortable and leans her head on Isak’s shoulder. Isak positions his laptop so that the screen is aimed at both him and Noora instead of only him.

“Narcos at the moment but it’s only five minutes left. You can pick a movie.”

They end up watching G.I Joe, mainly because it’s an action movie and not a rom-com and stay silent during the first half hour of it and while Noora expected to be the one to break the silence it is Isak who does it.

“I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have snapped at you and I’m sorry you had to walk home alone when I promised that we would go together.” Noora grabs his arm and squeezes it lightly.

“It’s okay. Are you alright though?” Isak gives her a sad smile and shrugs.

“I’m an asshole. I made out with Emma again but got so drunk that I started to puke and passed out in her bathtub before we could do anything more.” Isak sighs again and half of Noora wants to scold him for once again using the poor girl, half of her feels her heart ache for him.

“Isak…” she starts softly but Isak interrupts her

“I know! I’m a dick who uses girls because I can’t deal with my own emotions and is too much of a coward to do something about it.” 

Noora doesn’t think, she pulls his arm around her and pulls him into a sitting hug. Her head resting on his chest and one arm around him. Isak uses the arm Noora had pulled around herself to keep her close to him.

“Isak. You’re hurting. People do stupid stuff when they hurt but it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay that you keep using Emma, but it’s okay that you mess up sometimes.”

Isak says nothing but keeps hugging Noora. She can feel him taking a deep breath every once in a while, like he is gathering confidence to say something but he stays silent. They watch a how Channing Tatum fight against the bad guys on the computer screen that rests on Isak’s legs and say nothing during the rest of the movie. Noora can’t help to wonder what happened last night between Isak and whoever he likes the previous night and when the end credits roll Noora decides to ask.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well with the person you like last night?” Isak sighs and she can feel him swallowing before he answers.

“I almost told them how I feel but then their… I mean the person they’re with came and interrupted us, we were on the balcony and I just can’t look at them being all cute and coupley right in front of me. So, I grabbed Emma and suggested doing shots to just get away from it all and you know the rest. Look, I know I have no right or anything but it just fucking hurts.”

Noora tightens her grip around him in support. She can imagine how much it hurts and she feels so bad for him. She also, once again, notices how Isak managed to say all this without mentioning if it was a boy or a girl. She can also imagine how confusing and scary it must be for Isak if this person in fact is a guy. A guy with a girlfriend.

 

 


	14. Did you seal the deal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even asks Isak to pre-game with him before the halloween party. Isak texts with Noora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, 400+ kudos, wow! Thank you all for the love and interest in this story of mine. It makes writing it so much more fun<3 
> 
> Secondly, we are getting closer halloween which I'm childishly excited for. I will at some point use some of the actual texts between characters and they'll either be written down if they are a larger part of the chapter or simply linked to if they are mentioned in passing. 
> 
> Thirdly, when it comes to writing actual scenes from the show, I don't like to just repeat them exactly as they were and assume that most people know them quite well so mainly the writing will be around the scenes, unless I completely re-write a scene because something in my story changes how it goes. This chapter is an example of how I try to write to incorporate the actual scenes without just copying them.

**Chapter 14 – Did you seal the deal?**

**Monday October 24 th, 2016, 10:42, Hartvig Nissen**

**ISAK**

Isak’s locker is messing with him, again, and he swears that someone must be messing with him. For once he had actually managed to get decent sleep, having fallen asleep a little after midnight with Noora already sleeping next to him, and felt good about the upcoming day. Or, he had felt good before he tried to open his locker. Now he is just frustrated.

“Halla!” Isak almost jumps at the sight of Even’s voice and looks at him, slightly intimidated. Last time he saw Even he was a mere second away from telling him about his crush and, for the first time, admit to anyone but himself that he is interested in guys. Isak’s stomach flutters and he can’t help to admire how Even always manages to look so comfortable and sure of himself.

“Hei!” Isak is sure his replay isn’t even close to as cool and relaxed as Even’s hello had been. Even however doesn’t seem to notice.

“Are you going to the Halloween party?” He asks and nods towards the invites that has been posted on all of the student lockers. Isak hadn’t indented to go, feeling that school event are usually, like the revue, lame.

“No” He tells Even before he realises that going to the party could mean an opportunity to hang out with Even so he hastily changes his mind. “Or, I don’t know, maybe. You?” Even smiles and Isak is barley aware of what happens during the following seconds but when Even punches Isak’s locker open as he leaves Isak think he might have a date. Even had suggested that they should pre-game and go to the party together and while he could have meant it in a completely platonic way Even’s behaviour during the past weeks made Isak think that it could maybe, possibly, be a date.

He has however no time to either freak out or analyse the conversation further because Jonas shows up and they start talking about Magnus’s birthday the upcoming Saturday. They decide that plenty of alcohol is a must and so is plenty of girls, preferably Vilde who Magnus seems to be keen on.

“Can’t you talk to Noora? Make sure the girls are up for partying with us on Saturday?” Jonas asks with a raised eyebrow as they head for their next lesson, one of the few they have together, math. Jonas’s tone is neither suggestive nor inquisitive about his friendship with Noora but it still agitates Isak a bit, knowing that Jonas probably doesn’t completely believe that him and Noora sharing a bed is as far from sexual as possible. But Jonas doesn’t know the truth, no one does.

“Sure, I’ll check” Isak replies with what he hopes is a nonchalant tone, hoping that he won’t get any follow-up questions about Noora. Jonas doesn’t ask anything else and Isak and nothing significant happens during the maths lesson. Isak is a great deal better than Jonas and manages to both understand the example the teacher goes through on the white board and explain it Jonas.

On the way to the canteen Isak and Jonas passes Emma and Isak’s mood changes drastically, as it always does when he has to fake his interest in girls. Emma is oblivious, perks up, smiles happily and says hello as they pass her. Isak fires a smile he knows is charming and says hi back but makes they don’t stop to chat.

“Oh, by the way, did you and Emma hook up again on Saturday? I was smoking the whole party and so I missed everything. When did you leave by the way, didn’t see you?” Jonas asks excitedly as they sit down on their usual table, already occupied by Magnus and Mahdi.

Isak notice how all guys turn the attention to him, Magnus looking excited and Mahdi more relaxed but still curious. Isak plasters a look of confidence and cockiness over his face, knowing that it is what’s expected. He leans back in the chair.

“We made out” Isak wishes that his answer will be the end of it but knows that won’t be the case.

“Did you seal the deal? She wants you man.” Magnus asks excitedly and just the thought of sleeping with Emma makes Isak slightly nauseous. It’s not on his wish-list.

“Naah, we did a shot-race and I started to puke. Fell asleep in the bathtub.” The guys roars from laughter at his complete drunk fail and Isak joins them. He can see the comical in failing to seal the deal because you started to puke but he also knows why he got that drunk. He didn’t want to seal the deal.

“Seriously though, Emma would not turn you down. She’s keen as fuck” Mahdi interjects when the laughter dies. Isak purses his lips and raises his eyebrows cockily to show the guys that he knows and he is cool enough to not make a big deal about it.

“Hahaha, I still can’t get over how much you screwed yourself. Could have had sex but spent the night puking” Magnus laughs at him and Isak’s savages side awakes without Isak even having to think about it.

“At least I have girls who want to have sex with me. That’s more than you do”

Norwegian, Isak’s first lesson after lunch is also the first time Isak is alone after speaking to Even that morning. None of the guys are in that class and while Isak usually thinks that’s a bad thing seeing as it makes it a lot more boring, today he enjoys it. He goes over the conversation again and again along with every other moment he has had with Even during the past weeks. Smoking during the revue party, hanging out and eating cheese toasties at Even’s place, the almost-kiss at kollektivet and the finger grazing at Emma’s. It’s so confusing but for now Isak allows himself to have hope. He and Even hanging this Friday, it has to be date. Sonja is a cloud of worry in his mind and so is the fact that a possible date with Even also means finally accepting and acting on his sexuality. He decides that for now, he won’t care about those clouds and only focus on the sun that is the possible date with Even. Because it is a date, isn’t it? 

He desperately wants to tell someone. To get their opinion and just because he is childishly excited and so tired of keeping this part of himself hidden.

 

_(13:32)_

_Isak: I think I have a date_

_Noora: The person you like?_ _J_

_Noora: When?_

_Isak: Yes_

_Isak: Friday, pre-game before the Halloween party_

_Isak: That’s a date right?_

_Isak: If only the two of us pre-game and go to the party together?_

_Isak: right?_

_Noora: It’s a date._

_Noora: Nervous?_

_Isak: Very._

 

_(14:02)_

_Noora: What happened to the person’s relationship?_

_Isak: Don’t know._

_Isak: Hasn’t asked._

_Isak: Don’t want to think about it_

_Isak: I’m a terrible person, I know._

_Noora: You are not terrible._

_Noora: But you should ask._

_Isak: I will._

_Isak: But not now._

_Isak: What if it isn’t a date? What if it’s a friend thing and that’s why their relationship is irrelevant for the person._

_Noora: I love that we’re calling the person you like for “the person”._

_Noora: It’s like its code for like a celebrity and we can’t say their name in case someone reads out chats._

_Isak: It is a celebrity._

_Isak: Blake Lively. Don’t tell anyone._

_Noora: Poor Ryan Reynolds._

_Isak: He gets to play Deadpool, he will survive._

_Noora: hahhaha_

_Noora: You want to watch Deadpool tonight?_

_Isak: Yeah_

_Isak: Unless Eskild or Linn kills us for not joining them in the living room._

_Noora: We can do both. Whatever Eskild wants to see first and Deadpool to bed?_

_Isak: Deal!_ _J_

_(14:52)_

_Isak: But you can’t tell anyone._

_Isak: I don’t want people to know._

_Isak: About the date I mean._

_Noora: No worries. I won’t._

_Noora: Excited for you though._

_(16:05)_

_Isak: Oh I forgot! It’s Magnus’s birthday this weekend. You girls want to party with us?_

_Noora: Sure!_

_Isak: Great!_

_Isak: Magnus is keen on Vilde!_


	15. Noora is not interested in Isak, but is Isak interested in Noora?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris confronts Eva about the rumours, Eskild doesn't make things better and Eva is a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15 is here and it's the first chapter from Eva's pov so I'm super nervous about what you will think. I hope you like it! 
> 
> Also, am currently writing the halloween Friday and am 5 pages in (for comparison this chapter is 3 pages) and Even hasn't even arrived at kollektivet yet. So I have a question. Would you rather have it separated into more than one chapter or have one massive chapter? 5 pages is still longer than my usual length. I have no idea how long it will turn out but knowing me and my tendency to have a slow pace (hello this is chapter 15 and they haven't even kissed yet, who am I?!) it could easily end up being 2-4 chapters. 
> 
> So please let me know, one massive Halloween-friday chapter or a few separate chapters! Fyi, halloween-Friday starts in chapter 18 so how I update won't be affected since I'm always a few chapters ahead with my writing. But I could probably be convinced to double update if I write several shorter chapters.

**Chapter 15 – Noora is not interested in Isak, but is Isak interested in Noora?**

**Monday October 24 th, 2016, 23:55, Eva’s house**

**EVA**

Eva falls down on her bed wearing her usual grey and green sleep t-shirt and her wet hair still wrapped in a towel. The shower is still running in the bathroom and she contemplates opening the laptop she has placed on the floor next to the bed while she waits for Chris to come back to bed. It’s been two hours since he climbed through her window and they had only chatted for a short while before they started to make out and took things further. It had been Eva who texted him this time. She had had two purposes; one she was horny and knew that Chris would never turn her down, two, lately they had started to spend the nights together and Eva liked not sleeping alone. It felt safe. They never showered together though and while the idea of shower-sex could be tempting Eva also felt that post-sex showers were a different kind of intimate. The kind of intimate that she would save for an actual relationship.

Eva’s iPhone starts to vibrate on the bedside table and she picks it up and rolls over on her stomach to read the text. It’s a picture but the three bubbles in the bottom-left corner of the screen indicate that a message will follow. The picture is taken in Isak’s room which Eva recognises from the many hours she spent in there when it was Noora’s. She hasn’t actually seen the room since Isak moved in. In the picture Noora, Isak and Linn all appear to be sleeping in Isak’s bed, loosely tangled together. Isak is on the end closest to the window lying down with a pillow stuffed under his neck as to enable him to lie down and still watch television. Isak’s arm is wrapped around Noora whose body is turned to him, one arm wrapped across his stomach. Linn half-spoons Noora, resting her head on Noora’s side. They are all dressed in sweats and Linn is for some reason wearing the Jesus t-shirt that Eva has previously seen on both Eskild and Isak. Noora is in to big sweatpants that could belong to both Isak or Eskild.

Eva’s phone vibrates again as she receives the accompanying text that goes with the picture Eskild just sent.

 

_Eskild: I come home and wonder where my roommates are and I find THIS? I feel utterly replaced. Who in their right mind chooses to share a bed with Isak!?_

 

Eva looks at the picture again and smiles. She is sure that both Isak and Noora needs people in their life right now, Linn too probably, and the fact that they can be there for each other warms her heart. Isak, who is generally very closed off when it comes to feeling and what really goes on in his life looks completely comfortable having both girls in his bed and Noora actually sleeping on him. Eva thinks that she might have gotten a glance of a piece of Isak that not many people get to see. The caring and emotional piece that she holds so dearly and rarely gets to see anymore. 

Eva is so caught up in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice Chris entering her room until he literally is on all fours over her. His knees places on either side of her hips. He carefully lowers his body against her back, rests his chin on her shoulder and wraps his arm around her chest.

“When is that from?” He asks innocently and Eva knows he means the picture that is still displayed on her phone. Eva had expected questions about Noora after the truth-and-dare debacle at the party but Chris hadn’t said anything and she assumed he hadn’t heard the rumours earlier and thought Noora’s answer had been enough. This picture though, Isak and Noora looks very cosy and Eva understands that it could cause questions but is very thankful that Linn is in the picture as well. And that she is spooning Noora. It makes it look far less suspicious. 

“It’s from Eskild. Isak, Linn and Noora were all sleeping when he came home so he sent me a picture of it” Eva replies trying to sound nonchalant. Chris climbs off her and lies down on his side next to her. He looks at her carefully, like he questions the truth in Eva’s statement. Eva doesn’t turn her body but looks him straight in the eyes wanting him to believe her. Chris grabs the phone to look closer on the picture and Eva silently curses herself for not noticing when Chris entered her room. If she had noticed she would have been able to close the conversation and Chris would never have seen the picture.

“You would tell me, right?” Chris asks as he puts the phone back on the mattress and turns his gaze back to Eva who turns sideways to face him.

“I would tell you what?” She asks. She knows what Chris means but asks anyway, trying to buy herself more time.

“You’d tell me if there was something between Noora and Isak? This weekend was the first I heard of it and it seemed like bullshit but this picture, I’m not so sure.”

Eva rolls her eyes at him to indicate just how she feels about the rumours. She sighs.

“There is nothing going on between them. It’s just stupid first-years who doesn’t understand that girls and boys can be just friends.”

Chris watches her closely, his lips pursed together. While Eva usually appreciate how Chris is willing to do basically anything for his best friend, even if it means putting himself in awkward or potentially dangerous situations bty the next question out of Chris’s mouth causes Eva to wish that he could be a bit more of a coward.

“If Noora got a new boyfriend. Would you tell me?”

It’s Eva’s time to purse her lips together before answering.

“I’m not sure. Shouldn’t that be…” Chris interrupts her.

“William is my best friend!” Eva raises her voice slightly and her reply is sharp.

“And Noora is mine but her and Williams relationship, not our business!” Chris looks at her, slightly surprised by the tone of her voice.

“Do you know why they broke up? Why she came back?” Chris asks, much more calmly than Eva.

“No., Do you?” Eva almost regrets asking, if Noora wanted to share, eventually she would.

“No. Neither does William” This confuses Eva, William of course must know seeing as he most likely is the culprit in the story.

“Of course, he knows. It’s William and most likely he has gone back to his asshole ways and done something bad enough for Noora to leave” Eva regrets her words the second she says them. Having a discussion about whose best friend hurt the other won’t turn out well. Chris

objects fiercely.

“How is William the bad guy here? Noora is shaking up with someone within a week of returning home? Do you even know up upset William is? And he doesn’t even know about this! What the fuck am I supposed to say to him?” It’s the first time that Chris has actually raised his voice to her and he is now sitting up in the bed, looking at her urgently. The fact that Chris now seems to believe the rumours causes Eva to also sit up in the bed and she respond with equally as harsh of a tone.

“THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN NOORA AND ISAK! How many times will I have to say it? You shouldn’t tell him fuck all and just let Noora fucking recover in peace. She is not interested in Isak! What do I have to say to make you believe me?”

Chris is slightly taken aback by Eva’s response and it seems to calm him down slightly, which is surprising cause if Eva had to take a guess she would have guesses on the opposite.

 “Okay. Noora is not interested in Isak, but is Isak interested in Noora?” At this Eva rolls her eyes and Chris looks more confused than ever. At this moment Eva wishes that she could be sure of Isak’s sexuality and that it wouldn’t be a secret. It would make dismissing these rumours so much easier. 

“Because It’s not Noora that Isak has been hooking for the past month, it’s Emma. And when Noora was leaving the party on Saturday, Isak did not join and Isak did not spend the night at kollektivet. You do the math.” Eva is slightly uncomfortable with her answer. She knows that Isak slept in Emma’s bathtub and if Isak is gay, Emma is probably something he feels really bad about. Eva isn’t sure if talking about Isak and the girl he hooks up with is the best thing to do. If he isn’t gay then it probably isn’t a problem but Eva still suspects that he is and if it’s true it might make it more difficult for him to eventually come out. Telling Chris about her and Noora’s theories is however not an option. That would be outright cruel. Until Isak says so, telling Chris about Emma to spare both Isak and Noora from the rumours is the best option.

 They stay silent for a while and Chris watches her thoughtfully. After a while he pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry” He says as Eva returns the embrace.

“Me too. I know he is you best friend but Noora is mine so maybe we should just not talk about their relationship at all. And I promise, if Noora and Isak ever becomes a thing, I will let you know.” Eva smirks during the final part because she knows that it will never happen and she has not promised to tell him about other potential guys Noora may meet in the future. Chris however seems satisfied and kisses her hair softly.


	16. Blake Lively is bringing Ryan Reynolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak study with Sana, get schooled on religion and finds out that both Sonja and Emma are coming to the pre-game he had planned with Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my version of Isak's mind during his study date with Sana where he questions her religion and Emma disturbs them. 
> 
> A few text conversations are liked from this episode, the links are to the actual texts (in norwegian, sorry) from the show. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, have decided to do the halloween-friday in several chapters instead of one massive and just finished writing the third part out of (probably) four.

**Chapter 16 – Blake Lively is bringing Ryan Reynolds**

**Wednesday October 26 th, 2016, 14:05**

**ISAK**

It’s not a date.

Isak’s day had started out well. He had for the second night in a row managed to get seven hours of sleep and had felt more rested than he had in months when he woke up. Noora, who still shared his bed and also had her first lesson at 8:30 that day, had made breakfast for both of them. Breakfast was a rarity in Isak’s life since his lack of sleep during the nights often caused him to sleep as long as possible in the morning. Also, the previous evening he had texted briefly with Even. Or, Even had [sent him a random Seinfeld](http://skam.p3.no/2016/10/25/random/#comments) picture and Isak had responded.

Isak had looked forward to the day as he and Noora stood on the tram. A school day meant the possibility to see, and maybe even speak to, Even. Isak’s entire body tingled at the thought of their date on Friday and he was now quite confident that it was a date. He and Noora had spoken about it on Monday night and she seemed to agree, it was a date. She also promised to make sure no one was at home if they decided to meet at kollektivet. He grew fonder of her each day.

Isak had plans to work on the biology assignment with Sana after lunch and even though he had been super intimidated of her at first and not at all keen on having to do all the biology assignments with her this semester, she had started to grow on him too. She had turned out to be a sassy, no-bullshit, smart and kind person. Last night she had even [sent him her notes](http://skam.p3.no/2016/10/25/isabell/) from physics, something he had needed desperately.

It was when he and Sana were working on their assignment that things had started to go downhill for Isak. His phone had started to vibrate and he could feel himself stiffen up and start to sweat in the palms of his hands as he saw who they were from. His mother. He looked quickly over his shoulder before opening the first message, to make sure that no one was watching, just as he received another. Isak didn’t really focus on the content of the messages, they were all the same as before. Misspelled bible verses about sin and destruction. As always, they caused his chest to tighten. When he lies down it literally feels like someone is standing on his chest, right over his heart. Isak wished so dearly that once, just once, he would get a text from his mother about something else. A question, _how are you Isak?_

But he never does. All he gets are reminders that if he ever dared to come out, he would most likely lose his mother completely. Because of a fucking religion that has to decided what is right and what is wrong. It infuriates him and he can do absolutely nothing about it. He knows that once he takes that step and actually acts on his feelings, something he hopes to be able to do this upcoming Friday, his mother would never look at him the same again. So, he has to either hide his true self from her forever or tell her and lose her. He doesn’t know what is worse but he knows what’s to blame. Religion. He doesn’t understand it. How someone can choose to believe in something that decides that he is feeling isn’t okay. That he is a sin.

“Hallo? Can you concentrate?” Sana’s sharp voice brought him back to reality and he attached his gaze on the hijab that covers her hair. In that moment, he had wondered why Sana, who excels in at least all of the scientific subjects can be so religious. In his mind, science and religion had been completely conflicting.

Isak knows religion is a sensitive hadn’t mean to be rude but he is sure that’s how it came off when he asked her about why she is religious. Truth be told, Islam itself was never what bothered Isak. Religion was. Is. His mother’s religion in particular. Not that Sana knew that, she probably thought he meant Islam in particular. It probably didn’t improve his case when his only arguments were _it’s all bullshit_ and _some dude decided that being gay or eating sausage is wrong._

Sana had schooled him. Hard. And in the process managed to destroy his argument for science by claiming that homosexuality doesn’t work in evolution. That hurt. It played well into his own feelings about himself. That it wasn’t how he was supposed to be. It’s weird though, Isak had absolutely no problem with anyone else being gay. You do you and everything. He had just a very hard time to reconcile with the thought of himself being gay. He had only recently decided that acting on it might be worth it and he might be slowly accepting that it was the way he was. The fact that he had a crush on Even was obvious to himself. The fact that he had never felt for a girl what he had felt for boys? Well, it still kept him up at night. Is it really wrong if it feels right?

Isak, who by now is well versed in placing a mask of confidence and nonchalance upon his face only looked at Sana with slight annoyance.

“Whatever…”

The conversation hadn’t gone like Isak wanted it to but before he had the opportunity to ponder on it his day became even worse.

“Hi!” Emma had interrupted them with her nasal voice and over excited expression. It had freaked Isak out and when she started to talk about Sonja and plans for them to pre-game he got even more confused. What in the world was Emma talking about?

Until it clicked. His date with Even, not a date. And even worse, it wasn’t even something they were going to do just the two of them, as friends. It was a fucking double date. Even and Sonja. Isak and Emma. Isak wanted to throw up, scream or cry at his own naivety but being in public with both Emma who looked at him expectedly and Sana who was smirking made it impossible. He must have managed to answer something that pleased Emma because she was soon talking again and Isak had been relieved when her phone rang, forcing her to leave their table. 

Sana had looked at him, still smirking, and while Isak silently wanted to curl together is his bed and let his anxiety do its thing, he forced himself to act confident. Like it was not a big deal to him that girls came up to him in school, obviously interested in him. He thinks he succeeded in throwing Sana’s potential suspicion towards his behaviour in both their and his and Emma’s conversation off because she didn’t say anything else about it when they went back to their assignment.

Isak skips his last lesson, history, and heads straight for the tram as soon as he and Sana finishes up their assignment. The heavy weight that keeps pressing on his chest increases and while he probably shouldn’t have skipped history seeing as it isn’t his best subject, his brain is spinning after the conversation he had with Sana and the realisation that his date with Even is a bloody double date with Emma. He wouldn’t have been able to concentrate anyway. 

He flops directly down on the bed when he arrives back at kollektivet. He attaches his gaze on the white ceiling, hoping that if he lays there long enough the pain in his chest will subside. Usually, Isak deals with his anxiety on his own, and it tends to result in sleepless nights and both mental and physical tiredness as well as general crankiness. He doesn’t want to bother anyone with it. Doesn’t know where to start. It’s just him getting himself stuck in spirals of horrible thoughts and not being able to come to grips with himself. He knows this. It’s nothing new. But his anxiety doesn’t care. It attacks in full throttle anyway. 

This time though, someone knows and thinking back over the past weeks, when he has been sharing small pieces of himself day by day. He had slept better. He had had less anxiety. He picks up his phone.

 

_(15:43)_

_Isak: It’s not a date._

_Isak: It’s a double date._

_Isak: Blake Lively is bringing Ryan Reynolds_

_Isak: Emma will also be there._

_Noora: You home?_

_Isak: Yeah_

_Noora: I’ll be right there <3 _


	17. We are having family night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family night at kollektivet. Eskild and Noora are being parental while Linn is acting like sibling. Nothing new here. Isak and Even text about their up-coming pre-game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes a short little chapter about life at kollektivet. Next chapter is the start of a four-part Halloween Friday and spoiler, I have started on a Eskild chapter taking place some-time during that weekend. Hope you are excited. Thanks for all the love and Kudos <3

**Chapter 17 – We are having family night**

**Thursday October 27 th, 2016, 19:14, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

“Baby Jesus! Come and join us in the living room! Noora has made dinner for everyone and Linn has promised to not whine at my movie choices. We are having family night and you are not allowed to hide in your room.” Eskild’s voice penetrates the closed door into Isak’s room and he can hear steps in the hallway, indicating that Eskild will barge into his room in only seconds. He does and looks at Isak with a combination of annoyance and fondness as he finds him lying on his back in the bed, only looking at the ceiling. When Isak doesn't immediately jump out of the bed in excitement and only turns his head to look at him tiredly, Eskild pops himself down on the bed next to Isak.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist my grumpy godchild?” Isak groans, he does not feel like listening to a Eskild pep-talk right now. He is confused and tired, having had trouble sleeping again yesterday. Noora had fallen asleep around two am after they had spent the whole afternoon in Isak’s room, mostly watching movies huddled close together. Isak had not been wanting to talk about it, only told Noora the basics and let her hold him for hours and allowed her to microwave some leftovers they could have for dinner.

He hadn’t had the heart to wake her up after she had fallen asleep. Isak himself hadn’t fallen asleep until sometime after five and his entire body had protested loudly when his alarm rang at seven. He had skipped his first class, Noora hadn’t, and gotten an extra hour of sleep but the day had still been a battle power through.

Isak shrugged in response, he wasn’t at all excited about a family night at kollektivet. He would just like to lay in his room and wallow in his own sorrows.

“Isak…” Eskild started softly. “Something is up and whatever it is, hiding in here won’t help so you are joining us in the living room. Now.” Isak is surprised, for and Eskild-speech, it was a lot calmer and less intrusive than usual and he appreciates it.

“I’m fine…” Isak rolls his eyes in attempt to downplay Eskild’s worry. “I’m just tired, couldn’t sleep last night”

“Well you can sleep in the living room. Use Noora as a pillow. Come on, let’s go!” Eskild gestures impatiently at the door and Isak shuffles out of bed only to be pushed in front of Eskild out the door. 

Isak has just taken the first bite of the lasagne that Noora made for them all when his phone vibrates. Isak’s heartrate increases and the butterfly in his stomach awakens as he reads the text.

 

_(19:29)_

_Even Kosegruppa: Halla Isak. Ready for Halloween tomorrow?_

When Isak realised that it wasn’t a date but a double date between him & Emma and Even & Sonja he had wanted to cancel but after having spoken to Noora about it he had decided against it. When he talked to Noora, he had of course used the code names Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. Ultimately, for now, he’d rather be friends with Even than not at all. And he still didn’t know how or why the double date had happened.

 

_(19:31)_

_Isak: Halla, yeah what going on with that? Emma said something about a pre-game?_

Isak puts his phone back in his pocket and tries to focus on the lasagne and the movie Eskild has chosen for the evening but it’s difficult. His pulse has risen and he is both scared and curious about what the next text will say. It’s only a minute later that his phone vibrates in his pocket again and Isak feels nauseous, scared what the text will say. Part of him wants to wait to read the text until he is alone but he physically can’t, he has to know.

 

_(19:32)_

_Even: Yeah, I apparently have a personal event planer you know._  

 

Isak let out a breath he didn’t even know he held and felt a light flutter in his stomach along with a searing disappointment. The double date was a go and Sonja was still very much present but if Isak interpreters the text correctly, it wasn’t Even who made the plans for the double date, and that is just a tiny shiver of hope for Isak. One that he wants to hold on to.

 He has to play it cool though, not too eager, and pretend that his whole double date arrangement doesn’t bother him at all.

 

_(19:35)_

_Isak: Hahah I should have had one_

Even’s answer is instant.

 

_(19:35)_

_Even: Can you host? The event planner needs a confirmation_

Isak lets out a small giggle that causes his roommates to look at him expectantly.

 “It’s just Jonas and Mahdi, we are preparing for Magnus’s birthday this weekend.” Isak says in explanation and Eskild and Linn returns to watching the movie and eating while Noora gives him a knowing look. He smiles and shrugs at her, hoping that they’ll get an opportunity to talk to her about it later tonight. “Eh, guys” Isak starts again and get the attention of all his roommates. “Can I have a tiny pre-game here tomorrow? We’ll just be four people”

 Linn shrugs, indifferent. “I’m going to my parents this weekend, I don’t care”

 Eskild looks at Isak with enormous excitement, almost jumping at the thought of Isak himself arranging something. “Who are you having over? Anyone I know? Can I join?”

 Noora interrupts him. “Jesus Eskild, let the boy have his pre-game in peace. I’m going to Eva’s with the girls and then to some Halloween party but not the same one as Isak. Eskild, you can join us and Isak can have the apartment to himself”

 “Fine” Eskild sighs dramatically as he agrees and Isak turns back to his phone to reply.

 

_(19:39)_

_Isak: Ok. Confirmed_

_Even: Fett_

_Isak: Fett_

_(19:40)_

_Even: She has a schedule and is very keen on punctuality. What time should I say?_

_Isak: 8?_

_Even: It works. Me and the event planer will arrive at 20:00._

Isak looks down on his phone, he at least will see Even tomorrow, even if Sonja will be there. He hopes they will have time alone. That he will have the chance to tell Even that he would rather hang out with him sans Emma and Sonja. He should dare. He hopes he will. His phone buzzes again.

 

_(19:41)_

_Even: Hope you don’t look like a nerd in your costume_

 

Isak’s stomach flutters and a slight smile covers his face as he replies.

 

_(19:41)_

_Haha you too._

 

Isak returns to eating and watching the movie, but now, that he feels at least a slight hope regarding tomorrow his lack of sleep is catching up on him. As soon as the meal is finished he puts the plate down on the living room table and lays his head down in Noora’s lap, legs stretched out on the sofa. Eskild and Linn, who are on the other couch doesn’t react and Noora looks down on him, slightly surprised but smiling.

“Everything okay with Blake and tomorrow?” She whispers and Isak nods, too tired to tell her, especially with Eskild still in the room. Isak turns his gaze away from Noora and faces the TV, head still in Noora’s lap and can feel his body relax as Noora softly combs her fingers through his hair. He can’t remember the last time someone gave him this amount of care. Sure, he has Jonas who would do the exact same in a heartbeat if asked, Eskild too probably. And he has Emma and all the other girls he has hooked up with. But this, Noora lightly combing through his hair, it feels like a childhood memory. When his mother still sang and smiled and he would fall asleep with his head in her lap, his parents watching some movie. Isak doesn’t know when it stopped being like that. Was he 9? 10?

Isak slumbers through the movie, Noora’s hands till in his hair soothing him softly, and only awakes to Linn poking his legs. He looks at her, confused. 

“Eskild left, I don’t want to sit on the other couch alone. Move over” Linn says, and gestures at his legs. Isak shuffles in the sofa, enough to make it possible for Linn to sit where he recently had his legs. As soon as she has leaned back in the sofa he lifts his legs up again and places them on top of her. She looks at him, surprised but not annoyed.

“What? I was here first. If you want to sit here you have to deal with me lying here” Isak says to his defence. Linn just shrugs before shuffling her body around so that her head rests on Isak’s thigh, using him as a pillow, her arm flung over his legs as she half sits, half lies on the sofa.

“Then I’ll sleep on you too”

Noora giggles at the two of them and Isak brings his attention back to the movie but falls asleep within minutes. Again, soothed by Noora playing with his hair and oddly comforted by Linn’s warm body lying on top of his legs.

Isak, Linn, Noora and everyone else wakes up to a new illuminating Instagram post by Eskild. It’s the three of them sleeping on the couch. Linn on Isak’s legs, Isak with his head in Noora’s lap and Noora leaning over Isak, her head on his side.

_Eazy_eskild: The thanks you get for taking @isakyaki in. I used to be their favourite roommate._


	18. If they give you any grief about it I’ll come and kick their asses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma arrives first to the pre-game and Noora still hasn't left. Awkwardness ensured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. Part one of the four-part Halloween Friday. This part is completely outside of the clips and I hope you enjoy it. I for one life for all the awkward moments that SKAM brought so this was hilarious to write. 
> 
> More updates to come soon, might even be tomorrow morning if you're lucky! I'm leaving at 5 am tomorrow to travel to my boyfriend's parents summer house and might be able to update on the way there. It's few hours on a ferry and I'm not sure if there will be internet. If not, I'll update tomorrow evening. Have 5 chapters ready to go so I'll be able to update while on the vacay :)

**Chapter 18 – If they give you any grief about it I’ll come and kick their asses**

**Friday October 28 th, 2016, 19:30, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

With thirty minutes to go Isak is both excited for and dreads the upcoming evening. How could anyone think that Even, Sonja, Isak and Emma would be pleasant and non-awkward combination. Isak hopes that he would get at least some time alone with Even, just to hang out and, possibly, smoke.

“You’re not going to dress up?” Noora asks him with a raised eyebrow as she sits on the floor in front of the mirror in Isak’s room doing her makeup. She is re-using her outfit from the previous year, going as the Log Lady from Twin Peaks, claiming that she couldn’t be bothered to think of something new. Isak has no idea who she was supposed to be but the outfit works. Isak looks down on his outfit, grey jeans and a black hoodie with the text _Rascals_ written over the chest.

“Emma was going to fix something for me.” He answers with a shrug. It causes Noora to raise her eyebrows even higher, looking at him with slight judgement.

“That’s very much a girlfriend move.” She says, not budging her gaze and causing Isak to remember just how bad he felt about the whole Emma ordeal. He knows it isn’t nice of him to keep leading her on like this but what was he supposed to do? This wasn’t his idea. His silence seemed to speak for his thoughts because Noora continues. “You have to tell her you’re not interested Isak. What you’re doing isn’t fair.” Isak sighs.

“I know. I will. But like, this, today, not my idea!” Isak gestures wildly with his hands as he speaks. “I know I could have said no to this but when I found out it was like it was already too late. Ev… eeh.. I mean, Blake and Ryan had already spoken to Emma and it just kind of spiralled.” Isak takes a breath before continuing. “And Emma is nice. Ish. But yeah, I need to shut it down and I will. Soon. I promise. It’s not like I enjoy being an asshole it’s just so complicated with Blake and Ryan and …”

“Isak!” Noora interrupts his rambling and he meets her gaze. It’s kind, as always, and the judgement has disappeared from her face. “Calm down. It will work out. But maybe talk to Emma soon. I mean not now at the pre-game, that will be awkward, but soon. Okay?”

“Okay” Isak’s says with a smile.

At 19:45 the loud noise of the building’s intercom interrupts them and Isak heads to the kitchen to look through the window.  He leans out and on the asphalt downstairs he spots Emma and even though he would like her to not come at all tonight, he is still kind of glad that she has arrived before Even and Sonja. This way, he at least has someone to talk to once the happy couple arrives. He won’t be forced to awkwardly sit by as they make out. The thought makes him shudder a little as he buzzes Emma in. Isak peaks into his room on the way to open the front door.

“It’s Emma. Please be nice.” He says to Noora and receives an eye roll in return.

Emma smiles brightly as she opens the door. She dressed as Cleopatra, in a golden dress and a black wig and objectively, Isak knows that she looks good.

“Hi” Emma squeals excitedly and goes in for a hug. Isak returns it with what he hopes is enough engagement. It seems to be because when they let go of each other Emma still smiles at him.

“Halla. Cleopatra, nice!” Isak’s says to Emma, he has to say something, and her smile becomes even broader. That’s until her gaze scan Isak from head to toe, taking in his jeans and black hoodie outfit.

“Eh… Did you plan to wear that shirt tonight?” She asks, her tone a bit unsure. “I mean, it’s cute and all but I’m not sure it goes with the things I brought for you.” Isak looks down on his outfit, before firing a smile at Emma.

“No, I just thought I’d wait and change when I knew what you had planned as an outfit.” It seems to be exactly what Emma wanted to hear because she opens her bag, and pulls out a red sheet and a golden laurel wreath and starts explaining how he should wrap the sheet around him and put the wreath in his hair to become a perfect Julius Ceasar.

“You don’t feel like a guy who would want to overdo it so I figured this was a good outfit for you. Just put a neutral shirt on instead of the one you have and you are good to go.” This astounds Isak slightly, because Emma is actually completely correct. Isak is not a guy who particularly enjoys dressing up in costume. To be honest, if Emma hadn’t gotten him an outfit, he would have gone in regular clothes. Maybe he has miscalculated Emma due to her nasal voice, terrible taste in music and continuing advancements towards him. He could probably enjoy spending time with her, if she wasn’t interested in him that is. But he appreciates the thought she has put into the costume and the fact that she isn’t forcing him into some elaborate costume like her own.

“Thanks, it’s great!” He says, and for once, he is actually genuine towards her. He grabs the stuff Emma has gotten him. “I’m gonna change shirt and put this on the.” Isak heads back towards his room and Emma follows, something he should have seen coming. She isn’t shy and apparently him changing his shirt isn’t something she wants to miss. Or she just finds it incredible awkward to wait just inside the front door.

Noora is still on the floor doing her make-up when Isak enters and he only has a second to worry about how Emma is going to react to Noora in his room before it’s a fact. Emma’s face shows of confusion, and possibly uncertainty but Isak tries to ignore it and heads for his wardrobe to dig up a grey long sleeved shirt that matches his pants. Noora, however smiles broadly at Emma and gets up from the floor.

“Hi! I don’t think we’ve ever been introduced. You’re Emma, right? I’m Noora, Isak’s roommate.” Noora extends her hand towards Emma who takes it and displays a small and confused smile at Noora’s niceness Noora and Isak share a quick smile as Noora turns back and sits down in front of the mirror.  Isak finds the shirt he’s looking for and decides to not make a big deal about changing it in front of the girls. He stands a little to the side of the mirror, and can see Noora’s reflection in it as he changes, his back half against Emma. Has he tosses the t-shirt on the bed and puts the grey one on he meets Noora’s gaze in the mirror. She smirks at him and he gives her a tiny nod, a silent thank you for how she is handling Emma right now. 

As he turns around to face Emma again he can she her looking between Isak and Noora in confusion and Isak guesses that Noora’s introduction might not have been as disarming has he thought.

“Ehh.. Are you pre-gaming with us?” Emma asks in a tone that probably was supposed to be innocent and neutral but that oozes of jealousy and disappointment. If Noora notices she doesn’t let on, instead she just smiles at Emma kindly and answers. 

“Oh no, I’m leaving in a couple of minutes. I’m meeting Eskild at his work at eight and then we are going to Eva’s for a pre-game before we’re going to a Halloween party.” Noora meets Isak’s gaze for a millisecond as she finishes speaking and Isak knows that Noora picked up on the jealousy and that Noora is having way too much fun being overly nice to Emma. Emma seems clueless to the interaction between Isak and Noora and seems to relax a little and she smiles and continues the conversation.

“That sounds nice! Are you guys coming to the big Halloween party later as well?” This time Emma’s voice is a less strained but there is a tiny hint of jealousy left. Noora keeps smiling sweetly.

“No, we’re going to a party at Chris Schistad, he graduated Nissen last year.” Noora is winding Emma up by being overly nice, sweet and too cool for a Nissen party and Isak knows that it’s intentional, even though it’s all true. The information about what party they’re going to surprises him slightly, although it really shouldn’t. He knows about Eva and Chris but considering William and everything, he is surprised that Noora agreed to go. It’ll be everyone of Williams friends. That ought to be awkward.

“You’re going to a party at Penetrator-Chris’s?” He asks and both Noora and Emma shifts their attention to him. Isak meets Noora’s gaze and he can tell that she probably isn’t looking forward to it that much.

 “Yeah we are.” Noora smiles as she answers but her smile is slightly more strained. Isak honestly forgets about Emma for a second and looks at Noora worryingly.

“Will you be okay going there?” He asks and Noora gives him the warmest of smiles, so different form the sweet smiles she have been giving Emma. She rolls her eyes at him as she answers.

“I’ll be fine.” She probably will be but Isak also knows how the Penetrators get while drunk, all cocky and more likely to ask her about William.  He also knows how little she likes to talk about William. She barely even talks to him about it but Isak thinks that he somehow is the one who knows the most about it.

“If they give you any grief about it I’ll come and kick their asses” Isak says with a smile and Noora smirks at him.

“Isak, you literarily can’t fight.” It makes Isak snort and Noora giggles.

“I’m the best at fighting. Don’t you remember last spring when me and Chris arranged that fight so we could get even with the Yakuza boys?” Noora rolls her eyes at him.

“I do remember. It’s was when William smashed a bottle over one of their heads. Great evening, thanks for arranging that. Don’t think I’ve ever yelled at you about it yet have I?” Noora replies drily with a huge hint for sarcasm. Isak rolls his eyes back at her but before he has to chance to answer, Emma speaks and Isak is reminded of that she is here.

“That’s your boyfriend? The buss-boss of the Penetrators?” Emma looks intrigued and impressed at Noora who now drops the sweet tone and look she has been using on Emma so far. She looks at Emma with slight boredom and annoyance.

“Yes. That is my boyfriend.” 

Emma nods and an awkward silence fills the room but luckily Noora’s phone starts buzzing and she picks it up while putting her makeup back into the makeup bag she has placed in front of the mirror. As she gets up and places the makeup bag in the bookcase it becomes painfully obvious to Isak that Noora’s continual presence in his room probably is visible to other people. Her makeup bag on the bookcase, her sweater and jacket on his chair, her book laying on the floor next to the bed and her schoolbag leaned against the wall next to the door. Isak hopes that Emma doesn’t notice. It’s not questions he knows how to answer.

Neither Emma nor Isak speaks during Noora’s conversation, who Isak guesses is with Eskild or Vilde judging by what he can hear. She turns to Isak as she hangs up and picks up her handbag of the floor and her jacket of his chair, leaving her sweater.

“Eskild just wrapped up at work so I’m gonna go meet him now.” She smiles at Isak, completely ignores Emma who watches in confusion. “Oh, and I’m sleeping in either Linn’s room or at Chris Berg’s house so you can be as loud as you want and won’t have to be careful not to wake me up or anything when you come home” Emma furrows her brows and now Noora acknowledge her, probably due to the panics-stricken gaze Isak gives her. “I sleep on the couch most of the time. Always wake-up when someone comes barging in drunk” Noora says with her gaze locked on Emma. She turns back to Isak. “Anyway, have fun and don’t do anything Eskild wouldn’t do and all that.”

“You too!” Isak smiles at here, so grateful that she, again, makes sure that nothing can be interpreted the wrong way. “Text me whether you sleep her or at Chris’s and tell the girls I said hi. You guys are coming out with us tomorrow right?”

“Will do and of course we are. Vilde is looking forward to it” Noora smiles and they share a conspiratory smile and a short nod before Noora heads out.

As Noora exits Isak’s room he becomes extremely aware of the fact that he is now alone with Emma. In his room. That makes him extremely uncomfortable. Emma seems quite nervous and the silence is deafening.

“I’m gonna go grab a beer, coming?” Isak asks, he just needs to get her out of his room an into the living room. Emma nods and follows. In the kitchen, she pulls a bottle of wine out of her bag and Isak reaches for the wine glasses on the top shelf and hands one to her. They stand awkwardly next to the very same sink that he and Even stood two weeks earlier. Isak can’t help too long back to that time. He’d much rather do that again than do this.

Isak nods towards the living room and Emma follows him there. He settles on one of the couches and Emma sits right next to him. It’s too silent so Isak looks at Emma, who meets his gaze, looking shyer than she has done earlier.

“We should put on some music” He says. “I’ll go and grab my laptop!” At least that will give them something to talk about he thinks as he quickly picks up his laptop in his room. It’s way to awkward right now. It’s so much easier to act flirty and like you care when there are actual people around. Then he can keep it on a level that is fairly comfortable for him. He can easily get out of a situation due to all the people around. It’s easy to distract someone by talking about someone else or by drinking excessively.

Now, when it’s only him and Emma, it’s so much harder. Emma would easily notice if he becomes too uncomfortable and there is literarily no one there to act as a distraction. Drinking excessively isn’t really an option either. He wants to be able to hold a conversation once Even arrives. He really is an asshole he thinks as he returns to the living room where Emma pours herself another glass of wine. She apparently also needs some liquid courage.

Emma stands beside him as he connects his laptop to the speakers with and AUX cord. Isak fires a disarming smile as he turns the laptop towards Emma who smiles back.

“Put something good on. Not Justin Bieber though”. It makes Emma laugh and Isak wonders how long he will be able to keep this charade up. Even though he really doesn’t want to see Sonja and more specifically Sonja and Even together, he kind of wishes that they would hurry up because it has barely been ten minutes since Noora left and he is already exhausted. He remembers why his relationship with Sara wasn’t successful. He really isn’t good at being alone with girls that like him. It freaks him out.

Thankfully, it’s in that very moment, just as Cheap Thrills by Sia fills the apartment, Isak hears the intercom buzzing and heads towards the window to check it out. Two people stands downstairs. One of them, presumably Even, wears a white wig with a long beard and Sonja, who Isak can clearly make out since her head isn’t covered up stands next to him. Isak buzzes him up with a mixture of excitement and dread making him nauseous as he heads for the front door. 


	19. 21:21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 21:21 - I think you all know what this means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally here, this chapter is called 21:21 and I think you all know what that means. Writing this chapter was equally scary and exciting since it's one of the purest and absolute most beautiful scenes that I've ever seen and therefore I really want to do it justice. I've kept this very close to how it was pictured in the show, only adding a few bits. I really hope you like it and I hope it gets you pumped up for the two upcoming chapter's where I've continued outside of what we got to see in the episode.

**Chapter 19 – 21:21**

**Friday October 28 th, 2016, 21:18, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

If Isak though being alone with Emma was awkward it’s nothing compared to how he feels now. This is awkward. It’s Isak and Emma on one couch, Even and Sonja on the other. Emma and Sonja thankfully sits in the corners closest to each other and are in an animated discussion, completely unaware of how uncomfortable Isak is. Isak tries to glance over at Even every once in a while, and sometimes Even meets his gaze but mostly he looks bored whenever looks at him. Honestly, Emma and Sonja becoming fast friends must be Isak’s personal hell. It complicates things so much because Isak can probably learn to be Even friend and suffer watching him and Sonja be happy. He has done it before and if it means keeping Even around, he can probably do it again. Emma’s friendship with Sonja however means that if (no, when) Isak finally tells Emma that he isn’t interested, he won’t really be rid of her. Not if Sonja and Emma’s friendship keeps going strong. It’s such a mess.

Isak takes another sip of his beer and sneaks a glance at Even. He truly looks ridiculous. He is dressed up as God, Sonja is an angel, and wears a big white wig with a matching beard. He is a big white long-sleeved dress with a belt tied in his waist and Isak can spot a white t-shirt under it and he assumes some kind of white tights. He looks over the top, although it sort of suites him. Even meets his gaze for a moment before Isak diverts his own and tries to listen to the conversation between the girls.

“Are you a 97?” He hears Emma ask Sonja who replies that she is and the information throws Isak slightly. Is Sonja older than Even? Even is a third year which should make him a 98. One year older than Isak. Emma and Sonja keeps the conversation going, discussing how nice they have it despite the age gap but Isak interrupts them, too curious.

“Are you one year older than Even?” He asks her but Even answers him and except from _hi, how are you?_ It’s the first thing he has said so far in the evening. Isak tries to not read too much into it, but if he did he would think that maybe Even isn’t too pleased with having the girls there as well. Isak hopes so.

“No, I’m also a 97” Even says and Isak tries to process the information. Even must have had to retake a year of school, maybe that was why he switched to Nissen. Before Isak has the opportunity to think more about why Even apparently is one year behind in school he catches the mood changing between Sonja and Even. Emma probably does to because she stays silent during the entire exchange.

“Can you please chill a little with the beer?” Sonja asks, gaze completely focused on Even who looks very irritated and stares right back at her.

“Can you stop watching over me?” Even replies and Isak is surprised by the harshness of his tone. Sonja probably is too because she keeps her gaze at Even, faced away from Isak and Emma but doesn’t say anything. Instead Even continues and the mood in the room becomes even worse. “I mean it. Stop monitoring me.” The silence in the room is think and Isak doesn’t know where to look. Suddenly Sonja stands up, visibly upset before asking for the bathroom. As she leaves, Even makes no attempt to follow her and Emma looks between Even and Sonja’s back a few times before sighing and follows her, leaving Isak alone with Even.

It should be his dream scenario for the night, both girls talking in the bathroom leaving Even alone with Isak but with the conversation he just witnessed, he doesn’t know where to begin. Isak contemplates talking about the weather but decides that it’s way to cliché. Even who almost demonstratively have been drinking his beer since Sonja lefts puts it down on the table. The silence is killing Isak, he has to say something. So he goes with the second most cliché thing he can think of, tonight’s party.

“I’ve heard that a lot of people will be at the party” He says but Even doesn’t really acknowledge it asks something almost at the same time as Isak speaks. Isak can’t make out what it is. “Huh?”

“What time is it?” Oh. Time moves slowly tonight, Isak realises as he picks his phone from his right jean pocket. It has only been about an hour since Even and Sonja arrived ten minutes past eight.

 “21:21”

“Seriously?” Even asks and Isak wonders briefly why that matters. It still way much time left until they can go to the party but right now Isak really wishes they could leave right now. At the party he could disappear in the crowd and preferably end up smoking weed somewhere with secluded, away from the girls.

“Yeah, why?” Isak asks and Even’s gaze oscillates between Isak and the living room table a few times.

“Let’s get out of here” Even says and while Isak probably would follow Even everywhere, he is utterly confused as to why Even feels that this is an appropriate moment to leave, with Sonja being upset in the bathroom.

“Eh.. where?” Isak asks before he can stop himself. He honestly doesn’t care. He’d literarily rather be anywhere than in this apartment with Emma and Sonja. When Even answer it’s like he can read Isak’s mind.

“Anywhere!” He says and stands up, his white God-costume falling down over his legs. “Hurry up!” Even leaves the living room and heads for the front door and while Isak probably should at least take one second to consider the repercussions of ditching the girls and leaving with Even, he doesn’t. He leaves his beer half-drunken on the table and follows Even who already has one of his shoes put on and uses his finger to get his other foot down in the shoe.

Neither of them puts on a jacket even though is almost November and only a couple degrees warm outside. They are in too much of a hurry, and giggle as the slowly close the door as soundless as possible. It’s liberating and reminds Isak of when he and Jonas used to sleep at Isak’s house and sneak out of his window when his parents had gone to bed. It’s forbidden and they will probably face the consequences but it’s freedom, adventure and butterflies roaming in Isak’s stomach.

They run down the stairs and starts to laugh the second they are out of the gate, looking with wide eyes on both directions down the street. Even heads for the bicycle rack to the left of the gate and Isak follows but when Even bends down to unlock his bike and Isak’s right hand automatically into his back-pocket in search of the keys to the bike. His keys to the apartment are in the back-pocket of his jeans thankfully and while one would have guesses that Isak should have the keys to his bike together with his other keys, he doesn’t. He rarely uses his bike, he mostly takes the tram and therefore has put the key on the bookshelf in his room.

“Fuck! My key is upstairs!” Isak exclaims loudly and Even, who has successfully unlocked his bike looks at him as he rolls the bike backwards out of the rack. He smiles broadly, like the information is good news and that causes Isak to furrow his brows because for him, this is not good news.

“No worries! Jump up and hold tight!” Even smiles and raises his eyebrows as he gestures towards the rack. Isak doesn’t hesitate and straddles the rack and holds on as Even starts to cycle. The first meters are shaky but once they have gained some speed, Even sits down on the saddle and head down the street. Isak doesn’t dare to hold on to Even’s waist and settles for grabbing the cold metal bicycle frame just below the saddle.

Isak thinks that he must be more drunk than he thought given the fact that he isn’t freezing at all as the ride around in Oslo. Instead, Isak is warm, and it feels like his whole body is tingling. The butterflies in his stomach is fluttering as never before and he is on such an adrenaline kick that doesn’t think he’ll ever have to sleep again. They almost lose their balance a few times as Even lets go of the handlebars, causing Isak to first scream then laugh loudly!

“Do you know where we’re going?” Isak screams, hoping that Even will hear him, even though it’s windy.

“No, that’s the point!” Even screams back with a laughter.

Suddenly though, Even stops. They are on a street of houses, not unlike the street where Isak grew up together with his family. Even looks at the house to their left and Isak can’t tell if Even recognises it or not, the big wig and beard disturbs his view.

“I feel like swimming, don’t you?” Even says as he gets off the bike and heads towards the house, leaving Isak confused. Swim? Where?

“Swim?” He asks but follows Even regardless, leaving the bike to fall on the asphalt and causing potential cars driving down the road to have to swerve the car to be able to drive on. Not that Isak cares remotely about that.

He follows Even to a basement window, not unlike the one he used to climb through to get into Eva’s room. Unlike Eva’s room though, Isak can spot a pool on the other side of the window. Even uses a nail, trying to open it from the outside and when Isak asks about it, Even claims that it’s his aunt’s house, something that is oddly suspicious, shouldn’t Even have a key? Even assures him that’s it’s cool that they are here and climbs through it once he has managed to open it. Isak follows, because why wouldn’t he. Besides, why would Even lie about whose house it is.

Once inside, Isak is still slightly sceptical and Even notices and while he removes his beard and wig he start to tease Isak about begin afraid of water and of messing up his hairdo causing Isak, who has removed his wreath and the red sheet, to push Even down in the water. Even realises what is going on and manages to drag Isak down with him.

Isak’s head breaks the water, his hair covering his eyes and water filling up his nose causing him to take care of that before noticing that Even was still under water. He looks around, smiling slightly as he can see Even under the surface. This evening just keeps getting weirder, but in a good way he thinks to himself as Even resurfaces. Even is close, close enough that Isak would be uncomfortable if it was anyone else. But he isn’t. He just can’t keep his smile of his face as Even asks whether he was scared Even had died under water, Even also smiling broadly.

“I was so scared” Isak replies ironically and Even laughs. “You suck at holding your breath” Isak continues and Even looks mock-offended.

“I suck? You should try yourself!” Isak isn’t one to back out of a challenge, and he usually claims to be the best at pretty much everything.

“Are you challenging me? I’m the master of holding my breath” He says and Even urges him to prove it. Isak takes a breath and closes his eyes as he goes under the surface but in his eagerness to accept the challenge he manages to, along with his breath, swallow a mouthful of water. It causes him to cough up the air he had in his lungs the first second he is under water and he has to give up shortly thereafter. This causes Even to laugh loudly and mock him as Isak tries to defend himself and claim that he should get to do it again considering he accidentally swallowed water. 

They make a competition out of it, the person who can stay the longest under the surface wins. This time when he goes down, Isak doesn’t close his eyes, he ignores how the chlorine itches his eyes and watches the blurry and mostly white figure of Even opposite him in the water. Even reaches for his throat, a clear attempt of cheating, something Isak will most definitely bitch about if he loses. Isak reacts quickly and can push Even’s arm off himself. Suddenly, Even moves closer and Isak squints in an attempt to see Even more clearly. What he can see, though blurry, is Even watching his face closely. When Even moves in for the kiss, pressing his lips against Isak, Isak isn’t prepared and his body moves backwards by the force of the kiss, causing him to break the surface a second later.

While Isak probably should freak out about the fact that Even kissed him, he doesn’t. His brain doesn’t seem to be able to grasp what happened, maybe because they were under water, and when Even breaches the surface with a huge grin, loudly proclaiming his victory Isak protests. Even clearly cheated. Clearly. They laugh loudly as Isak refuses to lose and a few seconds later they redo the competition again.

Once they are under the surface again Isak feels like he can see clearly, even though his vision literately is blurry. His brain finally seems to catch up. He kissed a boy. A boy kissed him. Even kissed him, and now once they are back under surface there is only one thing Isak is absolutely sure of, he wants to kiss Even again. They are much closer this time, Isak doesn’t have to do much to be able to put his lips against Even and when he does, Even doesn’t pull back. He meets him with his mouth open and they kiss one, two, three, maybe four times, air bubbles exiting their mouths and tickling Isak’s skin slightly.

Soon they rise towards the surface together and Isak reaches for Even’s arms, wanting to keep him close and not stopping. Even seems to agree because he grabs Isak’s neck and kisses him fiercely, pressing his chest closer to Isak. They pull apart while Isak for a moment wonders if Even has changes his mind it’s forgotten once he meets Even’s gaze. It’s full of excitement, childish joy and pure happiness and a second later Even’s lips connects with his again. It’s water dripping down they faces, hair sticking to their foreheads, it’s lips desperately searching for each other. 

Isak has no idea how long they make out in the pool, standing close together, Even’s hand firmly on Isak’s neck, Isak’s arms on Even’s waist. He might have a sixth sense because when he takes a breath, his eyes half-closed, he notices someone watching them and Isak pulls back from Even who at first doesn’t seem to understand what is happening. Everything is silent as they look at the blond girl, she can’t be more than 9, and she looks at them. Is she related to Even? Isak has the time to wonder before the girls screams for her mom and it becomes apparent that she has no idea who the two guys in the pool are.

As Even curses and they head for the window where they entered it also becomes clear that this isn’t the house of Even’s aunt. For a second Isak is pissed because breaking in to a random house is honestly not his idea of a good time. Once they are out of the house and sprints for the bike however, the adrenaline is pumping and Isak grabs onto Even’s waist with one arm when they ride of down the street. His other arm holds the red sheet, the laurel wreath and his Iphone, that he thankfully had taken out of his pocket before pushing Even down in the pool. If he thought the feeling during their last bike ride was incredible it’s nothing compared to what he feels like now. He kissed a boy. He kissed Even. He is invincible.


	20. How was I supposed to know that someone was home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even bike home to kollektivet after their first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, part three out of my four part halloween-friday adaption. I loved writing this and I hope you like it!

**Chapter 20 – How was I supposed to know that someone was home?**

**Friday October 28 th, 2016, 22:05, The streets of Oslo**

**ISAK**

Even stops the bike once they are a couple blocks away from the house and turns to look at Isak, smiling widely with mischief. They stare at each other for a second before they both burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

 “What the fuck was that?” Isak asks still laughing.

 “An adventure!” Even replies, causing Isak to roll his eyes.

 “We could have been arrested!” If Isak tried to sound frustrated our annoyed, he failed, still smiling and unable to stop staring at Even.

 “How was I supposed to know that someone was home?” Even says like he is completely innocent. “And besides, you enjoyed it!” The warmth and sincerity with which Even says the final part causes Isak’s cheeks to burn, something he hopes Even doesn’t notice. The sight of Even with wet dripping hair, rosy cheeks and nose, smiling like the sun in the dark night is too much for Isak. He doesn’t know from where he gets the courage but instead of answering he drops the laurel wreath, the red sheet and his Iphone on the ground and grabs onto Even’s wet shirt and pulls him closer, ice cold water sipping through his fingers. Even immediately catches on and leans into Isak, grabbing Isak’s neck as their lips meet.

This kiss is different. It’s warms when everything else is cold Even’s mouth and tongue feels hot against Isak’s, Even’s nose is cold against his cheek and Isak can feel the heat of their breaths against his face when they let got for a second to catch their breaths. Their position isn’t the most comfortable but Isak doesn’t notice. He stands with the bike rack between his legs, Even positioned with his feet pointed away from him with the frame between his legs leaning backwards and twisting his torso to get closer to Isak.

It’s when Isak allows his hands to travel up Evens body at the same time as Even pulls Isak even closer and places his free arm on Isak’s shoulder and deepens that Isak think he might faint due to the wave of emotions that hits him. The butterflies in his stomach reaches a new level of buzzing, his pants starting to feel tighter around his groin which is uncomfortable due to the fact that they are wet and ice cold. Isak ignores the growing uncomfortableness, too overwhelmed by how much he wants to be close to Even, and uses his other hand to pull Even closer to him. This causes Even to lean back a little too much and Isak barely has time to react before they fall two the ground, bike still caught between their legs.

Still on the ground, Isak catches Evens gaze and he can feel laughter bubbling inside him and he can’t hold back. The whole situation is absurd. The two of them, completely drenched with rosy cheeks, red noses, Even in a huge white dress that is mostly see through and a bike between both their legs.

Once they are back on their feet, bike safely placed to their side, Isak notices for the first time that his entire body is shivering, the cold air magnified by his wet clothes. He looks over at Even who strokes his arms in an attempt to get warm up. Even bites his lip when Isak meets his gaze and until then Even had seemed so confident but now Isak thinks he looks almost shy and unsure and it frightens Isak slightly, he doesn’t want the night to end. He wants to keep kissing Even, as long as possible. So, he does something else the never really thought he would do, besides kissing a boy. He asks a boy to come home with him and not any boy. Even.

“We should probably get inside before we freeze to death” He says and he can see a twinkle of excitement in Even’s eyes.

“We?” He asks with a small smile. Isak smiles back at him and nods.

“We could head back to mine… if you want?” Isak doesn’t know form where he gets the courage but Even’s smile widens.

“Yeah.”

They look at each other and starts to giggle again and Isak can’t tell why. They keep giggling and Even pulls his arms around Isak and into his chest. The fabric of Even’s shirt is cold against Isak but Even is warm and Isak tilts his head up kissing Even lightly on the mouth in between giggles. A cold wind makes Isak shiver again and Isak pull away slightly to be able to look into Even’s eyes. They should get inside soon, before they both become sick. Isak takes a moment to take in their surroundings and realises that they can’t be more than 10 minutes on bike away from kollektivet. They could soon be inside. Kollektivet though, Isak realises means the possibility to run in to Sonja and Emma, who they ditched and it should not be funny but Isak starts to uncontrollably giggle again. He feels like a child to disobeyed his parents, knowing that there eventually will be consequences but at the present only focused on the fact that their mischief was successful. Even looks at him, slightly curious.

“Do you think…” Isak manages to say between giggles. “Do you think they’ll be gone when we come back?” Even stats to giggle too, his whole body shaking, the situation too absurd to do anything about it. Isak feels how the cold hits his body with increased levels as Even removes his arms around Isak and starts to pat his thighs for a second before he looks down at Isak.

“My phone is at your place. I literally have no pockets!” They giggle again, seemingly unable to anything else than giggle and kiss. Isak takes a step back and bends down to pick up his phone from the sheet that he threw on the ground earlier. His phone seemed to have survived and vibrates as he picks it up, Emma’s name displayed on the screen. He has five [text messages](http://skam.p3.no/2016/10/28/fy-faen-for-noen-tapere/) and three missed phone calls from her. It shouldn’t be funny, leaving them honestly was a really shitty thing to do but Isak is so happy and the situation is so absurd that Isak finds it hilarious. He starts giggling again.

“Well I think they noticed that we left!” He says and shows the phone to Even, who also starts to giggle. It’s like they are to mischievous kids who have pulled a prank on their parents. Like the childish joy he experienced when he and Jonas put a piece of tape on the tap and watched as his mother turned it on only to get drenched. He feels like that, but more intense and with pressing feeling of desire constantly growing inside of him.

“It’s probably safe to go back then” Even says and Isak nods, nervousness suddenly filling him up. Is he really about to bring a boy back to the apartment? Even bends down and picks up the red sheet and the laurel wreath of the asphalt a smile playing on his face as he considers the wreath before he places is on top of Isak’s we hair smiling broadly. Then he takes the sheet and wraps it around Isak upper body, once around his body, bellow his shoulders and once over his shoulder allowing Isak’s arms to be free. He hands finds Isak’s jaw and Even smiles as he leans into a light kiss which Isak thinks ends too fast.

“Let’s go then” Even says and they climb back on the bike,

Isak clings on to Even’s waist as they soar through the cold Oslo night. He can feel the warmth of Evens body against his arms and chest while the rest of Isak’s body shivers, despite the sheet protecting him from the wind. Being completely drenched and outside in late October will do that to you. At least in Oslo. Isak however can only focus on one thing, Even and the fact that he is about to bring him back to his, hopefully, empty apartment. He can’t tell if he is more nervous or excited, but his whole body is tingling and his lips burning from all the kissing they have done. 

Isak focuses on the windows as they part next to their building. The lights are still on at kollektivet and Isak’s stomach clenches. He really doesn’t want to face the girls right now. He wants to keep live in the careless fantasy in which he has been for the past hour and a half. Even notices Isak’s gaze when he has parked and looked his bike next to the building.

“Do you think they’re still there?” Isak says with a weak voice. Even bites his lip, looking insecure again.

“I don’t know. “ He says and it does nothing good for Isak’s nerves. Isak almost feels nauseous. What should they do, just barge in there and hope for the best? Listen at the door?

“Should we try and listen at the door?” He asks and Even lets out a nervous chuckle, apparently, he isn’t too keen on facing the girls either. That shouldn’t surprise Isak, Even is the one with a girlfriend and should technically be in more trouble than Isak who only ditched a date with a girl he made out with a couple of times, not his girlfriend of four years.

 “You could call my phone and see if anyone picks up. It’s on your living room table so if someone is there, they should answer.” Even suggest and honestly, it’s not a bad idea. Isak picks up his phone and quickly finds Even’s number among his contacts. He calls and puts the phone on speaker.


	21. I’ve never said it out loud before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth and final part of my version of the halloween-friday. Heavy making out and Isak overthinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the fourth and final part of the halloween Friday! I hoped you have liked my version, I certainly liked writing it. And I seriously love all the comments and kudos I've been getting, thank you so much for the love, it makes writing this a hundred times more fun! <3 
> 
> I tried to post this last night but it wouldn't let me, so I'm trying again now. 
> 
> Side-note, I have never struggled with my sexuality and therefore have no clue of what one goes through while doing so. I have interpreted what we got to see in Isak's season and tired to put words to it but if I'm far out, let me know!

**Chapter 21  - I’ve never said it out loud before**

**Friday October 28 th, 2016, 22:28, Kollektivet**

 

**ISAK**

The stand quiet outside the front door leading into Kollektivet, both of them unable to tear their gaze away from the phone in Isak’s hand. _Even Kosegruppa_ is displayed on the screen and the sounds of the signal getting through echoes in the stairwell. Isak’s can hear his own heartbeat and he is terrified of someone picking up. What will they do? Run? Go in and face the music? Will it be obvious that they’ve spent most of their time lips attached to each other? Will they go in and pretend that nothing has happened? That they only went for a swim? In October? His pulse is racing, he isn’t ready to face Emma. Not in the slightest. He isn’t ready to face anyone.

“Hei. You have reached the automated answering machine for…” Isak ends the phone call and lets out a sigh of relief at the same time as Even chuckles nervously. Isak fumbles with his keys, their front door locks automatically and Isak is thankful that he had had remembered to bring his keys when they left earlier in the evening.

Isak is just about to put the key into the lock when Even grabs his waist and turns him around facing towards him. Even’s eyes are dark and filled with urgent desire as Isak meets his gaze, a sly smirk in his face. With Even’s hands firmly on his waist, Isak is slowly steered backwards until his back is pressed against the front door he was just about to open. Even takes a step closer and Isak can feel his breath on his face and his own pants tightening again while his pulse races.

Isak bites his lip glancing down on Even’s lips then back up on his face. He can feel his own lips pounding with anticipation. There is something different in Even’s gaze, something new that shadows the desire. Uncertainty, or sadness. Even gives Isak a small smile.

“Just in case” He says and nods towards the door behind Isak. Isak meets Even’s gaze replies only with a little nod, he understands. He too knows that there still is a possibility that they will be ripped out of the blissful bubble that has surrounded them since they left the apartment earlier in the evening.

Isak smiles, bites his lip and he closes his eyes as Even moves his face closer to his. He can feel Even’s breath on his lips before they slowly connect. At first, it’s a careful, slow kiss, the kind of kiss that doesn’t show lust but deeper feelings but then then it escalates. The kiss becomes rougher, needier. Tongues meet and chests are pressed together.  Isak brings his hand up in Even’s cold and wet hair, running his fingers through it and steadying Even’s face against his own. Even’s (cold) hands ease their way under Isak’s shirt and his thumbs caresses Isak’s waist.

Is this what it should feel like? Is one of the few actual thoughts Isak manages think, his brain mostly too occupied with the explosion of emotion caused by Even’s body literally presses against Isak’s. Isak vaguely remembers his uncomfortableness all the times he has previously had a body pressed against him. All the times he had desperately wanted to feel something, lust, need, anything other than uncomfortableness and stress. Now though, his pants seem to become increasingly tighter by the minute, and his whole body was on fire. He had to have Even pressed even tighter against him.

If he wondered whether Even felt the same level of desire it became obvious once Isak put his hands on Even’s back, pressing him into his hips. Even wore a long white God-dress/shirt and some weird tights and his erection was clear against Isak’s stomach. If possible, that makes Isak’s even more turned on and now it is almost painful.

Even groans against Isak’s mouth and grabs his neck when Isak presses his hip against him even tighter. Isak tries to, but fails, to muffle a moan once Even takes a hold of Isak’s jaw, turns his head and fiercely starts to attack neck with his mouth. Isak allows his hands to travel down Even’s back, resting just above his bum as Even presses himself even harder against Isak and all Isak can think about is that he want’s Even closer to him.

The loud noise of a door echoes through the stairwell and is followed by footsteps and drunken chatter from the floor above. Isak and Even jumps apart and Isak starts to smooth out his outfit, focusing his attention on the floor as their upstairs neighbours pass by. He is terrified that someone will find out about him and it doesn’t make sense, why should he care about what other people think? Especially strangers. But he does and his whole body goes rigid. Isak is thankful for his general grumpiness that has ensured that he never has made any attempts to even say hello to his neighbours because they pass right by them without a saying a word. Isak dares to look up as the pass and notice how they looks curiously at their outfits, which, considering that they are both still drenched, isn’t odd.

Both Isak and Even stay absolutely quiet and still and Isak can’t bring himself to look at Even until he hears the gate closing downstairs. When he does, he is met by the mischievous grin that has symbolised almost the entire evening. He starts to giggle uncontrollably and Even pulls him in to a hug, kissing his forehead and letting Isak, who still feels slightly shaken up from their encounter with the neighbours, to slowly relax in his arms.

“Should we get inside?” Even asks after a few minutes and Isak nods before leaving Even*s embrace. When he faces the door and for the second time picks his keys up from his back pocket he is hit by the reality that once they open that door they might not be alone anymore. Even seems to be realising the same because he looks slightly hesitant at the door but takes Isak’s hand and squeezes it tightly. Isak swallows as he puts the key into the lock. He turns it and his pulse races again as he starts to feel slightly nauseous. The takes deep breath before pushing the door open.

There are no sounds coming from the apartment. No angry girls storming out from the living room to meet them. No screaming. Just silence. Isak releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and quickly looks over to Even who looks equally as relieved before he takes a step inside.

“Hello?” He asks, just in case. No answer.

Isak removes his shoes and slowly walks into the living room, he has to take a peak before daring to relax completely. Empty. The kitchen? Also empty. Isak can feel the tension slowly leaving his body but almost jumps when Even puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Seems like we are alone” Even says with a small smile and Isak nods. Even bits his lip for a second before speaking again. “Eh… do you have any clothes I could borrow? As warm as I got out in the stairwell, I’m still shivering, and so are you”

This makes Isak aware of the fact that they are still in their wet costumes and while he didn’t notice it before, he is positively ice cold and shaking. He is also stricken by the fact that he now has Even, alone, in his apartment and that makes him so nervous, excited and scared that he starts to shake even more. There is no going back now. He knows what it’s like to kiss a boy and he doesn’t think that he’ll ever be able to kiss a girl again. He took the leap, acted on his emotions and now, there is no going back. Sure, no one, besides Even, knows so it shouldn’t have to feel so definite but it does, because Isak knows. Isak knows and he doesn’t know how to face what’s ahead of him. What if people find out? How long can he keep this from Jonas? Or Eskild? Or Noora? What will his mother say? Will she hate him? And his dad, what about him? What about Eva? She will know that he lied about having feelings for her. She will put the pieces together and realised that it was Jonas he liked. Will she tell Jonas? She can’t tell Jonas. What if Jonas hates him?

“Hey!” Even’s voice seems far away but it snaps Isak back and he looks at Even with scared eyes, unable to mask what is going on inside of him. “Hey, are you okay?” Even continues, kindly and places his hands against Isak’s jaw, caressing it lightly. Isak snorts, he is far from okay. He is freaking out.

“I’m freaking out” He says and Even looks at him with kindness of understanding and Isak’s stomach starts to flutter within all the other emotions going on at the same time.

“Never kisses a guy before?” He asks, no judgement in the question.

“Well there’s that” Isak replies with a smirk, preferring to make light of his own misery in hope of calming it down. Even takes a step further against Isak and pulls him into a hug, and as Isak hugs him back he notices that Even is ice-cold, which shouldn’t surprise him considering Even said that just a few seconds ago. He gathers courage, wanting to tell Even that he is fine and that they both should change but before he is able to Even squeezes him tighter and almost whisper in his ears.

 “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that outside.” He genuinely sounds sorry and Isak a warmth spreads within Isak who squeezes him back.

“No. I wanted it. I would have freaked out anyway. Might as well go all out.” Even sniggers slightly and presses a kiss onto Isak’s hair. He pulls away to look Isak in his eyes and Isak can feel a calmness slowly settling inside of him, very slowly though, he is still mostly freaking out.

“Still, maybe we should slow down slightly. Change into something less wet, get warm and cuddle?” Isak nods slowly and pulls Even closer again, hoping he is able to show just how grateful he is that Even isn’t running from the hills after Isak completely changed the pace of the evening. Even places a soft kiss on Isak’s nose and it causes Isak to blush so he buries his face against Even’s chest feeling like nothing else matters as he can hear a soft chuckle escape from Even’s mouth.

Even doesn’t pressure Isak to move, only holds him as they stand in the kitchen doorway and Isak can feel himself relaxing second by second. After a few minutes, he pulls out of Even’s embrace, grabs onto his hand and leads him slowly towards his bedroom, effectively shutting out all insecurity of his mind.

 Even looks around in the room curiously, inspecting the colourful array of furniture that Isak had inherited when he moved into kollektivet. Isak focuses more on the amount of clothing that is spread on his bed and floor, quickly bending down to collect them and shove them into his drawers, causing Even to chuckle behind him.

Isak picks up the Jesus t-shirt he had worn the previous day and hands it to Even along with a blue zipped hoodie and the grey sweatpants that Noora sometimes wears. For himself he settles for a regular white tee, a grey hoodie and another pair of grey sweats.

Just as he is about to turn around and change he notices Even staring at him, biting his lip like he is questioning whether he should speak or not.

“Eh, could I also borrow underwear, going commando feels weird and keeping the wet ones on feels like a blister waiting to happen.” Isak can tell that Even tries to lighten to mood, keep Isak from freaking out further and while he appreciates it, it also stresses him out slightly. The fact that Even will remove his own underwear and put on Isak’s. It feels like huge step and where is Even going to change? Will Isak see him naked? Is he ready for that?

“Yeah, sure!” Isak pushes the thought as far out of his mind as he can muster and opens a drawer to grab clean pair. He tosses them at Even, not able to completely meet his gaze, afraid that he will freak out again. He grabs another one for himself and turns around, his bundle of clothes in his arms. Where is he supposed to change? In front of Even? No. He is not ready for that.

Even seems to have predicted what was going to happen because he takes two strides across the room towards Isak and places a hand around his neck. Rubbing his thumb softly in the hair behind Isak’s ears. 

“I’m gonna go change in the bathroom, don’t freak out too much while I’m gone. Okay?” He asks and when Isak nods, finally meeting Even’s gaze, Even leans in softly brushes his lips against Isak twice before winking and walking out the door. 

It takes Isak a few seconds to realise that he should start changing if he wants to avoid a potentially awkward situation once Even returns. He realises, as he pulls his chlorine smelling shirt of that they probably should have showered and contemplates whether he should head for the bathroom and ask if Even one before deciding against it. The thought of Even showering is equally scary and exciting and Isak thinks that he might not need more scary tonight, as good as it has been. He still has a hefty amount of freaking out left to do.

 “You decent?” Even asks as he knocks on the door a few minutes later. He opens the door only after receiving confirmation from Isak and Isak wonders how it is possible to be so considerate. Isak is sitting on the bed, leaning against his wall, with his duvet pulled up over his legs, still shivering from all the time spent outside in wet clothes and Even flops himself down next to him, lifting the duvet to cover his legs as well.

They stay quiet for a while, Even seemingly observing Isak’s room. Suddenly he frowns slightly. Isak follows his gaze and finds that Even has it looked on Noora’s makeup bag sitting in Isak’s bookcase. Oh. 

“It’s Noora’s” Isak’s says hoping that it’s enough of an explanation. Even looks at him with raised eyebrows, causing Isak to ramble slightly in panic. “She sleeps here most nights and so she keeps a few things in here, it’s convenient.” _What?!_ Isak thinks to himself. How did that make the situation any better? Now he just sounds like a massive douche who brought Even back to a room he shares with girl. Even stiffens slightly next to him and Isak gets ready to speak again, hoping to save the situation.

“Thought she wasn’t your type.” Even says drily, hurt shining through his voice. Isak curses himself.

“Fuck. Not like that. It’s just…” Isak takes a deep breath. “Neither of us sleeps that well at the moment and it’s just easier to not sleep together. Less lonely or easy to get stuck in your own thoughts I guess.” Even relaxes slightly, but not completely.

“Okay.”

Isak feels exasperated. He has to reassure Even that Noora is nothing to worry about. He doesn’t want to push him away. Not now that he finally has him here with him. The way he wants him.

“Even” Isak says softly, gathering all the courage he can muster and grabbing Even’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Noora is not my type…” He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to look straight into Even’s eyes. “Girls is not my type.” Even nods softly, visibly relaxing next to Isak and squeezes his hand. He says nothing for a while and Isak forces himself to not freak out about the fact that he said it out loud.

He did say it out loud though and the topic of Noora reminds him that she might walk into his room tomorrow morning and see Even in his bed. If Even stays, Isak wants him to stay. He does not want Noora to see them though. He is not ready for that.  His gaze returns to the makeup bag on the bookcase and as Isak suddenly gets up from the bed while Even looks at him curiously. He grabs the makeup bag, her sweater of his chair, her book by the bed and finally, the backup propped against the wall. Without a word the walks out in the living room and places Noora’s stuff on the chest of drawers that he and Noora bought a Ikea not so long ago. Then he returns to his room, looks the door behind him, finding Even observing him inventively, question written all over his face. Isak sits back down on the bed unsure, again, of if he completely screwed things up by talking about Noora. Isak leans back against the wall, tiling his head up and closing his eyes, scared of what’s to come.

“Why did you do that?” Even asks, kindly, but confused. Isak shrugs. Sighs. Not sure where to begin. Living with Eskild, out and proud Eskild who has become the strange parental figure Isak never knew he needed, Noora, probably one of the kindest people on the planet, and Linn, who most likely wouldn’t care if Isak was dendrophic, attracted to trees. With these roommates, how does he explain not daring to tell them who is really is. He knows they won’t look at him differently, Eskild will probably leap in joy and throw him a party, but saying it. Telling someone. It’s just so final, so scary. There is no going back after that.

There is no going back no either. Not after having kissed Even. That’s what caused him to freak out in the first place. His infatuation with Even caused him to take the leap without him realising and it’s all been catching up with him.

“I’ve never said it out loud before” Isak finally says, hoping that it will enough of an explanation. It seems to be because Even suddenly puts his arm around Isak, pulling him close and letting Isak rest his head against his chest. It’s comfortable and Isak shuffles a little to be able to lean against Even.

 They sit in silence for a while and Isak thinks that he has to say something soon, otherwise he will start to overthink again and for tonight, he just wants to enjoy this. He can properly freak out later. Just as he is about to suggest putting on a movie Even takes a deep breath and starts to talk. Isak braces himself for questions about why he hasn’t told anyone before.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Even asks and it’s not what Isak expected.

“Noora has an asshole boyfriend and I… well I have a lot on my mind I guess.” He says, hoping that Even won’t ask further, it’s not a subject he wants to discuss today. The evening has been a lot without going deeper into it. It’s been good, great actually. Great, but a lot.

Even doesn’t pester but kisses his hair softly before Isak tilts his chin up, meeting Even’s lips with his own.


	22. If he has a girl in his room, she came here barefoot!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eskild realises that Isak has a boy in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Eskild's pov have been widely requested and it's finally here! I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think, I was so nervous writing from Eskilds pov, but am actually really satisfied with the result. 
> 
> Would you like see more of Eskild's pov in the future?

**Chapter 22 – If he has a girl in his room, she came here barefoot!**

**Saturday October 29 th, 2016, 09:11**

**ESKILD**

Eskild wakes up with a loud groan, stretching himself out over his bed, he grabs his phone to check the time before putting a pillow over his head. It’s way too early, way to bright in his room and his head is pounding. He closes his eyes for a second hoping to fall back asleep but knows that it probably is hopeless. Usually a hangover for Eskild means a pounding head combined with a weird amount of energy, causing him not to be able to sleep long in the mornings.

He groans again before getting up and grabbing his satin robe from the hangers on the back of his door and heading for the bathroom. He opens his door and is met by Noora, which considering the hour shouldn’t surprise him except that since Noora came home from London and started sleeping in Isak’s room, she had slept far longer in the mornings. Not once on a day off had she been up before ten. Eskild doesn’t have the energy to ponder on it though and only nods as he heads for the bathroom.

He looks himself in the mirror as he washes his hands after a quick piss. There is glitter all over his face caused by him going dressed as Tinkerbell last night. He had been a raging success, everyone could use some more glitter in their lives. Sadly, Eskild thought, there had been an absolute lacking guys interested in guys on that party. That’s why he usually avoided partying with high schoolers. Last night had not strictly been a high school party, being hosted by Chris Schistad and therefore having a mixture of just-graduated high schoolers and high schoolers.

In Eskild’s opinion, the best parties took place during Pride, the second best at gay bars and third best were university parties. People at university had just gotten so much further in their self-development and being gay wasn’t that uncommon and didn’t cause that much attention. Causing a lot more people to be out of the closet and giving Eskild a lot more people to hook up with. At High School parties people were much more restrained and a lot more closeted. Not that people had been rude or said anything offensive at all last night, quite the opposite, but he had literally been _the gay guy_.

Should he shower or will rinsing his face do? He probably should shower, although he doesn’t have specific plans for the day so he could really just slouch around in the apartment. No one will care. Or he could force Noora to go shopping with him. Or day drinking! Eskild is halfway through creating an elaborate plan of day drinking, brunching, and karaoke when he realises there is a huge fault in his plan. Noora doesn’t drink. Noora however, still needs to be entertained and Eskild decides that will be his mission for the day. As soon as he has had a shower and a cup of coffee.

Eskild steps out of the shower noticing some weird white clothing hanging on the drying rack mounted on the wall. Usually they only have towels there and he is pretty sure that is some kind long white baggy dress. And some weird knee-long leggings. Eskild is also pretty sure that neither him nor Noora wore something like that last night so it must be Isak’s. He however has a hard time believing that Isak would wear a dress, even as a costume.

Eskild forgets about the mysterious clothes as he makes himself a cup of coffee and heads back into the living room where Noora is surfing on her laptop. Eskild pops himself down on the sofa, coffee cup in his hand, and looks excitedly at her.

“You’re up early! What do you wanna do today? Let’s do something fun!” Noora looks at him and Eskild notices the tired eyes. She can’t have gotten that many hours of sleep. This sad, quiet and obviously sleep-deprived version of Noora that arrived back from London makes Eskild’s heart itch. He just wants to hold her, comb her hair, make her smile and take away all that is bothering her.

“What shall we do then? Nothing too exhausting, I’m really tired” She replies and Eskild takes it as a win. She has agreed to do something with him. He will make sure she has an amazing day. He thinks, quickly and in a million different directions, the way his brain works when he is excited about something.

“We could, we could… Oh I know! We could go out and buy tone of baking stuff, make loads of cupcakes, invite the girls over and have cup-cake decorating party! Or..or! We could go bowling, I love bowling, or we could” Eskild takes a breath before continuing, almost squealing as he speaks. “We could go to the Zoo! Wouldn’t that be fun! Maybe Isak can join us. Is he awake? I’m gonna go and wake him up!”

“Eskiiild” Noora’s tired but fond voice stops Eskild in his tracks, he is already halfway up from the couch. “We can go out and have lunch or something, but we are not having a cupcake party tonight and you are not waking Isak up” Eskild looks at her bewildered.

“Why not? Did neither of you sleep again? You too seriously have to get your shit together. Look at Linn she constantly sleeps, take a note from her.” Eskild is both serious and not, he is worried about them not sleeping but he also thinks that they both should start talking about stuff instead of just lying awake at night.

“I slept in Linn’s room so don’t know about Isak but…” Noora doesn’t get to finish her thought, being interrupted by Eskild.

“What? Why? Are you two fighting? Please say no. I told you it was a bad idea to share a room, someone got hurt. Was it you? Should I kill Isak? Or should I kill you? Aaarghh! This is why I talked to you about it. I don’t want to be put in the middle of my adopted children.”

“Eskiiiiiild, we are not fighting! Calm down.” Eskild looks surprised.

“You are not? I thought for sure you would get pissed at that grumpy git eventually.” Noora giggles and rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything. “Wait. Why did you sleep in Linn’s room? Didn’t you sleep in Isak’s room just because you didn’t want to sleep alone?” Noora smiles secretly, biting her lip and making Eskild extremely curious.

“Look, I don’t know but I think that Isak isn’t alone in his room and I don’t think we should disturb him.” 

“It’s not Emma, is it?” Eskild asks carefully, he is pretty confident that Isak isn’t as straight as he as claimes to be. Partly because he found him at a gay bar and partly because Isak during the same fateful night accidentally slipped something about how his mom would hate him if she found out about said gay bar.

 

_“This is a gay bar? Shit! You can’t tell her” he had whispered desperately, tears running down his face._

_“Tell who what?” Eskild had asked confused._

_“My mom. She can’t find out. I can’t go home.”_

_“That you’re underage drinking?” The fact that Isak was alone at a bar and didn’t want to go home was in Eskild’s mind way more disturbing than the fact that he was at a gay bar._

_“That this is a gay bar. She will hate me.”_

 

The sadness in Isak’s voice during his almost silent confession hade almost broken Eskild’s heart in two and it had been clear that Isak was troubled in more ways than one. During the same evening, before his comment about the gay bar, Isak had broken down and refused to go home. Outright refused. Claimed that he’d rather sleep on a park bench.

“No, I don’t think it’s Emma. Hope so at least. He had been quite clear that he doesn’t like her. But she was here at the pre-game. Isak wasn’t too happy about that.” Eskild suddenly remembers the white dress-thing he found in the bathroom.

“What did Emma wear? A white hideous tent-like dress? It’s hanging in the bathroom.” Eskild exclaim to a confused Noora.

“No. She was Cleopatra” Noora says, slight relief spilling through.

“And Isak? What was he wearing?” Eskild, now even more excited.

“Ehh.. Emma had some stuff for him. He was going to be Julius Cesar I think. Grey pants and shirt, red sheet-thing around his upper body.”

Eskild looks at Noora with combined shock and excitement, he almost bounces out of the sofa and half-runs towards the entrance, looking for traces of a night guest and can feel himself lighting up with joy as he spots an unfamiliar pair of shoes right inside the door. Grey sneakers that clearly belongs to a guy but that Eskild knows is neither his nor Isak’s. His whole heart blooms with pride, his little grumpy godchild have got an actual boy in his room. He bounces back into the living room to find a confused Noora on the sofa.

“It’s a boy!” Eskild whispers loudly, suddenly aware that even though Isak most likely is still sleeping, it’s before noon, Isak should probably not hear him and Noora celebrating his conquest. Noora smiles, also excited but a lot calmer.

“You sure?”

“Positive! There are foreign male shoes by our front door and no extra female shoes so if the new shoes are Isak’s and if he has a girl in his room, she came here barefoot!” Eskild could feel his entire being bubble with excitement and pride. He could think of literally nothing better than someone embracing their sexuality. “Oh, I know! Nooora! We should throw him a coming party. Nothing big, just us at kollektivet. We could do it tonight, Linn won’t mind missing it.” Eskild’s excitement knew no limit and Noora fondly rolled her eyes at him.

“No Eskild. We are not throwing him any kind of party. Or Dinner” Noora added the last part when Eskild opened his mouth to object. “You were the one who said we shouldn’t pry into his sexuality and he has not said anything about it yet so he is officially not out. So we should back off and let him do it in his pace”

Eskild frowned, he knew Noora was right of course. He would have realised that a coming out party (or dinner) was a tremendously bad idea as soon as he had calmed down a little. He just tented to get carried away with excitement. And he almost burst with pride knowing his little godson was embracing himself.  Aslo, Eskild really, really wanted to meet whoever Isak had looked up in his room. His curiosity almost killed him.

“I can’t even make him breakfast in bed? Just so I can sneak a peak?” Eskild asked looking innocently at Noora who sighed.

“Nei Eskild. You can however get dressed and take me to brunch. We are giving Isak a few hours of empty apartment so that if he doesn’t want us to know just yet he can still make himself breakfast. Okay?” Eskild isn’t one to turn down brunch and if he thinks about it Noora is right, no matter how curious he is.

“Okay, but when we come home I can knock on his door and see if he wants some cake? Or if they want to watch movies with us tonight?”

“Nei Eskild. You are going to let him be alone and tonight you are either making plans or joining me and the girls when we go out.” Eskild sighs and looks at Noora with puppy eyes.

“Can I just knock on his door later and make sure he is alive? Just knock, not going in or anything? I really should knock, someone needs to take care of that boy.”

“Fine Eskild. You can knock on his door when we get back from brunch!”


	23. Some serious blue balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak spend their saturday locked up in Isak's room. This is what happens during the first half of the day, it involves pizza and weed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm still in the middle of a major writers block I hope I'll just be able to power through it eventually and thought I could at least put up a chapter I wrote before this block started. I just want to thank everyone who keeps reading this, leaving comments and kudos, it means the world <3 
> 
> This is probably the longest chapter I've written so far and it's 100% Evak with a Isak overthinking a tad, as usual! 
> 
> I think I've said this before but might as well say it again. I know nothing about struggling with sexuality so I base everything I write about in on how I interpret Isak's struggle during the season. Please educate me if I mess up :)

**Chapter 23 – Some serious blue balls**

**Saturday October 29 th, 2016, 10:08, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Resting his head on Even’s chest, with Even’s hand softly stroking his hair, Isak is more peaceful than he has ever been. He gently lets the fingers of his left hand travel over the fabric covering Even’s chest and smiles goofily as Even hums lightly and presses a kiss in Isak’s hair. Isak’s eyes are still closed and he is savouring the moment.

The previous night had passed in a blur but at the same time it felt like time had stood still. They had never officially gone to bed but had laid there talking, kissing, cuddling and dozing off. There had been loud laughter, nose rubbing, hands carefully exploring bodies with a layer of clothing in between.

Isak now knew how it felt like to comb through Even’s hair with his fingers. Knew how it felt to slip his hand behind Even’s neck, pulling him gently towards him for a kiss. Isak could still feel a slight burn across mouth, nose, and cheeks where he had continuously brushed against Even’s light stubble.

He suddenly becomes painfully aware of how his entire body is pressed against Evens, including his very obvious boner. Isak can feel his cheeks burning and discreetly tries to move his hips just an inch, hoping that Even wouldn’t comment on it. Logically Isak knew it couldn’t really be a problem, at seventeen waking up without morning boner wasn’t a rarity and to do it while pressed next to the most attractive person Isak had ever laid his eyes on seemed highly unlikely. Still, it was embarrassing and his pulse was racing, not sure how to handle the situation.

Isak slowly opens his eyes and dares to glance quickly down towards Even’s groin, noticing that he also is somewhat affected of Isak’s body so close to him. It causes him to calm down slightly and somewhere under his embarrassment, he is also slightly pleased with himself. Isak turns his head upwards meeting the gaze of two blue piercing eyes. Even smiles and Isak tilts his head up, connecting his lips with Even’s. It’s careful, soft lips, open mouths but no tongues and Isak thinks he might combust on the spot when Even lightly lets his teeth scrape against Isak’s lower lip.

“Good morning” Even says lightly as he kisses Isak’s cheeks and brushes their noses together.

“Hi” Isak replies, silently wishing that he could think of something cooler to say but too comfortable to care about it.

“On a scale from one to ten, how freaked out are you?” Even asks lightly, referring back to their conversation the previous night when Isak had gotten slightly overwhelmed by everything. Isak bites his lips, and allows himself to take a second to think about it. He is still probably slightly freaked out, mostly because of the enormity of what it all means to him but currently he feels a lot calmer than the previous night. They are still safe and alone in his room, the real hurdle will be whenever they will be forced to meet the outside world. That is still too scary to even think about.

“Probably a four, my brain is still sleeping” He answers, smirking a little. “But ask me again later and we’ll probably hit a solid eight.” Even chuckles and Isak smiles when Even’s lips lightly brush Isak’s cheek before connecting with his lips. The combination of soft lips and rough stubble makes Isak feel like jelly.

“What freaks you out about it?” Even asks when he after a while pulls back and lets his head rest on the pillow again. He keeps running his hand through Isak’s hair and Isak thinks that it might be the one thing that enables him to actually form some kind of answer. He sighs and wonders how to put his feelings into words, there are so many things about it that freaks him out.

For one, his mother but Isak doesn’t want to share that just yet. It’s too complicated, he feels too guilty about it and at the same time is so scared of what she will think and angry that she just can’t be healthy.

Secondly, it’s the whole persona he has built up around himself. Of being a ladies man that hooks up at almost every party and never has any troubles with girls. He dreads facing the questions and the judgement towards his behaviour when he eventually comes out. His asshole ways will catch up with him and he isn’t sure he is ready to face it.

Third, there are all these expectations about how gay people are supposed to be. They don’t fit Isak and he doesn’t feel comfortable with people expecting him to be a certain way, (which is kind of ironic as that is the exact way he feels about the expectations that he should be into girls). He sometimes wishes that he was different, that he could easily conform to the expectations. It would make it so much easier. But that’s not who he is and it makes him scared that he doesn’t fit in there either. He knows he isn’t straight but he is scared that he won’t be gay enough either.

Lastly, he is well aware that same-sex couples are frowned upon by many people in society. The majority of Norwegians might not agree with that but enough people for him to be hesitant. Some people of that opinion probably attend Nissen. Some might live in his building and it freaks him out. People knowing would make him feel a lot more like a walking target.

Out of the four, the second one seems the easiest to explain. Isak takes a deep breath and thinks that Even probably feels how difficult this is for him because he presses a light kiss into Isak’s hair.

“I don’t know.” Isak finally says. “I’m scared that…” He swallows. “I’m scared that people will hate me. Like, I’ve hooked up with so many girls and if everyone thinks I’m straight, then I’m just a regular fuckboy but if… “He can’t physically say it. “If I’m not straight then I’m an actual asshole instead.” The final part is almost a whisper and Even pulls Isak into his chest so that Isak pretty much lies on top of him, letting Isak burrow his face against the nape of his neck. Even hold’s him tightly, using the arm around his shoulder keep Isak as close to him as possible while rubbing his back with his other hand. Isak’s pulse had started to race as he spoke but in the tight embrace he slowly calms down. After a few minutes, Even carefully rolls them both onto their sides and slowly pulls away slightly, looks Isak into his eyes and Isak thinks he might have stabilized his freak-out factor on six.

“No one will hate you Isak.” Even says as he grabs Isak’s jaw with one hand, letting his fingers brush against Isak’s neck. Isak leans into the touch but doesn’t lean forward to catch Even’s lips.

“I don’t know” He whispers weakly and while Even doesn’t reply he tightens his grip around Isak’s neck as to reassure him that everything is alright. He leans forward, stopping only millimetres away from Isak’s lips, and Isak can feel his breath on his face, Isak’s lips tingling in anticipation.

“I know.” Even whispers before closing the gap between them, kissing Isak first slowly with hidden words of comfort and then, as Isak relaxes and starts running his fingers through Evens hair, more aggressively. Tongues meeting and hands exploring under hoodies but over t-shirts. Even pushing and pulling to have Isak as close to him as possible. Isak revels in the touch, a fire burning inside of him as he presses his chest against Even.

Isak realises, as Even rolls on top of him, that if Even couldn’t feel Isak’s boner once they woke up he definitely can now, because Isak can feel Even’s. He also realises that while he had been embarrassed about it Even clearly isn’t and it is equally electrifying and as it is terrifying. While part of Isak wants to slink his hands under Even’s t-shirt and let his fingers travel across his chest and stomach, possibly even lower, part of Isak is equally convinced that doing so will push his freak-out factor up even further. He silently curses his tendency to overthink and is soon distracted from his thoughts when Even uses his left hand to tilt Isak’s head to the side and starts to place kisses down his neck. Starting from just below Isak’s ear, travelling down his neck, sending shivers at each touch as Even alters between feather light brushes and rougher kisses where saliva is left behind along with Isak’s desire to take a hold of Even’s head and keep it against his neck forever.

Even pulls slightly at the collar of Isak’s hoodie once he reaches it, exposing more skin for him to touch. Isak can’t help but let a tiny moan escape from his throat and can feel his cheeks heat up, a little embarrassed. His embarrassment lessens as he can feel Even smile against his skin, pressing a light kiss against his neck.

Even leans back a little to meet Isak’s gaze and Isak wonders how he is ever going to be able to hold a conversation with Even if the warmth and fondness in his gaze remains. Isak smiles as Even let’s out a low giggle, leans forward to press a light kiss on Isak’s lips before leaning back slightly again to rest his forehead on Isak’s chest.

“Awe man… I’m gonna have some serious blue balls when I go home.” Even says with a chuckle and Isak can feel his stomach do a somersault. The fact that Even mentioned his dick makes Isak more excited than he would admit, but it also terrifies him. Should he say something about his own dick as well? He doesn’t.

“Really?” Isak says instead and Even looks up at him, resting on his elbows, looking like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Ehh ja?” Even says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.  “I’m a nineteen year old guy making out with the guy I like, what do you expect?” Even raises his eyebrows at him and smiles widely, causing Isak to roll his eyes.

“Well, when you put it that way.” Isak responds with a chuckle, causing Even to giggle and lean forward to rub his nose against Isak’s before rolling on his back and pulling Isak with him. Isak makes himself comfortable resting his head on Even’s shoulder as Even fingers combs through his hair.

Isak tries to relax and almost succeeds to suffocate his overthinking mind but fails the moment Even presses a light kiss on his forehead and Isak feels his dick twitch a little and a little more when Isak braves a glance down to Even’s crotch. Part of Isak is insanely curious and wants to reach down and let his finger lightly press against it. He wants to make Even breathe heavily and look at him with the darkness in his eyes the way he had done the previous night during their make out session against the front door. Isak wants to press his fingers into the skin just above Even’s boxers. He really wants all that, so much that it’s almost painful. As the same time, there is a part of Isak that isn’t curious and filled with desire, that part is scared and thinks that everything is moving fast enough as it is and sex, actual sex is taking things to a level he is just not ready for.

He doesn’t even know how to have sex. Realistically, he knows how it works, having seen plenty of gay porn while still denying that he likes boys. So he knows how it should work, the ins and outs of it, but it doesn’t feel like he knows anything. Should he or should Even? Will it hurt? He should have thought about this before.  What if it sucks completely and Even wants to leave?

“Stop thinking so much.” Even says, interrupting Isak’s train of thoughts and giving him a light squeeze. Even continues to speak as Isak tilts his head up to look into Even’s blue eyes. “I can almost hear your brain working on overdrive in there.” Isak just sigh, shrugs and puts his head back down on Even’s shoulder, not sure of how to express everything he is feeling without sounding too inexperienced and insecure. “Hey” Even says and squeezes him a little. “This is all new to me too you know.”

“It is?” Isak asks, careful surprise in his voice. Even always seems to completely confident and carefree that Isak assumed that Even must have experience. “You’ve never kissed a guy before?” He adds, because it feels so unlikely.

“I’ve kissed a guy before, once.” Even says and his gaze becomes slightly distance, like he is remembering something and Isak can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad memory, Even seems conflicted. Before Isak can say anything, Even continues. “Not like this thought.”

“Not like this?”

“No. That was just one kiss and… “Even pauses, maybe to think, Isak doesn’t know but lets Even take his time. “This is different. More.” Even finally says and the final word creates a storm of feelings within Isak. More. He could do more. Isak tilts his head up and brushes his nose against Even before leaning in to let his lips meet Even’s. Even’s lips are soft, and warm and Isak slowly slips his tongue into Even’s mouth and moves his hand to take a light hold of Even’s neck.

Even breaks away after a few minutes Isak melts when he meets Even’s gaze. It is completely filled of warmth and a small smile lighting up his face. Even bites his lip slightly before breaking their comfortable silence.

“You probably can’t tell since your freak-out factor is on a solid eight but mine is probably six so if we just take it chill I think we’ll get through the day without either of us hitting a ten.” Isak sniggers and wonders how everything seems so much simpler and clearer when Even says them.

“Okay” Isak replies and presses a kiss against Even’s lips. It amazes him how he can just lean up and kiss Even like it isn’t a big thing. Nothing has ever felt as right as this. Even looks at him, smiling at Isak like Isak was the best thing he could fix his gaze one. It does unspeakable things to Isak.

“So…” Even starts again. “What do you think we should today while we are being completely chill?” Even smirks at the final part and Isak giggles.

“I’m thinking coffee, food and maybe weed?”

“That’s very chill” Even says while closing the gap between him and Isak again.

“Very chill” Isak replies, lips already touching Even’s.

They get out of bed a while later and Even waits in Isak’s room as Isak checks that every room in the apartment is empty. He feels immature and ridiculous but he is not ready to face any questions at all.

“I’m sorry I’m like this” Isak says with resignation as he returns to the room. Even quickly closes the distance between him, cupping Isak’s cheeks with his hands and looking Isak straight in the eyes.

“It’s chill, baby steps remember?” Even kisses him and Isak wonders if Even is real or some kind of fantasy he made up in his head. How can a person be this understanding?

 

In the kitchen Even makes coffee as Isak realises that his fridge is painfully empty. They order pizza instead, and Isak is eternally grateful for home delivery. Feeling that leaving the apartment is a step he isn’t ready to take.

They return to Isak’s room with two cups of coffee to lay in bed and smoke while waiting for the pizza. Even’s phone buzzes somewhere on the floor but he doesn’t get up to take it. Thinking about who is trying to reach Even itches a little in Isak’s brain. Sonja (and Emma) is someone who Isak had pushed out of his mind until Even’s phone started buzzing and Isak tries to keep it pushed as far away as possible. It is not for today. Today is chill.

Isak leaves his room to collect the pizza once the intercom buzzes and grabs cutlery, along with glasses and coke in the kitchen on the way back to his room. Even is on the phone when Isak returns. Isak can hear him before entering through the door he left ajar. Isak’s breath hitches in his throat. If the person on the other end of the line is Sonja, Isak does not want to overhear it.

“I’m sorry, I should have texted” Even says resigned. Isak walks into his room, deciding that it’s better that Even knows that he can hear than that he eavesdrops. Even meets his gaze, smiling with mouth closed. Even sighs as Isak puts down the pizza boxes on the floor in front of the bed. “Yes, I should have known that she would call you and that you would get worried.” Not Sonja then, probably a parent, Isak realises with slight relief. “I’m with a friend.” Friend, that stings a little even though Isak is well aware that, regardless of who Even is talking too, describing Isak as something other than a friend would be strange. “No, you don’t know him. His name is Isak, he goes to Nissen.” Even gives Isak an apologetic look as the person on the other end continues to talk. “No, please don’t do that.” Even pinches his nose with two fingers and closes his eyes as he listens. “Can we not talk about that right now? I’m sorry I made you worried.” Silence. “I’ll do that later.” Sigh. “Well I don’t want to do it right now can’t you just trust me and let me do things my way?” Even bites his lip and looks at Isak more relaxed than he has been since Isak returned to his room. “I don’t know when I’ll be home, maybe tomorrow?” Isak smiles, Even plans on staying, that’s what he just said, right? “Yeah, you too and sorry for making you worried.” Even hangs up.

Isak has been standing next to the bed, looking around the room trying not to disturb, and Even grabs his hand pulling him down on the bed the second he hangs up.  

“Mom” Even says in explanation and Isak feels a tiny twinge of jealousy that Even has a mother that cares whether he comes home at night or not. Even doesn’t notice, only wraps his arms around Isak’s shoulder and places a kiss on Isak’s cheek. Isak forgets all the uncomfortableness he felt listening to Even’s phone call. He can only focus on one thing. Even told his mom he would be home tomorrow.

“You’re planning on staying the night?“ Isak’s asks smirking, with challenge in his voice. Even bites his lip, possibly unsure if he overstepped.

“Is that chill? He asks with a small smile.

“It’s chill” It’s more than chill. Isak feels like he could concur the world. Even is staying and they have all day and all night, hopefully even all Sunday to kiss, cuddle and continue being in their bubble. “Pizza?” Isak asks when he hears his stomach rumbling.

“Pizza” Even replies with a smile and bends down to pick up their boxes of the ground.


	24. You just went back to Oslo and straight back into your normal life like nothing ever happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora and Eskild returns from brunch. Isak is still hold up in his room. Noora's mind ventures back to a conversation she had with P-Chris the previous evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back again! Also, 600 kudos, thats freaking insane and I love every single one of you <3 
> 
> Still on family vacay and with limited writing time but trying to push forward when I have time! Have put some thoughts about this chapter in the end notes because I don't want to spoil anything but I hope you enjoy this Noora chapter. 
> 
> I have a question regarding warnings though because we all know that Isak and Even will get it on soon enough and like, should I post warnings before the chapters or in end-notes? Shall I mark it somehow in the text so it's easy to skip if you don't want to read it? I don't want to spoil it but I don't know what triggers people either. Aslo at what level should warnings start? When things get more heated than just making out? Or like when they have full-on sex? Or when it's oral? Yeah well I'm confused so input on this is highly appreciated!

**Chapter 24 – You just went back to Oslo and straight back into your normal life like nothing ever happened**

**Saturday October 29 th, 2016, 14:22, Kollektivet**

**NOORA**

Noora kicks of her shoes in the hallway and hangs her jacket on one of the many hangers. It almost falls off due to the vast number of jackets that her and her roommates seems to have. They should do something about that, like only allow the jackets of the season to hang by the front door. Now it’s just every jacket owned by anyone in kollektivet. Not that Noora has any free closet space to hang jackets in. All she has is a chest of drawers in the living room. She doesn’t even have a room.

Glancing down at the floor she notices that the grey sneakers most likely belonging to the mysterious guest in Isak’s room are still right inside of the front door. Next to Isak’s shoes to be exact. Noora smiles, she might be miserable and love-hating most of the time these days but Isak deserves this. He deserves to figure it out. Eskild meets her gaze as she looks up. He has also spotted the shoes and raises his eyebrows.

“I’m gonna go knock on that door now.” He says, trying to sneak by Noora. She grabs his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

“No you’re not.” Eskild pouts.

“But you said I could”

“If Isak hasn’t left the room before we leave, then you can do it.” Eskild purses his lips together.

“When are we leaving?”

“19:30”

“I’ll knock on his door at three”

“Seven”

“Three thrity?”

“Six thirty”

“Four”

“Nei! Six, the earliest”

“Five”

“Five thirty. And ONLY if he hasn’t left his room. If he appears before that then you know he is alive.”

“You are a bore but fine, five thirty.” Eskild finally gives in and Noora is satisfied that she has given Isak at least three more hours. Hopefully Isak will have gone for at least a bathroom break or something to eat before then.

 

Noora stifles a yawn, she had had a really hard time sleeping the previous night and didn’t look that much forward to going to yet another party tonight. At least this time she wouldn’t be surrounded by all William’s friends like the previous night. She had put on a strong front the entire night but it had been mentally draining and the conversation she had had with Chris hadn’t helped either.

Noora had been sitting in the couch with Sana for the majority of the party and none of the penetrators had commented on the fact that Noora was there and William clearly wasn’t. She had gotten quite a few looks when they arrived, she could tell there had been talk among the guys about them. It didn’t surprise her and she had been prepared for it. So she had sat with Sana in the couch, laughing and talking, pushing all the terrible feelings of guilt and longing, to the side.

A few hours in, Noora had left the sofa in order to go to the bathroom and when she had opened the door back into the corridor, she was faced with the one person at the party she did not want to talk to. Chris Schistad.

He had put an arm in front of her, blocking her way. Not in a threatening way, but in a way that made it clear that he wanted a moment with her and honestly. She dreaded it. 

 

“Can we talk?” Chris had said, a lot more kindly than Noora had expected. She had expected more animosity. Noora was pretty sure that Chris was of the few people who knew just how Noora leaving had went down. Part of her wanted more animosity, wanted Chris to cuss at her over just packing up and disappearing without saying a word. She felt like she deserved it. Noora nodded, maybe talking to Chris would give her relief or clarity. It didn't. 

Chris nodded towards the lend of the corridor and Noora followed him there, making them less likely to be interrupted by someone heading for the bathroom. They stood in silence for a while, Noora unsure of where to start or what to say.

“You just left.” Chris had sounded so confused and almost hurt for his friend’s sake that Noora had felt like crumbling to the ground. She had pursed her lips together and swallowed hard.

“You’ve spoken to him.”

“You haven’t.” Noora could almost hear her heart breaking and had had to close her eyes for a few seconds to gain strength and not break down. Breaking down at a penetrator party in front of Chris was not something she was ever going to do.

“It’s complicated…” She had almost whispered.

“How?” Chris had almost pleaded to her. “Because I don’t get it. I don’t get how you could just leave him there without even telling him anything. You just went back to Oslo and straight back into your normal life like nothing ever happened.” Chris had faltered a little and the ever-present ache in Noora’s chest had grown stronger.

“Chris” Noora had started carefully. “I know that I owe William an explanation but leaving the way I did was the only way I could leave. And I had to leave.” Her voice had almost broken and Chris had looked at her sympathetically. She took another breath before continuing. “Look, I don’t expect you to get it but I love William with all my heart but we weren’t good, we weren’t happy, none of us and I left so that we could both could have a chance to become happy.” Her explanation to Chris was probably the most she had spoken about William since returning home. Sure, she and Isak had had their fair share of conversations but none of them had been as emotional as this one. None of them had really gone into depth about why she had left.

“I don’t think he sees it that way” Chris had said and Noora had believed him. She was sure that William didn’t agree with her solution, but she thought he would. Eventually.

“I know. And he would have convinced me to stay.” She had taken a breath before continuing, knowing that her next words would break her in pieces. “He will agree though. Once he has moved on and gained some distance." Noora had managed to keep her voice steady and stayed calm. She hadn’t expected the question that Chris asked next. It felt like a punch in the gut.

“Is that what you have been doing? Moving on?” He had asked, tone a lot more sharp and judgemental then earlier. Noora had just gaped at him in confusion, unable to understand how he could think that after the conversation they just had. When Noora didn’t answer, Chris had picked up his phone out of his pocket, quickly navigating onto Instagram before handing it over to Noora. “These pictures of you and Isak that keep popping up, it looks a lot like moving on. It's been what, two weeks?” Chris’s tone hard and accusing.

On the screen in Noora’s hand a picture from Eskild’s Instagram was displayed, the very picture that Eskild had posted the day before. Linn sleeping on Isak’s legs, Isak with his head in Noora’s lap, and Noora leaned over Isak, resting her head on his side. Noora was about to object when Chris took the phone again, scrolling to the picture of Noora and Isak putting together the chest of drawers that they bought on IKEA.

 “And I saw the picture Eskild sent Eva, of you, Isak and this other girl sleeping in his bed” Chris continued before Noora could say anything. “Once again, you and Isak were cuddled together and the third girl were sleeping on one of you.” Noora hadn’t liked the accusatory tone and it had lightened a fire in her again, the fire that she had used so many times to stand up for herself. She was so tired of this rumour and she was not going to let anyone accuse her cheating or moving on or whatever.

“We’re roommates Chris and the way I hang with Isak is no different from the way I hang with Linn or Eskild. We all tend to fall asleep on each other during movies. While you might be incapable of having a non-sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex, I’m not.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Eva had aggressively interrupted them, looking furious at Chris who had opened his mouth to defend himself. Eva didn’t give him the time to do so. “I fucking told you there was nothing going on between Noora and Isak and that you should lay the fuck off and you just corner her at a party? What the fuck Chris?”

Noora had heavily appreciated Eva’s support and once again admired her for the confident and strong person she was. Chris had looked at Eva, slightly deflated but still eager to defend himself. He had put his hands put to indicate his innocence.

“I’m not spreading any rumours or discussing it at all but seriously, if it gets back to William he will ask me about it and I’d rather have spoken to Noora and know what the deal is than having to relay that yes, I’ve heard the rumours but I don’t know if they are true.” He gave Noora a pointed look. “And I think Noora would like that too.”

Noora had rolled her eyes at him. That might be his original reason for talking to her but the way he put it made sound like he had been in a completely different conversation than Noora had been.

“Well, to satisfy your curiosity. The rumours are false. I’m not hooking up with Isak, or anyone else for that matter. Can I go now?” If looks could kill, the look Eva gave Chris while Noora spoke would have sent him deep under ground. Noora had walked right pass Chris without another glance, only giving Eva a slight smile as a thank you. She had heard Eva starting to hiss heatedly at Chris in the background.

 

At 2 am, she had returned home to a quiet apartment and went straight for Linn’s bedroom without even checking if Isak was in. She had hoped that he had had a good night despite the double date. Her body had felt like breaking the moment she closed the door to Linn’s bedroom and she knew that she probably wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not alone. She didn’t head for Isak’s room as she had many nights the previous weeks. Isak would have been drinking and the smell of alcohol was not something she enjoyed, particularly not in bed She had also told Isak that she wouldn’t sleep in his room, just in case he had someone over and she if so, she did not want to disturb.

Instead, Noora had let the tears fall and the anxiety flourish in the night, being eaten up by guilt. Writing three or four different drafts of an email explaining everything in the darkness of her phone. She never sent any of them. After finally dosing off around 5 am, she woke up at 8, unable to sleep any longer.

She had moved to the couch, noticing that the stuff she had left in Isak’s room earlier were placed on the chest of drawers. She had smiled to herself, hoping that it meant that Isak had gotten somewhere with his crush, and not Emma. Noora didn’t condone how Isak had treated Emma so far and letting her stay over if he had no intentions of ever becoming something with her, that would be crossing a line. But Noora didn’t think Isak would go that far knowing how bad he felt about leading her on.

 

Suddenly, Noora is brought back to reality, not knowing how long she has been sitting on the couch and thinking about the previous night. Eskild is coming into the living room form the corridor that leads to Isak’s room. He has a wide smile on his face and Noora peaks at the time, 16.08.

“I thought we agreed on 17:30?” She says, raising her eyebrows judgementally.

“Argh shut it. My curiosity got the best of me” He replies, innocently.

“And?” Noora is also curious.

“He claims that he is sleeping and that the shoes are Jonas’s but I don’t believe him for a second.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noora is back and so is Eva and P-Chris, even though it might not be the EvaxP-Chris that some of you want but I hope you like it anyway. Please let me know what you think of how P-Chris is handling the rumours, is he being a good friend or should he just listen to Eva and believe her? 
> 
> Aslo, Eskild <3 Bloddy love writing him.


	25. I think that might be completely chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets kollektivet to himself Saturday night during the halloween-weekend. He and Even makes the most of it, while being completely chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and this is my longest chapter to date! I hope you are excited. 
> 
> Things get a little heated in this chapter so have placed a warning in the end-notes to not spoil anyone.

**Chapter 25 – I think that might be completely chill**

**Saturday October 29 th, 2016, 19:42, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

 Isak suspects that Eskild and Noora have gathered that Isak is not alone and sleeping in his room because with the exception of Eskild knocking on Isak’s door a few hours ago, they have not bothered him once. They also seem to have vacated the apartment without even asking Isak what his plans for the evening was, something highly unusual. Eskild always pesters Isak about his plans in an effort to find out if Isak’s plans are better and Eskild should abandon his own in favour of Isak’s, always assuming he is invited. It doesn’t really bother Isak, well sometimes it does, mostly he is just glad that someone actually cares where he is, with who and when he is going to be home.

“You hungry?” Isak asks Even and turns his head to look up at his face. They are lying cuddled in Isak’s bed, like they have for almost 24 hours. Isak rests his head on Even’s shoulder and if he stretches a little he can nuzzle the tip of his nose against Even’s neck. Isak has been in complete bliss the entire day with three small exceptions. First, was when Even’s mother had called and Isak had been scared it was Sonja. Then Sonja had started calling relentlessly until Even put his phone on airplane mode and laid it aside. Isak had done the same with his, realising that he was not ready to face anyone of the outside room yet. The final time had been when Eskild knocked on the door a couple of hours ago. Isak knows it was stupid to claim that he was sleeping and that the shoes were Jonas’s but he just froze. 

Even looks down on Isak to meet his gaze and Isak feels like the world stops once he meets the gaze of Even’s ocean blue eyes. Even looks relaxed and carefree as he smiles down at Isak. During their time together Isak has realised that while Even appears to be super confident and have everything figured out he has the tendency to get lost in his mind. His eyes become a bit cloudier and his face hardens a fraction. It’s probably not noticeable for most people but Isak has watched Even’s face from only a few centimetres distance and every time Even gazes up in the ceiling with cloudy eyes he also clenches his jaws for a few seconds before relaxing.

Isak doesn’t want to ask what he is thinking about but he assumes that Sonja is part of it and Isak would rather not think about Sonja. At least not until Even eventually leaves and the fantasy bubble they have lived in since yesterday ends. Isak promised himself to not worry about Sonja, Emma or anything else until then. He has almost managed to do it so far, only having a few slip ups. It is almost like Even can tell, because whenever Isak’s head starts to spin a tad too fast, Even holds him a little tighter and kisses his cheeks, nose and lips, and suddenly Isak can focus on nothing else.

“Are you gonna cook?” Even asks ironically with a smirk, clearly mocking Isak who deeply regrets telling him about the time he almost set the kitchen on fire trying to make pasta. Isak rolls his eyes at him.

“Keep that attitude up and I’ll never cook for you”

“Oh, you’ll never cook for me?” Even asks leaning close, his lips grazing Isak’s as he speaks, both smiling.

“Never.” Isak replies, unable to supress a giggle.

Even flips them around, and crashes his lips into Isak, pining Isak to the mattress. Isak shivers as Even’s hands finds the back of his head, pulling his hair lightly. They exist in pure bliss of tongues meeting, hands roaming through hair and caressing neck and breathing each other’s air for a couple of minutes. 

“So,” Even says raising himself onto his elbows, looking down on Isak who smiles contently on the mattress, pecking Isak on the lips between every word he speaks.  “What are we doing for food?”

Isak bites his lip in concentration trying to figure out how they should solve dinner. Leaving the room, the apartment, to go out and shop for ingredients or take out still feels like a mountain he isn’t ready to climb. They’ve already ordered pizza once today and a second time seems like pushing the limit, even for a lazy guy like Isak.

“How do you feel about Thai? The place around the corner delivers I think”

The place around the corner doesn’t deliver but, after Isak has double and tripled checked that they are alone in the apartment, Even makes the trip, returning with food shortly thereafter. In the mean-time Isak busies himself by raiding the kitchen cabinets in search for snacks they can have later on, turning up a bag of chips (formerly Linn’s), two snicker bars (also Linn’s) and a half-eaten package of raspberry-filled cookies (Eskild). Isak had found nothing to steal from Noora which didn’t surprise him.

Even though they were completely alone, they settle back in Isak’s room. Isak is quite sure that neither Eskild nor Noora will return to the apartment for quite some time but locking himself and Even up in his room still feels better. Safer.

They eat on the floor, intending to watch something while eating but ending up in a conversation about what super power they’d like to have. Even wants to be able to fly and Isak calls him a cliché. Isak wants the ability to steal other people’s ability, and Even calls him a cheater. This results in a back and forth banter about who actually won the breath-holding competition on Friday night. Both of them refuse to give up but Isak eventually runs out of arguments and challenges Even to a match of Fifa instead.

Isak, who probably plays more fifa than is healthy, wins easily and Even learns that Isak is quite a smug winner and brags extensively about it until Even wrestles him down in the bed, attacking him with kisses.

Isak smiles into the kiss, a tingling sensation in his stomach when Even’s tongue meets his. Isak runs his hand through Even’s hair and uses the other to pull Even even closer on top of him. Isak feels his pulse racing, filling him up with desire as Even grabs onto Isak’s jaw, turning his head to the side and aggressively kissing his neck.

Even’s other hand travels under Isak’s hoodie, but over his t-shirt, and Isak is filled with an acute need to feel Even’s hand against his skin, to feel Even’s skin against his own hands. Isak suddenly forgets everything about baby steps and freak-out factor and hungrily tugs at the bottom of Even’s shirt, pausing only to meet Even’s gaze silently asking for permission. Even nods, biting his lip, and Isak slips his hands under the Jesus-tee. Isak doesn’t know if it’s Even’s muffled moan vibrating against his throat, the fact that he traces the Even’s shoulder blades with his fingers, the sensations of Even’s hand running up his side or everything at once but Isak suddenly is painfully hard and pushes Even’s shirt higher up his chest.

Even’s lips leave Isak’s and Isak lets out a discontent whine before he realises that Even’s upright position is due to Even removing his arms out of the hoodie and pulling the the-shirt over his head. Even tosses his t-shirt to the side before pulling Isak up, removing both his hoodie and t- shirt in one swift motion before crashing his lips onto Isak’s again and pressing him down into the mattress. Even’s skin is warm against his and Isak grabs onto Even neck to keep him as close as possible while letting his other hand travels along Even’s spine.

Even groans into his mouth when Isak pushes his hip upward towards Even who presses back and they start rocking against each other, chests pressed together, skin against skin. Isak forgets absolutely everything about being scared and taking things chill, all he wants is to get closer to Even, to remove, at least, the sweatpants they both are wearing.

Even flips them sideways, wraps his right leg over Isak’s hip and let his right hand rest on Isak’s head, stroking him on the cheek with his thumb. They are both out of breath, and Isak let his left hand gently travel across Even’s chest as they look at each other in silence.

“Hi” Isak whispers and traces Even’s lips with his thumb, separating them lightly. Even opens his mouth and leans forward a little to gently suck at the tip of Isak’s thumb and Isak thinks he might combust at the spot.

“Hi” Even whispers back as Isak’s thumb again rests against Even’s lips. Isak smiles, barely able to focus on anything else than how much he wants Even.

He doesn’t know where he gets the courage from, especially considering how daunting it felt just the same morning, but Isak locks his gaze with Even and keeps it there as his hand leaves Even’s face and travel down his body. Isak can feel Even shivering as he traces his chest, halting slightly over his nipples before continuing down over his abs. Even’s breathing increases as Isak gets closer to the sweatpants and Isak slows down, letting his fingers gently travel just above the waistband. Even, who has returned Isak’s gaze and not moved a muscle since Isak started moving his hands down Even’s body, leans towards Isak and pulls at his neck to connect their lips. Even kisses him hungrily and Isak shivers, both breathing more heavily and feel his pulse race as Even’s hand travel down Isak’s body, significantly faster and more aggressively than how Isak’s hand travelled. 

They break apart to look at each other again once Even’s hand come to a stop on Isak’s lower back, right above the waistband. There is a silent question in the air and Isak is reminded of their conversation about taking things chill and is suddenly unsure whether they should go further or not. His entire body is screaming for Even’s touch but Isak’s mind has finally caught up and he is slightly hesitant. Not because he doesn’t want to, because he does, but because he is unsure if it’s a smart thing to do. Although, he argues with himself, if they both want to go further, why shouldn’t they? What is stopping them really? Isak will probably have a minor meltdown once Even leaves regardless, what kind of damage will a bit more skin do?

“What are you thinking about?” Even asks, almost like he can read Isak’s mind, noticing Isak’s inner debate. Isak bites his lip, hesitating for a second before deciding, fuck it, he might as well dare.

“Whether or not removing our sweatpants still qualifies as chill” Isak replies with a smirk, still with an unexpected amount of courage, causing Even to break out in a huge smile. Even leans forward but stops just before he reaches Isak’s lips and Isak can feel his breath hot against his face as Even replies.

“I think that might be completely chill” Isak shivers and feels the desire inside of him grow even bigger, something he thought was impossible. He bites his lips and leans back a little to look at Even.

“Yeah?” He asks and Even returns his gaze, eyes darker than before, him as well biting his lip. Even nods.

“Yeah.”

Isak slowly let’s his fingers slip under the front of Even’s sweatpants almost shaking with anticipation as Even does the same with his hand placed on Isak’s lower back. They don’t break their eye-contact or move in any other way, only letting their hands slowly push their sweatpants down their hips. At almost the same time, they have to shuffle to be able to remove the part that is pressed down into the mattress. The movement breaks the spell and suddenly neither of them is as careful anymore. Isak aggressively pulls down Even’s pants and Even shuffles to remove them completely before straddling Isak and tugging his sweatpants of in one swift motion. Isak reaches up to pull Even down on him before his pants even hits the floor and wraps his legs around Even’s hip without even thinking about it.

They rock against each other, only separated by the fabric of their underwear, hands grabbing and lips kissing mouths, necks, and chests. Isak’s hands are on Even’s back when Even suddenly sinks his teeth into Isak’s shoulder causing Isak to moan and without meaning to scratch Even’s back with his fingernails. Even moans against Isak’s neck as Isak dares to moves his hands down to Even’s butt for the first time.

Isak feels completely destroyed but is utterly pleased with himself, almost proud, to notice that Even is just as dishevelled. Even smiles playfully down at him when they break apart for a second and Isak dares to trace Even’s bum and the back of his thighs with his hands. Even bits his lip, but a small moan escape from Even’s lips, encouraging Isak to squeeze Even tighter with his hands.

Their lips are pressed together when Isak slowly moves his hands from the back of Even’s thighs to the front. Even’s breath hitches and he pulls away from Isak to create more space between their stomachs, lightly stroking Isak’s chest and stomach with his fingers and holding Isak’s gaze. Isak stops his hands right before reaching Even’s bulge to meet Even’s gaze. Even raises his eyebrows in question and Isak bites his lip. Everything is completely silence as they stare into each other’s eyes before Even slowly takes Isak’s hand in his and places it on top of it.

Isak freezes for a millisecond, slightly intimidated by the fact that Even’s very hard dick is in his hand. Yes, there’s a layer of fabric in between but it almost doesn’t matter. It’s the first dick, except his own, that Isak has touched and it overwhelms him at first. Soon though, the burning need to feel more takes over and Isak slowly strokes it, carefully and without much force. Even doesn’t seem to mind because he tilts his head back and Isak can see his chest rising as Even tries to take deep breaths.

Even looks down at Isak, asking a silent question and Isak nods, earning a smile back. Isak shivers and halts the motions of his own hand when Even traces the outline of Isak’s dick on his boxers with a feather light touch. He groans when Even’s touch becomes firmer and Isak reaches for Even’s neck pulling him down, reaching for his lips.

They roll, mouths still touching and Isak finds himself straddling Even as Even moves his hands over his butt and pulls him down against his hips, causing Isak to moan.

Isak thinks that time stops when Even slips a finger under the waistband of his underpants, slowly dragging it back and forth, grazing Isak’s buttock. Isak gasps a little and Even removes his lips form Isak neck to meet his gaze. Even bits his lip as he gazes up at Isak. His gaze is filled with desire, warmth and carefulness and Isak doesn’t feel even a twinge of insecurity or fear. Isak nods in reply to the silent question Even asks with his body.

Even reaches for Isak’s face with his other hand and pushes a strand of hair out of Isak’s face before he cups his jaw with his hand and starts to stroke Isak’s cheek lightly with his thumb.

“You sure?” Even asks, voice filled with careful concern, telling Isak that he is allowed to back out and/or freak-out at any second. Isak can almost feel his heart burst with everything he feels in this moment and moves his hand to Even’s face brushing his fingers over his eyebrows and down his cheek. Hoping that he can convey as much warmth with his gaze as he receives from Even.

“Yeah.” Isak whispers and he sees how Even twitches in the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah?” Even asks again, carefully observing Isak, looking for any trace of doubt.

“Yeah.” Isak leans forward and places a light kiss on Even’s lips before he pulls away to look at him again. “Are you sure?” He asks Even, suddenly aware of how this is new to Even as well.

“Yeah.” Even says with a smile and gently rubs his thumb over Isak’s lower lip.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Isak attaches himself to Even’s lips once again as Even’s hand travels against Isak’s butt underneath Isak’s underpants slowly tugging them off. His stomach is in turmoil of anticipation. Being naked with Even was not something he has planned would happen tonight. He is incredibly nervous but in the best way, the kind of nervous where it felt like fireworks might go off inside of him at any moment, like an extreme version of how he felt before riding his first roller-coaster, stomach jittery with anticipation.

Even pushes his boxers down on his legs and Isak shivers slightly when his crotch is hit with air, no longer constricted to his now almost damp boxers. Their position makes it difficult to completely remove his boxers but Even rolls them around with a swift motion and quickly pulls them off standing on his knees on the bed with Isak’s leg spread on each side of him. Their position should intimidate Isak but all he feels when Even looks down at him is pure lust, there is no place else he’d rather be.

“You still chill?” Even asks, gently rubbing Isak’s thighs with his hand, and Isak marvels over how considerate Even has been this entire time. Isak is anything but chill, all the wants it for Even to touch him again, to get to touch Even, to feel Even closer to him, without the fabric of Even’s boxers between them.

“I’ll be completely chill once you remove your boxers.” Isak replies smirking and slightly amazed by his bravery. Even chuckles and swiftly obliges, tossing them to the floor before returning to his position between Isak’s legs, looking down on him with lust oozing out of his gaze.

Even leans down to connect their lips as Isak wraps his legs around his hips and the sensation of Even’s cock nudging against his butt and thighs almost pushes Isak over the edge. He places his arms around Even’s neck and pulls him closer so that their chests are pressed together. They stay like that for a while, holding each other, hands lightly threading through hair, lips pressing feather-like kisses on lips and necks, breathing into each other’s necks. Even smells faintly of chlorine from their pool adventure the previous day along with weed, Thai-food and sweat. Isak loves it.

Their kisses become more aggressive after a while, hands tugging a bit rougher and moving a bit more urgently along their bodies. Isak can’t finish a single thought, the only two things occupying his mind are how painfully hard he is and how much he wants to place his hand around Even’s equally hard dick, straining against him. So that’s exactly what he does and Even bites down on Isak’s shoulder at the first touch before following his example, wrangling a hand in between them and wrapping his fingers around Isak.

Their breaths increase as their hands move up and down on each other, mouths pressed together. They are no longer kissing, only panting into each other’s mouths. Isak doesn’t last long, the sensation of Even around him, on top of him, panting into his mouth, his body sticky from sweat, causes Isak to go over the edge quicker than he would have liked. He moans, closes his eyes as he rides it out, halting the motion of his hand on Even while he comes.  It doesn’t matter though because Even is only a millisecond behind, seemingly being pushed over the edge by seeing and hearing Isak doing the same.

Isak’s stomach is sticky, a mixture of both of them, and so is Even’s who doesn’t let his upper body fall down on Isak again. Only buries his face against Isak’s neck as he catches his breath.

Isak expects himself to freak out once the adrenaline wears of and the absurd lust subsides but he doesn’t. He doesn’t freak out when Even places a wet kiss on his lips before suggesting that they shower and clean up. He doesn’t freak out when they walk completely naked to the bathroom, both covered in cum. Neither does he freak out when he and Even showers together like it’s the obvious thing to do. Their shower isn’t at all sexual, they return to being giddy and giggling as they make sure to scrub the cum off. They end up hugging and kissing under the water stream until the skin on the fingers becomes wrinkled. It’s not at all sexual like their previous touches had been. It’s intimate. Caring. Safe.

Isak also doesn’t freak out when he finds Even a towel or hands him another pair of Isak’s boxers to change into. Nor does he freak out when they crawl back into bed wearing just boxers and Isak situates himself on Even’s chest. Even mindlessly drags his fingers through Isak’s hair and Isak feels drowsier by the second. The one thing occupying his mind though is his current lack of freaking out. He was just naked with Even. He was naked and comfortable. He not only touched Even’s dick, he did it until Even had an orgasm. He also had the same thing done to him. By all means, he should freak out, he expects to freak out, moving faster than he thought was possible.

“That went better than expected.” Isak finally says, half-asleep and with a sly smile. Even huffs a little, clearly amused.

“Did you expect that it would suck?” He says, playing affronted.

“Nei!” Isak says with an eye roll before turning his head to gaze at Even. “I kind of expected to be more freaked out but it…” Even probably gathers the seriousness of the conversation because he observes Isak closely when Isak starts speaking again. “It felt good, right I guess and…” Isak takes a deep breath, talking about feelings has never been his strong suite. “And that’s… that’s chill.” Isak ends up saying, hoping that Even get the gist of what he is trying to convey.

Even smiles down at Isak, brush their noses together before his lips touch Isak a few times.

“Me too.” Even says in between kisses. “It was very chill”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a fair warning, things get quite sexual in this chapter. There will be no descriptions of how anyones dick looks or anything overly graphical. There is also no full-on sex but hand-jobs, although focus is on everything before the actual hand-job and the process of getting there. 
> 
> I wanted to add this because of a few reasons.   
> \- I watched the clip set during this day and the clip the following morning and noticed that Isak only wore boxes when waking up the following day. And he was surprised to not find Even there, hence Even was there when the boxers were removed.   
> \- I also have never written anything like this and wanted like a "practice round" because story-wise, sex and blowjobs are incoming and I want to cover it somehow.   
> \- Aslo, when I was 17 this kind of thing happened to me, ish. I spent about 24 hours with a guy that soon thereafter became my first boyfriend and even though I hung out with guys before (I'm swedish, we don't really date, we get drunk and hook up with people) I was still quite inexperienced and during those 24 hours we had so much fun and I felt so much more comfortable than I would have assumed that I would in that short time. So I used it as inspiration for this.   
> \- Finally, I feel like them doing all this is a nice set-up for the upcoming heart-break (and later reunion) because I'm a sucker for pain and angst. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it and are excited for what is next. Hint: Someone had a birthday celebration during this weekend, someone didn't show-up, someone else did and a final someone is getting suspicious .


	26. What are you going to say to the guys?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora tells Eva about Isak having someone over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another update and it's an Eva chapter! I, once again, want to thank every single one of you who keeps on reading this story <3\. It has turned out far longer than I expected it too and I'm still so excited to write it, especially the core events that I plotted out first, have been imagining them in my mind for such a long time now! 
> 
> Also have two more ideas for fics that I kind of want to put into action but that will have to wait a little while, once set in season four and once set a couple years in the future.

**Chapter 26 – What are you going to say to the guys?**

**Saturday October 29 th, 2016, 19:55, Eva’s house**

**EVA**

Eva is closely observing her makeup, trying to ensure that it's even when Noora knocks on the window to her bedroom. She jumps at the sound, not expecting anyone to arrive at all, believing that they were going to meet up and at the tram station and pre-game with Jonas, Isak, Mahdi and Magnus before heading to a party together. 

Eva studies Noora’s face as she takes her coat of and hangs it over Eva’s chair, already covered in clothing. Something is up, Noora looks more giddy and excited than she has since returning from London.

“I have to tell you something.” Noora says and sits down on the bed with a secret smile on her face, and Eva for a second suspects that Noora might have good news about William, or maybe even met someone new. She would like that, Noora finding someone that makes her happy. Eva was never William’s biggest fan, mainly because she never felt like she got to know him. She got to see all the pain Vilde went through and then how Noora fell apart because of Nico and Williams inability to trust and hear Noora out. She got to see them happy for a little while, before they left for London, but she is firm in believing that William never really cared to get to know the girls and that’s not an attribute she appreciates. She wants her future boyfriend to care about her friends, they are such a big part of her life and she wants someone who wants to be involved in her entire life. Eva wants that for Noora too.

“It’s about Isak.” Noora says still smiling when Eva flops herself down next to Eva on the bed. Eva raises her eyebrows, imploring Noora to continue.

“What about him?” Eva replies, suspecting where conversation is heading but not wanting to jump to conclusions.

“He is seeing someone. It’s a guy.” Noora almost squeals causing Eva to giggle.

“He is? That’s great! Who?” Eva is now equally excited as Noora. She might have been furious with Isak when he told Iben about her and Chris but not anymore. Eva knows Isak well enough to know that Isak most of the time fights his battles alone, rarely discussing things that are difficult for him. She has seen the dark circles under his eyes coming and going during the past months, and the fact that he moved out of his parents’ house makes Eva suspect that things weren’t good but she knows that she no longer has the kind of friendship with Isak where she can lightly pry or at least make sure that he knows he can turn to her if he needs it. Honestly, Eva has been wanting to say something about her suspicions about Isak’s sexuality but she has never done it knowing that it something Isak has to be allowed to do on his own. In his own pace.

“I don’t know who or even if there actually is someone but Isak has been locked into his room, and he never locks his door, since last night. He had put all my stuff in the living room, I assume so that I wouldn’t have to bother him and there is a new pair of sneakers just inside the front door.  And a very suspect Halloween costume that I know for a fact he didn’t wear on Friday.“ Noora tells her and Eva can feel herself smiling from ear to ear. She is about to say something but Noora continues to talk. “He hasn’t said anything though and I probably shouldn’t have told you either but I’m just so happy for him and you already know and I can’t talk to Eskild about it because he was seriously almost jumping from excitement this morning when he realised. Started talking about throwing a _coming-out party_ and everything. It was madness. “ Noora finishes, rolling her eyes at the memory of Eskild, causing Eva to giggle as well.

“I won’t tell anyone.” Eva says with care in her voice. And it’s true. This is the kind of thing she wouldn’t say anything about until Isak himself made the decision.  She is still insanely curious though. “Do you know who it is?”

“No idea.” Noora starts off to Eva’s disappointment. “Or… He has slipped something about liking someone but I don’t know who it is and apparently that someone is in a relationship. And I don’t know if it’s the guy he has hold up in his room either.”

“Ouch, sounds like a real icky situation.” Eva replies, slightly guarded, she if anyone knows exactly how bad things can get if you get involved with someone in a relationship. Her heart still stings a little when she thinks about how much she hurt Ingrid when she first got together with Jonas. Of how she lost her two best friends in the whole world. Incidentally though, she can’t really regret it because her being on the outs with Ingrid and Sara lead to her meeting Noora, Vilde, Sana and Chris, four girls who she feels even more at home with.

“I know…” Noora says with a sigh. “And you know Emma who Isak has hooked up with lately?” Eva furrows her brows, she does know but she doesn’t get how Emma fits in to the drama. Sure Emma would probably be upset if she found out about Isak just using her as a beard but what does she have to do with the relationship of the guy Isak likes? She can’t be his girlfriend, right?  

“Yeah? What about her?” Eva asks.

“I’m just guessing now because Isak has been extremely vague when discussing the person he likes but I think that Emma is friends with the persons girlfriend. And I know that last night Isak had some weird double-date pre-game with Emma, the person he likes and that person’s girlfriend.” Noora’s grimaces as she speaks and Eva’s purses her lips harder for every word that she hears. This does not bode well. If Noora is correct, it’s like it’s taken out of a bad rom-com heading for disaster.

“Shit.”

“Mhm.”

Both Eva and Noora sit in silence for a while, Eva immersed in wondering how this will play out. Her heart clenches a little and she hopes that Isak won’t get hurt in all this and that Noora is wrong about it because this could get messy. It is also the type of thing that would spread like wildfire over the school. Eva knows, having been the subject of gossip when she hooked up with Chris last year. She fears though the this will be even juicier and therefore more volatile gossip. But damn, she hopes not.

 “So Isak isn’t coming tonight right?” Eva asks, realising that Noora will probably be questioned on the matter.

“Don’t think so. We have left him alone in the apartment so I think he’ll take advantage of that.” Noora replies with a smirk.

“What are you going to say to the guys? Because they are going to ask you, you know that right?” Eva asks and Noora sighs.

“I’ll just tell them that I haven’t seen or spoken to him today, it’s the truth. I have no clue if he has made up an excuse or something to the boys but I’ll just go with the flow I guess.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Eva replies with a smile and returns to the mirror to finish up her makeup. She picks up a brush to fill in her eyebrows as a finishing touch when her phone vibrates on her desk.

 

_(20:08)_

_Chris Schistad: Going out tonight?_

Eva sighs. She had been so majorly pissed off at Chris after having found him cornering Noora the previous night that after cussing him out, she had left alone. Even though she had planned to stay over and enjoy Saturday morning of good sex and lounging around, something she thoroughly enjoyed doing with Chris. Sex-wise, they worked well together. They usually had loads of fun too, and Eva founds strength in their arrangement. She expected no faithfulness or commitment from him and neither did she want it. What she did expect though was for him to respect her and her friends. Given that he and Eva already had had a discussion about Noora and Isak, and Noora and William where Eva had made it perfectly clear that Chris should not get involved she had been furious last night. His conversation with Noora had been the opposite of respectful, regardless of what he claimed his intentions were. He had cornered her at a party full of Williams friends, he had been drunk and rude and Eva is still furious.

 

_Eva: Yes._

_Chris Schistad: Still mad?_

_Eva: Yes._

_Chris Schistad: Why?_

_Chris Schistad: How am I in the wrong when I went straight to Noora instead of just listening to gossip?_

_Eva: Seriously? You don’t think she was uncomfortable enough just being at the party yesterday with all of Williams friends so obviously talking about her? And then you corner her about the most ridiculous rumour I’ve ever heard, one I told you was bullshit._

“That’s very intensive texting, everything alright? “ Noora’s voice rips Eva’s attention from the phone she was aggressively tapping. Eva sighs, frustrated at Chris.

 “Yeah. It’s just Chris, he refuses to understand why I got pissed at him last night. I’m sorry about him by the way. ”

“It’s okay.” Noora says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, causing Eva’s chest to clench a little. She wishes that her friend sometimes didn’t feel like she had to fight every battle on her own.


	27. I don’t think I like cupcakes that much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone but Isak is celebrating Magnus' birthday. Jonas tries to figure out where Isak is and what Noora knows. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I bloody hate writing summaries, don't want to give away the plot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 27 is here and it's been a while but Jonas is back in the story, I hope you are as excited as I am. I'm still so amazed that so many of you keep reading this little universe that I've created to let some of all the scenes and scenarios I have roaming around in my head out. I read and reply to every comment (although I might be quite slow at replying sometime) and you make my day<3 
> 
> Aslo, story wise, I'm officially 6 days from the awful part in the story where Even kisses Sonja and while I have that part clearly visible in my mind the hiatus week that followed needs some content. Knowing me, it will probably take me a while before I'm even at that point in my writing still. For the hiatus week I have some P-Chris content planned as well as general escalation of the rumours as well as, obviously, a very sad Isak. Seeing as the hiatus (fucking painfull) leaves room for so much content I'm curious to know if there is anything in particular that you guys would like to see. Any relationship/POV that you are particularly fond of and want more of? If I can make it work with other parts of the story I'll try and incorporate it. 
> 
>  
> 
> *Warning*   
> Eating disorder is implied towards the end of the chapter. It's nothing explicit but if you don't want to read it, I suggest stopping at: All the girls (and Mahdi) excitedly turns to Noora as she divulges into a story

**Chapter 27 – I don’t think I like cupcakes that much**

**Saturday October 29 th, 2016, 21:13, Magnus’ house.**

**JONAS**

Jonas is annoyed. It’s Magnus’ birthday tomorrow and they were all going to celebrate together but Isak is nowhere to be seen. All their calls has gone straight to voicemail and Isak hasn’t even read any of their messages in the chat. Jonas knows that Isak tends to shut the world out sometimes but usually he at least sends a text with a shitty excuse of why he isn’t around. Jonas always sees right through it but never presses him about it, trusting that Isak will come to him when he needs someone, he had when his dad left and his mom broke apart. It always took a lot though, Isak usually keeps everything bottled down and pretends to be okay for the longest time. Jonas always wishes that he didn’t.

Isak had in Jonas’s opinon been acting odd the past few weeks, grumpier and more tired than usual. He had ditched them with bad excuses more than once and Jonas really feels that Isak needs to open up soon. Something is clearly bothering him and while Magnus and Mahdi haven’t picked up on it, Jonas has. He even contemplated crashing kollektivet on his way to Magnus’ just to force Isak to come out with them and probably would have done it if it hadn’t been in the complete opposite direction.

So maybe Jonas also is a little worried. Jonas is annoyed and worried. He finds comfort in the fact that Isak now lives in kollektivet where Eskild can look out for him. And Noora, he guesses. He hasn’t really discussed Noora with Isak since he had caught her sneaking out of Isak’s room a week ago and Jonas is still unsure whether he believes that they are nothing but friends who sometimes share a bed. Isak hasn’t allowed the subject to be up for discussion either, rolling his eyes and letting out an annoyed grunt every time the it comes up somehow. It is apparent that the rumours clearly bother him which Jonas can fully appreciate. If they are nothing more than just friends, the rumours clearly make it more difficult for Isak (and well Noora too, not that Jonas really cares, he is more concerned with Isak) to hook up with anyone else, Emma for example. If there is something going on between them Jonas can understand them wanting it kept under wraps for the time being seeing as Isak have been hooking up a lot with Emma and Noora just arrived back in Oslo after moving to another country for William. If something is going on, he gets why they wouldn’t want the world to know just yet but, Jonas also feels that he is somehow entitled to know before the rest of the world. After all, Isak knew about Eva while Jonas was still dating Ingrid. He had confided in Isak during that time when he didn’t know what to do, obviously falling head over heels for Eva while still caring, although not loving, Ingrid. So, if things are complicated, he hopes that Isak knows that he can trust Jonas. He knows that Isak knows he can but for Isak, admitting to any kind of deep and more complicated feelings is like climbing Mont Everest, it takes a long time to get there and he needs a push or two.

Jonas takes another sip of his beer when the doorbell rings and Magnus almost bounces up from the sofa to open, overly excited by the fact that actual living girls are joining their pre-game for his birthday celebration. All five of the girls are laughing loudly as the walk through the door, Vilde apparently in the midst of a dramatic story.

There are a few awkward moments after the girls have settled down in the living room next to the three boys when Jonas is painfully reminded that he and his friends rarely hang out with Eva and her friends. If anyone asks, Jonas has most definitely moved on from Eva, hell he even had another girlfriend last spring, but at moments like this, when it’s obvious how separated their lives has become, he feels short jab of pain. It never lasts long, just serves as a gentle reminder of how close they used to be.

 Conversations and booze are flowing when Chris suddenly grabs all the attention by loudly asking the one question Jonas really wants answered.

“Hey, where is Isak btw? Jonas, aren’t you guys like joined at the hip?” Everyone laughs at first, including Jonas. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before and he doesn’t mind. He always likes being a part of JonasandIsak, even though Isak has been pulling away recently. Everyone keeps their eyes on Jonas though and he shrugs once the laughter has died down.

“Don’t know, he hasn’t been answering his phone since yesterday.” Jonas tries to sound like it isn’t a big deal and it isn’t but it bothers him, gives him an itch in his stomach. He catches Noora pursing her lips in the corner of his eye and really, he didn’t intend to put the spotlight on her, but while her little movement might have looked innocent to anyone else, it didn’t to Jonas. Jonas the only one who knows that Noora had shared Isak’s bed, at least that’s what he thinks. His quickly shifts his gaze across the girls in the room, trying to look for clues that someone else knows about Isak and Noora’s sleeping habits. Sana is a dead-end, complete poker face, maybe even disinterest in the conversation, hard to tell. Chris had asked the question and is still looking at Jonas like he is supposed to have more to say on the matter. Vilde has a glare of excitement in her eyes, like she is dying to get more information, gossip. Jonas is sure that if there is something to know about Isak and Noora, that Vilde knows, Vilde would not be able to be quiet about it. Eva meets Jonas’s gaze and he spends an extra second trying to interpret her facial expression, she could possibly know something but he isn’t sure, she looks quite composed. Finally, Jonas let his gaze wander over to Noora who also meets his gaze head on, almost challenging. She has relaxed her lips and looks completely neutral, too neutral. “Do you know where he is?” Jonas asks with his eyebrows slightly raised, not breaking eye contact with Noora. Noora doesn’t look surprised by the question but not too annoyed either.

“No clue. Haven’t seen him today.” She says nonchalantly without elaboration.

“Not at all?” Jonas asks while the rest of the group listen intensely. Noora shrugs a little again and Jonas is seriously frustrated by the lack of emotion on her face. She is almost unreadable.

“No. Me and Eskild went to brunch before Isak had woken up and I didn’t see him once we got back so I just assumed that he was with you guys but maybe he’s with his parents or something.” Noora gesticulates with her hand and adds the final part a bit rushed. Jonas squints a little at her and realises that if she hadn’t added that final part about his parents, Jonas would have completely believed her. Now he doesn’t because the likelihood of Isak blowing off Magnus’ birthday celebration to be with his parents when he literally hasn’t seen them is months is as good as zero. Jonas shrugs as though he believes her, not wanting to cause a scene or let her know he is on to her.

“Oh! Did you and Eskild go to that place down at Karl Johan? The place with all the cupcakes?” Eva asks excitedly, and Jonas briefly wonders if she is trying to take the attention away from Isak and Noora or if she genuinely wants to know. Noora’s faces brightens.

“Yeah!”

All the girls (and Mahdi) excitedly turns to Noora as she divulges into a story about how Eskild wanted to buy one of each kind but she had managed to talk him out of it. Eskild had settled on sharing 6 cupcakes between the two of them eventually and soon they are all debating which flavour is the best. Noora is advocating for carrot cake while Mahdi argues passionately for chocolate. Chris and Eva jumps in claiming that blueberry respectively apple and cinnamon are the absolute best. Sana apparently has no comment in the cupcake war, Magnus just stares fascinatedly between all of them, trying to decide which one who is correct, Jonas doesn’t really have an opinion either and it seems like Vilde hasn’t tried the place. Jonas catches Noora trying to hide a sad frown before she puts her had on Vilde’s leg to get her attention.

“We can go on Monday after school, you’ll love it!” Noora says firmly and Jonas feels like he is eavesdropping on a private on conversation when Vilde flinches almost unnoticeable.

“I don’t think I like cupcakes that much” Vilde almost whispers, trying to avoid Noora’s gaze but earning a challenging look from Noora in return. Jonas suddenly wishes he didn’t intrude on what obviously is a sensitive subject.

“You don’t know if you don’t try. We can share one!” Noora smiles and Jonas hopes that Noora pushes Isak in the same way.


	28. Are you a friend of Isak’s?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the slow update, thought I would have so much more time to write during this week but apparently not so now I'm doing something I've never done before, posting a chapter before I have the next chapter completely written. Ah, the pressure is on to get some writing done but I think I'll be able to do it. 
> 
> This chapter is quite shorts but it's the ever so lovely Eskild who finally lays his eyes on Even and the next chapter will be longer, it already is and I'm only halfway done. 
> 
> As always, to every single one of you who comments, gives kudos or (like it do far to often) just lurk around and read without leaving a trace, thank you so much for staying with the story! <3

**Chapter 28 – Are you a friend of Isak’s?**

**Sunday October 30 th, 2016, 06:28, Kollektivet**

**ESKILD**

Eskild smiles brightly at the grumpy looking lady walking her dog as he passes her, still in yesterday’s outfit. He doesn’t think his walk of shame is that obvious though. Eskild is in tight black jeans, a blue button-down shirt with a pattern of tiny white flowers hidden under his zipped up military green jacket. While his outfit might not show that he hasn’t slept yet, Eskild’s slight limp as the tries to maneuverer his very sore body, the fact that he probably smells like a combination of sex, sweat and alcohol, and is quite possibly still intoxicated could give it away though. Not that Eskild cares about what the grumpy dog-looking lady thinks about him, regardless of how much of a disapproving look she gives him. For most of the time, Eskild couldn’t care less about disapproving looks or comments about the way he dresses or the company he keeps. He just let them fly right pass him and feels bad for how people can find it in them to care so much about the life decisions of others. It wasn’t always like that though, it can still get to him sometimes and then he feels sad that the world hasn’t gotten further. That people are still not allowed to be completely themselves without receiving hate from others. Today is not such a day. Today Eskild is running on the afterglow of an incredible intense and honestly mind-blowing night. Sometimes Grindr sure delivers, Eskild thought to himself as he climbs the stairs up to kollektivet with the ambition to have a quick shower before trying to get a couple of hours sleep.

His plans are temporarily halted when he notices the locked bathroom door and hears water pouring from the tap on the other side. At first, he is confused, who is awake in this hour, on a Sunday morning, nonetheless? Linn is still with her parents, not expected to be back until late Sunday evening, so it can’t be her. If Noora has been sleeping in Linn’s bed again, it could be her. Eskild hopes not. Noora has had a rough time sleeping since she got home, getting a little bit more rest the nights she spent in Isak’s room but not close to enough. Eskild doubts that it’s Isak since he is notoriously sleepy in the morning. Eskild can feel a surge of excitement going through his body when he realises that there is another potential person in the bathroom. The mysterious guy that Isak has had locked up in his room since sometime on Friday evening. Had he stayed another night? Eskild almost grows an inch with proudness thinking that his lonely lost little godchild has had a guy in his room for two nights straight. He almost lets out a giggle of excitement about the fact that he might very soon be meeting the guy that has caused Isak to, what Eskild believes at least, dare to embrace himself more than he earlier has. 

Eskild can hear the tap being turned off and has to bite his tongue to not say something like ‘ _oh, nice catch’_ or ‘ _how do you think Isak would feel about sharing you?’_ when he is met by a tall James Dean-looking guy with plumped lips and blond fluffy hair standing opposite him in the doorway. Eskild manages to startle the guy just by standing outside the bathroom door and he stares at Eskild, mouth slightly open, eyebrows raised. Eskild wants to comment on the fact that the guy opposite him has messy hair suggesting plenty of hair pulling, that he is obviously dressed in Isak’s clothing and has a facial expression Eskild remembers having displayed himself that one time when he met the mother(!) of a guy he went home with walking out of the bathroom after a particularly bad one night stand. A voice in his mind, sounding suspiciously like Noora, tells him no and reminds him once again, that Isak is still well deep in the closet and even though he might be embracing himself to a new level, he still hasn’t told anyone, that Eskild knows of at least. Eskild is very firm in the belief that one should get to choose how and when one comes out so he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“Eh.. Who are you?” He says instead. The blond guy snaps out of staring at Eskild in shock and quickly manages to compose his face into a calm and confident position, like being caught in Isak’s clothes doesn’t faze him at all.

“Even” The tall guy replies, holding his hand out to Eskild who suddenly realises that the tall guy, apparently called Even, has been in this apartment before. Eskild recalls a neon headband but not much more, he was terribly drunk at that particular pre-game.

“Eskild. Hyggelig” He replies as he takes his hand, trying desperately to jog his memory to recall if he saw Even interact with Isak on that pre-game. He knows he shouldn’t pry, but he has to satisfy some of his curiosity so Eskild goes for a very innocent question. “Are you a friend of Isak’s?”

“Eh.. ja, from Nissen” Even starts. “We fell asleep watching movies last night and… eh… I promised my parents that I’d go out to breakfast with them this morning so…” Even doesn’t seem to know how to finish the sentence but Eskild is still impressed by his quick thinking and ability to come up with a quite believable story at this early in the morning.

“Cool. I’m gonna shower and head to bed, had an eventful night” Eskild replies, with a wink before he brushes by Even and heads into the bathroom. His head is now pounding due to the lack of sleep and the extensive amount of alcohol he drunk last night and his body is craving a shower. It’s craving sleep as well so he cuts the shower short, knowing that he probably will be unable to sleep after nine am anyway. It’s both a curse and a blessing. He never misses a day at uni or work due to oversleeping but it is also impossible for him to sleep after ten am, something that is not ideal for the days when he as spent the nights doing everything but sleeping.

He doesn’t see Even after exiting the shower but makes sure to sneak a glance towards the shoes he had discovered the previous morning, they are still there. Eskild smirks as he heads for his room and his beloved bed. He falls asleep as soon as he lays down, pulls his duvet across his body and closes his eyes.

When Eskild opens his eyes again, the time is 9:15 and his head is still pounding but he feels alright considering his limited sleep time. He pulls a grey t-shirt from on top of the chair he uses to throw used clothes on and pairs it with a light pink pair of bathing shorts with dark pink flamingos printed on them. It’s as good as it gets on a Sunday morning.

Noora is already up, he notices once he reaches the kitchen. She is furiously scrubbing down the sink even though it’s so clean that the reflection almost blinds Eskild. Noora looks at him exasperated when he makes the argument and even though she doesn’t say it out loud, it is painfully obvious that she is trying to distract herself and keep busy. Eskild also suspects that she too, as Eskild, didn’t get much sleep last night. The difference though is that Eskild’s reason for not sleeping is that he was occupied in various acrobatic positions that had left him feeling a new kind of sore while Noora probably didn’t sleep because she was heartbroken.

Noora seems to think that the kitchen is clean enough but takes a sponge with her as she leaves Eskild behind to make an extra strong cup of coffee. The walls of kollektivet are quite thin so Eskild can hear her head for the hallway into Isak’s room. He believes that he also can hear her starting to scrub something again. Is it the wall? Noora needs better coping mechanism, he is sure of it. Eskild decides to make it his mission to convince Noora to stop cleaning and joining him doing something, anything else than cleaning really, and swiftly makes his way through the apartment heading for Noora.

Isak opens his door to his room at the same time as Eskild rounds the corner and Isak’s confused face finding Noora scrubbing the wall is actually comical.

“Halla!” Noora says, like her actions are completely normal, and keeps on scrubbing the wall, back facing Isak.

“Hallo.” Isak replies, squinting and looking at Noora like her actions are strangely disturbing. “What are you doing?” He asks and Eskild feels that it’s a completely valid question. Noora however is either oblivious or too focused on occupying herself that she doesn’t notice how strange it is.

“I’m cleaning.” She replies and continues her scrubbing. In this moment, Eskild decide that Isak not awake enough yet to realise that pestering Noora about her cleaning habits is probably not the best idea. Especially since Eskild is aware of her lack of sleep the past two nights.

“Good Morning!” Eskild says and slides up in front of Isak’s door to grab the attention away from Noora. Isak does shift his attention to Eskild but is still focused on the wall being scrubbed between him.

“The wall?” He asks.

“Ja eh…” Eskild tries to convey Noora’s sadness to Isak without saying it out loud. It seems to work because Isak in recognition. Still firm on changing the subject and moving the attention away from Noora Eskild looks at Isak and moves the conversation to the first thing that crosses his mind. “Hi, good morning Isak!”

“Morning”

“So, that Even guy was so cool” Eskild says, apparently startling Isak who opens his mouth in surprise, looking caught for a moment before he tries to collect himself. Tries but fails, visibly stressed by the situation when he replies.

“You met him?”

Noora has stopped scrubbing and turned to stand next to Eskild.

“Yeah. In the bathroom, early this morning” Eskild replies, trying to keep the conversation calm but dying to satisfy his curiosity. “Who is he?”

“Erm… Just a, just a friend” Isak stutters before clearly deciding that he is not going to talk more on the subject. Closing the door on both Eskild and Noora.


	29. Did you know that William has and older brother, Nico?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! 
> 
> This chapter covers some heavy topics but I don't want to spoil anything so warnings are in the end notes.

**Chapter 29 - Did you know that William has and older brother, Nico?**

**Sunday October 30 th, 2016, 21:02, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Isak has with the exception for two bathroom breaks and three tours to the kitchen to fill a bowl with cereal and milk spent the entire day in his bed. He had been thinking and overthinking everything that has happened since Friday evening, or honestly, everything that has happened since he first saw Even in the cafeteria a few weeks into the semester. Isak had been correct in thinking that as soon as Even left he would start freaking out and sure, part of Isak’s freak out consists of the fact that he has gone further with Even than he ever has with any girl. If he wasn’t sure about his sexuality before this weekend, he was now but if Isak was being honest with himself (something mostly reserved midnight angst) he has been sure for quite some time. He has just been doing his best to suppress it.

It wasn’t really what he and Even had spent their time doing that created the most anxiety and fear though. Kissing, cuddling, touching and being with Even felt right. Thinking about it now causes butterflies to soar in his stomach as he is filled with warmth. His dick might also wake up every time lets his mind wander to certain events. There is a slight could in his mind though and it’s the fact that Even left before Isak woke up in the morning. Isak, who had hoped that his Sunday would play out as good as his Saturday had, had been more disappointed than he would admit when he realised that he was alone. Then before the even had the time to process it he had been forced to face Eskild and Noora who apparently knew about Even staying the night. Cue freak out and Isak locking himself into his room for the day. The sketch helped though but his overthinking mind is still obsessing over the fact that Even hadn’t answered when Isak called mid-day nor had he answered the [text](http://skam.p3.no/2016/10/30/fin-tegning/) he sent a few hours later.

Isak feels kind of pathetic when he checks his phone for the millionth time hoping that Even has replied. He hasn’t and while Isak had managed to keep almost all the thoughts about the fact that Even has a girlfriend at bay during the time they spent together it keeps hammering in his mind right now. Just the thought of Even leaving and heading straight to Sonja from Isak makes his blood run cold and leaves him feeling nauseous. What if he thinks it’s the weekend they spent together was a mistake? Or, and Isak isn’t sure if it’s worse, if he doesn’t think it’s a mistake but loves Sonja too much to even consider leaving her for him. Isak tries to not think about it but he doesn’t always succeed. He tries to focus on the fact that leaving the girls on Friday was Even’s idea, that Even kissed him first, that Even stayed the night on Friday and chose to stay with Isak all Saturday even though he could have left. Isak tries to focus on the words scribbled on the sketch he left on his pillow. _Du er digg <3_

Isak overthinks and worries about more than Even and Sonja, Emma for example. He has not even dared to log onto Facebook since he read all her messages on Friday. He is terrified of facing her because he knows that once again he has treated her like shit and this time she might actually be enough pissed at him to do something about it. Isak also has no clue what Emma thinks happened on Friday, if she suspects why they left. He has no idea what he will say to her if she confronts him. Will he say that, yes he and Even are complete assholes who left because of the tiff between Sonja and Even? That they went out drinking and smoking on their own. But what if she suspects what they really did? What is he going to do then?

Because if his day of worried brooding had led him to any conclusion, it’s that Isak is under no circumstance ready to tell anyone. He came to the conclusion very early on during the day, in the same moment Eskild had questioned him about it, and had revisited his arguments over and over again since then. If Isak can’t even tell his gay roommate, who be nothing but overjoyed and supportive, he sure isn’t ready for Emma or anyone else to know.

A careful knock on the door to his room interrupts his thoughts and Isak, who never locks his door unless he hides Even in his room or, apparently, overthinks having had Even in his room, groans as he slowly gets up from the bed to unlock the door.

Noora’s sad demeanour catches him slightly off guard. She has dark circles under her eyes and her shoulders are hunched. She looks uncertainly at him, like she is hesitating to speak and they stand silent opposite each other in his doorway for a little while before Noora clears her throat.

“Can I sleep in here?” Noora’s voice is weak, like she feels bad for asking but see no other alternative and pang of guilt hits him when he realises that for the past two nights, Noora who has been struggling so bad since she came back, has been forced to sleep alone.

“Yeah, of course” Isak replies and steps aside to let her in. Noora is already dressed for bed in her flannel shorts and oversized t-shirt and quickly makes herself at home on the side of the bed closest to the door. It shouldn’t feel strange considering it’s where Noora has spelt most of her nights since coming back from London but it’s the same side that Even had and seeing someone else there suddenly feels weird. Isak quickly shoves all those thoughts away, yes he’d rather have Even in his bed right now but Noora has quickly become someone he cares about.

Isak carefully watches Noora’s tired face as she pulls the duvet up around her, almost like a shield and leans back on one of the pillows with her gaze up in the ceiling. Isak wants to do something to lessen the helplessness in her gaze because Noora looks completely drained, both emotionally and physically. He lays down on the bed next to her, body turned towards, not knowing what to say. Part of him wants to ask her about it but part of him is scared to do so, knowing that Noora, like Isak, sometimes just needs to be allowed to open up in her own pace. 

“Hey, are you ok?” Isak eventually asks well aware that it’s a stupid question since she obviously isn’t but it’s the only thing he could think of. Noora shrugs and closes her eyes for a moment before she returns to staring up in the ceiling. Isak realises that he hasn’t seen her this fragile since she arrived back home from London. She has really been doing her best to seem okay only letting certain things slip in the security of their midnight chats. Not that she has said much about what happened, barely nothing at all. When he thinks about it, all Isak knows is that Noora and William didn’t work, that she has trouble sleeping and that she doesn’t want to talk about it. He really doesn’t know what happened. He should say something he decides and is trying to figure out what, when he sees how Noora’s lip starts to tremble a little as tears starts to fall down her cheek and Isak reacts the only way he knows how, by pulling her into his arms. 

Noora sobs into his chest as he holds her close. She hasn’t shed a tear in front of him since the day she came home but now it all seems to be coming out at once. She positively shakes and Isak doesn’t know what to do or say so he just tightens his arms around her and lets one hand softly stroke her back in an effort to calm her down. Isak can feel his t-shirt getting wetter and wetter but doesn’t care. He feels lost. Isak isn’t very good at talking about feelings and he has no clue what he should say or do in a situation like this.

“It’s gonna be okay, don’t cry” He gently whispers into her hair in attempt to make it better but it only causes her to cry even more so he decides not to say anything else and just let her cry for as long as she needs. Isak has no idea of how long he lays in bed holding Noora tight in his embrace, squeezing her extra tightly whenever her sobs increase and wishing there was something he could do. Slowly but surely, he can feel how her sobs die down, her body stops shaking and her breathing evens out. He loosens his grip around her when he feels her moving her head off his chest slightly to look up into his face.

They are both still lying on their sides, Isak’s right arm squashed under Noora’s upper body and his left lightly resting on her shoulders. Her face is red, puffy, and wet from all the tears when Isak meets her gaze. She looks both embarrassed, uncomfortable and apologetic but mostly very sad and small and Isak knows what she is going to say before she does so.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Noora starts before Isak interrupts her.

“Don’t be.” Noora is about to say something again but Isak doesn’t let her. “I’m serious Noora, it’s cool.”

Noora leans forward to rest her forehead against Isak’s chest and loosely places her arm around Isak waist.  He watches her body move as she takes three deep breaths before pulling him close to her for a few seconds.

“Thank you.”  Noora whispers as she lets go of him and turns to lie on her back. Isak makes moves his arm simultaneously so that is under her neck but keeps laying on his side, watching her carefully. He has become very protective of Noora as their friendship has progressed. If he was to psychoanalyse himself he would probably say that he sees so much of himself in Noora that he wants to protect her from the pain he himself is feeling. The way Jonas always tries to protect Isak. The way Eskild always tries to protect both all roommates in kollektivet. He smiles a little at the memory of Eskild telling a broken, hungover and runaway Isak that it’s okay to let people help sometimes on the morning he woke up on a mattress in Eskild’s room.

“Noora?” Isak eventually asks and she turns her head to look at him nodding in reply. “Do you want to talk about it?” Noora takes a deep breath and sighs, apparently contemplating her answer.

“I don’t know.” Noora settles on eventually.

“I think you should talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be me, it could be Eskild or Eva or anyone else the girls but you should talk to someone. Don’t bottle it all up, it’s not healthy.” To Isak’s surprise Noora snorts at him and raises her eyebrows, a small smile playing on her lips.

“That’s rich coming from you.” She replies with sass, causing Isak to snort himself. He rolls his eyes at her well aware that he is being a huge hypocrite telling Noora to talk about his feelings when he is the reigning champion of not doing so.

“Fuck off.” He scoffs, with a huge smile, causing Noora to giggle.

Isak rolls over to lay on his back as they fall silent again. He is glad to have put a smile on Noora’s face, even for a brief second but even though he hates talking about feeling and is confident that doing so with Noora will be awkward as hell because Isak will probably fuck up the giving advice-part he still firmly believes that Noora should talk to someone. So he is going to power through it and pray that he doesn’t fuck things up by putting his foot in his mouth.

“So, “ Isak begins. “Are we going to talk about it? Or are you talking to Eva or Eskild about it and before you answer, if you say Eva I will text her and if you say Eskild I will call him in here to make sure you aren’t lying to me.” He tries to be a bit humorous to take the edge of slightly and thinks that he might be successful because Noora rolls her eyes at him fondly. She doesn’t answer at first though and Isak feels slightly anxious that he might have overstepped.

“I told Eva that I’m talking to you a bit.” Noora finally admits to Isak’s surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah. She said pretty much the same thing a little while ago, well she didn’t threaten to double check my answer but she asked if I’m speaking to someone and I told her about how we talk at night.” Isak smiles at her and jumps at the opportunity to get Noora to open up more.

“So talk to me, why where you crying?” He says and rolls back on his side to watch her, again cautious and scared to be crossing the line. Noora bites her lip and furrows her brows.

“You have to promise me one, no two, things” She starts.

“Okay, what?” Isak asks not budging from Noora’s slightly challenging gaze.

“You can’t tell anyone and I’m serious, not even Eskild, fuck especially not Eskild” Noora’s first condition is no problem for Isak, he doesn’t understand why though, considering Eskild is a parental figure to all of them. A weird, sparkling, dirty-minded, no-filter, parental figure but a parental figure nonetheless.

“Okay and?”  

“And…” Noora takes a deep breath, her gaze still on Isak and suddenly both more challenging and more careful at the same time. “And tomorrow, when I’m less of a mess, you have to talk to me about one of the things that keep you up at night. And not on a bullshit level. If I’m talking about why I’m miserable and can’t sleep then so are you.”

 

Isak opens his mouth to protest at first but closes it and purses his lips. This was not part of the plan. He knows that he is a total hypocrite but he dreads talking about why he can’t sleep because there are only two major reasons when you break it down; His parents and his sexuality. They both also overlap slightly which makes it even more difficult.

“Well?” Noora asks expectantly. Isak sighs before admitting defeat, he’ll just keep it to the basic parts of his problems, what Noora doesn’t know won’t kill her. Or, he thinks hopefully, he can sneak out to (or in with) Even and just avoid the conversation completely.

“Fine. You talk today, I talk tomorrow.” Noora smiles, very satisfied, before taking a deep breath and looking up in the ceiling. Isak waits. Gives her time to decide where to start her story. Noora sits up on the bed, props her pillow up against the wall and leans against it, causing Isak to follow her lead. Apparently, this is a conversation that requires sitting up rather than lying down.

“Did you know that William has and older brother, Nico?” She finally starts, her voice obviously more strained and hesitant than in their previous conversation. Isak didn’t know and is at first curious as to how he fits into the story but as Noora talks he feels more and more nauseous, angry and pain build up inside of him. Poor Noora. She is very collected as she speaks, almost clinical.

 She tells him about the first time she met Nico in William’s apartment, about how much of an arsehole William was in that situation. About how hurt she had been at the way she was treated after finally admitting to both her and him that she had feelings for him. About how used she felt in that moment. At this point in the story Isak is furious at William but that eventually changes, and changes again.

Noora tells him about how William time and time again avoided talking about Nico and made up an excuse to make sure they didn’t meet. She tells him about finding out that Nico was still in town after she turned up at William’s apartment to look for him. She tells him what Nico said about William being both aggressive and with another girl. Noora has to take a deep breath and close her eyes for a second before telling Isak about how she had been so upset that she started drinking and woke up naked with no memory, next to both Nico and a girl named Mari. Dread is starting to spread in Isak’s body and he moves to put his arm around her but she stops him.

“Don’t. I’ll start crying again and I just…” Noora sighs, swallows and look up in the celling. “I just want to get through this okay? Don’t say anything or hug me until I’m done, okay?” Isak nods and his eyes catches Noora nervously fiddling with her hands, changing grip constantly and putting pressure on various places in her hands. He takes her hand in his on instinct, wanting to at least give her something to apply pressure onto when speaking becomes difficult. Noora gives him a small smile and takes a few breaths before continuing. Things get more difficult now, and Noora has to take small pauses but Isak stays silent as the pain in his chest grows with every word Noora speaks.

When Noora’s voice almost breaks as she tells him about how scared she had been that he had raped and/or drugged her Isak has to clench his jaw together and to not scream. He grips Noora’s hand tighter when she slowly tells him about how she contacted Nico to find out what happened, about not daring to see William until she knew and about how she finally heard back from Nico and the short relief when she had thought everything was alright again. She tells him about the stress she had felt after William told her that Nico is a psychopath and then how she only minutes later got a naked picture of herself from Nico with accompanying insults. She tells him about the fear and anxiety that lead her to shutting herself in for days until Eskild let William into the apartment and her room. She tells him about not daring to say anything to William. She tells him about how scared, violated and small she had felt when she thought that Nico had raped her. 

Isak feel a glimmer of hope in all the devastation when Noora tells him about when she told the girls and how they all rallied around her and supported her. Isak feels proud when she tells him about confronting Nico and recording every word, she sure is a badass. Then Isak feels furious again when he is told about how Nico told William that he had slept with Noora and how Noora couldn’t deny anything because she still didn’t know what had happened.

He feels immense relief and proudness when Noora tells him about how she asked Mari, the other girl who slept in the bed with her after the party, and found out that Nico hadn’t physically touched her. Although the pictures are still bad enough.

Noora’s voice begins to falter when she tells him about how she had been called to witness in court after moving to London. About how William was almost excited to let Nico get the punishment he deserved but also how William couldn’t take time off work and come with her. Noora tightens her grip on Isak’s hand and tears starts to silently drip down her cheeks but she keeps talking, a determined look on her face.

Noora continues to tell about how she went back to Oslo without even telling anyone. She arrives early in the morning, took the tram to the courthouse and then back to the airport. She tells him how she physically couldn’t testify, how her entire body had frozen outside the courthouse, how scared she had been of not being taken seriously or blamed for having been drunk at the time. She tells him how scared she had been to face Nico again, alone. How she had been terrified of the court being charmed and convinced by Nico’s exterior, like she had been when Nico had spoken to her about William.

She told him about how ashamed she had been when she returned to London, about having lied to William by telling him that she had testified. She told him about the excruciating blow and the hopelessness she had felt once the letter of dismissal arrived. About how William had been so utterly disappointed. About how even though William had assured her that he wasn’t mad at or disappointed with Noora she still felt like it. About how there suddenly was this distance between them. About how William had coped with it by working so late at night that Noora was asleep when he arrived home. About how she mostly just pretended to be asleep because she had felt so isolated, alone and like such a failure that she couldn’t face him. About how William had started to spend every free-time he had with his father, dragging Noora along with him, like he was trying to avoid spending time with her alone. About how she one day spent the whole day crying because all she wanted was to feel like home. About how she felt trapped in the apartment and no matter how much she tried to make it her home. About how suddenly she couldn’t tell William what she was thinking and no matter how in love with him she was, she couldn’t stay.

 

Isak hadn’t noticed but a few tears had escaped from his eyes and down his cheeks as Noora spoke. He can’t even begin to understand how horrible she has been and still is feeling.  Noora bites her lip, squeezes Isak’s hand tightly and takes a deep breath through her nose before she continues to talk.

“I was quite sick a couple of years ago, eating disorder.” Noora swallows and Isak squeezes her hand in support. He doesn’t say anything though, partly because Noora asked him not to and partly because he doesn’t know what to say. This entire conversation has been more serious than Isak could have ever imagined and all he wants to do is take all the pain and misery away but he can’t do that so he just holds her hand as she speaks. 

“I had to go back home because I was afraid that I’d stop eating again and fall back into it as a method of coping. I couldn’t stay in London where I felt lonely, scared and guilty. I had to go back to the people and the places I feel safe in. But I couldn’t tell William that because before we got this distance in-between us, he was one of those people. And if I had spoken to him about everything, he would have begged me to stay and I would have done so, because I love him more than anything.” Noora positively shakes with tears again and this time she doesn’t protest when Isak wraps his right arm around her, pulling her close. She cowers up against his side and pulls her legs over his lap so that she can rest her head against his chest as Isak starts to stroke her back and holding her pressed tightly against her. Noora continues her story, tears still streaming from her eyes but her breathing stabilises as she relaxed in Isak’s embrace. “So, I sat in the apartment one day when William was at work, wrote probably twenty different letters trying to explain and apologise for what I was about to do. I threw them all away went to bed before he came home and pretended to sleep when he crawled into bed. I didn’t sleep at all and the next morning, after pretending to sleep when he woke up and left for work, I packed my bags and left without leaving a note.”

 

Noora starts to sob uncontrollably again and if Isak wasn’t broken hearted before, he is now. Seeing this girl, who he has started to care for almost like a sister, in such immense pain and knowing that there is absolutely nothing he can do to make it go away is purely heart-breaking. He rocks her gently back and forth, almost like if he is rocking a adult-size baby, and tries to at least let her know that he is there for her.

“I feel like shit for leaving like that. Imagine coming home and realising that your girlfriend just picked up and left without even leaving a note or saying anything at all. I’m such a shit person!” Noora rambles on, her words slightly muffled against Isak’s chest but clear enough for Isak to hear. He wants to say something wise, like Noora has done to him, but his mind is blank and before he has the time to figure out what he should say, Noora starts talking once again. “And I’ve been so ashamed about how I left that I haven’t told anyone and then Penetrator-Chris just really laid into me on Friday, like proper questioned me about how I left and the rumours about you and me and I’ve just been unable to relax for even a second since then. I’ve tried to write maybe a hundred emails to William with some form of explanation or just an apology but I just can’t get the words out and now I’m terrified what this stupid rumour could do to him if he ever finds out because he also has a shit family and severe trust issues and something like this, I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him.” 

The final words Noora speaks are so sad and lacking of hope that Isak once again feels so powerless and devastated for her sake. He doesn’t know what to say, he is just so sorry for what she has had to go through, alone nonetheless.

“I’m so sorry Noora.” Isak says after a while. “Fuck. I don’t know what to say. I’m shit at this.” He takes a breath, afraid that he will start rambling and put his foot in his mouth. He takes a deep breath.  He doesn’t know where to start because so many horrible things culminated together to become even more horrible and he can’t even imagine what going through something like that feels like. He eventually settles on the only one of the few parts that he can wraps his mind around enough to be able to say something constructive about instead of just cursing and screaming about it. “I think you did the right thing coming back. I think, and I know I’m going to sound like a hypocrite now, but I think that during something horrible like this you should be with your family, with Eskild and Linn. Especially if you were afraid for your health.” Noora sighs and shrugs a little, still tightly wrapped in Isak’s embrace.   

“I shouldn’t have left the way I did thought.”

“Maybe not but you’re hurting and sometimes when you hurt you fuck up. You can always try and fix it.” Isak replies using an argument Noora used on him not to long ago.

“I told you,” Noora says with exasperation in her voice. “I’ve tired writing him so many times but I never manage to do it good enough to send it. It just looks pathetic and he deserves so much more.”

 “I’ll do it with you.” Isak finally feels useful. “We can sit in here tomorrow and I’ll help you.”

“Tomorrow we’re going to talk about all your issues” Noora replies, almost stubbornly, causing Isak to smile a little out of the corner of his mouth and roll his eyes.

“Well Tuesday then?”

“Tuesday.” Noora replies with a grateful smile.

 

Noora is so tired after their conversation that she untangles herself from Isak’s embrace and lays back down in the bed. Isak goes to grab a glass of water for her to drink, assuming that her head must be pounding from all the crying but she is asleep before he returns and he doesn’t have the heart to wake her.

Instead he removes his now completely tear-soaked t-shirt and his sweatpants before crawling into bed. His mind still occupied with all that Noora has told him. He reaches for his phone needing to set some alarms for the upcoming day and his stomach starts to flutter once he sees that Even has replied to him. Isak had been so preoccupied with Noora that he completely forgot about all the anxiety he felt about Even leaving and not replying all day. Seeing Even’s name on the screen and reading his texts causes warmth to spread through his body and pushes away part of the pain he feels for Noora for a little while. 

He looks over at Noora on his side, to check that she really is sleeping. Good. Noora has opened up and now she doesn’t have to feel as alone and they are going to write to William on Tuesday, hopefully easing some of her guilt. Deciding that there is no use for him to ponder and worry more about Noora tonight Isak allows himself to think about the [text](http://skam.p3.no/2016/10/30/bada-hos-tanta-mi/) Even sent him.

 

_Sorry. Really busy today, went swimming at my aunt’s house. Kidding. Talk tomorrow._

_You are cute when you’re sleeping._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think Isak was going to come out to Noora? Honestly, I thought about it but I decided that it was time to show how much of a toll everything that has happened has taken on her. Also, what did you think of Noora telling ISak about Nico?   
> Since I've already decided how to handle Isak's coming out (which will happen this week timeline-wise so that it fits with when Eskild knew on the show) but I'm super intrigued to hear how you think Isak will come out. To who and when and were? 
> 
>  
> 
> * Warnings *  
> Referenced eating disorder - very briefly.   
> Description of what Nico did to Noora - More in detail and in regards to Noora's feelings during the time and how Isak feels hearing about it.


	30. So you could keep fucking the roommate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Noora are late for school. They regret it deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30 is here and it feels completely surreal that I've actually written this much but I just enjoy this way too much! I hope you like this chapter, it wasn't what I had planned originally but when it came to me I just decided to go for it. Hope you like it and as always, huge thanks to everyone who keeps on reading, commenting and leaving kudos. It makes me want to make this story the best it can be<3 
> 
> Have some, (quite mild) warnings in the end notes.

**Chapter 30 – So you could keep fucking the roommate**

**Monday October 31 st 2016 07:40, Hartvig Nissen**

**ISAK**

Compared to the week before, a lot felt different when Isak woke up on Monday morning. He was more rested for one, having gotten more than eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, something that was almost unheard of in the life of Isak Valtersen. He also woke up before Noora, which was a first, and had to awkwardly figure out how to wake her up. Usually, Noora had an alarm on about an hour before Isak had his but she had obviously forgotten about it the night before. The fact that Noora always woke up earlier to have time to shower, make breakfast and get ready (compared to Isak who woke up as late as possible and mostly just threw something fairly clean on, picked up a snapback from the floor and, since Noora moved back in, hurriedly devoured the breakfast Noora cooked in under a minute) meant that Isak had never woken up next to her and while he was completely comfortable do hug, hang and share a bed with her, waking up next to her felt weird. Should he let her be (not an option considering Noora already was an hour behind schedule), should poke her in the side or just stand up and start rummaging around in the room in hopes of waking her up?

He went for poking her on her shoulder and call her name until she woke up and looked at him first confused and the then, after he had told her that they had to leave in five minutes, (due to him spending 10 minutes internally debating with himself about how to wake her) with panic. They of course didn’t make it to the tram on time and ended up taking one 30 minutes later than they usually did.

Considering the vast amount of sleep they both had gotten, Isak thinks Noora looks both uncomfortable and fidgety in a way he hasn’t seen before. She is picking at her cuticles and looking worriedly out the window as stand on the tram together.

“Are you okay?” He asks after a few minutes and looks at her with concern. Noora bites her lip and take a few seconds before answering.

“Yeah… or like… I don’t like skipping meals. It reminds me of when I was sick.” Noora doesn’t have to explain any further and Isak decides that they can miss first period in favour of grabbing breakfast at KB on the way. Noora protests, not being a fan of ditching, but gives up fairly easily.

They arrive to Nissen 15 minutes before the first period ends after having sat down at KB for only 10 minutes to quickly stuff themselves with a sandwich and both opting for coffee in a take-away cup. Noora had insisted on them hurrying to make sure they didn’t miss more classes than they already had.

 

“Hey Isak,” Noora says just as Isak is about to start they fight he has multiple times a day with his locker.

“Mhm?” He only answers absentmindedly. Noora carefully puts her hand on his arm to get him to turn towards her before breaking out in a genuine smile and looking at him with warmth and Isak is a tiny bit afraid of what’s to come. It looks like Noora is about to pour feelings on him and that makes him slightly uncomfortable in the setting they currently are. He can handle emotions when they are in the safe vicinity of his (usually dark) bedroom but in school, in the hallway, it makes him feel on edge. He relaxes as soon as Noora starts speaking though.

 “I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. “The sincerity both written in Noora’s face and audible in her voice causes Isak to pull her into a hug. A hug Noora responds to by holding him equally as tight. Isak, who temporarily forgot about their location, becomes aware of it yet again and is grateful that everyone is still in class. He knows that the emotions put into the hug easily could be interpreted as something else than genuine appreciation of a friendship. Isak blames the how everyone seems unable to grasp the concept of completely non-sexual relationships with the opposite gender. The fact that everyone would be completely cool with them hugging like this if everyone knew about his disinterest in girls also bothers him way more than it should.

“No worries. Seriously, it’s nothing.” Isak’ is honestly a bit embarrassed by Noora’s sudden affection. This kind of sincere compliments, and not inept attempts of hitting on him, has been a rare feature in his life and he doesn’t really know how to react. Noora pulls away from the hug but keeps her hands on his biceps and attaches her gaze to him.

“It’s not nothing Isak.” She says with both exasperation and fondness. “Since I moved back in you’ve been there for me in a way you really didn’t have to and I did enough talking about feelings yesterday so I’m just going to say this once Isak. Okay?” Isak nods and when Noora keeps talking so many things go unsaid.  

“Thank you. For hanging with me all night. Thank you for breakfast, for hugging me all night and for letting me sleep in your bed practically every night since I came back.” Isak feels himself welling up and not wanting to cry he pulls Noora back in to his arms for a few seconds to collect himself. He would like to be able to express the level of gratitude he feels towards Noora for everything she has done for him during the nights they have bonded over their misery but he can’t get the words to come out so he puts it all into the hug, squeezing her tightly and places a kiss in her hair.

“Well, you’re not the worst person to share a bed with.” Isak replies once they pull out of the hug. He looks at Noora so see whether she understands just how much this means to him as well and he thinks she does because she smiles brightly at him and chuckles but they are interrupted before she has the opportunity to answer.

 

“So that’s what fucking happened!?” Emma says with disgust in her voice causing both Isak and Noora to turn around in shock. Isak can feel his pulse raise as he starts to sweat from uncomfortableness. Emma was the absolute worst person overhear their conversation and the absolute last person Isak wanted to run into today. His only game plan had been to avoid Emma at all costs, at least until he had talked to Even. Isak is completely tongue-tied and turns his head to look alarmingly at Noora who also looks like she’d rather be anywhere than in this hallway.

 “Ehh.. Hi. Sorry for… ” Isak stars not really sure of how to continue. _Sorry for leaving but Even asked and I’m so fucking into him that I’d follow him anywhere?_ Yeah no. He only has to think for about half a second before Emma cuts him off, visibly furious and seemingly oblivious to Isak’s attempt to explain himself.

"Even and Sonja get into a fight so you and Even just fucking ditch us to what? Go to the fucking Penetrator party so you could keep fucking the roommate you have told everyone you’re just friends with?!” Emma screams at him and while he might deserve some shit for how he has handled the Emma situation, he things this is a bit out of hand but is thankful for the still empty hallway. The fact that Emma has completely gotten the wrong end of the stick would be comical if he could think of an explanation that didn’t give any indication to what he and Even had actually been doing and at the same time squashed the misgivings Emma has about him and Noora. But his mind is blank and Noora has her eyebrows raised in surprise at him while still managing to look slightly offended at Emma’s aggressiveness.

“That’s not what happ…” Isak starts but Emma is having none of it.

“I don’t want to hear it. You’re just a fucking asshole.” Isak can’t disagree so he stays silent but wishes that he hadn’t as Emma starts speaking again because she turns to Noora with all her fury.

“And you? What kind of horrible person are you?” Noora looks at her in shock.

“What?” She manages to say before Emma keeps raging on.

“You fucking hung out on Friday and pretended to be all nice and sweet to me while I was at the apartment when in reality you’ve been sleeping together all this time. And you what, say you have a boyfriend so that I wouldn’t get suspicious well guess what I asked around and turns out you’re not together anymore! Do you feel good about being a fake bitch who sleeps with guys someone else is seeing?” Noora stares at Emma in shock but Isak has finally had enough.

“Don’t talk to her like that! Noora has nothing to…” Isak starts but Emma interrupts him again.

“I’m not interested in any excuses Isak, you’re an arsehole and I’m so fucking done with this.” Emma storms off without another word leaving Isak shell-shocked and Noora looking taken aback and shocked by the harshness of Emma’s words. Isak groans and pinches his nose as soon as the door to the stairwell closes behind her. He really doesn’t need more drama. Noora looks at him expectantly when he reopens his eyes and Isak feels guilty about dragging her into this whole mess.

 “Shit. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that, I deserved it but not you. I’ll text her and explain or… Fuck. ” Isak stars rambling, not really sure where he is going with it. He has no idea of how to convince Emma that Noora isn’t who she thinks she is without revealing what he and Even actually did after ditching them on Friday.

“Not your fault Isak.” Noora says with remarkable calmness considering what just went down. Isak still feels guilty because he suspects that Noora doesn’t want to show just how much Emma’s words hurt and how terrified she is of even more people believing there is something going on between them  

“Kinda is though.” Isak says a bit deflated. Things have gotten so much more complicated than they should have and Isak hates being part of the gossip. He already despises how he has this carefully crafted image and rumours and gossip just add another dimension on top of it. Noora doesn’t say anything at first but watches Isak with a small smile.

“I so preoccupied with my own misery yesterday that I totally forgot to ask you about the date but if you and Even ditched then I kind of understand why Emma is pissed at you.” Noora says, conversational and without any judgement, but Isak’s hearts starts to race and he turns his head quickly to check that no one else is around even though Noora hasn’t said anything that specifically tells Isak that she knows. But she knows. He is convinced of it. Of course she knows. Noora was there yesterday when Eskild asked about Even, she would put two and two together. It’s terrifying. He doesn’t dare to return her gaze, thoughts racing. Noora already judges him for using Emma and he doesn’t want to think about what she thinks now that she knows just how much he has used her.

 Isak briefly contemplates just making a run for it and skipping school entirely just to get out of the hallway. The public space of the hallway makes him so uncomfortable and so does the fact that Emma managed to out him to Noora without even realising it herself. He knows Noora isn’t to blame here and, had she asked him in a different setting when it was just the two of them and he was sure no one could overhear them, he might have had the guts to admit to it. This though, Isak feels completely unprepared and it’s terrifying.

“Isak?” Noora’s careful voice grabs Isak’s attention and he is almost shaking, completely petrified of what’s to come. “You know that you don’t have to tell me anything, right? But if you want to talk about the date and whatever happened on Friday or anything else, you know I’m here okay?”

Isak has to take a deep breath to steady himself, Noora is giving him an out and he is desperate to take it. He also notices that he hasn’t received any judgement or lectures form Noora. Yet. He is still isn’t convinced it won’t come eventually. For now, he is just grateful for how Noora’s reaction solely seems to focus on the fact that Isak is uncomfortable and not at all on why. He pulls her back into a hug, not daring to voice any of his emotions towards her reaction out loud.

“I don’t think I can talk about it just yet.” He whispers against her hair a second before the bell rings and they break apart to avoid getting caught in an embrace for the second time. Noora stands by his locker as he manages to open it on the third try and she causally swishes topics to the Norwegian class she just missed and Isak, still tense from the events of the past quarter can feel himself relaxing only slightly. That’s until Vilde shows up next to them to ask Noora why she wasn’t in class.

“Oh we overslept.” Noora answers quickly and Isak doesn’t notice anything weird about it until Vilde’s eyebrows rise towards the ceiling and an excited and curious look is plastered all over her face.

“ _We_ overslept?!” She asks a little too loudly, her gaze shifting quickly between Isak and Noora. A few people turn their heads and Isak curses silently to himself. Not twice in one fucking morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:   
> Referenced eating disorder
> 
>  
> 
> So, what did you think? Not letting Isak come out to Noora on his own terms was something I hadn't planned on but then again, when does things ever go as planned? I feel like Noora knowing is quite crucial for whats to come so I went with it. Also, had I been Emma and only knowing what she knows (or believes), I would have been fucking furious so her reaction is to me, completely understandable. Let me know what you think about how things went down!


	31. Wouldn’t want to make out with a girl who has a stubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even isn't at school, Isak avoids Emma, the guys talk about kissing someone with a stubble and Jonas is concerned.

**Chapter 31 – Wouldn’t want to make out with a girl who has a stubble**

**Monday October 31 st, 2016, 11:48, Hartvig Nissen**

**ISAK**

Isak’s leg nervously bounces up and down during the morning classes he attends after his and Noora’s run-ins with both Emma and Vilde. They had managed to convince Vilde that Noora saying _we overslept_ didn’t in the slightest mean that they slept together (except well, they did, but Vilde definitely didn’t need to know that) but that Noora had forgotten her alarm and Isak had gone into Eskild’s room to wake her up once he realised but by then it was too late and they both ended up missing the tram. Isak thinks she bought it, he thinks she should considering Noora is one of her best friends but he is still hesitant given how Vilde somehow seems to live for gossip. Also, the story was mostly true. Noora did forget to set her alarm, Isak woke her up but too late for them to be able to make it to school in time. The only non-truth was the fact that the bed Noora slept in was Isak’s, not Eskild’s.

The hours before lunch creep slowly by and Isak’s body is tense, constantly on the lookout for Emma (dread), any whispers about what Emma assumed after catching Isak and Noora in the hallway (also dread) and finally Even (nervous excitement). He sweeps his eyes across ever classroom, hallway, and stairwell Isak enters in search for a blond quiff towering above everyone else. He can’t find him and for every moment that passes Isak can’t tell if he dreads seeing Even simply due to the fact that he has absolutely no idea of how to act if or when he sees him or if he just can’t wait to see him. Does he kiss him? No, someone could see them. Hug? No, too suspicious. Handshake? Weird. A cool, relaxed, composed, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary _halla?_ Could work, but Isak is pretty sure he won’t be able to pull it off. How is he supposed to act around the guy he spent all weekend in bed with? How is he supposed to do that when no one can know? The fact that he has no idea what Even is thinking, feeling or how he will act once he sees Isak is also something that causes him anxiety.

Regardless of how on edge Isak is about seeing Even in school, it’s almost like he craves it. Craves a confirmation that their weekend was real. He also kind of needs to see Even before he meets the guys during lunch. They haven’t made any plans but they always meet on the yard during lunch on Mondays and the fact that Isak still hasn’t even opened their group chat at all over the weekend in combination with that he once again bailed on them without an excuse makes him almost dreading it. He loves them but he is running out of viable excuses. Magnus and Mahdi might not suspect anything but Jonas has a weird sixth sense and is almost always able to tell when Isak is hiding something. Isak considers it a to be a small miracle that he has been able to keep all his struggles with his sexuality from Jonas although he suspects that Jonas assumes Isak being weird and withdrawn about stuff is related to the troubles in his family. He isn’t completely wrong.

Isak finally cracks during German, his final class before lunch, and logs on to the school intra-net in search of Even’s schedule. Finding 3STB is easy and Isak gathers his stuff at record speed when the bell rings and almost runs to wait outside of the classroom where Even is supposed to be. He watches as students pour out of the classroom one by one as he eagerly waits for Even to walk out the door. He never does and Isak, in desperation, resorts to asking the teacher only to find out that Even hasn’t even been to class.

Even not being in class worries Isak. It gives him a knot in his stomach and makes him even more nervous for when he finally is going to see Even. He just wants to know how to act around Even when they are in school, he wants to just hold him for a second to remind himself that is was real and it did happen. Isak had felt so in sync with Even during their time together, when it had only been the two of them, but now he isn’t as sure anymore. He just wants to see him for a moment.

Isak barely has time to ponder on the fact that Even isn’t in school when he hears and sees Emma walking up the stairwell. Not being ready for a second round of awkwardness, anger, and Isak bouncing between wanting to scream at her that the real reason behind his actions is a certain tall blond with blue eyes, usually wearing a jean-jacket and a cigarette (or a joint) placed between his ears, wanting to melt to the ground and disappear or wanting to just let Emma believe the bloody story with Noora just to get he off his back completely.

 

Isak turns on the spot, choosing a different path down to the yard where he spots Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi deep in discussion about the past weekend. His heart sinks when he realises that the subject of their discussion is kissing a girl who has a moustache. It feels like a stabbing but next words out of Jonas’s mouth, directed at Magnus, is: _didn’t you see it? It was on your birthday!_ Isak freezes. FUCK. He completely forgot about it.

The apology, happy birthday and the hug he gives Magnus to compensate is slightly awkward even though he doesn’t think Magnus cares too much about it. He is quite chill. The boys all look expectedly at him, and Isak realises that he must come up with an excuse as to why he wasn’t around, or reachable on his phone. All weekend. 

“I was a damn family dinner, so boring.” He says, pointedly avoiding Jonas’s gaze, knowing that Jonas probably realises that it’s a lie. “What did you guys to?” Isak asks to divert the attention from himself.

“The guys hooked me up with Vilde?” Magnus tells him and Isak is genuinely curious, he has seen Magnus in action and it’s a whole lot of trying but not a whole lot of succeeding. Magnus lacks the ability to be cool and appear confident.

“Nei? Did you guys hook up?” Isak asks.

“Nei. Almost” Magnus confesses and Isak notices Mahdi and Jonas snorting at Magnus inability to pick up a chick. Isak asks about what happened but Jonas dismisses him saying that it’s a long story. Isak briefly wonders if Jonas is being slightly passive aggressive about Isak bailing on them. Jonas meets Isak’s gaze, looking challenging at him, daring him to complain. Isak doesn’t bite because doing so would mean having to come up with a better explanation of why he bailed and he can’t do that.  Jonas and Isak has a one-second long stand-off, unbeknown to Magnus and Mahdi, where Jonas tries to penetrate the walls Isak has put up and Isak does his best to stay composed. It’s clear to him that Jonas knows that something is up, although the concern on his face suggests to Isak that Jonas is still under the impression that Isak’s parents are the root of all troubles. The genuine care shown on Jonas’s face makes Isak feel like he should tell him. It only lasts for a second though because a much louder part of Isak points out that telling Jonas would mean risking losing him and Jonas is more like a brother than a friend, losing him would destroy him.

The guys return to talking about the girl with a moustache and Jonas engage in the conversation, seemingly letting Isak get away with his lie. For now. The pain in Isak’s chest grows stronger as the guys express how they wouldn’t want to make out with a girl who has a stubble. They wince at the thought of it and Isak can feel his entire face burning, hear his pulse beating. His jaw, lips, cheek and chin itches as though the stubble burn he acquired during the weekend is still present.

Isak wants to speak up as the boys laugh about how repulsive they would find making out with someone who has a stubble. Logically he knows that they don’t mean it in a malicious way, hell the boys are still under the belief that Isak too wouldn’t want to make out with anyone who has a stubble. That it would put Isak of too. It doesn’t though because Isak had over the weekend discovered that the light sting of Even’s stubble against his skin had been the perfect contrast to Even’s soft lips and tongue.

In fact, the tingling sensation that had stayed on Isak’s skin all yesterday had caused Isak to smile to himself every time he was reminded of it. He had even got himself of to the memory of Even’s lips buried into his neck (and Even’s hands around his dick) but now, hearing the boys, he feels nothing but terrified and wrong. Like he isn’t meant to enjoy kissing Even and getting stubble burns. He is supposed to not like it.

“Hey, you okay man?” Jonas asks, ripping Isak from his thoughts. Jonas brows are furrowed and Isak can tell that Jonas probably is concerned even though he tries to hide it. Isak’s phone buzzes before he has the opportunity to answer and Isak feels his entire body fill with dread as he read the name on the screen and the first sentence of the text.

 

_(11:58)_

_Mom: God is good.God is greaT!He sees evryting.He is everywhere. Fear and respect the…_

Isak closes the screen, not bothering to open the message in to read it entirely, and is met by a sympathetic look from Jonas who clearly saw what the message contained.

“How is she?” Jonas asks when Isak doesn’t answer. Isak shrugs. How is she? Still crazy. Still having hallucinations and incapable of sending Isak anything other than ramblings about god or bible verses. Not that Isak has made any effort to see her or contact her either. There is too much pain involved and he both resents her for the way she has made him feel about himself and resents himself for not being able to help her. He doesn’t say any of this to Jonas though because just minutes ago he claimed to have been on a family dinner. Not that he would have said anything about how he really feels even if he hadn’t just made up that lie. He doesn’t want to talk about it, would rather pretend that everything is fine. Even to Jonas, who is the only person (except to some extent Eskild) who knows what went down when Isak’s father left. Jonas doesn’t really know what happened in the months that followed though, the months that culminated in Isak getting wasted in a gay bar and being found by Eskild. Isak never went in to details about it to Jonas during that time, even though Jonas sometimes asked. Jonas knows it’s been bad. Just not how bad.

“Fine.” Isak settles with eventually. Effectively shutting down the subject.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was just me but the fact that the conversation between Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi was about kissing a girl with a stubble took place in the clip where Isak sees the guys for the first time since his weekend with Even was just one of these moments that really stood out for me. Just felt like it was one of those moments where everything in the background was so connected to all the things Isak was experiencing and I've been wanting to write about it ever since, so I hope you like it. 
> 
> Aslo, massive thanks to everyone who keeps on reading this story, the comments and kudos you leave really make my day! <3 Especially in a week like this when I've had both too little time and been incredibly inefficient when I've actually had time to write. I love taking the story slowly and scene by scene but it also causes my mind to be thinking about and imagining scenes that will take place in like 5-10 chapters making the chapter I'm writing so much harder to produce. Because I already know what I want to write, and have seen it in my head for like a week, I just need to put words to it. Anyway, massive thanks <3


	32. What you tell them?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak avoids Noora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's way to late but I finally got some flow in my writing so I decided to put this up! I've barely proof-read it so bare with me. 
> 
> Aslo, massive fucking thanks to the wonderful response I got on my last chapter! <3 Reading all the comments made me so happy! 
> 
> This chapter is quite short but I hope you like it and look forward to the next one! Enjoy, I'm going to get myself a few hours of sleep before I have to head back into writing my thesis (which is mostly fun except we are currently writing the method and it's a fucking bore)!

**Chapter 32 - What you tell them?**

**Tuesday November 1 st, 21:18, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Isak and Noora didn’t talk on Monday night, mostly because Isak was too riled up to even consider talking about it, even to Noora. He had resorted in one of his most popular tactics for avoiding have to face what is bothering him by taking out his frustrations at the gym before convincing Jonas to go to the skate part with him. Jonas hadn’t been hard to convince but maybe a bit surprised considering that Isak barely can skate. He can stand on a skateboard and ride it down the street, he just has never been interested in to learn tricks or skate in the park. Isak had been sat at the edge watching Jonas trying to land a new trick for a couple of hours trying to focus on the action in front of him but being too preoccupied with everything going on on the inside. 

He almost groaned out loud every time he thought about the confrontation he had had with Emma and knew that it would only be a matter of time until him dating Noora was considered a truth. What bothered him most about it was how much it could affect Noora because Isak was quite confident that Even wouldn’t believe it considering the weekend they had together and what he had confessed about his sexuality too him. What really bothered Isak was that he hadn’t seen or heard from Even all Monday and he had started to worry that Even might not have the same stomach flutters as Isak has when he thinks back to their weekend together. Another, really time-consuming thought in Isak’s mind had been to figure out how they should proceed, something that had been rendered impossible since Isak had no idea where Even’s mind was. Sitting on the side of the skate park, Isak had been quite sure how he ideally wanted whatever he and Even had to proceed. Mainly, _he wanted it to proceed_ but he also knew that he wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet although he could probably be convinced to let his roommates know if Even was going to hang out there a lot. Isak is certain that neither Eskild nor Noora would believe him if Isak told them that Even was just a friend. Linn would, because Linn just didn’t care too much about what Isak did with his life.

Jonas had probably noticed that something was up because he had been doing the thing where he for the first couple of hours altered between staying silent for long periods of time, to give Isak an opportunity to open up, and just looking at Isak with brows furrowed in concern. When that didn’t yield any results, Jonas had tried to gently prod Isak with questions hoping that Isak would open up.

“So, I heard an interesting rumour today.” Jonas had started and Isak had felt dread fill up in his stomach, worried what Emma had said or that the fact that he had spent the weekend with Even had somehow spread. “Or, it was Sara who asked me actually. She had heard that you and Noora had overslept and were late for school this morning and wanted to know if it was true that you guys are a thing.”

Isak had been slightly relieved that nowhere in Jonas’s question was there a mention of Even or how Isak (and Even) had ditched Emma on Friday, meaning that Sara at least had only heard (or been told) what Vilde had yelled out in the hallway in surprise. He had still groaned though and Jonas had looked at him sympathetically before speaking again.

“I told her you were just friends though but I’m not sure if she believed me.”

“Of course, she didn’t. It’s Sara. She could probably survive on gossip.” Isak had scoffed making Jonas laugh. They stayed silent for a while after and Isak suspected that Jonas waited for him to open up and he decided to take the opportunity to do so after a few minutes when he realised that he could vent about how annoyed he is by this whole Noora situation. “You know what’s really fucking annoying?” Isak had asked.

“What?”

“That out of everything that’s been going around about me and Noora, the fact that we overslept and were late for school this morning is actually true but if we’d say that then everyone would just assume that the rest is true too.” Isak had confessed and Jonas had looked at him with both pity and curiosity.

“So what’s going on then? You’re still just sleeping in the same bed and nothing else?” Jonas had asked but his none was not judgemental, nor was it greedy for gossip like almost everyone at school. Isak had sighed. 

“Yeah, just friends” Isak had replied, hoping that Jonas would just accept it and not dive deep into it. Unfortunately, Jonas had felt the need to pry even further which given the many bad excuses Isak had given for bailing on the guys lately hadn’t been that surprising.

“I don’t get it man. How can you sleep next to Noora every night and just be friends? She is hot. Don’t you think?“ Isak had somehow managed to hide how uncomfortable he was talking about Noora’s hotness to Jonas. Yes, Isak knows that objectively, Noora is attractive and he actually has no problem in acknowledging that but he isn’t attracted to her, like he isn’t attracted to any girls. Isak had shrugged in response.

“I don’t know man, I don’t see her like that.” Isak had said and Jonas had just nodded in reply apparently satisfied that Isak at least spoke a little about everything that was going on. Isak had felt bad because he knew Jonas worried and Isak was keeping this huge secret about himself but he still didn’t dare to tell Jonas. Still too scared that Jonas wouldn’t want him in his life. Objectively, he suspected that his worries were unfounded but still, it was not a chance he was ready, or willing, to take.

Isak had spent a few hours beating Jonas at Fifa before he realised that it was almost midnight and when Jonas offered for him to stay over, Isak had gladly accepted, only feeling slightly guilty for completely backing out his promise to speak about what is keeping him up at night with Noora.

 

_(23:52)_

_Isak: Halla. I know I promised we would talk but might sleep at Jonas. Is that okay? Raincheck on the deeptalk?_

_Isak: I know you don’t like sleeping alone. Sorry_

_Noora: No probs._

_Noora: Worst case I’ll sleep with Eskild, he is alone tonight._

Isak hadn’t missed Jonas’s raised eyebrows as Isak put his phone down but had been happy that Jonas didn’t say anything about it. Isak, who had counted on not being able to sleep due to thoughts and anxiety about the rumours, his parents, sexuality and the fact that Isak hadn’t heard anything from all day, actually slept soundly. Probably due to having exhausted himself at the gym and the safe feeling of hearing Jonas’s steady breath. He had spent more nights on a mattress in Jonas’s room than he could count. They used to share when they were kids but nowadays Isak pulled a mattress out from under Jonas’s bed and used it instead.

 

 

 

Isak’s Tuesday in school had been uneventful but Isak had been feeling jumpy and on edge all day. He had thankfully avoided Emma (and her minions) all day but still hadn’t seen Even, which today had given him an even more unsettling feeling. To top it off, Magnus had laughingly told the guys that he had heard something about Isak having been making out with both Emma and Noora on both Friday and Saturday evening.

“Jeez” Isak had sighed, because the ridiculousness of how gossip spread on this school had started to become too much.

“What you tell them?” Mahdi had asked and thankfully, Magnus had been doing his best to be squash the rumours.

“That is was impossible considering I was at the same party as Noora on Saturday and you weren’t there, and Chris also overheard it and she said that on Friday Noora was at a party with her and you weren’t there either so we concluded that the Noora part is at least fake.” Isak would have been so grateful it Magnus’s story had ended there, so grateful. It didn’t. “Oh, but then Vilde came up to us and said something about you and Noora oversleeping and being late for school”. Isak had groaned loudly.

“Jeez, Noora overslept and the only reason we were late is because I felt so awkward waking her up that I took too long to do it.” Isak’s frustration had caused the guys to roar with laughter and for a little while the pressure in Isak’s chest had decreased.

 

 

It is now almost to the minute 48 hours since he had heard anything from Even and the anxiety in his chest is back in full throttle. Especially so since Isak had had a short moment of bravery an hour back and [texted](http://skam.p3.no/2016/11/01/10-prosenten/) Even asking him to hang out. So far, he hasn’t gotten a response yet and he is starting to get both pissed and worried. How could Even spend the entire weekend with him and then completely ignore him for two days? The fact that Even hasn’t even been to school is also a source of worry, what if something is wrong? What if Even regrets their weekend so much that he can’t even face Isak at school.

 Isak is ripped form his thoughts when Noora opens the door and walks into his room, balancing her laptop on her arm. She looks nervously at him and bites her lip before speaking.

“So, do you want to help me with my email to William?”


	33. And I hate her for being crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora writes and email and Isak cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've written this chapter about five times in an effort to get it right because it feels like such a pivotal part of the story, at least for me. I'm quite nervous about posting this, just cause it was so difficult to write but I hope you all like it!

**Chapter 33 – And I hate her for being crazy**

**Tuesday November 1 st, 2016, 22:02**

**NOORA**

Noora stares at the blank email on the screen in front of her. She is sitting in Isak’s bed leaned against the wall with Isak propped up beside her, having his arm slung around her shoulder in support. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, not wanting to break down the way she had on Sunday. She had needed to break down but tonight she needs to be composed enough to write the email. She needs to do it for herself, so that she can lessen some of the guilt that is eating her up. Noora feels Isak tightening his grip around her and she is grateful. Isak has become an unlikely but very appreciated source of comfort since her return to Oslo.

_Dear William_ Noora starts, but erases it. Is she allowed to use _dear_ or did she loose that right the second she left? She tries again. _Hi._ Noora erases it, closes her eyes and leans her head back against Isak’s arm as she takes another deep breath. She doesn’t know how to start.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Noora whispers into the dark bedroom. Her laptop is the only source of light. Noora, in an attempt to make it easier to start writing, turned the lights off as she entered, hoping that the words would come easier to her in the security of the darkness, the same way speaking to Isak about everything always had been easier in the dark.

“Of course you can. It doesn’t have to be a long and elaborate explanation you know, it can just be something short. You can always write another email later if you feel ready for it.” Isak says to her and Noora feels herself relax slightly. Until now, she has always tried to explain absolutely everything in her emails, feeling that she only has one shot to send an email and after she has done it, there is nothing more she can do. But maybe that’s not exactly true. Maybe she can just start out with something and then, when she is ready, and depending on if William answers her, she can write another one.

“Something short?” Noora asks, more like a confirmation than an actual question.

“Yeah. Like what is the main thing you want him to know?” Isak asks, encoring her.

“That I love him and that I’m sorry for how I left but that I had to leave.” Noora replies without even having to think about it. It surprises her that she was able to sum it up in such few words considering how many times she has tried to put it into writing. Isak squeezes her shoulder again Noora can hear the smile in his voice as he replies.

“Then that is what you write.”

Noora smiles weakly and turns back to the screen in front of her, determined to put some words down this time. She can feel tears starting to prickle in her eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks so she takes another deep breath trying to collect herself. The tears starts to fall down her cheeks as she writes and it takes her almost half an hour to complete the few sentences because she writes and re-writes them all at least five times, erasing them and writing them again. Isak holds her but doesn’t say anything during the entire time. He sits next to her like a silent support and a reminder that she has someone to lean on during the pain.

 

_Dear William._

_I’m sorry for leaving without any explanation and I wish I could give you one, but for now know that I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about everything but you would have convinced me to stay and I knew I had to go home. I’m sorry but for now I just need a break._

_I love you._

It’s not much and it’s not a proper explanation but it is something. It’s an apology. Noora hovers over the address-field and she hesitates, not daring to write in William’s email address. The email is good, it’s as good as it going to get but actually sending it means risking getting a reply and the content of a reply from William terrifies her. She knows how his severed relationships to his family has affected him and is unsure if she is ready to face how William feels about her after she basically abandoned him. Instead of sending the email, she closes the laptop, puts it down on the floor and leans her head against Isak’s chest.

“I can’t send it. I will. I just need to gather some courage first.” Isak doesn’t reply, only holds her and Noora is grateful, yet again, for the friendship she has built with him. If Eskild is a combination of the parent she always needed and rebellious teenager then Isak is the sibling never had and Linn almost like her and Eskild’s shared child. It’s a weird dynamic and they certainly are one bedroom short but it’s a family.

 

“I’m sorry about bailing yesterday.” Isak says into the silence and it surprises Noora. Considering how Isak so obviously did everything to avoid having to talk about his feelings yesterday, she thought she would have to do at least some prodding to get Isak say something about it.

“It’s okay, we can talk now if you want?” She asks, not knowing what to expect. Isak sighs and leans his head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling, apparently unsure of how to continue.

“If I…” Isak starts, voice weak and Noora stays silent to let him speak at his own pace. He swallows and starts again. “If I don’t talk about yesterday but about something else that keeps me up at night, is that cheating?” Isak eventually asks, obviously insecure about Noora’s reaction, and Noora can feel her heart ache for Isak who seems to have a mind clouded by too many demons. She reaches her hand up to gently squeeze the and Isak has around her shoulder.

“It’s definitely not cheating and even if it was, you wouldn’t have to talk about anything unless you wanted to.” Noora says as silence falls over them again. Noora feels how Isak takes a couple of deep breaths, apparently trying to figure out if he wants to talk and about what. She thinks back to their conversation on Sunday and how, even though it was one of her most painful moments since returning back home, it had felt so good to finally let it out. “Telling you everything on Sunday was so fucking hard and painful but honestly, it helped.”

At first Isak doesn’t speak but Noora can hear him open his mouth to do so several times. He swallows, takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, closes it and swallows again. Noora lets him be, feeling that she has pushed him far enough for tonight and if Isak wants to talk, he will have to initiate the conversation himself.

He does. After they have been sitting in the darkness long enough and Noora has listened to him breathing deeply obviously trying to decide what to do, what to speak about and how to start.

“Do you know why I moved in here?” Isak finally asks.

“Because your parents aren’t that good at parenting? That’s what you said right?” Noora replies remembering one of their first heart to hearts.

“Yeah.” Isak says bitterly before continuing with more sadness in his voice. “My mom is crazy, literally. Dad left just before Christmas last year and she got even worse.” Isak’s voice falter and Noora leans into him, relaxing against his body as some sort of sign that everything will be okay. He takes a deep breath and keeps going. “Some days she would be perfectly fine, others she would fucking ramble about the world going under and that God is punishing us all and sometimes she didn’t even recognize me at all. But most days she would be coherent and seem perfectly fine until she spoke. Like: _How was your day Isak? Did you remember to pick up the rations coupons for the canned food? I need to prepare us for when the time comes. It’s soon there. He sees us all the times and soon he will let sinners pay for what they’ve done Isak. He told me. Did you have a good day at school?_ ”

Noora is completely shocked, she has no idea of how to respond to this, her situation with her parents seems so much simpler in perspective to what Isak has just told her. Or maybe not simpler, but more straight-forward and constant. She had been ten when she realised that her parents didn’t love her and saw her more like chore. Like they had to make sure Noora was fed and clean the way they had to keep the house clean and pay the bills. Her dysfunctional relationship to them had most certainly played a key part in her getting an eating disorder, and her first boyfriend dumping her, at thirteen, the day after they had had sex for the first time had been a reinforcement of how unlovable she had felt during her entire childhood. Getting away, moving to Madrid, creating friendships and living in a host-family where she got to experience, love, support and how a healthy family should work had played a key role in her recovery and enforced her decision to not ever live with her parents again.

Sure, Noora’s family was fucked up and it could still cause her a lot of pain when she thought about it, (she preferred to not think about it) but Isak’s situation seemed to be constantly changing and Noora couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be to see someone you love become so ill and how much it must hurt to witness the person who is supposed to care for you become unable to do so. Noora doesn’t have much time to ponder on it because it’s as if someone has pulled the plug on the thing that stopped Isak from showing his feelings. Tears starts to spill down his cheeks as he keeps talking, voice slowly getting louder for every word he speaks. It is covered in so much anger and pain that Noora thinks she might break into pieces just by hearing it.

“And my dad just left. He just fucking left me alone with her because he said it was impossible to help her. Like what the fuck was I supposed to do? And I really fucking tried the first four months. I really fucking tried. I listened to her fucking rants, I cleaned up every fucking glass or plate she crushed on the ground because something scared her, I went up and had breakfast with her at three in the morning when she decided that it was time for breakfast, I entertained her when she was convinced that the basement had to be refurnished for the appending apocalypse. I did everything I could because she’d have these moments of clarity where she be herself again but no matter how hard I tried she’d just have them less and less often and eventually they kinda stopped and the best I could hope for was coherent and calm but delusional. So I left too, because I couldn’t do it either. How was I supposed to live in a house where there’s fucking ticking time bomb? I never knew if there was any food because she would cook and shop groceries during coherent days but she could just as easily throw it all away because _someone_ told her it was poison the next day. And I had to fucking lock the door to my bedroom after she wandered in and screamed one night when she didn’t recognise me.” Isak takes a quick breath but doesn’t give Noora the opportunity to say or do anything before he kept going. This time the rage dies slightly for every word, but he speaks rapidly and the tears makes him slur slightly.

“And I hate my dad for leaving me with her. She should be his fucking responsibility not mine! I should be his fucking responsibility! And I hate her for being crazy and I hate that she keeps sending me rants about god, bible verses and warnings for the impending Armageddon but I’m so scared that she will stop sending them once she finds out about me being gay because she probably already hates me for leaving. Fuck, I hate myself so much for leaving.”

Noora leans away from Isak briefly and pulls her arm around him to embrace him instead of letting him embrace her. She is tiny in comparison to him so Isak doesn’t fit as good in her arms as she does in his but neither of them cares. Noora lets Isak bury his face in her neck and she feels her t-shirt getting wet form his tears but she doesn’t care. All she cares about is letting Isak let some of the pain he has been carrying out. She strokes his back with her hand slowly, as he almost hyperventilates from crying. He calms down after a few minutes but the tears doesn’t stop, silently slipping from his eyes and Noora wonders for how long he is going to allow himself to be this vulnerable. She just wants to say something to comfort him. To ease the pain.

“Isak?” Noora whispers, and Isak only responds by nodding into her neck. “If she believes that the end of the world is coming and keeps sending you warnings about it, maybe all she is trying to do is protect you. And if she keeps sending you these texts even though she is mentally ill and experience things that aren’t real, then I don’t think she hates you at all and I don’t think telling her about your sexuality will cause her to hate you either. If she tries to keep you safe, she loves you.”

Isak is silent and Noora doesn’t say anything either. Eventually Isak shifts a little and removes his face from Noora’s neck to look at her. His eyes are red and puffy, cheeks swollen and he looks more tired than she has ever seen him. He looks unsure, his lip wavering as he swallows a couple of times.

“Do you hate me?” He finally whispers and Noora is taken aback. Why would she hate him?

“No. Why would I do that?” She asks and Isak sighs, not daring to meet her gaze.

“Because now that you know that I’m gay you know exactly how much of a shitty person I’ve been to Eva, Emma, Sara, and every other girl I’ve pretended to be interested in.” His confession is barley more than a whisper and he keeps refusing to meet her gaze.

“No Isak, I don’t hate you. Not even the slightest. But I’m really proud of you and so happy that you felt that you could tell me.” Noora squeezes his arm when she speaks and Isak finally dares to look up into her eyes.

“I haven’t heard from Even since Sunday” Isak confesses and Noora thinks she can see doubt and fear in his gaze.

“Oh.” Noora doesn’t know what to say.

“He hasn’t been in school all week and I texted him today but he didn’t reply.” Isak says, slightly deflated.

“That sucks.” Noora replies, because it is her honestly feeling in that moment. Isak finally daring to be with someone he likes only for that person to go AWOL on him right after.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I’m more pissed or confused right now actually but can we talk about it some other night?”

“We can.” They settle into a comfortable silence again Isak rests his head on Noora’s shoulder as her arm is wrapped around him but are interrupted by a knock on their door and a second later Linn shuffles into the room. Her duvet is wrapped around her shoulders but she is carrying two classes with something in them.

“I heard screaming so I made fun light.” She says, handing them a glass each. “Do you want to watch the bachelor with me?” Linn asks and Noora can’t help but smile and how Linn shows affection. Noora expects Linn to want them to shuffle in and make room for her on Noora’s side of the bed but she climbs over them and settles on the other side of Isak before prodding his shoulder with her finger. “Can you put it on? I don’t know how your TV works.” Isak sighs but doesn’t object and soon they find themselves yet again cuddled together on Isak’s bed.

 

 


	34. My mom is insane.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday and Even is finally back in school. They talk in the locker room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly guys, I'm so freaking happy and overwhelmed with the love I got on the previous chapter. I want to hug every single one of you <3 
> 
> This chapter is mostly what happens in the Pause-clip and while I don't really want to just do scenes exactly like they were and mostly enjoy filling in the blanks and writing stuff that happens outside of what the show showed I feel like this scene is too crucial to not include in it's entirety. I hope you still will enjoy it and look forward to what happens next. I know I am!

**Chapter 34 –** **My mom is insane.**

**Wednesday November 2 nd, 2016, 10:31, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Isak still feels shaken up from the previous night but somehow his walk feels lighter than it has in a long time. Noora had been right, talking about his parents and the pain he carries had been equally hard as it had been helpful. He had fallen asleep sandwiched between Noora and Linn as they watched the bachelor. Isak hadn’t been particularly interested in the show and had quickly turned onto his stomach, his favourite sleeping position, and relaxed to the sound of the dramatic narration of the show combined with Linn’s snarky comments and odd giggles coming from Noora.

He had briefly been woken up two hours later by the flash of Eskild’s iPhone taking a picture of the four of them after he had (somehow) managed to situate himself next to Linn who was still awake and watching the show. Linn had decided that four people in one bed was way much and left the room followed by Eskild shortly thereafter leaving Noora and Isak with the possibility to get another solid five hours of sleep. 

Isak had, when woken up by the flash of Eskild’s phone, not had the clarity to forbid Eskild t to post a picture of him and Noora sleeping next to each other but had chewed Eskild out about it during breakfast because Eskild had, of course, posted it. The picture, posted on Instagram, was captioned _2/4 inhabitants recommends the bachelor on a Tuesday night_ and featured Isak sleeping on his stomach (thankfully still wearing his t-shirt and sweats), arms hidden under his pillow with Noora’s arm flopped over his back as she spooned his side and had her forehead leaned against his upper arm. Isak’s face was turned towards Noora, his mouth only centimetres from her hair. Linn was laying on his other side, her head popped up with one of his pillows looking unimpressed at the camera and Eskild was sitting next to her, leaning his head on her shoulder smiling brightly for the photo. In all honestly, Isak found the caption funny and four people in the bed was a tight fit, what were they supposed to do? But the mere fact that Eskild was completely oblivious to how a picture like this could cause troubles for him and Noora made Isak frustrated enough.

PE is Isak’s first class of the day and he had, after seeing the shot Eskild posted, purposely arrived five minutes late to avoid having to answer any questions about it. He knows they will come but he isn’t looking forward to it and dreads seeing Emma because she will take the picture as a confirmation of what she already believes. And so will everyone else.

Isak is juggling a football with his feet when he, for the first time since he fell asleep Saturday night, sees Even. Even is staring at Isak from the entrance to the gym and nods at Isak and raises his eyebrows for Isak to follow him before walking a few steps backwards and heading towards the locker rooms.

Isak’s heart is pounding in his chest and he can’t tell if he is afraid to hear why Even hasn’t been around or relieved to finally have the opportunity to talk to him. Regardless of what, Isak is determined to at least appear collected. Even is standing in the middle of the locker room facing the entrance when Isak walks in and Isak stops just inside the door, unsure of that to expect.

“Hi.” Isak starts and attaches his gaze to Even.

“Halla.” Even’s voice is low and hoarse, like he hasn’t used it yet today. Isak takes in his appearance and starts to wonder if Even too fells nervous about the conversation they are about to have. Even is layered in clothing. White t-shirt, grey hoodie with the hood up, red hat under the hood, covering his hair. A scarf wrapped around his neck, and the hoodie and finally a blue jacket, also hooded, with a checked lining, pulled up over the hoodie and hat.

The realisation that Even also is feeling insecure gives Isak the courage to take a few steps forward and ask the question that has been on his mind of the last couple of days.

“Where have you been?” He asks and Even looks down on the floor, up at Isak, opens his mouth, closes it, and seems to be straining to find the right words. Isak can barely breathe once he starts speaking.

“I… have told Sonja about you.” Isak had during the past days pretty much resigned himself to the fact that Even regretted their time together and is therefore unable to do anything but stare at Even as he registers what he just heard. What comes next leaves him equally astonished. “We have decided to take a break.” Isak doesn’t know what to say in response, he doesn’t know what their pause means, if Even is blaming him for it, if he is regretting being with Isak because it cost him his relationship or if he told Sonja because he wants something more with Isak. Isak barely dares to let the last thought cross his mind. Even looks at him but his gaze darts between Isak’s eyes, the floor and his lips. He speaks again, demanding to know what is going on within Isak’s mind. “What do you think about that?”

“Fett.” Isak replies, beating himself up slightly because his answer is completely dumb.

“Yeah?” Even asks. Isak stumbles over his words as he replies.

“Or.. if it makes you sad, then I eh.. then I hope that it’s not my fault.”

“I’m not sad!” Even says and breaks out in a smile. Isak can feel fireworks of relief breaking out in his stomach.

“Nei?”

“Nei!” Even takes a step forward and connects his lips to Isak’s, only briefly but forcefully, making Isak weak in the knees and simultaneously feel invincible. Even grabs Isak’s hands as he pulls back and strokes Isak’s nose with his own before leaning back enough for Isak to meet his gaze.

They stand in silence for a little while, only breathing each other in and Isak leans in for a second to let his nose touch Evens. He notices Even trying to find his words again but this time, Isak isn’t as afraid as he just was. He should have been though because Even manages to bring up one of the things Isak really doesn’t like to discuss.

“What do you think your parents would think if you got together with me?” Isak swallows and looks at the wall, the floor and his hands, unable to look into Even’s eyes. Two facts register in his mind. One; Even uttered the phrase _got together with me_ like it isn’t something farfetched and Isak might combust on the spot. Two; Even asked about his parents’ potential reaction to the two of them being a couple and his parents is the last thing he wants to talk about. He is still shaky from the previous night and even though telling Noora felt safe, the thought of telling Even is terrifying. Telling his mom is out of the question, because she would hate him, probably more than she already does. He doesn’t want to tell Even about his dysfunctional relationship parents, doesn’t want to scare him away. So he lies.

“I think it would be alright.” Even doesn’t seems to believe him, it took him to long to answer.

“Yeah?” Even asks and Isak hesitates, sensing that Even doesn’t really believe him.

“Or… Dad probably wouldn’t have anything against it.” He says, knowing that it invites Even to further questions and he is terrified for them but unable to think of anything else to say.

“And your mom?” Even asks and Isak hears the concern in his voice and he wants to tell him but at the same time doesn’t. It’s too complicated. He swallows and answers the question.

“My mom is insane.” Isak’s voice is shaking slightly but he thinks he manages to make it sound like it’s not ripping him to pieces and causing him plenty of sleepless nights but instead just part of a half-tragic backstory. A backstory that he is over and done with.

“How?” Even asks, still concerned and Isak can feel his pulse race but not for the right reasons and he tries to distance himself from it as he speaks, to make it hurt less. He even throws in a joke.

“She’s… nei, it’s a mental condition where she thinks the world is about to end. That Donald Trumps is my uncle” Even doesn’t respond and Isak can’t read him. “Donald Trump is not my uncle!” He says, getting a small smile out of Even.

“Phew… Okay.” Even says. Isak keeps talking, wanting Even to know that he doesn’t care about what his mom would think about him dating a boy (He does, but he has realised that to keep living the straight-lie is not an option).

“But Yeah, she has no say in the matter. I haven’t spoken to her since I moved out” Isak says, and he tries to read Even’s reaction but comes up empty.

“So, you’re not in touch anymore?” Even asks and being reminded of how his mother communicates with him feels like a knife cutting into his chest. Isak shrugs it off, showing weakness isn’t his forte.

“Nei. I’ve decided that my life is better without having mentally ill people in it.” Even doesn’t ask anything else and Isak is grateful. He focuses back on to the fact that Even’s questions about his parents originated from him wondering what they would think of Isak and Even together. The thought of Even being his boyfriend is terrifying in a thrilling way, like a roller-coaster he isn’t sure he is ready to get on but at the same time is longing for. Isak is curious, he wants to know more about what Even thinks of them being together. He doesn’t dare to ask that though so he just repeats Even’s original question to him “What do you think your parents would have said about me?”

Even takes a second or two before answering and the school bell rings to signal the end of class. Isak waits, his heart almost beating out of his chest. Even brings his hand up and grabs a hold of his neck, letting his thumb caress Isak’s cheek as they meet each other’s gaze.

“I think they would love you” Even says before placing a slow kiss on Isak’s lips, hand still holding him in place. Even pulls away slowly, letting his nose graze Isak’s briefly before he let’s go and walks past Isak out of the dressing room just as Isak can hear the voices of his classmates entering.

 

 


	35. It’s so obvious that he is gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eskild lectures Isak about Pride. Isak is problematic and Noora kind of wants to punch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter. This one takes place during, but mostly after, the clip where Isak and Eskild talks about homosexuality and pride. It features Isak saying a shitload of problematic things. This chapter is a two-parter, meaning that the next chapter will keep going exactly where this one stops. Anyway I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think about the conversations Isak has in this chapter. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, on a more personal side-note. I'm a bit unsure of how much I'll be able to update during the following two weeks. I've been completely decked in a cold for nine days and I've powered through it because I had a massive deadline this past Friday. This coupled with having my boyfriend (temporarily) in another town and his mother in the hospital (she will be fine but one worries anyway), have made me completely knackered both physically and mentally. I unfortunately suffer from anxiety (a not-so-lovely residual from exhaustive depression/ Occupational burnout (whatever the term is in english)) from time to time and with the stress, worry and being sick, the anxiety had been quite bad for the past week. With that said, I'm not as ill anymore and I've spent the weekend trying to rest and feel better but I know that I will have plenty of important deadline for the past two weeks and I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write. Sometimes writing is freaking awesome because it's such an outlet for creativity and it occupies the mind in all the right ways, which really helps with my anxiety. Sometimes though, it just doesn't work and I just needs to rest. 
> 
> So yeah, I can't promise anything in regards to updates in the upcoming two weeks, which sucks because I have had the following scenes planned since I started writing this story! Hopefully I'll have the energy to write because I enjoy it so much! Anyway, massive thanks to everyone who read, leaves kudos and comments. You all make me smile! <3

**Chapter 35 – it’s so obvious that he is gay**

**Thursday November 3 rd, 2016, 20:18, Kollektivet **

**ISAK**

Isak’s Thursday is great. Until it isn’t. His day is great, although slightly weird, as he completes his six hours of Operation Day’s Work with the building janitor of kollektivet. He has this jittery feeling, that has been present in his stomach since he saw Even the previous day. It doesn’t matter that he has to clean up the leaves in the courtyard or that the janitor is straight up odd. He can’t stop smiling about the fact that Even kissed him and uttered the words: _if you got together with me._  

Isak keeps smiling as he relaxes down in his bed to the memory of Even’s lips against his in the locker room yesterday. And to the memory nuzzling his nose into Even’s neck in his bed over the weekend.

Eskild comes barging into his room bringing gifts, a lavender air purifier, and Isak although grateful for it, can’t help to think of how very gay it is. And how very Eskild. Isak doesn’t know it at the time but this is where his day starts to turn south. He is slightly taken aback when Eskild carefully states that Isak could use his gift to make sure his room smells nice in case Even comes over again and his heart is beating fast when Isak, trembling, tells Eskild that he is, in fact, having a thing with Even.

It bothers him a bit that Eskild isn’t in the slightest surprised because even though he doesn’t think it’s anything wrong with homosexuality (he doesn’t really care about anyone else being gay, it’s just accepting that he himself is gay that he has trouble with) he is still terrified of people finding out. The fact that Eskild isn’t surprised makes him question who else might know.

One of the things about potentially coming out bothers Isak the most is that people will expect him to be like Eskild. Eskild who fits perfectly into how society sees gay guys. They are extravagant, loud and makes a spectacle of themselves. It makes Isak feel nauseous. Not that people, like Eskild, are that way but that Isak liking Even and being upfront about it should have to come with expectations about how Isak should act and be. It’s frustrating how Isak can fit in so well in the straight stereotype but still feel like shit because of it but knowing that coming out would still not enable him to fit in. He tries to relay this to Eskild and if Isak was to pinpoint a moment where his day turned from great to not great, it is sometime during that conversation.

Eskild schools him about pride. Hard. When Eskild exits the room, he feels like a child having been chewed out by an adult for being jealous and hitting another kid in the playground. It’s the only time since Isak has gotten to know Eskild that Eskild has been properly mad at him. Sure, Eskild is annoyed at Isak on a daily basis and Isak usually finds equally Eskild annoying and overbearing. But Isak has never managed to upset Eskild, not like this where Eskild decided that he didn’t want to talk to Isak more and left the room. It feels like shit.

Isak’s phone vibrates and his stomach starts to flutter when he sees Even’s name on the screen. The feeling doesn’t last long though.

 

_Hi. It was nice seeing you too. I don’t know, but maybe things are going a bit too fast..I know that it’s my fault, but I need some time, I’m sorry._

What? Isak closes the screen and is utterly confused. What just happened? How could Even go from kissing him and talking about being together yesterday to needing time today? He re-opens the message again but sadly it doesn’t read any different than the first time so he closes it and falls down on his back in his bed.

 

 

Isak has been sulking in his bed for a few hours, only leaving to microwave a frozen pizza for dinner, when Noora enters the room. She looks at him with pursed lips and Isak can feel the annoyance growing inside of him. He is not in the mood to be chewed out by another one of his roommates. He ignores her to look up at his ceiling. There is a very interesting miscoloured spot and Isak busies himself with imagining what it could be. Did someone throw a spoonful of noodles in the ceiling, or is it like really old ketchup? Or maybe it’s blood? Noora sits down on the bed and looks down at him and he knows, without looking at her that she knows that something is up. He should stop spending so much time with her, she is quickly becoming annoyingly as attune to Isak’s mood and emotions as Jonas. 

“Okay, what is going on?” She says expectantly, obviously not willing to accept any subterfuge that Isak plans to give. Noora continues to talk. “You are obviously moping and Eskild is moping and he never mops. What happened?”

Isak sits up against the wall and grudgingly tells her about their conversation and watches how Noora’s face shows compassion and uncomfortable understanding.

“Isak…” She starts with a sigh and Isak gets ready to become reprimanded for the second time that day. “You get why Eskild is mad right? You can’t say shit like that.” Isak sighs, it’s not like he doesn’t know that his delivery was way off but it still doesn’t change all the hesitations he feels about coming out and the expectations that follows.

“I know it’s just…“ Isak starts, trying to make sure that he doesn’t put his foot in his mouth this time, while still getting his own worries across. “Eskild doesn’t understand, it’s just so fucking easy for him.”

“What do you mean?” Noora asks and Isak is grateful to not hear any judgement in her voice.

“Being gay. “

“Why do you think it’s easy for him?”

“Because…” Isak struggles to find the words.” Because when you meet Eskild, it’s so obvious that he is gay with all his talk about dicks, and makeup and wearing glitter. He doesn’t get how hard it is for me to come out because he already fits in. It’s just so frustrating. The fact that I like Even doesn’t mean that I’m going to become a sparkly fucking unicorn.” Noora both smirks at him and looks like she wants to hit him at the same time and it throws him of a little. “What?” He asks, assuming that he has said something stupid again.

“You realise that you just used a stupid stereotype while ranting about how you don’t want to be stereotyped?” Noora says, and Isak is confused.

“What?”

“You say that you don’t want people to expect you to be like the stereotype of gay, right?”

“Yes?”

“But then you also say that it’s so obvious that Eskild is gay because he uses makeup and talks about dicks?” Noora says and something clicks inside of Isak.

“Oh.“ He says

“Yeah.” Isak stays silent for a while. Sure, he can understand why that might be a bit hypocritical on his part but it still doesn’t change the fact that Isak is uncomfortable with the expectations that would follow if he was to come out. He tries (again) to say so without screwing up (again).

“But still, even if you shouldn’t stereotype, Eskild fits it and I don’t. So, he doesn’t know how shit it would be for me to come out. I can’t live up to the expectations people have when they think I’m straight because I don’t like girls and if I come out then I can’t live up to the expectations of being gay and it sucks. And Eskild doesn’t get that because he could just be himself and no-one was surprised.”

Noora takes a few minutes to consider Isak’s words and he hopes that he won’t get reprimanded (again). She sighs and Isak can feel his entire body tense up, hoping that she will understand him.

“Do you really think it was that easy for Eskild? Have you asked him?” Noora asks and it throws Isak because no, he hasn’t discussed how coming out was for Eskild, only assumed. Noora seems to take Isak’s silence as an answer because she keeps talking. “Look. I can understand that peoples’ prejudices make it more difficult for you but you can also look at it in the opposite direction. As a child, you probably fit right into how people expected a boy to be and behave, right? Noora asks and she is correct. Before his friends started talking and showing interest in girls, Isak didn’t think there was anything that separated him from them.

“Yeah.” Isak says, a bit unsure of where she is going with this.

“So people doesn’t assume that you are gay just from talking to you, it’s not _obvious.”_ Noora continues, ironically stressing the last word as to point out to Isak how stupid his previous statement was.

“No. They don’t. “ He sighs, because he is starting to feel like what he just said probably was even more stupid than the first few things he uttered. Noora keeps talking, she is serious but her voice is kind and not judgemental.

“It probably meant that you could discover who you were in your own time and come to grips with your sexuality on your own, without people questioning it. And I’m not saying it didn’t suck to have people expect you to be straight because I’m sure it did and you obviously also struggled. And I have no idea what it’s like to go through something like that. What I’m saying is that it probably was difficult for Eskild too. He doesn’t fit the stereotype of a guy and that probably wasn’t easy as well. Having people question his sexuality because he liked girly things before he even knew what sexuality was. And again, I don’t know how it was for him but I’m just saying, just because he fits the stereotype doesn’t mean the road to get where he is today was easy. “

Isak is speechless when Noora stops talking. He has never looked at it that way, always assumed that being gay was something that was just easy for Eskild. He feels stupid now, and a bit ashamed. Noora seems to notice because she pats him lightly on the arm and speaks again.

“I’ll be alright Isak, just apologize to him in the morning or something. Eskild doesn’t hold grudges.”

Isak only shrugs in answer to and leans is head against the wall looking up at the suspicious spot in the ceiling. His conversations with both Noora and Eskild occupy his thoughts and while he obviously has a lot to learn about homosexuality and stereotypes one thing is abundantly clear in his mind. He is not ready for people to know. He doesn’t mind Noora and Eskild knowing, and wouldn’t mind if they told Linn but he can’t deal with people talking and having all these expectations on him before he himself has managed to get a grip on things. That’s at least one positive stemming from Even’s sudden need for space; Isak doesn’t have to stress about not being ready and to go _full-gay_ as he used to think about it. After today’s conversations Isak guesses that it’s probably not how he should phrase it, even in his head.

“I’m not ready for people to know.” Isak says after a while and Noora leans her head against his shoulder.

“That’s okay.” Noora replies before she continues. “Are you afraid of what people might think?” Isak sighs and shrugs. He is. He knows one shouldn’t care what people say or listen to gossip but as far as he knows, no one at Nissen is out and he does not want to be the talk of the school or referred to as _the-gay-guy._ He almost shudders at the thought of it. He just wants to be Isak.

“Yeah.” Isak sighs, feeling deflated. Being lectured twice and dumped by Even is a lot for one evening and he hasn’t even brought Even up even though part of him is dying to do so. Even’s text has him so confused. He thought everything was going fine, even great. But apparently not. Isak is definitely bitter about it. Bitter, Sad, Confused, Slightly pissed off, and more sad and confused.

“Isak?” Noora asks and Isak gathers that she is hesitant because she moves from sitting next to him to sitting opposite him in the bed.

“Ja?”

“I have a confession to make.” Noora seems slightly nervous and it throws Isak a little.

“What?” He asks.

“I kind of knew, or not knew, but suspected that you were gay before you told me.”  


	36. Plenty of gay porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Noora continue their conversation but this time Isak is less problematic. Also, Noora is brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes part 2 of Isak and Noora's conversation and I hope you enjoy it. Massive thanks to everyone who comments, leaves kudos and bookmarks this, I get so insanely happy every time I see an email from AO3<3 Also, I hope you are pumped for what's coming next because the next chapter takes part during the horrible clip of Emma's party and, because I've been thinking about that particular clip since I started thinking about this story, those particular events will be shown from more than one person's point of view. 
> 
>  
> 
> As I said in the previous chapter, updates during the past week and the upcoming week might be sparse due to anxiety, stress and being ill and today is actually the first day that I've been writing in a week but I feel much better so resting was nice. Sadly, stress levels are still high as fuck because I'm halfway through my thesis (yaaaay!) and have to present the work so far and critically review another person's work on Friday.

### Chapter 36 – Plenty of gay porn

###  **Thursday November 3 rd, 2016, 20:53, Kollektivet **

**ISAK**

“Isak?” Noora asks and Isak gathers that she is hesitant because she moves from sitting next to him to sitting opposite him in the bed.

“Ja?”

“I have a confession to make.” Noora seems slightly nervous and it throws Isak a little.

“What?” He asks.

“I kind of knew, or not knew, but suspected that you were gay before you told me.”

 

It’s obvious from the tone Noora uses that she doesn’t mean the past week after she found out that Even had stayed over, and Emma unknowingly confirmed that Even had been in the apartment since Friday. Isak can feel his entire body get tense and the familiar pressure on his chest increasing as his pulse is racing. Why did she suspect it and for how long? Does anyone else know? Noora seems to pick up on the inner turmoil Isak is experiencing because she places a hand on his leg and looks him straight in the eye. Her gaze is kind and warm, king of soothing.

“Hey, take a deep breath. I’m not telling you this to worry you or anything. I’m telling you this so that you hopefully won’t have to be as scared of how people might react. Okay?” 

Isak nods but is unable to calm down. His pulse is still racing and he is terrified of what Noora will say, even though he trusts her. The thought of people knowing without him being allowed to control it is suffocating. Noora gives him a small smile and it somehow manages to stabilize his pulse, but only slightly.

“Do you remember last Christmas, when everyone attended the lightning of the Christmas tree that the revue group arranged?” Isak does remember and it’s almost a year ago. Has Noora known for that long? Has she told anyone? Isak doesn’t know if he wants to know.

“Yeah. Jonas and Eva had just broken up.” He replies nonetheless.

“Yeah. I was looking for Vilde and you lent me your phone.” The tone of Noora’s voice suggests that she is trying to insinuate something but Isak is clueless.

“Okay?”  

“You didn’t have Vilde’s number so I had to look it up and well, you had a lot of tabs open.” Isak’s mouth falls open and his cheeks starts to heat up, he suspects what the content of said tabs could have been. Noora seems to know exactly what he is thinking because she smirks a little. “Yeah, plenty of gay porn!” She says with a smirk and Isak groans before hiding his face in his hands, incredibly embarrassed causing Noora to giggle. Isak can’t help it and starts to laugh as well, feeling the tension leave his body. “Anyway,” Noora starts when they have quieted down. “It was right after you had told Eva that you messed with her relationship because you were in love with her.” Isak whimpers a little at the memory and Noora knowingly raises an eyebrow at him before biting her lip, obviously a bit nervous about continuing her story and Isak is pretty sure he knows what is coming. “I showed it to Eva.”

“You did?” Isak saw it coming but having it confirmed makes him question things. How come she didn’t confront him? Or, considering what he did to her, how come he hasn’t heard any rumours about it? Noora nods. Isak’s heart is beating out of his chest when he asks his next question, he is terrified to hear the answer but knows that he has too. “What did she say?”

“Honestly? I think it finally made sense to her why you did what you did. She thought it was so strange when you said you had feelings for her.” Isak tries to take it in but so many thoughts are spinning in his mind. He still doesn’t understand why Eva never confronted him about it. She had every right to.

“Why didn’t she say anything? Like yell at me or tell the whole school or something?” Isak asks and Noora smiles sweetly at him.

“Because she loves you Isak and yeah, she was quite mad at you when she found out that you were the one who told Iben about her and Chris but Eva would never spread this kind of info.” Isak stays silent, again, trying to take everything in and Noora lets him, for a little while, before she places her hand on his leg again to get his attention. “Isak. While I wish telling someone about your sexuality was as dramatic as telling someone about your favourite colour, it isn’t. And, yes, me and Eva discussed it from time to time, because we were curious, but we never brought it up to you or spread it around because it’s not for us to tell.”

Isak doesn’t know how to react. There are too many emotions competing inside of him. The respect and kindness shown by Eva (and Noora) after he ruined both Eva’s relationship and the friendship he had with her is so unexpected and not something Isak is used to. At the same time, it makes him terrified that they have known for so long and the way the found out, had he been as careless with his phone on any other occasion? 

“You never told anyone?” He finally asks and Noora squirms a little, which does nothing good for Isak’s anxiety.

“We told Eskild. Who, of course, was childishly excited and wanted to investigate.” Noora smiles at the final part but seems to notice Isak going completely rigid because she keeps talking with the kind of voice one would use trying to calm down a distraught child. “Don’t worry. Eskild, a week or two later proclaimed that you weren’t gay to make sure me and Eva didn’t try to find out anything more. And I only know the final part because he was worried about me and you spending so much time together he brought it up to me again to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt.”

A wave of gratitude, towards Eskild, Noora and Eva hits him and it lessens the pressure he feels in his chest. Three people, who had absolutely no obligation towards him have gone out of their way to make sure that Isak would get to take things in his own pace. Eva, who he hurt so badly and who would have had any right to confront him, to yell at him, had just backed away. He isn’t sure if he would have been able to handle being confronted last Christmas. And Noora, who had listened to him talk about the troubles in his love life while suspecting what he was holding back. Noora, who probably wanted to punch him in the balls every time he made out with Emma but held back on the judgement. And Eskild, who went out of his way to make sure Eva and Noora wouldn’t try and dig up any more gossip, who gave him a place to stay when he was practically homeless. Isak feels tears welling up and Noora must sense it because she moves from her position opposite him on the bed to sit next to him with an arm over his shoulder. He wants to express some sort of appreciation for all them but he knows that he will start to cry and he thinks he has reached his quota of crying this week, hell if Isak had his way he wouldn’t be crying again for another year or so. Showing these kinds of feelings always made him feel weak and that’s one thing he didn’t want to be.

 

“Have you spoken to Even yet?” Noora asks and he knows her intentions are kind but Isak is suddenly bitter. He doesn’t know what Even’s deal is. How can one person go that much back and forth? Isak sneaks him phone from his pants to pull up the text.

“Yeah. Saw him yesterday, everything was great and he said that he had dumped Sonja but today I got this.” Isak hands his phone over to Noora who furrows her eyebrows as she takes in the information on the screen.

“What? I’m so confused.” Noora replies handing the phone back and Isak, who has been dying to unload all his confusion, bitterness and hurt on someone since the moment he got this text launches into the story of what happened the previous day. He tells her that Even told Sonja about him, that Even and Sonja had decided to take a break. He tells Noora about Even claiming to not be sad about it and kissing him. He tells her about Even’s question about what Isak’s parents would think if he dated a boy and about how he thinks he managed to steer the conversation away from that subject quite quickly and that Even said that his parents would love Isak. He expresses his frustration about how Even suddenly has changed his mind without any clear explanation.

“It’s like, what was the fucking point of talking about being together if he is going to change his mind the next day? I don’t fucking get it.” Isak says bitterly and Noora looks at him with compassion.

“I don’t know Isak but you should confront him about it. Not via text but in person so that he

can’t get away. Demand some answers.” Noora replies and it doesn’t sound bad in Isak’s mind. At least then he’d have the opportunity to find out why. Isak disappear into his thoughts again, questioning why he even bothered to do something about his desires in the first place, but Noora notices right away and her voice brings him back to reality. “Hey, don’t think too much. Regardless of what happens, you are still really brave for going for it.”

Sometimes Isak wonders if Noora knows how to read his thoughts because she sometimes seem to know exactly what he is thinking and does her best to comfort him. Isak shrugs in response, not sure if he feels that it’s been worth it. He might change his mind later but right now it feels pointless.

“You know what? People should be braver when it comes to love.” Noora suddenly exclaims and hops of the bed, leaving Isak confused for a minute before she returns with her laptop. She smiles at him. “You went for it and yeah, it doesn’t look that good right now but you dared to go for it. And instead of me sitting here and being a hypocrite who preaches about following your heart even though you might get hurt, while I can’t even send William a fucking email, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna send the fucking email”

 

 


	37. You know that guy, Even?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora and the girls arrive at Emma's party. Noora spots Even with Sonja and puts two and two together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is here, but first I would just like to say a massive thanks for the kudos, the comments and all the love. It means the world to me. <3
> 
> It's been a good week, have a massive presentation (thesis half-time) on Friday but we've been on such a roll preparing for it that we've realised that we only need half of tomorrow to finish it so I'm super satisfied. Also got great feedback back on the thesis so we're kind of walking on clouds being completely full of ourselves right now. But enough talk about me. 
> 
> Here it is, the first part of the party. We start of with Noora's P.O.V and the chapter is quite short but seeing as there will be plenty of chapters covering this party I hope you guys will survive! Please let me know what you think and feel free to speculate as to which pov you will receive next! ;)

### Chapter 37 – You know that guy, Even?

**Friday November 4 th 2016, 21:59, Emma’s house**

**NOORA**

Noora walks cautiously through the door when they arrive at the party. She hadn’t spoken to or seen Emma since the Monday-incident where Emma had overheard just about the worst part of Noora’s conversation with Isak and in anger had come to the conclusion that all the rumours about Noora and Isak are true. Emma had also, unknowingly, clued Noora in on who had been staying in Isak’s room over the weekend, something that both made Noora happy and sad. Happy that Isak had spent the weekend with the guy he likes but sad that Isak didn’t get to tell her himself.

Needless to say, Noora wasn’t overjoyed that her and the girls were spending the evening at this party in particular. She would actually have liked to not party at all but the girls were all (even Sana) very involved in what Vilde called ‘ _operation happy Noora’_ which consisted of the girls doing their utmost best to keep Noora distracted from her heartbreak by going out at least once every week. In all honesty, Noora is extremely grateful towards them because she hasn’t even told them what went down, not really. She keeps insisting that she is fine and that she left because William worked too much and didn’t have time for her. The fact that her friends aren’t pushing her to talk more about it and only focuses on making her happy through, sometimes misguided, plans of action. Like, encouraging her to hook up with Isak like they had done during today’s pre-game.

“You know what Noora?” Vilde had started, with determination and excitement in her voice. “You should hook up with someone!” Noora had looked hopelessly but endearingly at Vilde because, while she had no intention of hooking up with anyone and was still anxiously waiting for William to reply on her email, Noora couldn’t help appreciate the intention behind Vilde’s suggestion. Especially she only yesterday had had the guts to finally contact him again.

“Nei, Vilde. I’m not interested in hooking up with anyone.” She had replied and hoped that it would settle the matter. Of course it didn’t, because Chris, who spoke up next, clearly agreed with Vilde. 

“The best way to get over someone is by getting under someone new.” Chris laughed as she spoke, something that wasn’t unusual for her and it caused Noora to roll her eyes. Noora had counted on Sana and Eva to be on her side but somehow, they both failed to deliver. Eva had just laughed and fired off a huge smile.

“I’m all for it! People should hook up more!” Eva’s answer had caused Noora and the rest of the girls to laugh because it was such and Eva answer and Noora love seeing Eva like this. Happy, confident and to busy living her life too care about societal standards and expectations. Noora had looked expectantly at Sana, her final hope, to talk some sense into the rest of the girls but Sana had just shrugged.

“It’s not the worst idea. If distracting yourself with a guy makes you happy, go for it!” Before Noora could explain to them that no, hooking up with someone new would not make her happy and that it’s not her thing, Vilde started talking again.

 

“What about Isak? He’s gotten a lot taller than last year, and you’re friends right? Might as well try and see if there is more too it. I mean, people already think you guys are fucking so why not?” Noora had sputtered her chocolate milk all over the table in shock to Vilde’s statement and the rest of the girls had laughed loudly, at both Vilde’s statement and Noora’s reaction. Noora sighed once she has calmed down.

“Nei. Not going to happen.” Noora had said, hoping to close the subject.

“I can’t see it either.” The support had come from Eva, who Noora had shared a quick and knowing look with. Noora had been grateful and at the same time reminded that she hadn’t told Eva anything about Isak after last weekend when she suspected that he had someone is his room. Now she had a name, Even, but not a face.

“Is it because I used to like him?” Chris asked. “Because, I’m cool with it. I’m with Kasper now so if that’s what’s stopping you then please don’t let me be in the way of you getting some good loving in.”

Eventually the conversation had moved on to something else and Noora had been glad, however still not excited about going to a party at Emma’s house. She hadn’t told the girls about her run-in with Emma and she wasn’t keen to do so. Eva would understand, because Eva knew why her sharing a bed with Isak wasn’t remotely sexual. But telling the girls any version of what Emma overheard would just give them more ammunition in their encouragement that her and Isak should become a thing. And she would never expose Isak’s sexuality for the sake of the girls getting off her back, regardless of how much she trusts them.  She would just have to firmly tell Emma that she’s mistaken and that there is nothing going on if Emma tries to talk to her at the party.

 

 

The party is in full swing when they arrive, and people keep coming through the door. Noora keeps her shoes on but drops her coat in the pile of coats that has been created in the open space a few meters in from the entrance. The girls walk in, with the intention to locate the dancefloor when Noora sees someone across the room that she recognises but can’t place. He is tall, with blond hair that stands impressively tall on his head while still looking very soft and fluffy. He is accompanied by a blond girl with short hair that Noora doesn’t recognise at all.

“Who is that?” Noora asks the girls, not addressing anyone in particular and Vilde cracks a huge smile before she replies.

“Even, third year who transferred from Bakka. He is in kosegruppa with us. Isn’t he gorgeous? You keen? I could introduce you. He’s got a girlfriend though.”

Realisation hits Noora as she takes in the information and her heart breaks for Isak. She remembers how hurt, sad, frustrated and angry he was the previous night and can feel herself getting worked up for his sake. Almost like she wants to go over to Even and tell him exactly what she thinks about guys who treat people like this. Noora hopes that Isak isn’t coming to this party tonight. She doesn’t see a reason for him to come seeing as Emma is hosting and Isak is doing his best to avoid her. That’s one positive thing at least. He doesn’t have to see Even with his girlfriend.

“What’s going on?” Sana asks and Noora realises how all the girls are looking at her, noticing her change in mood. Noora shakes it off quickly.

“Oh, I just thought I recognised him but I couldn’t place him.” Noora replies and the girls nods and Eva suddenly seems to remember something.

“Oh I know! He was at kollektivet the night you came home. He was the one who told me Isak wasn’t coming out anymore when he was looking for Eskild!.”

 

The girls start reminiscing about the pre-game and the revue party that took place that night but Noora tunes them out because she realised that’s where she knows him from. He was with Isak at the apartment when Noora showed up distraught. She was too busy with everything that was going on that night to remember him. A faint memory of one of her and Isak’s first night-conversations comes to mind. Isak telling her that he almost kissed his crush but that they were interrupted. She vaguely remembers Isak giving some sort of explanation to what happened but she is quite now that it was a lie. Noora was the one who interrupted them. She interrupted Isak and Even when she walked through the kollektivet-door. She remembers them coming out of the kitchen, Isak quickly followed by Even. Her heart aches for Isak and she knows that she has to tell him tomorrow. It will break his heart but she knows that not telling him isn’t an option. For now, she just hopes that Isak has other plans tonight than this party. 

Vilde and Chris yelling in excitement about the Russ-song that starts playing interrupts Noora’s train of thoughts and she watches how they grab Sana and heads for the dance-floor. Noora however, sees the opportunity and places a hand on Eva’s arm to get her to stay. Eva looks at her in surprise, but she can clearly tell that something is going and doesn’t protest when Noora drags her into bathroom.

“I need to tell you something.” Noora says hurriedly as she closes and locks the door and Eva looks at her with a mixture of worry and curiosity.

“Okay?”

“You know that guy, Even?”

“What about him?” Eva seems unsure of where Noora is going with this and is tense in her voice.

“It’s the guy Isak is seeing, or was, I don’t know.” The words rush out of Noora quickly but disappointment covers her tone. Eva’s mouth falls open, she clearly wasn’t expecting this turn of event. Eva listens as Noora tells her a quick version of what Isak has told her. That Even stayed the whole weekend, then went AWOL for two days, showed up at school on Wednesday and told him that he had broken up with his girlfriend and that everything seemed fine before Isak suddenly received that text the previous day.

“Shit.” Eva says after a few minutes and Noora can only agree.


	38. That’s not why I think you’re an arsehole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's party from Isak's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, another update is here! I can't believe that so many of you read and enjoy this. I get childishly excited every time I see an email from AO3 and get to see all the kind words or kudos. You truly make my day and make it so much more fun to keep writing this. 
> 
> This is the second chapter about what goes down at Emma's party. This is Isak's point of view and covers the events of the final clip of episode 5 and what goes on with Isak during this time.

### Chapter 38 – That’s not why I think you’re an arsehole

**Friday November 4 th 2016, 22:33, Pre-game at Magnus and Party at Emma’s house**

**ISAK**

Isak is not at all excited as he, Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus are stepping off the tram and start to walk in the direction of Emma’s house. He had been grumpy and snappy all day, since last night really, and had mostly been sipping on his beer in silence during the pre-game. Jonas had been eyeing him suspiciously from time to time and had even asked him in passing if he was alright. The kind of question where the tone of Jonas’s voice showed that he suspected that Isak was bothered by something but where the wording allowed Isak to give Jonas a reassuring (fake) smile, reply that he was fine and ask the same in return.

Isak had been occupied with his own mind during the pre-game, only managing to pay attention to what the guys where saying for short moments at the time. They were all eager to find a party, get drunk (and probably high) and hit on girls. Isak hadn’t wanted to go out tonight but Noora and the girls were pre-gaming at kollektivet so he hadn’t wanted to stay there either knowing that he would under no circumstance be allowed to hide in his room. He hadn’t said anything to the guys about the girls also going out because, no matter how much he liked hanging with Noora, telling the guys would result in them wanting all of them to pre-game together, and pre-gaming with Noora would only lead to the two of them being closely observed and he couldn’t deal with that today. Isak had even shrugged and said that he didn’t know what Noora and the girls were doing when asked. 

“Jeez, how am I supposed to know? We aren’t that close.” He had lied, earning raised eyebrows from Jonas.

Isak had silently been hoping that they wouldn’t find a party. That they would be forced to stay at Magnus’s which could potentially, but not probably, lead to an early night enabling for Isak to get home to his bed quicker. The amount of weed and alcohol at the pre-game suggested that staying at Magnus’s all night would result in a very long night. Isak’s mind-set had made him disappointed once Magnus got a hold of a friend who knew of a party. He had been even more disheartened when he found out the person throwing the party was Emma. The guys had been thrilled because Emma hosting gave them a way in: Isak.

“You can get us in!” Had Magnus exclaimed excitedly.

“Nei! She hates me.” He had replied and the guys had looked at him with surprise.

“What? Why?” Jonas asks at the same time as Mahdi says:

“Does Emma buy all the rumours about you and Noora?” Isak shrugs in response, he really doesn’t want to go into it. Yes, Emma believes all the stupid rumours but Emma also knows more than the boys do because Isak has been absolutely silent about what happened the previous weekend. Not a single word during the week leading up to next weekend and not a single word after the best weekend he’d ever had. The guys seem to interpret Isak’s shrug as a yes because Mahdi speaks again. “Can’t you just talk to her? I’ve seen you in action man, you’ve got skills.”

Isak tries, and fails, to convince the guys that they shouldn’t attend Emma’s party.  He can’t come up with any good arguments as to why he doesn’t want to attend (and try and fix things with Emma) or knows of any other party they can go to so eventually he agrees, hoping that the place will be packed enough for him to avoid Emma completely. He can only think of one silver lining to going to the party, the fact that Even won’t be there. Isak can’t imagine Even attending the party. Not after the two of them bailed on Emma and Sonja last week. This means that Isak can focus on becoming completely shitfaced and going home early instead of being forced to face Even and all the questions he deserves to have answered. 

 

The party is in full motion when the guys arrive and a random douche is standing in the doorway as some sort of gatekeeper. He doesn’t want to let Isak and his friends inside and Isak is quite grateful at first but his friends really want to get in. Suddenly Isak is filled by a desperate need to get in to because he spots Even. 

Even, who is dressed in a plaid shirt, open over a t-shirt, smiles as he greets someone who has his back towards the door. Even walks out of Isak’s line of sight and all Isak can think about is that he needs to get in. He needs to see Even. He needs some fucking answers. His heart is beating out of his chest as he persuades the guys blocking to door to let him, under the pretence of him finding Emma, and leaves the guys standing outside without a second thought.

He passes Eva a few meters inside of the door but she doesn’t notice him because Chris has her pressed against the wall, lips locked and eyes closed. Isak spots Sana standing leaning against the wall with a couple of people but doesn’t go over to say hi. He only nods in recognition and she does the same. Spending time with her in biology has actually been far nicer than he first thought it was going to be and while they might not be friends yet, they are sure on their way.

The party is jam-packed with people, many whom Isak doesn’t recognise at all and he keeps searching for one person in particular as he passes through the masses. Isak can’t tell if he is relived, excited or terrified when he finally spots him, standing on the top of a part of the room that is slightly elevated in comparison to the rest. He is talking to a blond guy that Isak thinks he recognizes from Nissen but whose name he doesn’t know. Isak swallows and is just about to walk towards him when his body is blocked by someone Isak had pretty much forgot about after he saw Even and walked into the house to chase him down but the person who had been dead-set to avoid, Emma.

Their last conversation flashes in his mind. How sure she had been that Isak had bailed to go and meet Noora and how hurt and angry she had been because of it. Isak had planned to text her just to tell her, again, that he hadn’t been with Noora but Noora had told him that he didn’t need to. Doing so would have meant that he’d have to come up with another explanation to where he’d gone and as Noora had said, people will eventually be forced to realise that the rumours are bullshit.

“Halla.” Isak says, internally panicking because he has absolutely no idea of how to handle the situation he is in. He doesn’t enjoy hurting Emma and while he was upset at how she acted towards Noora he also gets how bad the rumours look and that in combination with how Isak has acted towards her makes him understand where she is coming from.

“What are you doing here?” Emma’s face is cold, completely unimpressed by his presence.

“Eh… I… It was shit of us to bail on Halloween and I get if you think I’m an arsehole but we didn’t ditch to go and meet up with Noora. She and I, we’re just friends.“ It’s a weak apology but it’s the best Isak can do in this moment. He doesn’t want to explain any further but he wants to make sure to say that he didn’t ditch her to be with Noora. Not that the fact that he ditched her to be with Even was any better. It was probably even worse. He looks into Emma’s face, trying to read her expression but is unable to.

“’That’s not why I think you’re an arsehole.” Isak gulps and it feels like the music around him fades, all he notices is Emma’s hard expression as her red lips stats to move again. “I think you’re an arsehole because you let me get interested in you even though you’re gay. Yeah! I know what you did after you ditched us. At least you only made out with me, how are you going to explain yourself to the girl you’ve been sleeping with? For fuck sake Isak it’s 2016, stop using girls and come out of the closet!” Isak doesn’t have time to say or do anything, because a look of realisation dawns on Emma’s face. “Noora already knows.“ Emma says before shaking her head at him and pushing herself past him.

Isak can hear his heart beat as the shock of what Emma just said rinses over him. The room around him is too loud, he simultaneously feels like he is wearing too much and too little clothing because he is sweating but at the same time wants to hide himself form everyone around him. Emma knows. He swallows, looks on the floor and quickly around himself again to somehow regain control over himself and the situation.

Isak’s eyes finds Even on the opposite side of the room again, still standing where he stood when Isak was approached by Emma. Everything around Isak still is too loud, too close and too hot and it becomes worse when Even, before Isak even has taken another step, is approached Sonja.

Suddenly everything around him falls silent, at least it feels like it does because all Isak’s mind is able to register is Even’s smile as Sonja says something too him. For Isak, everything happens in slow-motion when Sonja places a hand on Even’s cheek and leans towards him. It feels like someone is literally ripping his heart out of his chest when Even meet’s Sonja halfway and kisses her enthusiastically. The silence in Isak’s mind is deafening when they break apart, smile and share another kiss. The pressure in his chest is unlike any he has previously felt. He needs to get out.

The silence that Isak had experienced while watching them kiss is replaced by music and voice that makes it feel like Isak’s head is going to explode as he quickly, and not carefully, makes his way back towards the front door. He manages to accidentally shove Chris in such a way that he interrupts his make-out session with Eva when he pushes past them but Isak doesn’t care. He just needs to get out of here.

Isak does not want to explain anything and just tells the guys that they are leaving when he comes outside, desperately wishing that they won’t put up a fight about it but like everything in Isak’s life, nothing ever works out in his favour.

“What?” Jonas asks, obviously confused but Isak’s behaviour. Isak doesn’t have time to answer before Mahdi butts in.

“He is probably going to a family dinner or home to cuddle Noora, let him go!” Mahdi says and Isak sees red. Every word that came out of his mouth cut the open wound in Isak’s chest even deeper. Mahdi doesn’t know shit about what it’s like to be Isak. Isak turns around, walks two steps back towards Mahdi and shoves him. Hard. Mahdi stumbles back and Isak yells at him.

“Do you have to be so rude? Huh?” Isak tries to shove Mahdi, who looks nothing but confused, again but Jonas and Magnus steps in between them. 

“What the fuck are you doing? What is going on?” Jonas asks and Isak can’t answer. It’s physically impossible for him to do it. He sees the worry in Jonas’s eyes and meets his gaze for a no longer than a second before walking off. Everything hurts.


	39. Where is Isak?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora's take on Even kissing Sonja and Isak shoving Mahdi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! Thanks you so much for all the kind words in the previous chapter<3 I'm sorry for all the pain that is going around right now. Sadly, it will take a while for it to get better.
> 
> This chapter is super short but I hope you enjoy it anyway! 
> 
> I hope the next chapter will be out soon but Word crashed today when I was working on it and deleted half of it so I had to re-write it, which sucks because I was really happy with what I had written. Had such good flow so I hoped to be able to finish it and write another one in the same day but sadly my computer didn't want to cooperate. I managed to finish chapter 40 anyway so I could post chapter 39. Because I always proof-read one and write the next one at the same time and I have the next few chapters quite mapped out just need to put the work in and get them written. Anyhow, enjoy this very short chapter and let me know what you think!

### Chapter 39 - Where is Isak?

**Friday November 4 th, 2016, 22:33, Emma’s house**

**NOORA**

The tension is high when Noora, closely followed by Eva and Chris, steps out through the front door. Mahdi, Jonas and Magnus are visibly agitated and Vilde is loudly wondering what just happened. Noora isn’t sure what happened once Isak came outside but she knows the cause of it. Because Noora saw it all go down.

She saw Isak working his way through the crowd constantly turning his gaze across the room in search for something. Someone. She let her gaze sweep across the room as well, hoping to discover that Even wasn’t in there. Noora cursed to herself when she spotted him across the room, possibly a bit too loud because a few girls standing next to her turned around look at her with confusion. She looked over at Isak hoping that he hadn’t noticed Even but judging by Isak’s determined path straight towards him, he had. Noora saw how he walked straight into Emma and while Noora couldn’t see his face, Isak’s posture became rigid and he pulled his shoulders up causing Noora to get an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. She considered interrupting his conversation with Emma but decided against it considering how what happened the last time Emma saw Isak and Noora standing next to each other.

She let her eyes sweep across the room again in search of Even’s girlfriend but thankfully she couldn’t see her, which only made the situation slightly less terrible. But Noora knew that Even’s girlfriend was at the party and no matter how much she thought that Isak needed to get answers he did not need to get them by seeing the girlfriend Even supposedly dumped.

Noora took a few steps towards Isak and Emma, hoping to intercept him before he could take another step in Even’s direction. She didn’t know how she would be able to convince him to not go up to Even but she knew she had too. She Noora saw Emma pushing past Isak, heading out of the room and giving Noora an opportunity to walk up to Isak, only she wasn’t fast enough. So, she saw it all go down.

She saw Isak standing with his head down for a few seconds after Emma had left him before he straightened his neck and turned towards where Noora knew that Even was still standing. Noora, who was heading towards Isak from behind his left shoulder could only see Isak from behind but had Even in full view. She saw Even’s girlfriend climbing the three steps up to where Even is standing and she didn’t need to see Isak’s face to understand what Isak felt. His body language said it all.

Isak, who was never really completely still, constantly moving, always fidgeting with something in his hand, shifting his weight from one foot to the other or scratching his neck, became completely rigid and stayed that way all through the first and second kiss Even shared with his girlfriend. Noora could feel anger rising inside of her. Anger combined with sadness and worry. Anger that Even was looking so calm and happy, smiling into both kisses while Noora could almost hear Isak’s heart breaking in a million pieces. Sadness because she knew what Even had meant for Isak and worry because she was afraid of how this would affect Isak. She knew how much effort it had taken Isak to take these steps of self-acceptance and didn’t want the acts of a douche to set him back.

Isak was completely rigid until another guy from Nissen, who Noora didn’t know the name of, walked into Isak’s shoulder trying to get past him. Isak turned on the spot and while he didn’t meet Noora’s gaze, Noora could see pain written all over his face. Eyes red, jaw tightened and shoulders hunched in. Noora tried to get to him, to be some kind of comfort, but Isak moved through the dancing and drinking masses way too quickly. He rudely pushed himself past everyone in his path and she tried to follow but she wasn’t able to move through the crowed as efficiently as Isak was.

When Noora finally managed to make her way to the hallway she spotted Eva who worriedly stared towards the entrance and a confused Chris who tried to get her attention. Noora grab Eva’s arm as she reached them, and she was thankful that she had already told Eva about Even because it enabled her to let Eva know what was going on without clueing Chris in.

“Isak?” Eva had asked, already suspecting and only needing a confirmation. Noora’s jaw was clasped tight and she had only needed to nod for Eva to understand and follow her towards the entrance, Chris a few steps behind.

Noora had stopped briefly inside the door to, with Eva’s help, find her coat, which had been buried deep in the pile of coats just inside the front door. It didn’t take them long and they were both ignoring the very suspicious, yet curious, look that was plastered all across Chris’s face. He stood quietly next to them, observing them closely but stayed silent. Eva found Noora’s coat within less than a minute and hands it over as they walked outside.

 

Jonas is the first one to notice them and the look he gives Noora is everything but friendly but Noora chooses to ignore it. She doesn’t have time to wonder what people think about their friendship or care about how her actions might appear for those who believe the many rumours that surrounds them.  In this moment, all she cares about is making sure that Isak isn’t alone. She knows that he probably is far from okay but is also aware of how lonely heartbreak can be and Isak has gone through too much in life by himself. The concern that shines from Jonas’s face causes her to wish that she could bring Jonas with her so that Isak could get even more support but she knows that’s not an option. 

“Where is Isak?” Noora asks rapidly and Vilde launches into a story about Isak out of nowhere shoved Mahdi.

“He probably would have punched him if Jonas and Magnus wouldn’t have stepped in between them.” Vilde finishes.

Noora looks over at Mahdi and Magnus, who standing next to Jonas, looks as confused as Vilde sounds. Pain soars in her chest because she knows how much Isak must hurt if he is showing it by physically taking it out on his best friends. Eva meets her gaze and Noora is ever so thankful for sometimes being able to communicate with Eva without saying a word. Worry shines through Eva’s eyes and she gives Noora a tiny nod. Yes, Noora should make sure Isak is okay and Eva will defuse any and every question asked. In the corner of her eyes, Noora can see Jonas observing them closely with lips pursed but she ignores it.

“I’ll go after him.” She says and ignores the looks she receives when she hurriedly walks past the guys and out of the yard.


	40. Yes. Something is going on with Isak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noora goes running after Isak and Jonas forces some answers out of Eva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely dedicated readers<3 It's just completely insane that I'm getting closer to 900 kudos, holy shit! Thank you all for making me smile! I absolutley adore reading your comments<3<3 
> 
> Also, sorry that it took so long between chapters, life happened. Had to spend a lot of time on my thesis, have started to look for actual grown-up job for after my graduation and my boyfriend was in town this past weekend so my writing time was limited. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you are ready for seeing how Jonas handles everything that happens at the party. I sure am ready for your reaction to it! Also, this is the chapter where I lost half because my computer decided to screw me over. I had a hard time re-writing it at first because I was so content with the first version but I actually liked it a lot when I proof-read it this morning. Enjoy!

### Chapter 40 – Yes. Something is going on with Isak

**Friday November 4 th, 2016, 22:45, Emma’s house**

**JONAS**

The look in Isak’s eyes as Jonas steps in-between him and Mahdi almost cuts Jonas in two. Isak looks completely broken as he turns away and quickly leaves Jonas and everyone else behind. Something is going on with him, Jonas is sure, because Isak’s reaction to Mahdi’s joke wasn’t proportional. Isak isn’t one to react negatively to jokes and usually gives as good as he gets but, Jonas reasons. Isak’s family is a very touchy subject, not that Mahdi and Magnus know, barely anyone does.

Jonas feels lost and helpless. He has tried to nudge Isak from time to time over the last couple of weeks. Noticed the increasingly heavy bags under his eyes along with Isak’s gradually worse mood, more-than-usual grumpiness and him ditching them with bad excuses. He has been shut down every time he has tried to get Isak to open up but Jonas has been trusting that Isak would let him know if he needed support. Like he has done previously. Like he did when his father left them and when Isak in the following months stayed Jonas’s at least two nights every week. Isak had at first tried to convince Jonas that everything was fine at home, that he was just too lazy to go home when they hung out late in the evenings but eventually he confessed that he just needed a break sometimes. A break from his mother and her ramblings. Jonas has been trusting Isak to come to him but he hasn’t.

The last time Isak had come to Jonas for help was when he told him he planned to move out. Their conversation had been happy at first, with Isak trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal, but eventually Isak’s walls had come down. Seeing Isak break down with guilt for thinking about leaving his mother, for doing the same thing he was furious with his father for doing, had caused Jonas shed some tears as well. He and Isak had been sitting in Jonas’s bed for a couple of hours afterwards and Jonas had done his best to convince Isak that him moving out probably was for the best, that it didn’t make him a bad son, that Isak wasn’t his mother’s caretaker and that staying wasn’t good for Isak’s health. Jonas has helped Isak pack the things he needed from his room and move in to kollektivet and since then Isak had not wanted to talk about his mom’s health again.

Jonas knew that Isak’s mother’s state of mind was like a roller-coaster with both bad and good days but they never really spoke about it again, something that didn’t really surprise Jonas. Jonas had asked Isak to not brush it off once when they were alone at kollektivet and told him that he knew that it bothered Isak and he would be there if Isak needed to talk about it. Isak had given him a sad but appreciative smile and squeezed Jonas’s arm before promising that he would let Jonas know if it got that bad again.

Isak never came to Jonas and now Jonas feels like he should have pressed Isak more because something is obviously going on. Something that has made Isak take his frustrations out on an unsuspecting Mahdi who only tried to tease Isak the way the guys tease each other constantly.

Jonas notices how Noora pushes herself past the guys in the door who have been blocking him and his friends from entering. She looks frazzled, worried and stressed, far from the composed girl he has come to recognize her as. An equally worried-looking Eva and a confused and frowning Chris follows out the door and Jonas can feel himself becoming more frustrated and agitated as he realises that Noora and Eva probably know exactly why Isak is upset. Isak and Noora’s friendship has developed far too quickly and been such a touchy subject with Isak over the last couple of weeks, which causes Jonas to be suspicious of what is really going on. If (and Jonas forces himself to think _if_ because Isak said that they were only friends) they are more than friends, Jonas doesn’t think it’s such a good idea. Nothing against Noora but she did just move back from London where she lived with her boyfriend and Jonas doesn’t want his best friend to be some kind of rebound.

“Where is Isak?” Noora asks and her question only manifests Jonas’s suspicion and he can feel himself getting more annoyed by the second. He wants to know what’s happening and what Noora did to make him act this way. Vilde launches into the story of what happened and Jonas focuses on watching both Noora and Eva closely, because while he is sure that Noora has something to do what happened, he is equally sure that Eva knows. The stressed look of worry on her face evident. Jonas observes as Noora turns to look at Eva, how they seem to communicate without words before Eva gives Noora a tiny, almost unnoticeable nod.

“I’ll go after him.” Noora says and walks through the garden without another word leaving Vilde to loudly proclaim what everyone is thinking.

“What is going on?” Vilde asks and turns towards Eva who only shrugs.

“I don’t know.” She replies and surprisingly Vilde accepts the answer, turns back to Magnus and starts talking to him. 

Jonas observes how Eva turns her gaze back towards the gate Noora just left through, concern written over her face. She keeps it there for a few seconds before shaking her head slightly, not as if she disapproves of anything but as if she realises that her body language can reveal more than she wants it to. Eva composes herself a second later and grabs Chris’s hand to motion for him that they should head back in to the party. Jonas acts before he has time to think about what his actions must look like and takes a few steps forward to place a hand on Eva’s arm before she and Chris can start moving. This is his opportunity to get some answers.

“Eva, can we talk?” He asks, Chris frowns and Eva looks at Jonas like she is trying to come up with a reason to say no.

“About what?” She asks innocently but Jonas can tell that she knows exactly what he wants to talk about. Her false façade annoys him, he doesn’t have the energy to play games with her. No matter how much he understands that she is Noora’s best friend in this mess.

“What do you think? Isak is acting like a twat, your best friend just ran after him and you know something.” He almost snarls at her. Almost. She purses her lips, clearly not amused but his tone or the subject but there is still pity and understanding in his eyes and it causes him to soften his tone when he speaks next. “Just five minutes. Please? It’s Isak.”

 

Eva nods and follows Jonas around the corner of the house where they can get some privacy. Jonas expects Eva to start talking once they stop because discussing thought, concern and gossip about their friends is something they used to do without filter. She doesn’t though and it serves as a brisk reminder that it’s been a long time since they were that close and now, Eva is first and foremost Noora’s best friend. Not Jonas girlfriend who he shares everything with and not one of the two people closest to Isak. The friendship between Isak and Eva also deteriorated after the breakup.

“Well?” Jonas asks, still frustrated by the situation.

“Well what?” Eva asks and Jonas can feel anger bubbling inside of him. Eva knows exactly what, she is just stalling.

“Well what the hell is going on?” He raises his voice but doesn’t shout. “Why is Isak shoving Mahdi and running off and why is Noora running after him?”

Eva looks contemplatively at him, clearly trying to decide what and how much to tell him. Constantly feeling like he someone else knows something that Jonas doesn’t when it’s about what is bothering his best friend is getting to him. He wants to be able to do something to ease the burden that Isak carries but he can’t do that unless someone, anyone, tells his what is going on. Eva takes a deep breath before she starts speaking after what feels like an eternity.

“Noora went after him because they are close and Isak was obviously upset.” She eventually says and the vagueness of her answer is equally as frustrating as everything else in the situation.

“Are they hooking up?” Jonas asks but what he really wants to know is if Noora is using Isak to get over William. If it is the reason for Isak’s behaviour lately.

“Nei. They are just friends.” Eva says with a smile and Jonas observes her closely because he is still sure that Eva is hiding something. That she knows something more. Eva seems to notice because she keeps speaking. “I don’t really know what they talk about when they hang out but I know that they’ve bonded over their shitty parents and I promise, there is nothing except friendship between them.”

Jonas hadn’t known about Noora’s parents but it partly explains why they have grown close so quickly. But it doesn’t explain what is happening with Isak, why Isak is acting like he is. Why he has been so withdrawn and bitchy

“But something is going on with Isak.” Jonas says, and it’s not a question, it’s a statement. Eva sighs, again clearly contemplating just how much to tell him. Her silence pains Jonas even more this time because if Noora isn’t what’s bothering Isak then he doesn’t know what it could be and he feels even more helpless. Sure, it could be Isak’s parents again but it doesn’t feel like something Isak would hide from him, not considering that Jonas already knows.

“Yes. Something is going on with Isak.” Eva confesses but it doesn’t make Jonas feel any good. Eva places her hand on his arm and smiles warmly at him for the first time this evening. “I know that Isak doesn’t like to talk about shit but you should try and talk to him again. He will come around eventually.” Eva pats Jonas’s arm two times before heading back towards the front door, leaving Jonas by himself to ponder on the events of the evening.


	41. You saw?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update is here! Yaay! It's a tad later than I had hoped because I had a naive expectation of having more free-time during the second half of my thesis but that is probably the worst lie I've ever told myself. Have a shit-load of more work and has to apply for jobs at the same time. Stress. Managed to find some writing time at least so that makes me very happy! As always, the comments and kudos you guys leave make me so incredibly happy<3 
> 
> Here is the next (and second to last) part of everything that is going on during the Party at Emma's. We have another Noora POV because I've really grown to love writing her and Isak's relationship from her point of view. Also, I hope this eases the pain you've all been feeling during the past couple of chapters ;)

### Chapter 41 - You saw?

**Friday November 4 th, 2016, 22:45, The streets of Oslo**

**NOORA**

Noora looks both ways down the street as she exits the yard but she can’t see any trace of Isak in either direction. It’s dark outside, but the street lights give the street an orange glow. She picks up her phone and quickly finds Isak’s contact, hoping that he will pick up but knowing that the chances are slim. Noora is unable to stand still as she waits for the signal to connect, she walks back and forth just outside of the hedge separating Emma’s yard from the street. Three girls carrying plastic bags clinking with alcohol pass her as the first signal goes through. They laugh and talk a bit loudly as the head into Emma’s yard without a sparing a single glance at Noora.

Noora feels her pulse increase with every second that Isak doesn’t answer and she keeps looking up and down the street in search for him, hoping that she somehow missed him. She doesn’t see him and curses out loud when she reaches his answering machine. Noora tries to center herself and think logical, out of the two possible directions, which did Isak take? Where would he have wanted to go? To the left, towards the tram, heading back to kollektivet but with the possibility of running in to people? Or too the right, further away from the city centre, where the complete loneliness was more likely?

Noora turns right as if on instinct and walks hurriedly down the street, hoping that she has made the right decision. She reaches a crossing within under a minute and almost curses again because now she needs to guess in which of the three possible directions Isak went. She can’t see him straight ahead so she rapidly turns to the right but the street is empty. Disappointment grows inside of her as she turns to the left because at first, she doesn’t see anyone in that direction either. That’s until she notices a slumped body at the next crossing on her left.

 Isak is sitting on his knees on the sidewalk at the corner of the street and Noora notices his body shaking as he approaches him. Noora can hear him trying, but failing to muffle his sobs and she can feel her heart break for him. She knows this kind of pain. The horrid, harsh and completely devastating pain you suffer when the person you would choose over any other not only doesn’t choose you back but decides to crush you in the process. Noora has to blink a few tears of her own away before she even reaches Isak.

Isak jumps and turns around with fear, sadness and humiliation written all over his face as Noora carefully puts her hand on his shoulder. He sighs in relief when he realises that it’s Noora but he quickly crumbles again, letting the tears fall down his cheeks not bothering to pretend that he is alright. Noora is grateful that they have shared to many tears in the past weeks and days because at least now Isak doesn’t have to hide his feeling to appear strong. They have both seen each other in such vulnerable states that a least there is no need to feel ashamed of breaking down.

Noora freezes for a second as Isak buries his face in his hands again, at first not knowing what to do. Isak crying in the street because of a broken heart is somehow much more difficult than Isak crying in his bedroom because of his broken family. She quickly snaps out of it though and pulls him back up on his feet and into her arms. Noora holds him tightly wrapped in her arms and Isak, being a lot taller than Noora, lets his head fall down on her shoulder and hides his face against her neck, his body still shaking against hers. They stand still hugging each other for a few minutes while Isak’s sobs die out and transforms into a steady stream of tears that makes collar of Noora’s jacket wet.

“I’m sorry.” Noora whispers although there is no one that can hear them. Whispering seeming like the only option, gentler and not as harsh as speaking would feel like. Isak pulls away and meets her gaze, eyes bloodshot and hollow, causing Noora to feel her eyes well up. The pain he displays too well-known to her and something she wishes he didn’t have to go through.

“You saw?” Isak asks with trembling lips as another tear fall down from his eyes. Noora nods, and Isak pulls his arms back around her again, seeking her support. “I don’t get it.” He whispers almost pleadingly against her neck. His voice is barely audible and the humility in his tone makes it impossible for Noora to hold back her tears any longer. She tightens her grip around him because it’s the only thing she can do.

“I know. Me neither.” She whispers in reply while feeling completely useless. She knows that what happened isn’t her fault, what Isak is feeling isn’t because of her but she desperately wants to be able to do something to ease the pain. But she can’t. She can’t say that it probably wasn’t what it looked like because she saw it and it was exactly what it looked like. She can’t give any explanation because with everything Isak has told her about the weekend he spent with Even she has no idea as to why Even would suddenly call it quits the previous day and why he would show up at Emma’s party today with his supposed ex-girlfriend. She doesn’t know why Even would tell Isak that he had broken up with Sonja and then go to a party hosted by the girl, other than his girlfriend, that he and Isak ditched a week previously in favour of being with each other. Even’s behaviour pisses her off, playing with someone’s emotions is one of the things Noora really despises in people. She has been on the receiving end of that and it left deep scars in her self-esteem.

 She doesn’t voice any of her frustration and anger about the situation right know, confident that Isak feels and thinks all of the above, and probably more, by himself. Instead she keeps firmly hugging him with the hope that at least her closeness and body warmth will bring some comfort, that he won’t feel as alone. They hug in silence once again and Noora can hear a few people walk by but she doesn’t turn around to check who. It’s dark and if the passers-by are students of Nissen who engage in gossiping they are probably too drunk to pay any attention to Noora and Isak anyway. Besides, it’s dark outside so it’s probably hard to make out exactly who are hugging in the street.

A raindrop hits Noora’s face and she scrunches her nose as she releases her grip on Isak slightly. He pulls away enough to be able to look down on her face but keeps his arms still around her, the same when her hands still rest on his back. He looks confused for a moment but understanding hits him the moment a raindrop lands on his nose, causing her to giggle. Isak giggles as well although only for a second before sadness takes over his face again.

“Uber ride home?” Noora asks as they both get hit by the light drizzle that has started to come down. Isak nods and stands silent as Noora plucks her phone up for the pocket of her coat and quickly navigates to the Uber-app. She smiles as she reads on the screen that the Uber will be there in only three minutes and earns a small thankful smile from when she tells him.

Isak pulls her back in the moment she puts her phone back into her pocket and Noora lets him. The fact that the grumpy boy who keeps almost everyone at an arm’s length seeks comfort fills Noora with such pride and warmth that she almost wishes that Eskild was here to see it. Because while the progress Isak had made lately, in regard to showing his emotions and being true to himself, could mostly be attributed to Isak himself growing, Noora likes to think that she and Eskild has been a small part of it.

 

Noora lets herself be hugged and hold Isak tightly for the few minutes they wait until their car arrives. Isak’s pulse is still high and he takes quick short breaths. His green bomber jacket is open and Noora buries her head against his chest. She might never confess to it but hugging and being hugged by Isak has quickly become something she values deeply. Noora feels safe and protected with him, as she does with Linn and Eskild too. The warm feeling of a home, a family that she lost in London.

Isak loosens his hold on Noora and separate them enough for Noora to be able to look up in his eyes. Noora still has her arms loosely wrapped around him and Isak has his resting on her shoulders. Noora smiles up at him, so extremely grateful for the person he has become to her. The perfect addition to her strange family.  

“I know everything sucks right now but I’m so glad you moved into kollektivet.” She says meaning every word. Isak smiles at her and chuckles a little.

“And I’m really glad you came back from London.” Isak says before he tightens his arms around her and moves to place a kiss on her forehead.

“Me too.”

The cab stops right next to them thanks to the brilliance of smart-technology and they release each other from their embrace. Noora doesn’t reflect on it when Isak holds on to her hand the three steps they walk towards the car. To her his actions are completely platonic as were the hugs they’ve shared on the sidewalk. To someone else, someone who has been watching only from a short distance, their actions looks like so much more.

 

Isak opens the door for her and gives her an ironic bow, causing her to laugh out loud, releasing some of the tension that has plagued the evening. Isak laughs too but they laughter dies as the car drive past Emma’s house and Noora leans her body against Isak in support. His expression hardens and his breathing accelerates but he puts his arm around her shoulder and they sit in silence as they head back to their weird and slightly dysfunctional but completely irreplaceable family. 

“Movie?” Isak asks as they open the door to his bedroom without even discussing any other sleeping arrangements. Noora nods and Isak tosses her a pair of sweatpants for her to change into and starts to rummage in his drawers for another pair for himself. Noora knows this routine; Isak will make sure to have his back turned long enough for Noora to change and then he will quickly change as well. They will put on a movie and watch it in silence until one of them breaks the silence to talk about whatever is bothering them. Tonight, Isak will tell her parts of everything he is going through and Noora might tell him that William is yet to respond to her email. But first, they will gather strength and ponder on their own under the pretence of following how The Rock saves the world on the TV in front of them. 


	42. She was with this guy, goes to Nissen, quite tall, blond-ish, second-year I think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. The final chapter from Emma's party and P-Chris is back in the game. Next up is the events during the hiatus and I have a wopping nine chapters plotted out for you! As always, massive massive thanks to everyone who keeps reading, commenting and leaving kudos. This is completely insane and I get so extremely happy every time I se a comment in my inbox! <3 
> 
> Also, I always pick something from the chapter as the chapter-title, usually it's something that someone says. Basically I try to hint to what the chapter is about without giving too much away. Or sometimes, I just find myself funny. Anyways, do you guys notice/care about the titles? 
> 
> Story-wise, things are starting to spin out of control, let me know what you think will happen next.

### Chapter 42 - She was with this guy, goes to Nissen, quite tall, blond-ish, second-year I think

**Friday November 4 th, 2016, 22:50, Emma’s house**

**P-CHRIS**

Truth be told, the rumours going around about Noora and Isak has started to become really fucking annoying. Chris had really wanted to believe Eva when she very surely dismissed them. He had wanted them to be false because he knew that they would reach William’s ears eventually, no matter how far away London is. Chris knew that the moment William heard about it he would receive a call and Chris didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. 

No matter how bad the Instagram photos and the rumours looked Chris had chosen to trust what Eva (and Noora a week earlier on the Halloween party) told him. But now, seeing Noora running after Isak after what seemed like an argument between them, he is getting more and more convinced that there is at least some truth to it.

Eva stands with her back turned towards him and watches as Noora sprints after Isak so he can’t read her expression. Not that he is any good at reading her anyways, Eva is still somewhat of a mystery to him. That’s probably why he keeps hooking up with her, she doesn’t get boring. She doesn’t expect anything from him, isn’t clingy and best of all, she knows exactly what she wants in bed and isn’t afraid to ask for it.  Her mystery is somewhat of an inconvenience to him in this matter because he can’t tell whether she lies or not when he asks her about it and she gets angry if he questions her. He tried that once and they ended up yelling at each other. He also tried talking to Noora at the Halloween party the previous weekend but that was something Eva appreciated even less. Chris had tried to defend himself by saying that he didn’t want gossip, he just wanted to ask Noora about it so that he could answer if William asked her. In hindsight, he could see why Eva got so pissed at him because he was drunk, they were at a party with all of his and William’s friends and Chris might have gotten a tad too confrontational. Just a tad.

Chris frowns as he watches Eva from behind. He wishes that she would turn around so he could at least attempt to interpret her feelings about what just happened but she doesn’t, not for a few seconds. Chris notices Jonas watching Eva and he can tell that Jonas is confused, frustrated and maybe even a bit sad. It’s annoying to Chris how he can tell exactly what Jonas is thinking even though he has barely spoken to the guy. Come to think of it, they’ve never had an actual conversation, the closest they’ve gotten is shoving each other in the Nissen stairwell after Chris had hooked up with Eva the first time. 

Eva grabs Chris’s hand and motions for them to go inside. Chris tries interpret her emotions but her face but it’s completely neutral and he can feel himself growing even more annoyed by the situation. He intends to drag her into an empty room and question her again about what just happened but before he is able to, before they even start to move inside, Jonas grabs Eva by the arm wanting to talk to her. The words coming out of Jonas’s mouth makes two things abundantly clear. One, Jonas can read Eva better than Chris can and two, there is a hell of a lot more going on than Eva has previously said.

Eva sighs and agrees, leaving Chris standing outside the front door with dread filling him up inside. William is like his brother and Chris will be forced to tell him once he figures out exactly what is going on. The, few, conversations they’ve had about Noora since her leaving London has been horrible. William has never been one to really talk about his feelings but he had actually broken down on facetime one night with Chris. Enough for Chris to hop one a plane and spend almost a week in London right after Noora left. William’s emotions had been all over the place. Sad, Angry, Confused, Hurt, Closed off, Indifferent and pretend-happy.

Chris had left London filled with frustration and anger against Noora. He couldn’t understand how someone could leave like that. William had revealed to him that something really devastating had happened in Noora’s life during the spring when they got together and that it had affected their relationship for the worse when they moved to England but Chris never found out what it was. It was the one thing William had refused to tell him, no matter how hurt he was by Noora’s actions.

The whole thing left Chris with a bitter taste in his mouth whenever Noora came up in conversations and Eva blatantly telling him that William was to blame for the break-up made him even more angry. He remembered their first conversation on the subject 10 days after Noora’s sudden return. Eva had been certain that William was to blame even though she also confessed to not knowing what happened. She had only dismissed him when Chris said that neither him nor William knew what happened. And now, Isak had walked straight into Chris interrupting his make-out session with Eva as he stormed off only to be followed by Noora shortly after. As much as Chris could gather, there had also been some sort of bust-up between Isak and his friends. Eva still claimed to be oblivious but had agreed to talk alone with Jonas on the subject. Yeah. Chris is quite sure that Eva is far from oblivious, he just wishes he had realised it sooner. 

Chris shakes his head and turns back inside, not bothering to wait for Eva to finish her conversation with Jonas. He grabs can of beer and goes looking for someone he knows, which is a lot harder this year than previous. Sure, he still knows plenty of people at the party but graduating and leaving Nissen meant that not everyone knew who he was and wanted his attention anymore.

He finds a few of the penetrators surrounded by girls on the dance floor and decides to join them, maybe to piss Eva off a little bit. Not that he isn’t allowed to flirt, dance or hook up with anyone else because she is. He has however not hooked up with anyone in front of her since they started to sleep with each other. Erik pats him on the shoulder when he enters their dance circle.

“No Eva tonight?” He shouts in Chris’s ear over the music. Chris shrugs and smiles mischievously.

“Maybe, we’ll see.” Chris replies and it’s true, the events of the evening have (probably temporarily) made him less horny.

Chris is feeling himself relax and dance, getting into the music and letting go off all the troubles in his mind. He loves to dance, really loves it. How he can listen to a song and feel himself almost disappear inside the beat of a drum, an electric synth layered louder than the rest of the music, elaborate string arrangements matched to a house-beat or singing that capture his full attention. There is something about music that somehow erases everything around him.

He takes another sip of his beer and joins in when everyone screams along to the lyrics as _This is what you came for_ by Calvin Harries starts to play. A short girl with blond long hair starts to dance next to him and he immediately knows that he has a chance with her. She smiles meets his gaze for a short while and starts to dance closer to him. He hesitates for a moment because while hooking up with someone new is always fun and exciting, it’s also never as good as hooking up with someone who knows you sexually. He puts his hands on her waist anyways and starts to dance with her even though he isn’t sure he’s really into it, still feeling agitated about everything that has happened so far in the evening. But hell, he might as well go for it, distract himself with kisses and attention. Chris leans closer to the girl and breathes in her flowery perfume.

“What’s your name?” He almost has to shout in her ear to be heard over the music. The girl meets his gaze and smiles at him before placing her mouth close to his ear.

“Hanna. What is yours”.

“Chris.”  

They have a moment. Staring into each other’s eyes over the music and Chris smirks suggestively at her. He knows that he is good at flirting, great actually. They dance closer and closer to each other, bodies starting to move more in sync than as two separate parts. Chris closes the gap between them and, for the second time tonight, enjoys the sensation of having lip pressed against his own. He buries his hand in her hair and holds on to the back of her head, keeping it close to his. She is a good kisser as far as kissing goes but he has had better. Her movements are a bit too fast for his liking, he prefers eagerness but in the way that still allows for proper the tension to properly build.

 

 

Chris is just about to suggest that they take their make-out session to a more private place when a hand lands on his shoulder. It surprises him because usually interrupting a hook up is not something that happens among his friends. Borkis, one of the penetrators and someone who Chris has counts as one of his absolute closest friends, looks at him with an uncomfortable facial expression. He nods towards for Chris to follow him and they head into an empty bedroom.

“Have you talked to William?” Borkis asks, looking like the bearer of bad news. Chris hasn’t spoken to William since Wednesday, but had a missed call earlier in the day. He had been unable to pick up the phone at work and had sent a text when he got off but it was still unanswered.

“Not today. Why?”

“He called me earlier. Noora sent him an email.“ Borkis starts and Chris can feel himself tensing up. He is already up to his ears in the drama between William and Noora, even without discussing everything that is going on in Oslo, he doesn’t need anything more to happen.  “It was some kind of apology but without an explanation or something, William is confused as fuck anyway. Some kind of, _I_ _’_ _m sorry how I left but I couldn_ _’_ _t stay_ -bullshit _._ ” Borkis’s story reminds Chris of what Noora told him last weekend, that she had to go. That it was the only option. Chris tries to wrap his mind around the fact that Noora now, after weeks of complete radio silence towards William has decided to make contact and offer some sort of an apology. He doesn’t know how to place that in relation to everything he has heard, and now seen, about Noora and Isak.

“Fuck. I’ll call him tomorrow.” Chris replies and hopes that he can make some sense of things before then. Borkis however, still looks extremely uncomfortable and it clues Chris on the fact that Borkis probably has more things on his mind. Things that warrant them locking themselves inside an empty bedroom in the middle of a party.

“I just saw something that makes Noora’s email feel extremely strange.” Borkis says and Chris can feel his heart sink. He suspects what Borkis will say next and he dreads it.

“What?” Chris asks, his mouth parched.

“We were pre-gaming at Peter’s because he lives just around the corner and then when we walked here we walked past two people hugging each other a street down from here and at first I didn’t think anything of it because hey, it’s a party right? Then I realised that one of them was Noora so I pretended that I had to take a leak and doubled back to make sure that it was her. It was. She was with this guy, goes to Nissen, quite tall, blond-ish, second-year I think. Do you know who I mean? Think he was there when we fought Yakuza in the spring.”

“Isak Valtersen.” Chris says bitterly and can feel himself become more and more furious, with a need to find out exactly what is going on. The worst part is that Chris used to think that Isak was quite an alright guy. They weren’t friends per say but he had seemed cool when they worked together to set up the fight with the Yakuza boys. “They hook up?”

“Not really, but they looked like they had, or was about too. I don’t know. They were hugging and then she said something about _everything sucking_ and that she was _glad that he moved into kollektivet_ whatever that means and he said like _I_ _’_ _m glad you moved back from London_ and then they left in an Uber and they were holding hands and laughing and everything. But like, he was _glad she moved back_ , what the fuck was that about?” Borkis is genuinely upset and confused about everything and Chris feels equally distressed. More and more, he feels himself wanting to have a go at Eva for so blatantly lying to him.

“I don’t know man. There has been rumours about it for a few weeks but Eva has sworn that they’re false but apparently not. “

“What does Eva say?” Borkis asks, clearly wanting a believable explanation to why what he just witnesses might not be what it looked like.

“That Isak moved into Noora’s room in her flat-share when she moved out and that they’ve become friends since she returned.”

“Do you believe her?” Borkis asks and Chris isn’t sure anymore. The events of the evening has proved that there is something going on and Isak and Noora hooking up seems like the obvious answer. Chris however doesn’t see it. It’s pairing that doesn’t make sense to him. Noora who William has described as a good-girl who doesn’t drink, is passionate about feminist issues and probably has never ditched a class in her life and Isak who is a weed-smoking fuckboy always spotted with different girls. They don’t really match, however, that was what everyone thought about Noora and William at the start too.

“Not really.” Chris finally says.

“Are you going to tell him? It’s gonna fucking crush him.” Borkis asks and Chris hesitates. He should tell him. He really should. But he doesn’t want to say it if he isn’t a hundred percent sure that it’s true.

“I’ll ask Eva again, see what she says and I’ll tell him if I don’t believe her.”


	43. Puberty hit him like a truck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the first chapter of the ones that covers the season 3 hiatus. As of right now, we are looking at nine chapters but that might change if inspiration strikes. This also means a slight diversion form canon, more than I usually divert, but I hope you will enjoy it and let me know what you think and suspect will happen ;) 
> 
> As always, massive massive thank you to all of you who comments and leaves kudos, you all make my day<3

### Chapter 43 – Puberty hit him like a truck!

**Saturday November 5 th, 2016, 07:54**

**ISAK**

Noora is breathing heavily beside him, deep asleep, but Isak is as awake as he has been the entire night. He hasn’t slept at all. Not even been close to it. Noora had tried to stay awake with him for a couple of hours but he hadn’t had the heart to wake her once she finally fell asleep around four in the morning. His head is pounding, his chest feels like it’s contracting on itself and all he wants to do is to sleep until it’s not that bad anymore. Until the hurricane of emotions inside of him simmers down a bit. That’s not an option though, and he knows it, knows his body well enough. Isak had actually considered leaving the bed to go and do something proactive a couple of times during the night and early morning. 

At 4:37 am, he considered just starting the day early, getting breakfast and cracking down on some of the homework they have been set for the upcoming week they had off school. He decided against it mainly because he didn’t want to suffer the wrath of Linn if he accidentally woke her up. That girl values her sleep.

At 6.02 am, he contemplated if he should take his laptop and watch movies in the living room while he waits for his roommates to wake up and distract him from his mind. Isak stays in his bed though because he is way too lazy to go up, and he still at six in the morning hopes to be able to get at least some sleep.

He doesn’t. Isak is as awake now as he has been the entire night. He groans a little and turns around to try and sleep on his back. Noora shifts in her sleep and Isak is for a moment afraid that he had managed to wake her up but thankfully she doesn’t open her eyes. Isak looks at the time again and sighs in defeat before he carefully gets out of the bed without waking Noora up.

He wishes badly that he could relax and get some rest but there are too many emotions and thoughts circling inside of him. There is the harshness of Even’s betrayal, the fact that he can see Even smiling down into a kiss with Sonja every time he closes his eyes. There is the sadness that he carries for himself, for how horrible it is to be him, for how he can’t imagine daring to do something like this ever again, for how extremely sad that makes him. There is the embarrassment he feels over the fact that he actually believed that he meant something to Even. There is the fear in the fact that he will have to face Even when the semester resumes in little over a week. Isak will pointedly ignore him and avoid him at any and all cost, and he already dreads it. He dreads having to pretend that everything is alright because it’s the only thing he can do. Because no one knows and no one can know. Another increasingly growing fear that occupies his mind whenever he manages to avoid thinking about Even for a few second is the fact that Emma knows about him. It terrifies him that she has this piece of information about him, a piece he has been guarding with his life for the past few years, a piece of information that Isak himself wants to be able to decide who he shares it with and when. If ever.

Another uncomfortable feeling that occupies Isak’s mind is how he acted towards the guys yesterday. Nausea hits him when he thinks about how he reacted at Mahdi’s joke, how he knows that the only reason that it stopped with a single shove was that Jonas and Magnus stepped in between. Jonas confused hurt flashes in his mind and Isak knows that he’ll have to face him eventually. And Mahdi who looks tuff but wouldn’t hurt a fly, Isak had completely gone for him, taking all his anger out on his friends.

The group chat has been silent since last night and Isak suspects that it’s Jonas doing. Jonas, who has been watching Isak suspiciously lately and who is now giving Isak space to calm down. That has always been the way it goes. Isak closes himself off more and more, Jonas prods a little and hopes that Isak will open up. Isak doesn’t and pushes it all away until he snaps, usually by getting blackout drunk (he has never acted out violently before) and Jonas always makes sure that Isak is okay before giving him space for a couple of days. Until he is ready to talk. The only exception to this rule was when Isak’s father left. It’s the only time when Isak couldn’t push things away and had to go to Jonas the minute it happened. His father’s leaving came like a shock though while Isak’s internal fight against liking boys has been a long and ongoing thing. So has his struggle to accept it for himself although he isn’t sure he has succeeded.

Either way, Isak is kind of grateful that Jonas has made sure that none of the guys are bothering him because he doesn’t know what to say yet. His mind always spins too fast and in too many directions.  He needs to collect himself before he can face them. Jonas knows this and Isak can count on a couple of days of radio silence. Come to think of it, Isak isn’t even sure if Magnus and Mahdi would be texting him even if Jonas didn’t tell them to give him space. He doesn’t even know if Jonas has said anything about it too them. Maybe they are just pissed at him. If then, rightly so.

All the thoughts and emotions that fills him up with anxiety and pain is getting too much. He need to let out some steam and do something that might let him relax. Isak walks as quietly as he can over the floor to pull work-out gear out of his wardrobe. It’s only a couple degrees Celsius outside and drizzling lightly so he puts on two layers and finds a running jacket that will repel at least some of the water.

Isak leaves the apartment carrying only his keys, phone and headphones and starts running without an intended path the second he comes outside. The sun is rising but it’s still dark enough for the street lights to be turned on as he focusses on putting all his pain and frustration into his workout. NWA pumps through his headphones and slowly, very slowly, he can feel the tight knot in his chest unravelling. He still hurt but the physical exertion takes its toll on his muscles and his tights are slowly starting to hurt in protest. It’s almost a relief, the physical pain of pushing his body is so much easier to handle than the psychological pain.

Isak contemplates turning around as he reaches 5K because he has a return journey to make as well and while he works out quite frequently, he can’t remember the last time he ran 10K. He doesn’t turn around, not for another two kilometres when he is interrupted by an incoming phone call. It’s Noora.

 

“Hei. Where are you?” She asks the second Isak picks up. She speaks quickly, sounding worried.

“Hei.” Isak starts but has to take a deep breath before he can continue. He is almost completely out of breath. “I went out for a run but I’m heading back now.”

“A run? At eight in the morning?!” It’s a valid question because Isak usually doesn’t get out of bed before noon if he doesn’t have to.

“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Isak...“ Noora says with pity in her voice and Isak can feel the pain he is trying to suffocate stir under the surface. They stay silent for a few seconds before Noora speaks again. “Anyway. Eva and Chris are coming over for brunch in two hours, do you want to join?”

“Eva and Penetrator-Chris!? Why are you having brunch with them and why would I want to join?” Isak asks in disbelief.

“Nei!” Noora laughs. “Chris Berg, of course! Sana had something with her family and Vilde too I think so it’s just us and Eskild, and Linn if she wants to.”

“Okay. Yeah I’m in. I’m turning around now so see you in a while”

“Great. Ha de!”  

 

The seven kilometres that Isak runs back towards kollektivet is probably the most painful he has ever run. His body is clearly not used to it and the rain has gone from drizzling to pouring. His legs feel more and more numb for every step he takes and he curses himself for not turning back sooner. It will hurt during the upcoming days.

Isak is positively drenched when he finally goes enters the apartment building. He tries to not think about the last time he was this wet and cold in the stairwell. He tries to but he can’t help to remember how Even pushed him against kollektivet’s front door and pressed his lips against Isak’s. He knows exactly how it felt to have cold and wet clothing in-between hot bodies as his hands roamed through Even’s dripping hair. Now Isak is equally cold and wet, but alone and aching both physically and mentally.

 

He takes the longest shower sitting on the floor leaned against the wall letting hot water pour over him. Sitting down in the shower is far from comfortable because he can barely fit his legs inside it, but his legs ache too much for him to stand. His was body clearly not prepared for almost a 14K run after not sleeping and drinking alcohol the previous night. Isak tries his best to not think about the time he showered with Even during the previous weekend. He fails. They were naked, giggling and coming down form an orgasm-high.

Isak wraps a towel around his waist and heads out of the bathroom towards his room with his hair still dripping. As usual, he never carries clothes with him to the bathroom, he did during the first month of living here but he soon realised that it was completely unnecessary as long as only his roommates were home. It’s not like Eskild or Linn cared anyway, Eskild would probably skip the towel if Linn didn’t threaten to cut his balls of. Today though, he should have brought clothes because he can distinctly hear loud girl chatter from the living room as he exits the bathroom.

Eva and Chris has obviously arrived during Isak’s shower and he is now forced to pass them to be able to get to his room. He isn’t too bothered by the thought of Eva seeing him in nothing but a towel but Chris still makes him slightly uncomfortable. He had never known how to handle her after her blatant flirting with him during his first year at Nissen. She has a boyfriend now but can still be blunt and catch him off-guard. She is hysterical and he would be laughing if he was watching his own uncomfortableness as an objective observer. She seems kind too, although Isak wouldn’t claim that he knows her well at all.

 “Isak Valtersen! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Eskild, who apparently also is hanging out in the living room, exclaims as soon as Isak enters. He whisks up his phone and immediately points it on Isak. “How long did you run Isak? This crazy son of a gun went out last night and started the day with a morning run. Doesn’t he look fit and fresh?” Eskild puts on an animated voice when he loudly speaks as he obviously records Isak.

“Eskiiiild!” Isak groans although he is equally entertained and annoyed.

“ Come on, how long did you run wonder-child?” Eskild asks, still obviously filming him and Isak rolls his eyes.

“Longer than you’ve run in your entire life combined” Isak retorts with a sly smile.

“Oh well, that’s not really an accomplishment, though is it?” Eskild jokes. “On a serious note, you, my dear godchild, is growing up far too quickly. You look less like a child and more and more like a sex symbol for each that passes.” Eskild continues earning another eye roll and a snort from Isak. Eskild turns the camera towards the couch where the girls are sitting. “Don’t you agree Chris?” Isak groans loudly as Chris, Eva and Noora laugh.

“Completely. Not for nothing that I used to have a crush on him.” Chris replies smirking with absolutely zero embarrassment. Isak wishes he could be as cool as her. He would never have dared to admit that.

“Swimmingly! And Eva, what do you say? Has puberty done its job on this young fella?” Eskild continues.

“Puberty hit him like a truck!” Eva replies with a loud laugh and Isak can feel his cheeks heating up.

“I agree 100%!” Eskild almost screams as Isak buries his face in his hands. They are so embarrassing. “Noora! What is your opinion?” Noora looks like she is annoyed, entertained and bored at the same time (with is kind of an accomplishment) and purses her lips before she shrugs.

“Meeh.. He’s alright.” She says and Isak pretends to be offended.

“Alright!? Alright?! That the biggest piece of bullshit I’ve ever heard Noora.” Isak replies quickly before heading towards his room to get dressed. Everyone is cackling with laughter and Isak can’t help but smirk himself. His phone buzzes as he enters his room and Isak isn’t surprised to find out that Eskild has posted the entire exchange that just took place on Instagram. That guy has zero shame. It’s captioned:   _Everyone is happy when @isakyaki is naked. #exceptNoora #Sheneedsdickthough #andtinder_

Isak groans a little because Eskild somehow has managed to be the cause of at least 50% of the ‘ _proof_ ’ people use to validate the rumours about Isak and Noora. Sure, Isak and Noora themselves is responsible for the rest simply but putting themselves in situations that look like something they aren’t. And being overheard at the absolute worst moments. Like Emma hearing Isak telling Noora that he likes sharing his bed with her. Out of context it really sounds like the rumours are true.

Isak consoles himself with the fact that out of the people in the video, Noora was easily least excited by seeing Isak in only a towel. People would have to see that, right?


	44. You didn’t fuck things up, we did that on our own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva and Isak chat.

### Chapter 44 - You didn’t fuck things up, we did that on our own

**Saturday November 5 th, 2016, 14:32, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

A brunch and a bunch of episodes of the Bachelor later Isak finds himself alone with Eva in the living room. Chris left an hour earlier to meet up with her boyfriend Kasper and Eskild had to work. Linn decided to it was time for nap and Noora escaped to the shower just minutes ago. It’s the first time he has been alone with her since right before last Christmas when they talked about why Isak had let her down and told Iben about Eva hooking up with Chris. Granted, Isak had lied about why he did it but he had been as truthful as he had dared to be at the time. They have spoken since then but never alone. They always exchange a few words when they run into each other at school or at parties but they haven’t really talked since then. Not for real.

“How are you doing?” Eva turns towards him as they sit side by side in the couch. It could be an innocent question but her tone makes it perfectly clear what she means. _I know you got your heart stomped on by a guy last night, you alive?_

Isak sighs, not really sure what to say so he shrugs, kind of expecting the impending doom of Eva confronting him about his behaviour last year, even though Noora told him she wasn’t mad. Eva looks at him with warmth and it calms him down a tiny bit. Maybe Noora was right, maybe Eva isn’t actually mad at him.

“I’ll be fine.” He says eventually, not really keen on diving deeper into the subject. Yes it’s still painful, very much so. Yes, he is still angry, but most of all confused. He doesn’t understand what happened. Talking about it to Eva won’t change any of that. Eva seems to accept his unwillingness to discuss it any further and only pats him gently on his thigh in support before resting her head on his shoulder and turning her attention back to the bachelor. Isak doesn’t get why they haven’t changed it for anything else because neither him nor Eva actually enjoys it. The sensation of having leaned against him as the mindlessly watch tv is a familiar one. They used to do this all the time. Especially when Jonas was still dating Ingrid and Isak was forced to a spend a rigorous amount of time with Eva and Sara. Isak even dated Sara for a brief period before they started Nissen and for another brief period during the spring of their first year at Nissen. It didn’t last long. Neither of the times.

While Isak had never been extremely fond of Sara, despite dating her twice, he had gotten very close with Eva, before she was dating Jonas and during their entire relationship. Well, until he ruined their relationship. If Isak reflects on it, his indifference towards Sara was probably one of the main reasons he dated her. That and the fact that she could actually be really funny at times. She’s a bit of a bitch and definitely not a trustworthy friend but he had to give it to her, she could be savage and it amused him as much as it bored him. Talking crap about people and venting could be necessary but there was a line. A line that Sara crossed too often for Isak’s liking.

Sara venting to Isak about Vilde saying something about feminism and supporting women which Sara felt was hypocritical and stupid didn’t bother Isak seeing as Vilde had a tendency of saying stupid and insensitive things. It was harmless. Sara gossiping and speculating about Vilde’s home situation was crossing the line. To Isak, venting to a boyfriend is vastly different from talking smack and spreading rumours. Not that Isak for a second believes that he was the only one Sara talked about these things to.

He feels slightly disgusted by himself every time thinks about all the shit Sara used to say to him. Because it’s not like he ever tried to discourage her from doing it or told her he didn’t like it. He usually just skimmed over what she wrote in their chat and replied with a lazy _haha._ It’s not like he was any better himself. He was the one who spread the rumours about Eva and Chris the previous year. The fact that they were true did nothing to ease his conscious because what is also true is the fact that he fucked up the relationship between his two best friends and destroyed his friendship with one of them. With Eva. Who is currently leaning against his shoulder as she scrolls through Instagram.

 

She stops at the clip Eskild posted a few hours earlier and giggles at it before liking it. Isak is so grateful that she didn’t push him to talk about the previous night earlier. It only increases his bad conscience about the events of the previous autumn. He knows that he apologised then but he also knows that both him and Eva knows that he didn’t exactly tell the whole truth.

“Eva?” Isak says carefully, a bit anxious about bringing up the past again.

“Mhm?” She replies and pauses her Instagram scroll to look at him.

“I just... I just want to say sorry for last year, for fucking up between you and Jonas. It wasn’t great.” Isak expects her to agree but she smiles warmly at him, almost amused.

“You didn’t fuck things up, we did that on our own.”

“Yeah but…” He sighs. “When I told you, I had feelings for you, it wasn’t true and” Isak is interrupted by Eva putting her hand on his thigh again and giggling.

“Haha nah, I figured that one out” She says and Isak can feel his cheeks heating up as he remembers the porn Noora and Eva found on his phone.

“Yeah… “ They fall silent for a while and Isak feels a bit lighter but still has more he wants to get off his chest. “Thank you for not telling anyone by the way, you could have considering what I had done to you. I probably would have but you didn’t, not even Jonas.” Eva looks at him with a mixture of pity and understanding before she sighs.

“Isak… What you did to me was about equally as shitty as what I did to Ingrid, you fucked me over by telling the world about the shit with Chris, which was MY mistake, and I fucked Ingrid over by getting with her boyfriend.” Eva stops for a moment before smiling mischievously. “You probably wanted to get with him though!”

Isak can’t help but laugh, its liberating to be able to joke about it because he never has. Not once. It has been a source of anxiety and stress and Eva turned it in to something they can laugh about. It’s still a memory that he feels bad about but it’s nice that he doesn’t only feel bad.

“Yeah.” Isak smiles.

“Over it?” Eva asks still smirking and Isak chuckles.

“Yeah, over it.”

 

Neither of them say much more for the moment, letting the sound of the bachelor and the noice of water pouring down the drain in the bathroom fill the apartment. Isak can feel his eyelids growing heavier and is reminded that he still hasn’t slept since the previous night. Maybe he should have a nap in his room once Noora returns from her shower. He is sure Eva wouldn’t mind being left alone to wait but he still doesn’t want to leave her alone. 

“You should talk to him.” Eva says breaking the silence.

“Jonas?” Isak asks even though he knows the answer.

“Yeah. He is worried.“ Eva replies and Isak gathers that they must have spoken yesterday but doesn’t want to ask. He is too tired to talk about all that happened. The confirmation that Jonas is worried doesn’t surprise him, Jonas can always tell when something is up. He might not be able to tell _what_ is bothering him but he always knows when something _is_.

“I know.” Isak says with a heavy sigh. Telling Jonas is an especially nasty can of worms that he doesn’t want to open. There are so much history between them, so many years as IsakandJonas that he doesn’t want to risk losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't make up my mind if I like doing notes in the beginning or the end of the chapter, but trying out end notes for this one. 
> 
> So I moved Isak's conversation with Eva from the end of the season to the middle because I genuinely feel like they used to be such good friends and Isak needs all the support he can get. And with Noora and Isak becoming close, its inevitable that Isak and Eva wouldn't cross path earlier in season 3 than the did during the show. I hope you like it! 
> 
> Also, I promise that we are building up towards the drama in the next chapter. 
> 
> As per usual, massive thanks to everyone who comments and leaves kudos, you feed my soul and I get incredibly happy each time I open an email from AO3. <3<3


	45. You have seriously been sleeping with me for what, almost a month?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> P-Chris overhears something unfortunate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been like a week, sorry! Life is killing me right now. The thesis requires so much attention and I'm also applying for jobs which takes to much time and causes general anxiety. Hence, literally zero time to write. Also had a bit of a writers block on the next chapter (not this one) but I finally worked it out today.
> 
> And holy smokes, almost 1000 Kudos, how insane is that?! Thank you! <3 Who are all of you people?! I'm so curious! Drop a comment with your age, where your from, what got you into Skam and a random fact! I'll start: 25, from Sweden, my little sister binged it over a weekend and I got intrigued aaaand.... I'm an expert at online shopping. 
> 
> Also, P-Chris is back! Draaaaama!

### Chapter 45 - You have seriously been sleeping with me for what, almost a month?

**Sunday November 6 th, 10:22, Eva** **’** **s house**

**P-CHRIS**

Chris has been postponing getting out of Eva’s bed in favour of locking lips with Eva for the past hour but now, when his alarm rings for the fourth time, he no longer has a choice. He need to shower, get dressed, steal breakfast from Eva and head to his job at a clothing store in central Oslo. Eva groans a little as he tries to detangle himself and giggles against his lips as she keeps his face against hers with her hands around his neck. 

“A little bit longer.” She whispers and plants kisses against his neck in the way she knows Chris likes. It sends shivers down his body and the fact that he has to leave the bed becomes even less appealing. Chris likes working in retail, he is good at it. Retail work is a lot like flirting actually. People just wants to feel good and Chris is an expert at giving people the right kind of attention. He lets out a low moan in response to Eva’s neck kisses and hungrily moves to connect his lips with hers.

“Why. Don’t. You. Join. Me. In. The. Shower?” He asks kissing her in between every words and Eva lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Nei Chris.” Eva starts with fond annoyance. “It seriously feels like someone is dragging a knife back and forth in my stomach while there’s a fucking Niagara fall of blood unless I have a tampon in. No sex for you.” She plants a small kiss on his lips after her final words and Chris can’t help to chuckle at the imagery Eva creates. He had been woken up in the early hours of the morning to the sound of Eva swearing as she banged her toe on her chair on her way to the bathroom. She had been sulking once she returned and told him she got her period when he asked her what was wrong.

“Someone is pulling my stomach out from within me.” She had said grumpily and crawled back into bed with him. She had shuffled into his arms and placed his hand against the lower parts of her stomach and told him to keep it there to help ease the pain. It had felt good to be allowed to be there for her and, while he still had trouble figuring Eva out, the fact that she didn’t feel the need to hide that she was on her period only cemented what he already knew about her. Eva was unapologetic and sure of herself. It was such a contrast from the Eva he had med in her first year and while he had found the earlier version of Eva entertaining and intriguing he never thought of that girl as someone he would like to do more than sleep with. This version of Eva, the one he had gotten to know after they started sleeping together during the summer after his graduation, is still entertaining and intriguing but also confident and demanding respect. This version of Eva he likes to keep around. He doesn’t want a relationship but he really enjoys this friends with benefits-thing they have going on.

“We could shower without having sex you know.” Chris says, hoping that she will say yes but fully expecting a no. Eva, for some reason, has no problem with shower sex but declines any other kind of showering together.

“Nei, you hop into the shower, I have to call Noora and see what the plans are for today.” She replies and Chris is only a tiny bit disappointed. He loves showering together with girls, even if it doesn’t include sex.

“Did you have fun yesterday?” Chris asks even though the topic of Noora is still a no-go. He had been too horny when he arrived at Eva’s house yesterday to remember that he really needed to talk to Eva about Noora and Isak. About what he knows.

“Yeah it was great. Had brunch at with Noora and Chris at Noora’s place and then we pretty much hanged out the entire day.” Eva replies smiling.

“With Isak too?” Chris can’t help himself and asks but he immediately senses Eva tensing up, clearly not liking the question.

“And Linn and Eskild.” Eva responds shutting down the subject. Not wanting to get into an argument with Eva when he is already pressured with time to get to his job, Chris doesn’t add anything else on the subject and gets out of the bed and heads towards the bathroom for a quick shower.

 

 

He turns on the shower as soon as he enters the bathroom and starts undressing. It’s only when he is in his boxers that he realises that he has forgotten his towel in Eva’s room. The towel he used for his post-sex shower last night. Cursing under his breath he walks back to Eva’s room to grab it. They are alone in the house so he didn’t close the door to her room as he exited and now he can hear Eva talking before he re-enters it. He is about to call out to her when he realises who she is talking to and his curiousness gets the best of him.

“Good Morning Noora!” Eva says brightly.

“Morning” Chris can hear Noora reply groggily, meaning that Eva is probably facetiming because he has never known her to use speakerphone unless she is on facetime.

“Are you still in bed? It’s half past 10, shouldn’t you already be halfway through your day by now?” Eva asks with a giggle just as Chris slowly steps inside of her room without making a sound. Eva is propped on her bed, facetiming Noora from her computer. Thankfully, Eva is positioned with her back sideways towards him making it possible for Chris to see the computer screen while still not being shown in the camera. Noora, who is apparently using her phone is lying in a bed with striped blue sheets and is rolling her eyes at the camera.

“Blame Isak. I think we fell asleep around three last night.” Noora replies, smiling and Chris can feel his blood starting to boil. He stays completely still, barley breathing though because he realises that this might be his chance to actually find out what is going on. As if on cue, a third voice enters the conversation. A sleep-stricken, slightly broken and grumpy voice.

“Noora!” Isak whines. “Do you seriously have to be on facetime right now? I’m sleeping.” He continues and Eva chuckles.

“Morning Isak!” She says and Isak pops up on the computer screen as Noora shifts her phone. He is shirtless, on his stomach, and with his duvet pulled up halfway up almost over his shoulders. Chris can feel anger burning in his stomach but forces himself to stay still. Noora and Isak are clearly in bed together and this is clearly not news to Eva. 

“Hei Eva.” He says, evidently not entertained but earning giggles out of both Eva an Noora.

“What are you guys up to and Noora, when are we meeting up with Sana and Vilde?” Eva asks, completely unfazed by the two of them in the same bed.

“Nothing, just woke up.” Noora starts before Isak interrupts her.

“Seriously Noora? I’m sleeping here, can’t you talk to Eva somewhere else than in my bed?” Isak is clearly irritated and tired and Noora rolls her eye at the camera.

“Isak, I think you need to eat.” Noora says causing Eva to laugh loudly.

“And you need to not wake me up early in the morning, how do you not know this by now? You have seriously been sleeping with me for what, almost a month?” Isak replies sourly. Chris can feel his stomach turn in rage and dread because Isak’s words are the confirmation that he didn’t want. It completely destroys any doubts he had about the validity of the rumours and he knows that he will have to tell William. Soon.

“Oookay.” Noora says laughing at Isak. “How about this, you take a shower while I make breakfast and Eva, let’s text Sana and Vilde and meet them at the cupcake place at noon?” Isak groans a little but doesn’t protest. Chris realises that the conversation is about to end and starts to walk backwards out of the room without making a sound. He doesn’t want to get caught eavesdropping.

“Brilliant, see you soon.” Eva says before hanging up just as Chris exits through the door and walks back to the bathroom as quickly as he can without making any sounds. He discards his underwear and hops into the shower immediately and can focus on only three things as the hot water covers him. One, the rumours are true. Noora and Isak are without any doubt sleeping together. Two, they have been for about a month, which mean it started instantly after she returned from London. Third, Chris has to tell William. Soon. He doesn’t have to ask Eva anything because now he is certain that she would lie, that she has been lying this entire time. Chris is furious, maybe not at Eva because he isn’t surprised that she is loyal to her best friend, Chris would have done the same. Chris is furious at Noora. He is furious at Noora and he has to tell William. Soon.


	46. We need to talk about the heavy stuff, about what goes on beyond the perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak studies with Sana and Noora has news.

### Chapter 46 - We need to talk about the heavy stuff, about what goes on beyond the perfection

**Monday November 7 th, 18:33, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Monday isn’t a great day for Isak. It’s not a horrible day either but it definitely falls more on the bad side of the scale. He spends the entire Monday with a nagging headache serving as a constant reminder that he isn’t able to get a good night’s sleep. It seems like the fact that Noora is sharing his bed isn’t helping anymore and he doesn’t have the heart to keep her up until the early hours of the morning. Not when she actually seemed to have made progress in the sleeping department. She had fallen asleep a little after midnight the previous night and Isak had only been a little bit jealous as he was forced to face his thoughts until he was exhausted enough to fall into a few hours of restless sleep.

The morning had arrived far too quickly and even though he stayed in bed as long as he possibly could, he still didn’t manage to get enough sleep because he had promised to meet up with Sana at one to start working on the biology assignment they have to hand in at the end of the break. Sana, of course, had been far from impressed with Isak’s energy levels and general inability to focus, but she had been surprisingly kind too. She had only barked at him to concentrate about three times before looking at him with compassion. After that she had let him sit next to him, only coming with input when he could muster the energy to focus, as she researched and typed the answers to the questions. He had, at one point considered suggesting that he could go home seeing as he was of no actual use but had decided against it. Isak was quite sure that Sana wouldn’t like the suggestion and that coming up with it would result in him having to do work rather than just sit by.

“Isak, try and get some sleep yeah?” Sana had said as she gathered her things of the table inside the KB they had used as their study location. Isak had looked up at her in surprise at how her voice was as much of an order as a careful sign of a friendship slowly developing.

“What?” He asked dumbly.

“You look like shit. Try and get some sleep, I won’t be doing all the work next time. It was just this once. I was feeling nice, don’t expect it to become a regular thing.” Sana was always straight to the point and could be interpreted as harsh but Isak heard the warmth behind her words.

“I’ll do my best. And thank you.” Isak tried to relay exactly how grateful he was for her silent support today. She didn’t know what was going on with him and why he could barely concentrate for even a minute but she had let him sit down and produce nothing more than his silent presence. “Eh.. do you have plans tonight? Noora is cooking, do you want to come?” He asked impulsively and before he had time to reflect on if it’s an awkward question. Sana had looked a tad unimpressed but also genuinely surprised and pleased and Isak had been perplexed by the fact that she could convey such contradictory feelings at once.

“Can’t, have basketball practice.” She had replied as they left the café.

Standing outside, Isak had moved to hug her and things had gotten a bit awkward. They never hug. Not in school when they see each other, not at the kosegruppa-meetings or at any parties they attend. Isak have gotten so used to giving Noora (and, since a few days, Eva) a brief hug both as a greeting and as a goodbye that he automatically reached out to do the same to Sana. That’s before he realised that Sana might not be cool with him hugging her. He has seen Sana hug Noora, Eva and the girls plenty of times but he also knows that it doesn’t mean that she will want to hug him. Or if it’s even allowed. Truth be told, he doesn’t know much about Islam. He knows about not eating pork and that homosexuality isn’t okay but that’s about it. There is also something food-related that’s called Halal but he isn’t sure exactly what that is. And hugs, is to okay if he gives her a brief hug or would that be disrespectful to her as a Muslim?  He had paused halfway, arms reached out and at an uncomfortable and weird distance from Sana to pause a movement on. Sana raised an eyebrow in surprise and Isak stuttered as he awkwardly tried to explain. 

“Eeehh… I was gonna hug you but then I… I just eeh… I didn’t know if it’s okay… like, since you’re a muslim. I… ehh fuck!” Isak wasn’t able to put together a proper sentence and he felt like he (once again) was being ignorant and putting his foot in his mouth. “I wasn’t sure if like you would be okay with hugging me or if that’s like against your religion or anything.” He eventually said and was rewarded with a pitying smile from Sana.

“A hug is fine.” Sana had replied and Isak had felt himself calming down slightly. “But everyone has their own interpretation of Islam so thank you for asking, even though you are awkward as fuck.” Sana added the final part with a mocking tone and Isak actually chuckled.

“So, hug?” Isak had asked.

“Hug.”

 

Isak had wandered home quite pleased with himself after giving Sana a quick one-armed hug. He couldn’t help to be a bit proud of himself for not completely putting his foot in his mouth this time. 

He had planned to hide from the world in his bedroom once back at kollektivet, hoping that he could take a short nap and remove some of the headache he has carried around the entire day. That doesn’t happen though, instead Eskild stops him in his tracks and practically shoves Isak down on one of the living room couches.

“Finally! We’ve been waiting for you forever! Noora has something to tell us and she’s been refusing to do it unless everyone is at home.” Eskild says, the words spilling out of his mouth at the speed of sound. Isak is curious, what news does Noora have? Is he moving out? He really hopes not. Has she gotten an answer from William? He hopes so but doesn’t get why she would want to announce it to the whole apartment. Eskild seems to notice his slight worry because he smiles reassuringly at him. “She isn’t moving out, she promised.”

Noora, who is the only roommate who wasn’t in the living room when Isak arrived home, enters the living room looking both nervous and excited and there is a sense of importance in the air. Even Eskild, who was bouncing around like the bundle of energy he is sits down in the sofa, looking expectantly at Noora. She clears her throat, clearly nervous.

“Eh…You know how I always wanted to become a journalist?” Noora starts, surprising Isak because he didn’t know that. Eskild seems to have known because he nods excitedly and Linn looks indifferent so the information was probably not a surprise to her, but you never know with Linn. “I got an email from my Norwegian teacher two days ago, and well…” She takes a deep breath, clearly bracing herself for something. “VG is introducing a new column aimed at high school students and they want it to be written by one. It’s a ‘ _the voice of the teens’_ kind of thing and they have emailed teachers to find teens who are good writers and interested and he thinks I should do it. You apply by sending one complete article and like thoughts and ideas for five more and well, I wasn’t gonna apply at first because I didn’t feel like I had anything to say but then I….” Isak can feel excitement build up inside of him, Noora writing for VG sounds like the best news he has had in a while and he can tell that Eskild and Linn feels the same. Linn because she has actually perked herself up in the sofa and smiles softly at Noora, clearly listening carefully, and Eskild because he is almost bouncing in the sofa again, waiting for Noora to stop talking so that he can scream of joy. Noora isn’t completely done yet and she still seems nervous and bites her lip before continuing again. “I... eeh… I had an idea and I think it could be quite good but well, it kind of involves you guys, or like me writing about you guys, and other people, and well, can I read it for you and then you can say if it’s okay or not?”

 They all agree, obviously, but Isak is nervous about hearing that Noora wants to write about them. He has shared so much with her, so much that he hasn’t shared with anyone else and while he doesn’t think Noora will betray his trust, he is anxious about what she has planned to write about. Noora, fiddles with her phone, trying to open the article and clears her throat before starting to read it out loud.

 

 

_Being a voice for, and representing, what teenagers feel, talk about, think, and spend their time doing feels daunting. It_ _’_ _s a great responsibility, and talking about the things that bother us, the heavy things, is scary. And personal. But important. This is why you are not going to know my name. I_ _’_ _m 17 years old, girl, and live somewhere in Oslo._

_I_ _’m going to be talking about a lot of things. Sometimes about the easy and happy things, like how my friends let me mourn my broken heart in peace, not demanding me to talk about it but constantly trying to cheer me up, with both good and bad ideas. Mostly though, I’ll be talking about the heavy things, because we don’t speak enough about them. We live in a world where we present an edited version of our lives to the world. On social media we are living the dream. All of us. This drive to present perfection is dangerous because it makes you feel like no one else is having troubles in their lives. They are. Which is why we need to talk about it. About the things beyond perfection._

_About dealing with an eating disorder, about the grief and guilt associated with broken families, about sexual abuse and rape, about depression and other mental illnesses, about struggling with your sexuality, about being insecure and having anxiety, about being afraid of conflict._

_About death and life, about why girls have this acute need of being perfect, about what always having to justify oneself does to you, about why young girls today are overrepresented in stress-disorders and about why men are more likely to commit suicide._

_About alcohol and drugs, about what it feels like to grow up with heritage from another culture, about what it is like to not fit in, about the danger of prejudice, about racism and homophobia. About why girls carry their keys as a weapon in-between their fingers going home at night, about why boys can’t cry. About what it’s like to not be loved by your parents._

_You are not going to know my name because not all of these stories are mine and while they are extremely important to talk about they are also extremely private and personal. And most of all, common. The stories I’m going to tell are real, they have happened to me or someone close to me. They also happen to so many others which is why the persons behind the stories I tell here aren’t important. The stories themselves **are** and this generation strives so hard to be perfect and fit in. We need to talk about the heavy stuff, about what goes on beyond the perfection._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is here and I hope you liked it. I really struggled with this one and had major writer's block. I hope you like Noora applying to write a column for VG, it was a little brain-fart I had and I decided to incorporate it because it really fits with some parts of the upcoming plot. Also, bit of a passion of mine, the fact that people should talk more about the heavy stuff. I personally suck at it (but am getting better) but I think it's super important. 
> 
> As for the updates, I really wish I could update more often but things are quite rough right now. I've struggled with exhaustive depression previously and it made me a lot more sensitive to anxiety. The pressure of writing my thesis and applying for jobs at the same time in combination with not knowing how my life will look after graduation and getting extra anxiety about how my brain will react to all of this (because why not add a little more stress) is taking quite a toll on me. Writing is such an escape for me and a really good way of coping with anxiety but, anxiety tires me out quite badly so I tend to sleep as much as I can. Because anxiety can also prevent me from sleeping and those nights are horrible. Anyway, enough about me, I'm a brilliant at what I do and have faced bigger hurdles during my recovery, I just have to listen a bit more to my body and use all my anti-anxiety techniques and I'll get through this hurdle too. 
> 
> Also, I just want to say a massive thanks for the love and comments on the previous chapter <3\. I bloody loved writing it! Over 1000 kudos now, how insane is that? I 100% sent a print-screen to my boyfriend when I saw it had a 1000.


	47. Noora and some kid from Nissen, is it true?

### Chapter 47 - Noora and some kid from Nissen, is it true?

**Tuesday November 8 th, 20:47, P-Chris** **’** **s house**

 

**P-CHRIS**

“Is it true?” William’s voice is hard and cold, filled with anger and betrayal, and Chris already knows that this is a conversation he will remember for a long time, and it won’t be a good memory. He knew it before his phone started to ring. He dreaded having the conversation and had been avoiding it since Sunday morning but he knew he couldn’t do it anymore. He speaks with William at least once a week and they text regularly but Chris hadn’t initiated anything since Sunday because he couldn’t with good conscience have any kind of conversation with him without mentioning what he knows. He really shouldn’t be the one to tell William this, Noora should be. Like Noora should have told him why in the world she left without any warning or explanation. William apparently thinks that he takes too long to answer because he asks again. “Erik told me about Noora and some kid from Nissen, is it true?” Chris swallows before he starts speaking.

“Yeah. Seems so.” He says, not really sure how to put it. “Sorry man.”  William is silent but Chris can hear his harsh breathing down the line indicating that is he far from okay. s

“How long have you known?” William asks and it almost breaks Chris in two, because he can tell that William is hurt that he had to hear it from someone else when Chris knew.

“For sure? Since Sunday. There have been rumours for a while but Eva has denied it, Noora and Isak too.” He confesses because by now the damage is already done. “Didn’t want to say anything as long it was just speculation but Borkis saw and heard something and Friday and I overheard Eva on the phone on Sunday and yeah, it’s true.“

“I want to know everything.” William says flatly but without uncertainty. “What you and Borkis heard and saw, everything.”

“Are you sure?” Chris asks with hesitation because isn’t knowing that the rumours are true enough? Why does he want to know all the details? Anger spills through William’s voice as he speaks again.

“She sent me a fucking email claiming that she loves me, apologised for leaving but that it was for the best. Fucking bullshit!” Chris can hear a thud sounding suspiciously like a fist hitting a hard surface in the background and doesn’t know what to answer so he stays silent for a while and listens to William’s heavy breathing on the other side of the line. “I need to know man.” William eventually says, breaking the silence. “She sent the email on Thursday and I actually got my hopes up, thought about booking a ticket to Oslo to convince her to talk to me face to face but then Erik, fucking Erik, called me half an hour ago and in passing asked how I felt about Noora seeing someone new and I…“ William doesn’t have to finish his sentence, Chris knows. William sounds more confused and hurt than he was when Chris visited him in London just after Noora left, and it wasn’t a pretty sight back then. He can also tell that while the anger William had displayed right after Noora left had been rooted in a confused hurt, this anger is rooted in a betrayed hurt. “I need t to know everything.” William says and Chris takes a deep breath.

“Okay, where do you want me to start?” He asks because he can’t find the words himself. 

“Who is it?” William asks and Chris is almost relived because it’s somehow one of the easier questions.

“Isak Valtersen, second year at Nissen.”

“Who?” William is apparently confused and Chris doesn’t blame him, he wouldn’t have known who Isak was unless it was for the two of them setting up the Yakuza fight during the spring and the fact that he knows Eva. Neither William nor Chris had made a habit of knowing guys in the younger years. Girls? Yes. But the guys. Nah, they were irrelevant.

“Quite a fuckboy from what I’ve heard. He always hangs out with that hipster dude Eva was dating last autumn, Jonas. It was the guy who set up the Yakuza fight with me in the spring. Blond-ish”

“Ah, quite short?” William asks.

“Quite tall now actually, but he didn’t used to be.”

“Hmpf..” William replies and Chris briefly remembers that a guy’s height somehow impacts on whether or not he is perceived as a threat.

“He… eh… He took over Noora’s room when you moved to London.” Chris says because he has to.

“So he lives at kollektivet?” William asks, tone short like he is trying to control his emotions.

“Yeah.” Chris replies feeling deflated.

“How long has it been going on?” It’s one of the questions that Chris has been dreading because he knows his answer will literarily break his best friend’s heart.

“I don’t know for sure but quite soon after she returned. The rumours started within a week and from what happened at the party on Friday and what I heard on Sunday it seems to have gone on for quite some time. But I’m not sure when it started.” Chris feels nauseous as he speaks and his heart clenches as he can hear William punching something again.

“What happened at the party?” William asks, clearly trying to contain his rage enough to be able to keep the conversation going. Chris thinks he might puke but he tells him. He tells him about Isak storming out and Noora following, about an altercation that apparently happened between Isak and his friends, about Jonas pulling Eva aside to talk about Isak. Finally, he tells him about what Borkis saw. About Isak and Noora hugging in the street and Isak saying that he was happy she moved back from London and Noora saying that she was happy moved into kollektivet. He hears a crash and glass breaking on the other side of the phone line along with loud swearing. They both stay silent for a while, Chris because he doesn’t want to speak anymore about it, knows that it will only do harm.

 

“The rumours? What were they and do you know that they are true? You said you overheard something on Sunday?” William asks and Chris hesitates because he really doesn’t want to cause William more pain and telling him about Eva’s facetime-conversation feels like it might be the last straw. 

“You sure you want to know man?” He asks, hoping for a no but knowing that he will receive a yes. 

“Yes. I need to know.” The reply is flat and cold, William is in control of his voice again. Chris takes a deep breath.

“The first rumour I heard was at a party about a week after she came back to Oslo. It was some first-years at Nissen who confronted both Noora and Isak at a game of truth and dare. Someone had overheard them talking a week earlier, the day after she arrived back, about going home together but Noora shut it down quite effectively and honestly, I thought it was bullshit at the time. I got suspicious a few days later when I saw a picture on Eva’s phone as she was texting that other guy Noora lives with.”

“Eskild?”

“Yeah him. He sent Eva a picture of Isak, Noora and the other girl they share the apartment with, I don’t know her name. Anyway, it was the three of them sleeping in a bed, all in sweats. I don’t remember correctly but I think Noora leaned on Isak and that other girl leaned on Noora. Anyway, I questioned Eva about it and we actually got into a bit of a fight because she seems to think that you are the bad guy. Eva was very clear on the rumours though, she swore they were complete bullshit and that Isak was seeing this other girl, whose name I don’t remember either, some first year at Nissen. I backed off for a little while but like, that Eskild-dude kept posting pictures of Isak and Noora on Instagram and I kept hearing more and more rumours but Eva looked like she would kill me every time I mentioned them. I even corned Noora about them like a week ago, on Halloween.“

“What did she say?” William interrupts him and Chris tries to remember as much as possible, but his memories of that night is foggy.

“Pretty much the same as in the email she sent you. That she had to leave and that it was the only way. But then I asked about the shit I’ve seen on Instagram and she denied that they were anything more than friends and then Eva came and all hell broke loose.”

“So she denied it?” William asks with a tiny glimpse of hope in his voice. It breaks Chris’s heart because he knows that the hope is useless.

“Yeah she has been denying it all along, at least in public.” Chris replies bitterly.

“And in private? Is that what you overheard on Sunday? She confirm it?” William asks, his voice completely dead, all glimpses of hope destroyed. Chris feels like puking again but he focuses on re-telling the events of Sunday morning with as little details as he can while still telling the truth. He tells him about forgetting his towel in Eva’s room and doubling back for it, about deciding to eavesdrop when he heard her talking to Noora. He tells William about seeing Noora and Isak on the screen, in the same bed. He doesn’t mention Isak being shirtless. He tells him about the gist of their conversation, that Isak was woken up buy their phone call, that Eva wasn’t surprised that they were in bed together. Finally, he tells William about Isak’s words. _You’ve been sleeping with me for almost a month_.

 “Fucking cunt!” Is the only actual words Chris hears before William hangs up. There are a few painful sounds before that, along with a loud bang and the sound of a fist hitting, and damaging, a wall.

 

_(21:05)_

_Chris: I could fly over._

_Chris: Sorry bro_

_(22:32)_

_Chris: You alright?_

_Chris: …_

_Chris: Stupid question. I could be there at noon tomorrow._

_(23:07)_

_William: Don’t._

_William: I’m calm now_

_William: Have to work all week._

_William: But thanks._

_Chris: <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, William knows. Isn't that exactly what Noora needed? Does it bode well for the future? How will he react? What do you think?
> 
>  
> 
> Again, massive massive thanks to all of you amazing people who comments and leaves kudos, it makes mu thesis-stessed soul so happy! I'm gonna try and get some more writing done before I get ready for another day of thesis-writing. (Yes, I complain a lot, but in a week I'll hopefully be done with the heaviest parts. And yes, me and my thesis partner are currently working weekends aswell. Third week in a row... )


	48. Subject: You disgust me

### Chapter 48 – Subject: You disgust me

 

_Sent: 2016-11-09 04:23_

_From: William Magnusson_

_Subject: You disgust me_

_The way you left is disgusting. You writing that complete bullshit of an apology while simultaneously fucking a pathetic fuckboy is cruel._

_Did you fuck him behind my back before we moved too? Is that how he got your room at kollektivet? And you called our hooking-auction for prostitution._

_Your fragile good-girl act won’t work anymore._

_Don’t fucking contact me again. You disgust me._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this! *hides*
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter is done and ready to go, so this cliffhanger won't be too long. Just need to proof-read and shit but I will try and update again soon!


	49. William knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I wouldn't leave you hanging for long and I deliver!

### Chapter 49 - William knows

  **Wednesday November 9 th, 2016, 08:22, Kollektivet**

 

**ISAK**

He notices that something is wrong before he even opens his eyes. Isak’s head is still pounding with fury over his constant trouble with falling asleep at night but it’s not the headache that alerts him about the issue at hand. What alerts him is how his entire bed seems to be shaking and it takes his sleepy brain a moment or two to connect the movement is his bed with the sound of muffled sobs that mix with the sound of cars in the street outside his window. Noora!

His eyes fly open and he turns towards her as fast as he realises that the sounds and the movements are caused by Noora crying next to him. She lies on her side hugging her pillow as she uses it to both hide her face and dampen the sound and Isak quickly shuffles towards her to pulls her into his arms, hugging her tightly. He can feel her tears fall against his chest but doesn’t say anything to ease her pain. He lets her cry in his arms for as long as she needs to as he starts to ponder on what could have caused her this pain. William is the obvious choice but he is aware of her strained relationship with her parents and knows for himself that it too can be the cause of a breakdown.

“What’s wrong?” Isak carefully whispers against Noora’s blond hair once her breathing starts to even out and the flow of tears lessens. She smells of lemon and lavender, everyone in Kollektivet smells like lavender and they all blame Eskild. Noora doesn’t answer at first but detangles herself from Isak’s arms after a few minutes and sits up in the bed, lifting her duvet in search of something. Her phone falls out of the duvet and down on the floor just as Isak is about to ask what she is looking for and she picks it up with a sigh. Noora unlocks it and hands it straight to Isak. He is confused at first but it goes away as soon as looks at the screen. Noora’s mail application is open and at the top of her inbox is an email. From William.

Isak feels a burning sensation building in his stomach, and not the good kind,  as he reads the email. It’s clear that William has been told and believes every single word of the rumours that has been haunting them for weeks. It’s just not fun anymore. At first both of them just rolled their eyes but lately, the gossip has reached insane levels and everything they do seems to make it worse. Isak knows that the one thing he could do, and maybe should do, is to tell everyone why it’s bullshit. To tell everyone that he could never be attracted to Noora because he simply doesn’t like girls that way. At all. A wave of guilt floods over him and he can feel cold sweat break out on his back and forehead. It’s so simple. If he only had been brave enough from the start then this wouldn’t be an issue. If he had only been as secure and comfortable in himself as Eskild. Along with the guilt comes a twinge of anger because why does his sexuality have to be the thing that makes people believe them? Should he really be forced to shout from the rooftops about his preference of genitals for people to grasp that he and Noora are nothing but friends? The nagging guilt of knowing that he could have prevented this, screams louder than all the anger though. 

“I’m so sorry.” Isak says and pulls her into a sitting embrace with one arm as he reaches for his phone with the other. He doesn’t know if he is sorry that someone told William, if he’s sorry that William believed it or if he is sorry because he is such a closet-case himself.  Probably all of the above. Isak fiddles with his phone, rapidly sending some texts to Eva, feeling that he can’t possibly be the right person for Noora right now. Sure, he and Noora are close and they have been crying in each other’s arms a few times (more than he’d like to admit) but this level of heartbreak requires more muscle. And by muscle he means experience and ability to be supportive and say the right things.

 

_(08:52)_

_Isak: William knows about the rumours_

_Isak Can you come over?_

_Isak: Have you talked to Chris?_

_Isak: Tell him to stop this bullshit._

_Eva: Fuck_

_Eva: Be there in 30_

Isak curses to himself when he realises that Eskild is gone for the day. He, as a university student, does not have a week off from school and has been complaining loudly about it at least four times a day. Not that Eskild would have been ideal. His advice is not always on point, but he gives them with tremendous amount of love and good intentions. Somehow, he also comes off as endearing when saying completely weird things, unlike Isak who just comes off as and asshole.

Noora and Isak sit in silence waiting for Eva, mainly because Isak has no idea of what to say and he doesn’t want to make it worse. Noora is tucked under his right arm as she draws squares on her thigh with her fingernails. The movements of Noora’s index finger leaves white marks that fade to pink on her skin and Isak doesn’t notice it at first but Noora syncs her breath to her movements. She takes a breath in while drawing a line, holds it as she draws a second one, breathes out on the third line and holds it again as she finalizes the square. She keeps repeating it, filling in the lines on her leg with every breath. Isak gets an urge to take her hand and hold it because scratching the skin with your nail over and over again is bound to get painful. For now, he lets her be.

Eva rings on the doorbell a little while later and abruptly pull Isak and Noora from their bubble of slow breathing to Noora’s methodical scratching of the skin. Isak gives Noora’s shoulder a tight squeeze before getting up and heading for the door.

Eva is visibly upset when she walks inside and has apparently been grocery shopping on the way over because she hands Isak a bag and quickly removes her coat, scarf and hat, only giving him a half-hug and mumbling hello before heading straight to Isak’s room. 

 

The girls are tucked in his bed when he re-enters his room after putting soda, snacks and ingredients for a chocolate cake in the fridge. Eva is leaned against the wall and has Noora’s head in her lap, lightly pulling her fingers through her hair. Isak instantly feels like he is intruding but Eva smiles at him and gently pats the spot next to her on the bed. He listens to Eva reassuring Noora, telling her that she doesn’t deserve this, that William is an asshole to believe this bullshit and that everything will be okay. Noora mumbles broken words of hurt and confusion.

“I can’t believe he thinks that of me?” She desperately croaks out between sobs and Isak is eternally grateful as Eva with hushed tones speaks words of comfort.

“I know but we know the truth and you have done nothing wrong. He’s an asshole to treat you like this and you don’t deserve it.” 

Eventually they fall silent and no one speaks for a while. Eva nods to Isak to put something on for background noise and he does so without asking questions. He makes himself comfortable resting his head on Eva’s shoulder and starts to realise how completely drained of energy he is, his mind still refusing to let him fall asleep at a reasonable hour in the evenings. Isak does his best to stay awake because what kind of friend falls asleep while consoling you? Isak apparently, because he dozes off with his head on Eva’s shoulder, too re-runs of the big-bang theory and sound of sad sighs and deep breaths. 

A buzzing phone and Eva’s body suddenly moving wakes him up not much later and both Isak and Noora look confused at Eva as her facial expression hardens before she answers the call.

 

“Was it you?” She asks harshly without bothering to even say hello and Isak meets Noora’s gaze as he realises who is on the other end of the line. Chris. Noora’s eyes are wide in shock. They can’t hear what he is saying but learn enough just by listening to Eva’s part of the conversation.

“Seriously?! Why the hell would you do that? I’ve told you a million times that it’s bullshit!”

Pause. Eva frowns as Chris speaks.

“What do you mean it makes sense?”

Pause again. And then:

“But it’s not fucking true! Do you know what he wrote to her? HE BASICALLY CALLED HER A FUCKING PROSTITUTE!”

Pause. Eva starts to breathe faster before she suddenly, in a flash, becomes visibly furious.

“YOU EAVESDROPPED ON OUR CONVERSATION?! WHAT THE FUCK CHRIS?!”

Pause. Isak can hear that Chris too is upset but he can’t make out any words.

“OH MY GOD! Yes, they sleep in the same bed sometimes because guess what, THERE ARE ONLY THREE BEDS AT KOLLEKTIVET! Noora hops around between different beds. She sleeps in Eskild’s room, in Linn’s room, in the living room and sometimes in Isak’s room.”

Eva takes a frustrated breath.

“Why is it so bloddy difficult for you to understand that they are just friends?!”

Eva groans.

“I don’t care if it _looks suspicious_! They didn’t even know each other before Noora moved to London.

Pause as Chris obviously objects.

“Isak got the room because he met Eskild at William’s party right before summer. It came up that Isak was looking to move out and when Noora told Eskild that she was moving to London, Eskild remembered and reached out to Isak. Noora had nothing to do with it!”

Pause. Quite a long one this time. Chris seems to have a lot on his mind and by the looks of it. None of it pleases Eva.

“Seriously. I’ve shared a bed with Isak countless times. I’m actually in it right now.” Eva goes on, although to be accurate, she isn’t in the bed. She is pacing back and forth across Isak’s floor.  “It doesn’t mean shit. I literarily had Isak sleeping on me a couple of minutes ago, does that mean I’m also sleeping with him?”

Pause. Eva breathes heavily as she paces back and forth.

“I can’t deal with you. You just made a complete mess out of bullshit and you should have fucking asked me about it before you made everything worse.”

Pause.

“FUCK OFF CHRIS! I WOULDN’T HAVE LIED, I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU THE TRUTH FROM THE START. THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN THEM!”

Short pause. Eva only takes a breath before continuing, not giving Chris any airtime.

“I’m so fucking done with this. Text men when you’re able to see through the bullshit. Until then, stay the fuck away from me and my friends. “

Eva aggressively ends the call, pressing her finger on the screen before she tosses the phone aside and turns towards Isak and Noora on the bed. Isak can tell that she is wound up, her cheeks and neck are rosy and her eyes wide. Her expression changes to compassion and pity when she looks at Isak and Noora, sitting still at the bed looking at her with caution, even though they already know the gist of what Chris said.

 

“Someone of the penetrators told him and Chris confirmed it when William called him yesterday. I’m sorry.” Eva says with defeat in her voice as she slumps down next to Noora and puts her arm around her.

“What are you sorry about?” Noora asks and for the first time since she woke up Isak can hear a glimpse of the power she usually radiates. Eva sighs, obviously feeling down.

“Chris stood in the doorway when we facetimed on Sunday morning, I didn’t know but he heard us talk and he saw you guys in the same bed and yeah… That made his mind up. I shouldn’t have facetimed you when he was still at mine, I’m sorry.” Eva says and this time both Isak and Noora protests and tells her it’s not her fault. Eventually they all fall back on the bed, lying on it sideways with their legs hanging off the edge. The guilt Isak has been feeling is growing again when he thinks about Eva’s conversation with Chris and about Williams email. They could disband it all so easily if he only dared. Instead, William and Chris are convinced that he and Noora has this elaborate affair going, Noora is heartbroken and Eva has ditched Chris.

“Tell them.” Isak’s voice is barely a whisper but the girls hear him. Noora turns her head to look at him and on the other side of her Eva sits up to do the same. Isak shrugs, trying to play it off as a lesser deal than it is. ”It’s my fault anyway. Tell them and we’ll be done with all of this bullshit.”

Eva doesn’t say anything and Noora looks at him with an investigative gaze and Isak can feel his pulse race. The rumours about him and Noora will be killed if his sexuality becomes public knowledge but he will still be talked about, and being talked about as the ‘gay-kid’ is still top three the list of things that terrifies him about coming out. Yes, Isak has learned his lesson about thinking of homosexuality as a personality. He got Eskild’s and Noora’s message loud and clear but it doesn’t change the fact that he has absolutely zero desire of being talked about because of his sexuality. It’s terrifying, people are cruel and his heart starts beating out of control just by the thought of it.

“Nei.” Noora says with a kind yet determined voice and when Isak opens his mouth to object she continues. “Isak, if you want people to know for your sake, then do it. But you’re not going to do it for my sake.”

“But..!” Isak starts, trying to protest again but Noora interrupts him.

“Nei! I should be allowed to have friends that are guys without people assuming that I’m sleeping with them and you being gay has absolutely nothing to do with why we are friends. I get why William is upset but I’m not going let you out yourself just because people are morons.”

“I agree with Noora” Says Eva. “We are a million percent supportive if you want to come out but don’t do it because you feel bad about other people misinterpreting a friendship for something more. Do it for you, when you feel like it, if you feel like it.”

Isak tries to argue a couple times more but both Noora and Eva are clear, he isn’t allowed to do it for Noora’s sake and honestly, he is relieved. He would have done it if she asked him to but everyone knowing still scares him to the core.

 

Eventually they venture out to the living room and Eva makes herself in charge of the day. Noora gets put on cake-duty and soon the apartment smells divine. Linn joins them not long after and they spend the day bingeing Westworld before Eskild comes come and, after sparing one glance at Noora, announces that they are having a fuckboy-themed family movie night. Isak suspects that Eva sometime during the day has informed Eskild of the situation because suddenly the living room table is filled with wine, bear and chocolate milk and the five of them cuddle down in the two sofas together. Isak has Eskild and Linn on each side of him and Noora an Eva share the other couch. Eskild and Eva talk more and more loudly over the movie as their alcohol intake increases. Isak can feel a light buzz coming on and finds himself laughing loudly as Linn comes more and more out of her shell and suggests abandoning the movies in favour of a couple of rounds of Uno. Eventually, the relaxed atmosphere is enough to coax laugher out of Noora, causing the other inhabitants of kollektivet, and Eva, to share a look of accomplishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eva and Isak to the rescue! How'd you like angry Eva? I quite like her!


	50. Isak Valtersen, our resident fuckboy

### Chapter 50 - Isak Valtersen, our resident fuckboy

**Thursday November 10 th, 2016, 17:07, Jonas’s house**

**JONAS**

 

“Arh...! Nei!” Jonas yells out as Magnus manages to intercept his pass causing Jonas to aggressively punch the buttons on his controller in an effort to win the ball back. They are in the final moments of their game and for once, Jonas has managed to keep up with Magnus and the score is tied. Magnus and Isak are the reining FIFA champions of the group and with Isak not being around Magnus is raking in victory by victory. Another swearword exits Jonas’ mouth as Magnus scores and takes the lead, Jonas knew missing that pass would cost him. The winner gets to play another round and the loser has to switch places with the odd one out. Jonas lets his head fall back on the couch as he tosses Mahdi the controller and sighs.

“Damn Mags, if you were only a fifth as good at picking up girls are you are at FIFA, you’d have gotten laid ages ago.” Mahdi teases earning a loud bark from Jonas and a punch on his left arm from Magnus.

Jonas’ phone vibrates on the living room table and he picks it up to discover a new text from this girl, Mimmi, he has been seeing a little bit. Or well, another girl he has been seeing. There has been quite a few of them lately. Mimmi is, well, okay. She is extremely pretty and seems to like him but she is just… boring. Or maybe not boring, just not as fun as Jonas would like. Eva was fun.

Jonas opens Instagram as he really can’t be bothered to pay attention to the game on the screen. It’s not like he hasn’t seen Mahdi and Magnus play each other before. Usually though, Isak is by his side and they can chat among each other or comment the game together, usually taking sides, Jonas cheering for Magnus and Isak for Mahdi. In FIFA, Isak and Magnus are arch enemies.

A bubble of angst and uncomfortableness surfaces inside of Jonas at the thought of Isak. It feels wrong that they he isn’t around, that they haven’t spoken in almost a week. Especially since Jonas knows that something is going on, most likely something big. He remembers the caring but worried look Eva had on her face as they spoke about Isak at the party. If he is being honest with himself, he is a bit jealous of Eva and Noora. Eva because she seems more in the loop than Jonas is and Noora because whatever is going on between Noora and Isak, at least Noora knows what is bothering Isak, that much is clear.

He doesn’t know and he doesn’t get why Isak hasn’t spoken to him about it if it’s something this big. Big enough for Isak to act out and isolate himself. It has almost been a week and Jonas’s patience is starting to run low. He knows Isak. He knows how Isak works and that he doesn’t talk about things and rather puts up a front instead of facing it when things are rough. Jonas knows this. He knows and he has given Isak space to calm down and gather his thoughts without being pressured.

Scrolling through Instagram, for the first time today, he stops on a post that does absolutely nothing to improve his feelings about how Isak is currently handling things. It’s a video uploaded sometime in the middle of the night and Eskild has apparently taken over Eva’s phone.

 

“Welcome to the first episode of movie-night at Kollektivet. Tonight’s theme is Fuckboys, because really, they suck” A clearly intoxicated Eskild with red-wine stained teeth and lips says into the camera. He turns it around and lets the camera, shakily, move its focus from person to person as he talks. “Let’s meet our participants!” Eskild continues excitedly as he muddles his words a little but keeps his voice sounding like a tv-presenter showing of prices. “First out is Eva. She is fiery, a brilliant drinking buddy, gorgeous but her taste in men, well looks-wise theirs is nothing wrong with it, personality-wise, meeeh… I would have to say she has had varied success.” Jonas sees how Eva rolls her eyes at the camera and Eskild’s comments does bother him slightly, he thinks that Eskild likes him but as Eva’s ex, he hopes that she doesn’t think that he’s a bad person, even though he definitely wasn’t perfect in their relationship. 

The camera switches view again and Noora, whose head is leaned on Eva’s shoulder, is shown. Eskild continues his walkthrough of everyone in the room. “Noora! The best girl in the world and the saviour of all our butts! Without her we would be living in a toilet paper free shit-hole. She is the up-tight mom-friend everyone needs with an unexpectedly dirty mouth and a terrible, terrible taste in men.” Noora, completely sober and not at all entertained by Eskild’s introduction wines in the background as Eskild turns to record Isak and Linn on the other couch. Isak looks at Eskild, already annoyed, and Linn, who Jonas barely has heard say a word and definitely never heard laugh, is giggling loudly at Eskild. “And here she is, my favourite paradox. Lonely and bitter hermit when sober, excellent after-party host and attender when drunk. You might not know it, but Linn has the best stories and is my number one supporter in making movie-night at kollektivet an every-day event!” Linn, raises her glass to the camera and says something inaudible to Eskild as Jonas watches the camera turn to Isak.

It’s the first time that Isak has been shown up-close enough for Jonas to see him properly and it’s the first time since Friday that he has gotten any sign of life from him. Jonas almost flinches because, even though Isak plasters an annoyed smile and rolls his eyes when Eskild gets closer to him, he looks terrible, almost hollow. The bags under his eyes are back, the smile he sports is the fake one he has been using for a while and suspects that not even Jonas can read.

“And finally, Isak Valtersen, our resident fuckboy.“ Eskild starts earning a snide and objecting remark in return. Eskild seemingly ignores Isak’s comment and launches into his introduction. “He might have a face like an angel but this weed-smoking nerd has a talent for getting himself in sticky situations and putting his foot in his mouth.” Eskild’s tone is playful but Isak’s expression hardens and his face falls a smidge. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but Jonas can tell and Eskild too because his tone softens and he pinches Isak in the cheek. “Naah, this pretty-boy is cool, he should just learn the beauty of beauty sleep and how to…” The recording is cut short and Jonas doesn’t get to find out what Isak needs to do. 

Jonas turns his attention back towards the screen and notices how the game is paused and how Magnus and Mahdi has their attention on him.

 

“Have you spoken to him?” Mahdi asks nodding at the phone Jonas has clasped in his grip. It is clear that both of the other boys have seen the clip as well.“ Jonas shakes his head.

“No, I haven’t.” He sighs. “But yeah, something is off.”

“Should we just head over to kollektivet and barge in?” Magnus asks. “I know you said that we should give him space and shit but seriously, it’s been a week? So what if the alcohol hit him wrong? Everybody does stupid shit while drunk. He doesn’t need over a week to get over the hangover and the angst!” Magnus continues, clearly frustrated.

“Yeah, like just apologise and then we’ll move on. We aren’t girls, it’s not a big deal.” Mahdi replies and Jonas feels that he maybe shouldn’t have downplayed to whole thing as Isak reacting badly to the alcohol.

“I think…” Jonas starts because he really isn’t sure how much he should say. Isak isn’t exactly open about the things going on in his life and while Jonas feels like he only knows a tiny tiny fraction (tinier than thinks he deserves) of whatever it is that is clearly making is best friend act like a twat he also knows that Magnus and Mahdi knows a million times less. “I think, maybe there is more going on than just the shit between you and him on Friday” Jonas eventually settles on. 

“Well duh, “ Mahdi says at once. “He has been acting weird for weeks, and it can’t only be the Noora-thing because it started way before that.”

“Yeah!” Magnus agrees. “But it’s gotten worse since the Noora-thing. Are they really a thing or what?”

Jonas pulls his fingers through his hair.

“Eva says no. She thinks I should try talk to him again but it’s not like he has been that receptive. I can’t just tell him to open up, he doesn’t work like that. With Isak, you almost have to trick him into doing it.” The other boys nod and Jonas makes a quick decision. “We’ll give him space until school starts and if he hasn’t reached out yet I’ll start operation _get-Isak to talk.”_

_  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait! Things have been stressful as fuck and three full-blown anxiety attacks in the past two weeks, it's been ages since my anxiety was this bad. So I'm sleeping as much as I can and trying balance everything out during these last (hopefully 5-6) weeks of thesis writing. I wanted to write this weekend when I made myself completely free from working on my thesis but ended up basically being unable to do anything other than resting, like my mom took the train to me and my boyfriends apartment to drive me back on Sunday because I was afraid to drive because I was in such a fragile state. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying to get some writing in when I have the energy because I'm not giving up on the story but there is just a lot right now. I hope you liked this insight into how the guys handle the hiatus-week.


	51. You’re not my mom!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is snappy, Linn is sweet and Noora get's another email!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack! First I just want to say a massive massive thank you for the support I got after I posted my last chapter. You are all the sweetest and kindest readers<3 
> 
> I took almost three weeks off from writing (and job-hunting) to focus on finishing my thesis and keeping my health and sanity. It was a good decision because the the last three weeks wasn't much fun. Increased anxiety and stress as the deadline grew closer but I PULLED IT OFF and I'm so incredibly proud of myself. Presented my thesis on Friday and we didn't get any further notes from our professor so the thesis itself is done, finito! Have to critically review another guys thesis and presentation and hand in my thesis for publication before I officially graduate but the most difficult part is done! 
> 
> My body and mind still feels the repercussions of working under such huge amount of pressure for such a long time (7 weeks of working 7 days a week, 12 hours a day) and it will need a few weeks to recover. It's the hardest I've pushed myself since I got burnt out a few years back but I try to be positive about it. I tested my limits and I managed to notice when things were getting a bit too much, something I was completely unable to do before I got sick, I never knew how or when to slow down. 
> 
> Anyway, enough about me! Here comes the second to last chapter taking place during the season three hiatus which means that we are soon going back into action! I hop you enjoy it, although it is kind of short. <3

### Chapter 51 - You’re not my mom!

**Friday November 11 th 2016, 11:23, Kollektivet**

**NOORA**

Noora sighs as she sits on the couch, mindlessly surfing on her laptop with an endless amount of Breaking Bad episodes running in the background. Linn is binge-watching it, but as Noora glances from her couch to the other, looks like she can barely keep her eyes open. From experience, Noora knows that Linn will be sleeping in approximately five to ten minutes but Noora won’t pause the episode or change it, because Linn will pretend to be offended if she does.

Eskild is at uni and won’t be home until much later since he is working after class today. Noora sometimes wonder how Eskild, who she wouldn’t ever describe as responsible, manages to keep up with both his studies and his job. He studies sociology and plans to work with helping children and teenagers when he graduates. Eskild’s heart is so big it can almost make her feel inadequate sometimes, but then she remembers that he is helpless when it comes to cleaning and cooking, and that Eskild can be shamelessly selfish as well. He is an enigma that man.

Isak is still sleeping and Noora hasn’t had the heart to wake him even though he, for the sake of his sleeping habits, really should try and to wake up at a decent hour to have a chance at falling asleep at night.

In front of Noora on the laptop is an open document containing her ideas for the VG-article series she has applied to write. She hasn’t told anyone in kollektivet yet but she got a call from the editor after she sent in her first article along with ideas for three more.  Noora had been chosen as one of the people they were interested in seeing more from before they made their decision. She had had a 30-minute phone interview with the editor and in the end, had been instructed to send in two more articles, that wasn’t included in the three ideas she had sent in at first, within 48 hours. That was three days ago and she was now nervously waiting for their reply. 

She would know today, that’s what they said. Usually, they told her, their recruitment process was much longer but they were working against a deadline had had the idea of the article series quite late in the process. She re-reads her articles again, for maybe the millionth time, wondering if she could have done a better job. After a while she closes the laptop, it’s too late to dwell on the quality of the articles now anyway. She will just have to wait.  

 

It’s a few hours later, when Noora and Linn has quietly shared the pasta salad cooked by Noora for lunch in front of the tv, still watching Breaking Bad, when Isak surfaces. The bags under his eyes are as prominent as they have been this past week. Noora’s heart clenches a little every time she gets reminded of how badly Isak sleeps. She herself has slept badly the past two nights since she received William’s email.  They’ve spoken a little about it in the darkness of the night but with all the talking and crying she did with Eva and Isak on Wednesday, she has been too drained of emotion too really get into it at night. Instead, they’ve continued their streak of non-romantic action movies and Noora has fallen asleep eventually, finding peace and comfort in listening to Isak’s breath next to her. 

She knows that he feels bad for her and doesn’t want to wake her. She also knows, because they have been discussing it at least twice a day since Wednesday, that Isak would let Noora tell William about his sexuality simply to make her pain go away. She has seriously been considering it when the sheer pain of knowing what William and everybody else thinks of her becomes too much. She can’t do it though. She can’t do it because Isak’s expression and utter fear when he confessed it to her flashes before her eyes every time she considers it. She sees a scared little boy without the support of his family who is terrified to lose the people he cares the most about. Noora knows that Isak isn’t ready. She knows it in the way he still isn’t sleeping, the way he hasn’t been talking to his friends since last weekend, the way he tries but fail to use a composed tone every time he suggests it.

She can’t let him do it for her. Yes, it would completely dismiss all and every rumour about the two of them but it would put him in an even more difficult position. It would also be extremely unfair, considering the real cause of the issue is Noora herself. Noora, who should have had the guts to speak to William before leaving. Or, at least send him an explanation earlier.

Noora gets ripped out of her thoughts when Isak slumps down on the couch beside her with a bowl of cereal. He doesn’t say anything, only nods towards Noora and Linn and turns his attention towards the screen and starts to practically shove the cereal into his mouth. It’s the sugary kind that Noora’s friends used to have in their houses when she was a child. She never did. The kind of cereal that gives you a sugar high before your mood drops like a bomb and you become hungry again. Given that Isak has barley slept in a week and that there are still leftovers from lunch in the fridge, Noora thinks that Isak should get some proper food in his stomach to make sure he survives the day unnecessary mood swings.

“You should have some of the salad instead…” Noora starts, but before she can continue, Isak interrupts her with a snapping tone.

“You’re not my mom!” Isak’s shrill voice causes Linn to look away from the screen at him as Noora raises her eyebrows, completely unimpressed but also not offended by being scolded by him.

“I just meant that there are left-overs from the pasta salad me and Linn had for lunch and you can help yourself to some if you want.” She says, carful to not reply with any animosity in her voice. Isak looks like he was expecting her to snap back because he deflates immediately and he gets the appearance of kicked puppy.

“Sorry… I just…” He sighs loudly and Noora feels bad even though she has no reason to.

“Didn’t sleep?” She asks when Isak seemingly runs out of words.

“Yeah…” He answers with a low and fragile voice that reminds Noora of how proud she is that he doesn’t try and smooth it over an appear as if everything is alright.

“Isak!” Linn says out of nowhere, with a sharpness that surprises both Noora and Isak. “Go steal some lunch from the fridge, eat it and then you move your ass over to this couch and put your head on my lap and I’ll play with your hair the way Eskild always does to me when I’m having a bad day.” Noora looks at Linn with her eyes raised in surprised and Linn seems to realise that her offer is very unusual coming from her. She shrugs. “I’m sure Noora would do it but she has been writing something on her laptop all morning and I’m just watching tv."

 

Surprisingly, Isak does exactly what he is told and puts his head down in Linn’s lap half an hour later and Noora share a smile with Linn when they notice that their roommate has fallen asleep.

Noora leaves Linn and Isak and takes a walk, trying to shake some of uneasiness that has been living inside her body for the past days. A fast-paced hour-long walk can sometimes be the best therapy but today it only helps a little.Back home, she takes a long shower before returning to the living room where Breaking Bad is still playing, Isak is awake but still resting his head on Linn’s lap, and they have been joined by Eskild. Noora opens her laptop and notice a new email in her inbox. It’s from the editor of VG. She got the job. 


	52. Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short update! We are soon done with the hiatus and will jump back into the original storyline with some twists! Hope you like it!

### Chapter 52 - Tomorrow

**Monday November 14 th, 2016, 02:23 **

 

**ISAK**

Isak tosses in his bed for the millionth time this evening. He sits up, turns the pillow to have the cool side against his face. Also, he is sweating so much that the sheets are sticking to his skin. Noora is sound asleep next to him so he tries to keep his tossing and turning to the least minimum but it’s difficult because his mind keeps haunting him about going back to school in the morning and he is unable to relax. This week they’ve had off from school has been both a blessing and a curse. At first, it felt comforting to know that he wouldn’t have to face anyone after the party and it was nice that he actually got to talk and apologise to Eva during the week. But now it feels daunting because he will have to face it all tomorrow.

As much as the whole William-thing sucked, it was almost relaxing to be able to focus on someone else’s troubles for a while but he still wishes that it never happened. Hell, he would do almost anything to have the gossip surrounding him and Noora disappear. Almost. Because, as much as he had suggested to Noora that she should tell William about him being gay he had been relived every time she turned him down. The thought of people knowing, and judging him for it, fills him with dread and it is partly why he is unable to sleep. Because Emma knows and he can’t control what she does with it.

Isak tries to comfort himself by remembering that rumours spread like wildfire and _if_ Emma was to say anything, he should have probably heard it by now but then he remembers that he hasn’t spoken to his friends in over a week. Because he shoved, actually shoved, Mahdi and ran off in a rage-filled act of hurt and sadness. It makes his heart twinge, because he misses Jonas and he can’t remember the last time they didn’t speak for this long. Mostly because whenever Isak acts out and refuses to talk about what is going on, Jonas will let him cool down and wait for Isak to approach. It’s just that this time he hasn’t dared to. Because he doesn’t know what to say. How to explain it. 

And Even. Having a week off from school has meant that Isak could pretend to forget about him even though it has been impossible. Even if his heart has been aching constantly and his mood constantly changing at the thought of the handsome third year. Humiliation because of how completely fooled Even had had him and how Even’s actions caused him to act. Anger that Even practically declared his love for him on Wednesday, asked for space on Thursday and was back with Sonja on Friday. Nausea at the memory of seeing them together. All of them combined, constantly.

Tomorrow, or later today, he would risk running into him again. Nissen is a large school but not large enough for Isak to be able to completely avoid him, although that is exactly what he is going to do. That’s the one thing he is sure off. He is under no circumstance going to give Even the satisfaction of knowing that he affected him. That he still affects him.

Isak’s heart is pounding inside his chest and he has to wipe his eyes with the back of his hands to remove the tears that has started to pool in the corners. Fuck. He really doesn’t want to cry. What he wants is to sleep.

 

“Isak?” A soft whisper startles him and Isak turns around to find Noora looking drowsily at him.

“Shit. Did I wake you?” He asks, instantly feeling guilty. It’s bad enough that he can’t sleep, he shouldn’t be keeping her up as well. Noora’s expression suddenly becomes more aware, because she hoists herself up on her elbows and looks over at Isak with compassion.

“Isak.” She starts, soft but with a reprimanding air. “If it bothered me that much, I’d sleep on the couch. No one is forcing me to share your bed.”  Isak gives her a tight-lipped smile and feels a little less guilty. 

“Yeah, but still. Sorry that I keep waking you up. “ Isak responds with defeat in his tone and for a second he thinks that Noora might object but instead she looks at him closely before laying back down, with her gaze still attached to him.

“Worried about tomorrow?” She asks but it’s more of a statement than a question. Isak sighs.

“Yeah.”

“Nervous about seeing Even?” Again, it’s more of a statement than a question but Isak still answers.

“Nervous about seeing everyone really. Haven’t spoken to anyone except you, Eva, Eskild and Linn since last weekend.” Isak’s voice is barley a whisper by Noora can clearly hear him because she turns towards him in the bed and he can’t help but giving her a small smile when he feels her hand landing on his bicep, gently squeezing it in support.

“You should talk to Jonas.” She says and Isak agrees but doesn’t respond. He really should. But he doesn’t know what to say and he and Noora has been over it several times during the week. Noora thinks he should just tell him because not telling him isn’t working out that great. She is convinced that Jonas won’t treat him any differently. Isak wants to believe that and he mostly does but there is that tiny piece of doubt rooted in the fear of being rejected by the most important person in his life. It probably wouldn’t have been as difficult if he had had a good relationship with his parents but he doesn’t and while he is forever grateful for how close he has become with Eskild and Noora, no one can replace Jonas.  

“Emma knows.” Isak says instead of replying to Noora’s statement. He looks over at her as he speaks and sees her eyes widen in surprise as her grip on his arm temporarily hardens.

“What?”

“Yeah.” Isak sighs. “Sonja must have told her. She cornered me about it at the party before…”  Isak doesn’t add the last part but it looks like Noora understands because she squeezes his arm again before shuffling closer and wrapping an arm around him so that she is sleeping on her stomach but still has him in his embrace. It feels a bit weird but kind of nice. It’s not like the haven’t hugged in the bed earlier but one of them is usually crying and Isak has managed to avoid doing that tonight. 

“What are you doing?” He asks because it does feel a bit strange.

“Hugging you. Sync your breathing to mine and try and relax.” Noora responds like it’s completely normal. Isak does what he is told and tries to listen to Noora’s breathing and focus on only that. He feels himself slowly relaxing bit by bit and after a few minutes it feels more safe than strange to have Noora’s arm wrapped around him.

“When do you start tomorrow?” Noora whispers eventually.

“Ten. You?”

“Eight. So you’ll have to face it alone I’m afraid. “

“It’s cool.”

“Sleep tight Isak.”

“You too.”

 

Miraculously, Isak manages to relax and actually falls asleep only a few minutes later and sleeps through the night, awarding him with almost seven hours of sleep before his alarm rings the following morning.


	53. We’re just worried. We don’t get your deal man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter! And if you are missing Even, so am I but I promise he will make his comeback quite soon! Hope you like it and Happy New Year!

### Chapter 53 - We’re just worried. We don’t get your deal man.

**Monday November 14 th, 2016, 09:32, Kollektivet and Hartvig Nissen**

 

**ISAK**

Isak wakes up suddenly, his heart racing and his head pounding. He swears as he sees the time on his phone. He overslept. Because, of course he did. He had planned to wake up early enough to have breakfast, put on some really nice clothes and make some effort with his hair. It’s not part of his usual routine but it was something he had thought of when he was trying to fall asleep the previous night. Everything sucked, he was going to have to face Even, Emma, and Jonas and the boys but he thought that if he at least looked like he was completely unaffected, then he could pretend to be it.

That plan went to hell quicker than most plans do. He jerks himself off the bed, grabs the first white t-shirt he can find, a pair of jeans and one of his grey hoodies. On his head, he places a beanie before picking up his backpack almost ready to leave. And he has to leave soon to be able to catch the tram and be one time for class. Although he would really like to have time to make a sandwich to eat on his way to school. Isak checks the time again, hoping that he will have enough time for a quick trip to the kitchen. He does, but he notices a text from Noora as well.

 

_(09:30)_

_Noora: Have you left yet?_

_Noora: Could you bring my book for Spanish?_

_Noora: It’s in the bookcase._

 

_(09:34)_

_Isak: Sure. Which one is it?_

_Noora: Thx_

_Noora: Hint, it’s in spanish_

_Isak: Funny_

Isak finds the book without too much trouble but he doesn’t however have time for breakfast anymore and ends up sending another text to Noora, asking (well demanding) that she buys breakfast for him in the cafeteria. Their friendly banter eases the pressure he has been feeling in his chest since the moment he woke up, but only temporarily.

On the tram to school he feels his pulse racing faster and faster as dread fills him up inside. Isak takes out his phone and plugs in his headphones. He isn’t facing the school yard without the protection of music. It’s the one part of his plan for today that no-one can mess with. Sure, his plan to look confident and unaffected by dressing the part had failed spectacularly before he even had a chance to execute it but he could still increase the volume of his music and push everything and everyone else out of mind. 

His hope of completely avoiding both Even and Emma is squashed the second he steps foot on the school grounds as he spots both of them in different parts of the yard. Emma with some of the girls in her year stand to his left not too far from where he is while Even is standing with some guys in the third year to his right but further away, closer to the school entrance. Isak’s pulse is racing and he wishes that Noora or Eva was by his side, the two people in this school who knows the complete truth. Noora had jokingly said they might as well arrive to school holding hands seeing as no one believes them to be just friends anyway. It had put a brief smile on Isak’s face but he had declined, another beard is not what he needs. If these past weeks has taught him anything, it’s that pretending to be into a girl doesn’t do anyone any good.

Isak lowers his gaze and tightens his jaw as he walks across the yard, beanie on, the hood of his sweater pulled up, and music pumping in his ears. He avoids looking in Emma’s direction when he passes her and her group of friends, he doesn’t want to see her looking at him. Doesn’t want to give her a reason to gossip, if she hasn’t already. Isak can feel anger and hurt bubbling in his chest as he comes closer to where Even is standing on his way to the front door but he refuses to look up. Doesn’t want to give Even any indication of exactly how much this affects him. Doesn’t want to draw any unwanted attention towards himself. He just wants to blend in with all the other, normal and nondescript students that are excitedly gossiping on what they spent their free week doing.

His attempt at avoiding attention fails when he walks straight into a random guy that he doesn’t see coming because he kept looking at the ground. It startles him but to his credit, Isak composes himself rather quickly and heads towards his locker to grab his book before his first class of the day. He texts Noora on his way up the stairs, hoping that she will have bought him a sandwich so that he doesn’t have to starve until lunch.

 

Isak puts his phone back in the right pocket of his green bomber jacket as he opens the door to the hallway and spots Jonas standing by his locker, also getting his books for his first class. Isak had prepared for this, at least he had tried to prepare for it. For what to say when he saw the boys again after a week of radio silence. It’s only Jonas at least, Jonas who will cut him much more slack and most definitely won’t cause scene or anything at school. 

“Halla.” Isak says with slight hesitance.

“Halla.” Jonas replies but Isak can’t tell if Jonas is angry at him or just simply doing what he always does, giving him space.

“What’s up?” He asks, hoping to be able to figure out where his best friend stands.

“Nothing much.” Jonas says but he doesn’t ask anything in return, confirming to Isak that he is bothered by what Isak has done (or not done) in the past week since they last spoke. Isak swallow as the worry and ache in his chest grows stronger and to make matters worse his locker is acting like a bitch again. He punches it in annoyance and to his astonishment it actually opens.

“Is Mahdi still mad at me?” Isak continues, not daring to ask what he really wants to know. _Are you mad at me?_ Jonas sighs, tires to find the book he needs for his first class, (Isak knows it’s religious studies) and doesn’t look at Isak has he replies. His voice sounds tired.

“No one is mad at you.” Jonas says but it’s not that reassuring.

“Sure?” Isak asks because he isn’t completely sure Jonas is telling the truth.

“Yes.” Jonas replies and looks up to meet Isak’s gaze for a second before he continues to speak. “We’re just worried. We don’t get your deal man.”

”My deal?” Isak asks feeling himself freeze up inside. How much does Jonas know?

“Yeah! You’ve been acting so strange.” Jonas replies and Isak feels both relieved and terrified. Part of him wants to tell Jonas everything, _now_ , and part of him is so extremely relieved that he doesn’t have to.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just… There’s just so much going on right now.” Isak starts, not knowing where he will go with his statement. In the end, he doesn’t dare to do it. “With the family and stuff.” He continues. “And I can’t sleep either so I just snap so _damn quick_. Sorry for that.” Isak can tell that Jonas is disappointed by his answer but doesn’t know if it’s because he doesn’t believe him of if it’s because he thinks Isak isn’t telling the whole story. Either way, Jonas is correct.

“Well, let me know if you want to talk about it.” Jonas says shutting his locker and turning to walk past Isak towards the stairwell, in the direction of his first class of the day. Isak notices Jonas’ step faltering and his brows furrowing as he frowns just before he passes him. It’s enough for Isak to turn around in search of the cause of Jonas’ sudden discontent. He sees Noora walking towards them in the same moment as he hears Jonas muttering a stiff _halla_ as they pass each other. Does Jonas really believe that Noora is the reason for his odd behaviour? He doesn’t seem too pleased to see her at least but if Noora notices, she doesn’t let it show.

 

“Hi, here’s a coffee and a cheese and ham sandwich for you. Got my book?” She asks handing the breakfast over.

“You’re a lifesaver and yes, one second.” Isak places the coffee and sandwich on top of the lockers as he opens his backpack in search of her book, finding it quickly.

“Thanks.” Noora says as she receives it. Then she looks at Isak as she is hesitant to say something but she clearly makes up her mind quickly. “Is it just me or did Jonas not look too happy to see me?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I don’t know. We didn’t really talk.” Isak replies with a sigh. Noora smiles at him with care and understanding.

“Talk to him. He is your best friend.”

“I know.” Isak does know but he is terrified of it anyway.

“How’s it going?” Noora asks instead of nagging him about his best friend. Isak shrugs, he doesn’t really know. His entire being is aching and the tension of being forced to face everything at the same time makes him look at the breakfast Noora bought with disgust. He isn’t even sure he can eat. Having had a week of school made it possible to at least pretend that things were okay but when he is forced to face everything at once, it feels like too much. Noora notices and pulls him into a tight hug which he accepts without hesitation. “It will be alright. You get off at three, right? Want to head home together?”

Isak smiles as Noora releases him from their hug. It feels good that he at least has her on his side. 

“Yeah. See you then.”


	54. Arvid, Kajsa, and Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah I hope you like this one, I really loved writing it and this is one of those chapters that are completely outside of the canon-plot. 
> 
> Some warnings: This chapter will mention parental neglect, mental illness, eating disorder and some sexual activites. It might sound dark but this is actually quite a bright chapter. 
> 
>  
> 
> *VGS = Vidaregående skole = Secondary School/High School. Nissen is a vgs.

### Chapter 54 – Arvid, Kajsa, and Kurt

**Tuesday November 15 th, 2016, 10:24, Hartvig Nissen**

**ISAK**

 

_Kollektivet_

_(10:24)_

_Eskild: NOOOOORAA <3<3<3<3_

_Eskild: I love you forever and ever and ever! I’m bawling in the bathroom at UiO!_

_Eskild: Arvid, Kajsa and Kurt loves you <3 _

_Eskild: Also, marriage pact if we’re still single by 35 still on?_

_Eskild: Or, would you rather have Isak’s babies?_

_Linn: ?_

_Eskild: What don’t be jealous!_

_Isak: Bawling?_

_Isak: What’s up?_

_Isak: WHY ON EARTH WOULD NOORA WANT MY BABIES!?_

_Linn: I second that_

_Eskild: Jesus_

_Eskild: Keep up!_

Eskild: http://vg.no/ungdommens-stemme/151116/ 

 

 

**_A love letter to my roommates_ **

_The words family has always given me anxiety which is ironic because your family is supposed to be your safe haven. Your parents are supposed to be supportive, loving and always on your side. Key word: supposed._

_My parents don’t love me. It might sound harsh but it’s the truth. I’m an unplanned only-child and all my life I’ve felt like one of their chores. Like my value was equivalent to vacuuming the apartment or doing the dishes. It’s a shitty feeling and it damages you in ways many people might not understand. It gave me anxiety, an eating disorder, trust issues and a need to perform at absolutely everything. It made my childhood very lonely and I now have a hard time reaching out to people when I need to. I find myself struggling on my own rather than letting anyone in._

_Growing up I remember feeling jealous about two things that my friends had; siblings and loving parents and extended family. I’ve never met my extended family and I used to beg my mother for a sibling, thought it solve everything. Though that if I wasn’t good enough for my parents to arrange trips to grandparents and large Christmas celebrations, then maybe a baby sibling would be. That was before I grew old enough to realize how far my wishes differed for my parents’. I didn’t get a sibling but learned at a very young age that my parents hadn’t wanted to have children at all and that I had accidentally happened. ‘One is more than enough’._

_Feeling alone and unloved in one’s home damages children, I would know. At thirteen I developed an eating disorder because I was never good enough to be loved. Not by the parents who always had something more important to do or by my then-boyfriend who pressured me for sex only to dump me afterwards._

_At fifteen I moved out and haven’t moved back. The school doctor had noticed me getting thinner and called me into her office a year earlier, just to talk. She lightly pressured me about my eating habits and I denied it but she didn’t let me off the hook. I was terrified that she would call my parents because it would just highlight how unlovable I was. It feels horrible writing it now but it was the reality then. The school doctor gave me an offer, I would spend one hour each week with her, so that she could make sure that I was alright and as long as she believed me, she wouldn’t call my parents. During those hours, we just talked. She asked me about school, listened and gave me advice and insight. She noticed me in a way I had never been noticed before and slowly I begun to open up. It took about eight months before I could accept the word eating-disorder being used in relation to me._

_By spring during second to last year she sat me down in her office like so many times before. She had a very serious look on her face that day. Serious but encouraging. She told me that she thought I should move out, that to give myself the opportunity to properly defeat the eating disorder I was still struggling with I should set myself free from the people who caused the majority of the pain. Her suggestion was for me to do my final year before VGS* in another country. To move into a host family and get a fresh start, with less expectations. And, to replace my sessions with her with a proper therapist._

_I was hesitant at first but after suffering a lonely and anxiety-filled easter break I made my decision and ended up going. I’ll be forever grateful to the school doctor who spent so much time and energy on making sure I was okay. Who still calls me every other month to check up on me. I don’t know where I would be today without her. Thank you._

 

_After a year abroad I moved back to Oslo to start VGS, I found an available room in a shared apartment with a guy and a girl a few years older than me, moving back in with my parents was never an option. These roommates, and another one we’ve acquired along the way, are the people who gave me my first family and the rest of this article is a love letter to them._

_Let’s call my first roommate Arvid, he studies at the University of Oslo and is the most caring person I’ve ever met. He also the most outrageous person I’ve ever met and has a tendency to barge right into your personal space. At first glance, you might peg him as a messy, loud guy who, even though he hasn’t lived at home in over three years, still struggles with the basics of cleaning and cooking, is brutally honest and has loud sex with a string of guys from both Tinder and Grinder, and he is. He is all out these things. One of the first things he said to me was “You’re really pretty, how would you feel about being my surrogate on day? I feel like we would have the most gorgeous babies. We could also get married at 35 if we’re still on the market by then, but let’s not think about such depressive things. Also, can you clean? Kajsa is shit at cleaning.”_

_He is all of those things, but he is also the guy who takes care of the rest of us and makes sure that we are okay. He saw our other roommate Kajsa at a lecture they shared when they started university. He saw Kajsa and immediately noticed that she struggled. She didn’t have to say anything, and he decided that they would make great roommates. He is amazing for Kajsa. Kajsa who has struggled with depression for years and, even though she is doing much better, still needs a push every now and then to get out of the apartment._

_She impresses, Kajsa. She has a way of making you feel needed and good enough and I don’t think she is aware of how much she helps the rest of us. She is the first person who has made me realize that I don’t need to be perfect. She does it by being blunt and caring but also by not demanding much from you. She doesn’t need you to tell her everything that is going on. She is perfectly content just sitting by you in the sofa watching a show._

_Once, when I was stressing out and feeling generally inadequate, sitting in the living room and typing as quickly as I could on my laptop while snapping at Kajsa that we had to vacuum and scrub the floors before my friends were coming over, she just looked at me and asked me why. Why does the apartment have to be spotless when my friends come over? Isn’t fairly clean okay? Especially when I’m knee-deep in a Spanish essay. She was correct of course, the apartment doesn’t have to be spotless, and since then it rarely is. But it was such a relief when she said it. It doesn’t have to be perfect, no-one will complain if it isn’t._

_I’ve learned and I keep learning so much from just being with Kajsa. She doesn’t hesitate to share stuff about herself, both personal but also potentially embarrassing stuff. She makes light of herself and owns who she is. For me, who from childhood acquired a need to perform, to be good enough, it’s both liberating and healing to have a person in my life who doesn’t bother to appear perfect and is at her most content when everyone is as relaxed and as unbothered as possible._

_I’m gonna call my third and final roommate for Kurt, mostly because I happen to know that he despises that name and he is easily the roommate we all like to annoy the most. He is the little brother I didn’t know I needed in my life. He is also the roommate I was least excited to see when I moved back in after my last relationship went down the drain._

_I never thought we would be friends, Kurt and me. I saw him as the douchebag who betrayed the trust of one of my best friends, had serious fuck-boy tendencies, and smoked weed and drank as if there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t imagine that he would be the person I would rely on to help me through my heartbreak. Turns out, we aren’t too different him and I. We share somewhat similar, but still vastly different, family troubles. We carry demons that keep us up at night but that seem impossible to talk about anywhere but in the darkness of his bedroom. When the lights are out and everyone else is sleeping it’s comforting to have someone by your side who listens and cares. Someone who lets you cry about how it all ended and suddenly you hear yourself telling him about your parents, your insecurities, your eating-disorder, your guilt and your heartbreak._

_Kurt is the one person who knows it all, who has listened as much as he as shared when none of us can sleep. Who forced me to skip first period and sat me down at KB with breakfast when we overslept, because I once told him how much anxiety missing a meal can give me. Who called my best friend over to the apartment and sat with his arm around me until she arrived, keeping me grounded, that morning when everything went to hell._

_Kurt, who Arvid at first let stay in our basement when he met him drunk off his ass at a bar at 2 am on a school night. Kurt had refused to go home, so Arvid let him sleep on a mattress in his room that night and later, when Kurt realized that I, who knows some of his friends, also lived in the apartment, and didn’t want anyone to know how bad it was at home, Arvid let him stay in the basement. That’s until I moved in with my then-boyfriend and a room was vacant. To Arvid it was a given that Kurt would have to the room, and how they first met stayed a secret until Kurt told me during one of our nightly chats._

_As I write this, Arvid, Kajsa, and Kurt are sprawled across the living room sofas. Arvid has Kajsas legs in her lap as he paints her toenails and she rests her head in Kurt’s lap. The three of them are on the same couch, all finding comfort in the closeness of each other. I know that as soon as I’m finished writing and can join the movie-watching, one of them will move over to my couch. It’s usually Arvid, as Kajsa and Kurt are the of the same lazy breed, but if he is still putting nail-polish on Kajsa, Arvid will bully Kurt into moving. Either way I’ll soon have to share this couch with someone else and I’ll feel as safe and loved as I do when I glance over at them. They are the family I’ve always craved. Arvid, Kajsa, and Kurt; Thank you for giving me a family, I love you endlessly._

Isak has to blink away a few tears as he reaches the end of the article, the second one that has been published by Noora in VG, the first one being the one she sent in when she applied. He looks around in the classroom scanning to see if anyone has noticed how his attention isn’t focused on the math problems in the book in front of him. It doesn’t seem like it.

 

_Kollektivet_

_(10:45)_

_Isak: Kurt is a horrible name Noora._

_Isak: But you know, you’re cool too or whatever <3_

_Eskild: So capable of expressing your emotions_

_Isak: Piss off_

_Linn: Noora <3 _

_Noora: <3 _

Isak puts his phone down but it only takes a second before it vibrates again, this time however, Noora isn’t part of the conversation.

_Eskild and Linn_

_(10:47)_

_Eskild: How are we going to celebrate Noora? I feel like we have plenty to live up too now._

_Linn: You might. But I don’t. I’m perfect the way I am._

_Eskild: Whatever Linn, we can’t all be you. Back to Noora. How are we going to shower her with love after the PDA she just pulled? Fancy dinner in town tonight?_

_Linn: Like we can afford it_

_Eskild: Wait, I can’t do dinner. Have work. Lunch in town and afternoon hangout just the family?_

_Isak: But like, school?_

_Linn: I can do lunch_

_Eskild: “But like school?” ISAK YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE BAD BOY IN THIS FAMILY_

_Eskild: SKIP SCHOOL!_

_Isak: stop being so dramatic_

_Isak: It’s Noora who doesn’t skip school not me_

_Eskild: Convince her. Meet us at Karl Johan at 11:45. I’m leaving uni now. Linn, we’re leaving kollektivet in 45 minutes. Be ready._

_Isak: Sir yes sir_

_Eskild: I love it when you do as I say._

_Eskild: Sorry, have to cancel lunch, roommate emergency. Raincheck? How about I lick whipped cream of your asshole after I finish work tonight instead?_

_Isak: Wtf?_

_Isak: ESKILD!_

_Isak_ _: Disgusting_ _._ _I didn’t know need to know that._

_Isak: No one needs to know that_

_Isak: WTF? Boundaries!_

_Linn: Agreed_

_Eskild: Well I didn’t mean to send it to you_

_Eskild: Also, don’t judge until you’ve tried it. Let someone rim you and you’ll discover a completely new world of pleasure_

 

_Linn has left this conversation._

_Eskild: Oh look, it’s only you and me know baby-gay! I could teach you everything you need to know about the anus._

_Isak: Yeah. No thanks._

_Eskild: Stop being a prude, I know you’re curious, it’s natural. You’re seventeen. Same age as I was when I started to explore. It’s only natural. Also, neither romantic comedies nor the sex education in school does a proper job in teaching you how to practice safe anal sex. Which you need to know. I offer my services as your guidance counselor._

_Isak: Ew. No thanks_

_Isak: I’ll use porn for that._

_Eskild: Porn is highly unrealistic. When you get there, take your time, be careful, safe and use plenty of lube._

_Isak: We’re not doing this_

_Isak: I’m leaving this conversation._

_Eskild: Calm your tits._

_Eskild: And know that you can always come to me for advice._

_Eskild: I’ll buy you some lube and condoms to make sure you have it._

_Isak: Please don’t_

_Eskild: I’ll hide them in your bedside table._

_Eskild: Not taking no for an answer._

_Eskild: It will be there tomorrow at the latest_

_Isak: Whatever_

_Eskild: Love you too <3 _

_Isak: Stop_

_Isak: but thanks. Or whatever_

_Isak: <3 _

 

Isak closes the conversation and rolls his eyes. Eskild is absolutely ridiculous, and embarrassing. It doesn’t matter that no-one else in the room knows which way the conversation on Isak’s cell just took but he still feels his cheeks burning. At the same time, it’s comforting to know that someone looks after him. Isak tries to focus the math problem is his supposed to be solving but remembers that he both has to find Noora before her next class and convince her to skip the rest of the day to hang out with her roommates. He picks up his phone again and logs onto the school network to find out which class she is in, and where she will be. 

Isak is the first one out of the class room as the bell rings and almost runs towards Noora’s classroom, hoping to catch her before she heads of towards the next one. He does and the moment he sees her, Isak is filled with so much pride, love, and joy over her article that he doesn’t care what everyone else might think. Isak wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a long and tight hug, half-lifting her off the ground, the second she exits the classroom. Noora laughs in his arms.

“You liked it?” She asks with a big smile, pulling away enough that Isak can see her face but still very much staying inside hug.

“You’re amazing.” Isak says as he pulls her in again, not for as long this time. Long enough for them to be interrupted by an unimpressed girl-voice.

“Stopped denying it then? About time really.” Isak releases Noora from his arms and turns around to see Sara, Ingrid and two other girls, who Isak really should remember the name of. Isak sighs because he knows that no matter what he says, Sara will most likely claim that Isak and Noora were _basically making out_ _in the hallway._

“Jeez, not you too. “ Isak says, pretending like it isn’t bothering him as much as it is. “We’re just friends.”

“Sure. _Just friends._ That’s what it looked like.”

“Whatever, let’s go.” Isak nods to Noora and they walk away in the opposite direction of Sara and her minions.

 

“Why is this constantly happening?” Noora asks, almost unable to suppress a giggle and Isak has to agree. How do they constantly end up in situations that looks like something they aren’t. 

“I have no idea.” Isak replies before changing the subject. “But whatever, I can’t be bothered to care anymore. Anyway. Hurry up, we have to go!”

“Go? What? Where?” Noora, confused.

“Lunch with Eskild and Linn. We are skipping the rest of the day.”

“What? No, we can’t skip?” Noora’s reaction is as Isak anticipated it so he replies teasingly.

“We are. Listen to your douchebag and fuckboy roommate, skipping half a day doesn’t matter. Also, didn’t you write about wanting to not feel the need to be perfect? This is the PERFECT opportunity.” He says, being smug over his own cleverness.  

“Funny. This is Eskild’s doing right?” She asks and Isak nods.

“Yeah, you’re not getting out of this one.”

“Fine” Noora says, rolling her eyes but there is a warmth in her tone that suggests to Isak that she is actually loving the idea. Without wasting another minute they head together down the stairs and out of the building. When they walk across the yard, the two of the obviously leaving together in the middle of the school day, hours before the it is actually over, Isak can feel the stares and sometimes hear the whispers. He is sure that Noora notices too because she falls quiet and looks around uncomfortably as they walk away and Isak starts telling her about the chat between him, Eskild and Linn. About the message involving whipped-cream that was for whoever Eskild was supposed to have lunch with. Noora laughs loudly with him and Isak smiles to himself, as they leave, satisfied to have distracted her from the glares and whispers.

 

*VGS = Vidaregående skole = Secondary School/High School. Nissen is a vgs.

 


	55. No cardamom? / To hell with Kosegruppa

### Chapter 55 - No cardamom? / To hell with Kosegruppa

**Wednesday November 16 th, 2016, 10:08, Hartvig Nissen**

**ISAK**

Isak had hoped, with his entire being, that he could somehow avoid running into Even until the mere thought of him didn’t ignite a fire of anger and deep sadness within him. He had hoped for it but he also knew that it would be highly unlikely. Hartvig Nissen simply wasn’t large enough, even if Even tried to avoid Isak as well. As any deeply logical person having a hard time dealing with the unexpected, Isak had prepared himself for the unavoidable moment when he would have to stand face to face with Even again.

Isak had a plan for every situation – or so he thought. If there was another meeting with Kosegruppa, he would ditch. If there was a pre-game with Kosegruppa, he would ditch. If Vilde forced him into having the pre-game at kollektivet, Isak would make other plans with the boys – and ditch. To hell with Kosegruppa. If Isak met him while in the hallway while he was with Jonas, Magnus and/or Mahdi, he would act completely unbothered and keep walking. If Even came up to him when he was with Jonas and/or the boys (Isak counted on Jonas being there in any scenario that involved him being around the guys) he would immediately pick up his iPhone, nudge Jonas and say he either had a few missed calls or texts from his mom. In this plan, Isak had counted on his best friend being concerned enough that Isak simply mentioning the text/calls and excusing himself from the group would put Jonas in his protective mode. Sure, Isak felt a twinge of guilt as he planned to use his sick mother and the concern of his best friend to avoid having to face Even while being with his friends, but in the grand scheme of things, that guilt was no more than a drop in the ocean.

Isak’s plan for if he, once again, ended up at a party with Even was to employ Noora’s assistance and ditch with her. Everyone already thought they were sleeping together so they might as well leave with another, no one would stop them or find it suspicious. And Noora would agree to it in a heartbeat.

Meeting Even alone was something he had planned for as well, he’d keep the conversation short but not avoid it, all to appear like isn’t affected by Even’s behaviour. _Hi, how are you? Good, you? Great. Well, good to see you, gotta go._ Controlled voice, smile, leave. Find some place to hide and compose yourself.

Isak had thought that he would be prepared for just how horrible it would feel the moment he met Even again. Having spent so much time over the previous nights thinking about how it would be, what he would say and how he would act, Isak had been confident that he would know how it would feel. He knew that it would hurt and expected it to be the one thing occupying his mind in the night that followed but he was wrong. Isak though that it would be rough but he had been completely unprepared for how gut-wrenching it would be.

 

It happens on a Wednesday. In the cafeteria. First Isak’s heart almost stops as a guy, also from the second year, suddenly starts talking next to him, like Isak ordering a cheese sandwich, the deepness of his voice enough for Isak to, for a second freeze, believe it to be Even’s. His blood runs cold and his chest constricts and for about as long as it takes the cashier to heat Isak’s sad cheese sandwich, Isak can only focus on regaining his composure.

Just as Isak has managed to lower his pulse almost back to normal, as he turns away from the cashier’s desk and is about to head out in the school yard, sandwich in hand, that’s when he sees him. Not only sees him, almost walks straight into him. It’s nothing like he expected it to be. Nothing like he prepared for.

Even stands right in-front of him and by the looks of it he is also surprised. Isak forgets to breathe for a second, maybe two. He forgets the lines he practiced for this conversation, forgets to appear unbothered, can barely look at him, too afraid he will break if he does. The little he does see, Even doesn’t look like Isak is used to. Isak has always seen Even as a bright smile, always warm, confident and happy. This Even in-front of him is insecure.

 

“Hi.” Even says and Isak wants to run. 

“Hi.” 

“No cardamom?” Even says, nodding at better times, easier times. His voice hollow.

“Cardamom” Isak tries play along, acting carefree but his joke falls flat. He can almost hear his own heart break. “Nei. No cardamom.”

Isak keeps his eyes on his sad and melted cheese sandwich during the next moments. He wants to run, escape, but his feet are glued to the ground and the pain in his chest piercing. A swarm of emotions are swirling around inside of him. Besides the pure hurt burning like fire, there is anger over Even’s behaviour, confusion, hopelessness.

“Erh…Can we” Even starts, apparently trying to steer the conversation towards the dark cloud of tension between them, the elephant in the room. Isak’s fight or flight response kicks in immediately. Because there is no way in hell that he is having a real conversation with Even in school. Not in the cafeteria. Not in the hallway, or in the auditorium. Not around people. Not in a secluded classroom or in a fucking bathroom. Not alone. Isak is not doing this. Not here. Not now.

“Gotta go.” Isak interrupts Even and pushes past him, out into the yard without sparing another glance. He can hear the blood pumping in his ears as he crosses the yard, heading for the B-building without really thinking about it. He doesn’t stop until he finds himself outside the Biology classroom where he is having his next class. It’s empty, still 15 minutes until the next class starts, so Isak walks in and slots down in his regular seat.

 

Isak has started to really enjoy sitting next to Sana in biology but today he wishes that she won’t show up so that he can spend the hour inside of his own head without having to focus on what else is going on. He takes a bite of his, now cold, sandwich but it grows in his mouth, he isn’t hungry anymore. With a loud sigh, Isak stands up and walks over to the trashcan to throw it away. Nauseous. He keeps replaying his encounter with Even in his head, over and over. Part of him wishes that he would have stayed because then maybe he at least could have gotten an explanation but mostly he is glad he left. He doesn’t dare having such a confrontation in the middle of the school, too afraid that his own emotions will cause betray him.  

“Halla.” Sana rips him out of his thoughts as she sits down on the seat next to him and if he wasn’t in such a bad mode he would have found it a bit humorous that they so often are the first ones to arrive. Such nerds. 

“Hi.” Isak doesn’t bother to fake happiness but Sana only gives him a contemplating look before she turns her attention to her bag, picking up her laptop and her book. Isak still hasn’t opened his backpack, his part of the table is empty except a few bread crumbs. He is still nauseous and there is a sharp pain in his chest but it’s at least easier to breathe. He tries to analyse what just happened. Even was uncomfortable or insecure, he thinks. But he isn’t sure. Is this how it’s going to be now? Completely awkward, stale and horrendously painful conversation with absolutely no content every time they run into each other?Suddenly Sana snaps her fingers in-front of his face, trying to get his attention.

“Huh? What?” Isak turns towards her, disoriented, he was too caught up in his mind again and Sana looks at him with her piercing, knowing, look.

“I said, did you understand question five on last week’s assignment? The instructions are completely contradictory.” Right, question five. Biology assignment. Isak tells himself to focus and quickly pulls his laptop out of his bag. His pencil case somehow falls out of his bag in the process and opens, spreading its contents all over the floor.

“Fuck.” Isak bends down on the floor in defeat and gives Sana a small, but grateful smile when he notices that she is helping him collects its contents.

“You okay?” Sana asks, as he sits back up on the chair and Isak doesn’t know what to answer, so sighs and shrugs.

“I’m fine.” He says as well and Sana observes him closely making Isak suspect that she doesn’t believe him. Isak hopes he does because he really doesn’t want to talk about it right now.

“Okay.” Sana replies a few seconds later. “So question five, how did you interpret it?” Isak is grateful for her demanding voice that gives him a clear task to focus his attention on. He quickly logs onto his computer and opens the document.

“Five. Let’s see.” Isak says before launching into an explanation of his answer. Sana argues slightly with him, challenging his views but he suspects that she does it out of kindness because in the end it turns out that she has answered almost the exact same thing as Isak had. To the word. It distracts him for a brief period of time though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fristly, thanks a million for the response in the last chapter. You all made my heart smile <3 
> 
> I'm so sorry for being so slow posting this chapter. It has been a few hectic weeks. First I had to move out of my apartment and then last week was just hectic, I had three job interviews and was in full job-hunting mode, still am. Also had a major writers block for the next chapter. I have the major events for the story lined out but plot out details maybe 10 chapters at the time and then I write them. Always finishs the next chapter (now 56) before I post on here so that I can edit one chapter and write on the second. Anyway, Love this chapter (but isn't pleased with the next one, oh well)! 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed this and I'll see you soon (fingers crossed for no more writers block)


	56. Yeah but not Like Jonas does

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is here and I'm sorry about the long wait between updates, life has been busy and I had some trouble writing this chapter, it felt too much like a filler-chapter and I didn't want that so I reworked it a few times. Anyway, I absolutely loved reading the comments on the previous chapter and hope that you all like this one as well. Hopefully the next update won't take as long.

### Chapter 56 - Yeah but not Like Jonas does

**Thursday November 17 th, 2016, 12:18, Hartvig Nissen**

**NOORA**

Noora sits in between Vilde and Sana at a table in the cafeteria, Chris and Eva opposite them. As she half-listens to the girls idly chatting about their day, she can’t help to be grateful for all of them. With the exception for a few questions the first night after she returned, none of them has tried to get her to talk about what happened with William. Not even now, after the ruckus that has been surrounding her and Isak. Sure, Eva had asked her once, but hadn’t pressed for details, been satisfied when Noora told her that she spoke to someone about it. The same Eva who hadn’t pressed for more details after Williams email and her own falling out with Chris. She had just accepted what was happening _now_ and fought for Noora without hesitation. It makes her eternally grateful, but it also causes some guilt. Maybe her friend deserves to know that it was Noora who left, who was in the wrong. 

“Noora? Are you there?” Vilde snaps with her fingers in-front of her eyes, causing Noora to shake her head in slight confusion. She hadn’t been paying attention.  

“Nei, sorry. Spaced out. What were you saying?”

“I just asked about you and Isak. Are you dating now?” Vilde asks, but she says it like it’s more of a statement than a question. Noora knows she means well, she truly does but she is sick and tired of this subject.

“Jesus Christ. No. We are not dating, sleeping together or anything else and that won’t change. We are just friends.” Noora replies, meeting Eva’s gaze for a second, earning a supportive nod. Looking around on her friends, Sana looks indifferent and Chris unsurprised while Vilde looks confused.

“But..” Vilde starts. “But Sara said that she saw the two of you making out in the hallway on Tuesday. And that you skipped half off the day to be with him” Noora has to pinch the bridge of her nose to not snarl at Vilde because it’s not really Vilde that she is frustrated with. Fucking Sara. Of course she would embellish the story and spread it around the school.

“We didn’t make out. He gave me a hug because of a thing I did and then we skipped to go and have a _kollektivet-day_ that Eskild decided to spontaneously arrange.” Noora partly feel guilty about not having told her friends about the article because she knows they would be supportive but at the same time, the whole point about how they are written, is that no one should know that she is writing them. Her roommates know because she has written about them, and quite personal stuff, so it’s only fair that she asked first. 

“It’s not like Sara is a credible source either.” Eva fills in supportively.

“What was the thing you did?” Chris asks, confused and Noora freezes, contemplating whether she should tell them or not. She takes a moment to look around on her friends, they all look at her expectantly. Fuck it, she might as well tell them. She will most likely write about them soon too and then she’ll have to tell anyway.

“I.. eeh…” She doesn’t know quite how to start. “It’s really important that you don’t tell anyone about this. Seriously, Vilde.”

“Why are you looking at me? I’m not gonna say anything!” Vilde responds defensively

“Because you are the master of gossip.” Sana says, shutting down the argument before it can even begin.

“Yeah but I don’t tell anyone about _our_ secrets, I just know what everyone else is gossiping about.” Vilde replies and Noora believes her. She catches Eva’s gaze. Eva looks confused and wary, not like she completely trusts where Noora is going with this. Noora shakes her head only slightly to indicate that no, she isn’t going to tell them what she and Eva knows about Isak, or everything that has happened with William and Penetrator-Chris because of the stupid rumours.

“I’m writing these articles in VG, about how it is being a teen, well I’ve written two so far but it’s going to be like once a week. Anyway, I wrote about Eskild, Linn, and Isak in one and Isak hugged me because he had just read it and then they took me out to lunch to celebrate. But you can’t tell anyone, because it’s supposed to be anonymous, like it could be any teen, and there’s some very personal stuff in there, about me. And Eskild, and Linn, and Isak.”

The girls stare at her for a few seconds before breaking out in cheers off excitement and praise. They all hug her, and demand to read it and decide that they too should go out and celebrate Noora. She knows they will all find it on their own but is hesitant to have them read it while they are with her, because she doesn’t want to see the looks of pity and sadness while they read about her fight against eating disorder or her lack of a relationship with her parents. In the end, the girls agree to read it later and they return to talking about other things during the remainder of their lunch period.

 

 

Noora and Eva has to leave lunch a few minutes earlier because their Spanish lesson is in another building so they wrap their scarfs around their necks and head out in the cold, rainy day. 

“How is Isak, really?” Eva asks once they are outside and free from the prying ears of gossip loving Nissen students.

“Not that good probably. He is still not sleeping.” Noora replies, slightly defeated. “And I’m not lying awake all night anymore and he doesn’t want to wake me up so I think he is just waiting for his brain to shut up all night. “

“That sucks.” Eva doesn’t say much more, but gets consumed by thought, enabling Noora to reflect on the situation as they cross the yard.

“You know, I’m almost glad that school has started again because last week was such a shit show. Although, it would have been even more shit if we would have had to go to school too. Now we could kind of fall apart and regroup.” Noora says, almost surprised by her own openness. Somehow, Isak who avoids speaking about his feelings as much as he can has turned Noora into a more open person.

“Yeah true. Have you heard anything more from William by the way?” Eva asks and Noora’s heart clenches just from hearing his name. Having reached the building where their Spanish class is held, they stop outside, a few meters from the door to finish their conversation away from other people. They are too caught up to notice the tall third year leaned against the wall a few meters further away from the entrance. His hood is up and his head is tilted up against the sky as small raindrops fall over his closed eyes.

“No. Have you spoken to Chris?” Noora asks the question although she doesn’t really want to know the answer. Or she doesn’t want to know what William has said, _if_ he has said anything.

“No.” Eva’s voice is noticeably annoyed by the thought of Chris. “It’s just fucking frustrating! Why does Chris insist on believing such bullshit? And why does he have to spread it to William?”

“Yeah.” Noora’s mood decreases just by hearing Eva talk about it but she doesn’t interrupt her, because Eva is on a furious roll.

“I honestly don’t get people’s obsession with it. You and Isak dating is just fucking laughable. If they knew any of you they’d know how ridiculous it sounds.” Eva says and Noora agrees.

“That’s the thing though, they don’t know us. They don’t know what either of us is going through and why we are as close as we are. That’s why I get so sad about the whole thing, because William should know better.”

“Yeah. And Chris should trust the one person who actually knows both of you extremely well.” Eva says and it looks like she is about to say something more when she raises her eyebrows in surprise while looking over Noora’s shoulder. She steps closer to Noora, who simply feels confused and is about to turn around in search of what Eva saw. When she speaks, is not more than a whisper. “Don’t turn around but Even is standing against the wall just behind you.”

“Shit.” Noora says, unable to stop herself, although she thinks she kept her voice down enough for him to not hear her. Eva meets her gaze, nods and is about to say something more when the bell rings alerting them that class is about to start.

Even walks past them a second later and Noora can’t help herself, she has to frown at him. His behaviour over the past weeks has not impressed her. Much to her surprise, Even turns his head towards them and slows down his pace as he passes them, almost like if he is itching to say something. It’s the first time Noora has been close enough to him to really study his face. From afar, he has looked carefree and confident, radiating happiness, the few times she has seen him, but now he looks drained and insecure. He doesn’t speak to them. Only looks at Noora with tightened lips and furrowed brows, looking like he wants to say something, ask something. Even doesn’t look jealous or angry, more sad and confused. Part of Noora feels triumphant because Even doesn’t get to play with Isak’s emotions _and_ walk around carefree. Part of her feels hope, maybe Isak can find himself a happy ending anyway.

 

 

Later that evening, when both Eskild and Linn has retreated to their bedrooms and Noora and Isak finds themselves sitting next to each other in his bed idly watching Narcos on Isak’s television, Noora finds herself telling Isak that they should turn it off and at least try to get a full night of sleep.

“It doesn’t matter.” Isak says, quite bitterly. Noora bites her lip and hesitates before speaking.

“Do you… Do you think that maybe you should see someone about your issues with sleep?” She asks tentatively, not sure how Isak will react. He huffs a little, almost supressing a bitter laugh.

“Went to the school doctor yesterday. Asked her if she could prescribe me some pills, you know like Linn has?” He says and the tone of his voice suggests that he isn’t exactly sure what to think of Doctor Skrulle, Noora relates.

“Skrulle? She’s a character. What did she say? Did you get any pills?”

“Nei.” Isak sighs in defeat. “She wanted me to go see someone, like a therapist.”

“Maybe you should.” Noora says and she doesn’t think that it’s the worst idea but by the looks of it, Isak does.

“Nei!”

“Why not?” Noora turns the question back towards him, feeling that this is a moment where she can push him. After all, Isak had voluntarily gone to Doctor Skrulle for help. That is a good first step. Isak squirms uncomfortably before answering.

“I don’t know. I just…” Isak sighs and takes a breath before he continues and when he does, his voice is weak, like he is embarrassed. “I don’t like to feel weak and having to speak to a psychiatrist would…” Isak swallows the final words but Noora hears them loud and clear and she is both irritated at and heartbroken for her friend.

“Do you think I’m weak?” She asks causing Isak to look at her in horror.

“No, of course not!”

“I went to therapy, in Spain. I really helped.”

“Yeah but you were sick. I… I’m just having trouble sleeping.” Isak replies sounding both defensive and defeated.

“Isak.” Noora starts, slowly because she wants her message to get through to him without risking that he puts his walls back up. “Yes I was sick, but it was caused by trauma I experienced as a child and even without any trauma, seeing a psychologist isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s being strong enough to face your demons and learn about how your mind works. It’s scary as hell sometimes, and can be very painful. But it does help. Think of it like a broken bone. If you go skiing and break your leg, you go to the doctor and get it fixed. You get pain medication and have to wear a cast and eventually you get to take the cast off and start physical therapy to regain your strength. So, for me, my parent’s treatment of me were the ski accident causing the mental issues that resulted in my eating disorder. But sometimes maybe you don’t fall but you exercise in a way that puts too much pressure on the bone, resulting in a stress fracture. Maybe you don’t need painkillers or a cast but you need to rest and do physical therapy. For example, there might be a few parts of your life that causes stress, guilt or anxiety, and combined they result in insomnia. Maybe to relive the stress and regain your heath, seeing a psychiatrist or at least taking to someone isn’t the worst idea.”

Noora stays silent for a while, no sure if she overstepped but hoping that she didn’t. Isak looks at her, obviously considering the analogy she tried make.

“You should apply to replace Skrulle. She said something similar, I think, or I don’t really know, it was hard to follow.” Isak says, offering half a smile, easing the tension in Noora’s stomach.

“What did she say?”

“Something about people being as islands and that talking to others built bridges. There was also some weird poem involved.”

“So maybe you _should_ talk to someone, it doesn’t have to be therapist.” Noora presses on the issue again. She figures she might as well take the chance when Isak appears to be open to discuss it at least.

“But I have told people!” Isak’s reply is immediate, and it’s frustrated. “ I’ve told you, Eskild and Eva. It didn’t do shit for my ability to sleep..”

“But we, Eskild, Eva and I, we’re not the ones who matter.” Noora says softly, earning an almost insulted look back from Isak.

“Of course you matter!” He snaps back.

“Yeah but not Like Jonas does” Noora says and when Isak looks at her, waiting for her to continue she does just that. “I meant that none of us that you have been talking to are the ones you are scared to talk to. You were probably scared about our reactions to finding out but not _as_ scared. Eskild is gay himself, so him reacting badly was very unlikely, I was not _as_ close to you when you told me and you already knew that Eva knew before you told her. It’s not us that you are afraid to lose. It’s Jonas and your parents. Yes, I know that what everyone else thinks also is scary and we know how bad the gossip gets at Nissen but I still think that what you are really scared of, is facing the gossip alone. So talk to Jonas.”

 

Isak says silent simply looking at Noora for a couple of minutes and Noora is, again, afraid that she overstepped. After all, who is she to tell Isak what he is feeling. When he doesn’t say anything, she speaks again.

“I don’t know what you are actually feeling Isak, so that was just speculation from all that we’ve talked about and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m here for you either way.”

Isak offers her a small smile as he sits next to her and puts his head down to rest on her shoulder.

“If I talk to Jonas tomorrow, could you like, be home in case…” Isak doesn’t finish his sentence but he doesn’t have to. Noora puts her and on his arm and squeezes it gently.

“Of course but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. And if I’m wrong, I’ll send Eva after him. “

 

 


	57. e strong and courageous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas. Kebab. Bench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you excited for Jonas, two Kebabs and a Bench? Because I know I am! Let me know what you think! 
> 
> As always, massive massive thanks for the response! The comments on the last chapter made me so so so happy! Thank you for sticking by me<3

### Chapter 57 - _Be strong and courageous_

**Friday November 18 th, 2016, 13:59**

**ISAK**

For once his mother’s text didn’t make his insides turn. Isak had actually broken a smile reading the message on his phone a little before 2 am. For once, her text didn’t involve sins and punishment but words of encouragement. It was fitting and together with the weird words from doctor Skulle and his talk with Noora, Isak felt that maybe he could be brave.

 

_(01:53)_

_Mom: I have told you._ _Be strong and courageous!!!Do not be afraid doNOT be discourage. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.He is withyou_

 

Isak locks the screen and places his phone into the right pocket of his trusted green bomber as he walks the last few steps over to Jonas with nerves clutched tight in his stomach. It’s stupid, he thinks, that he feels anxious about talking to his best friend. Right now, he is only going to ask if Jonas wants to hang, nothing more, but his pulse is still racing.

He isn’t too hard to convince, Jonas, and soon they head towards the kebab restaurant near Nissen together. Jonas keeps the conversation flowing, letting Isak’s mind turn between nervousness about the conversation he knows he wants to initiate and relief that he can focus on whatever Jonas is talking about. If Isak were to guess, Jonas expects them to have some kind of conversation, or at least for Isak to acknowledge how distant he has been ,particularly over the past two weeks, but in truth for the past year. But Jonas knows Isak so he doesn’t prod, not right now at least.

They end up eating their kebabs at a bench and for a while Jonas keeps the conversation flowing letting Isak fill in when he feels like it. Autumn leaves swirl in the wind around them and Isak manages to spill a drip of kebab sauce on his pants when Jonas says something that Isak relates deeply to.

“I felt so bad for him you know, but at least it happened when he was on vacation and not at a party here in Oslo, imagine being known as the guy who puked all over a girl while having sex. And it would have spread, the rumour mill here is insane.”

“Yeah.” Isak chuckles bitterly. “Tell me about it.”

 “Oh yeah.” Jonas starts, obviously remembering everything that has been going around about Isak this semester. “Are you okay? With all the Noora-stuff I mean.” It’s a gentle prod, but a question about his and Noora potential relationship nonetheless, and Isak sighs loudly. He knows that Jonas believes him when he says that there is nothing going on between them, but he also knows that it’s been weeks since he last denied it and it’s not like Isak and Noora has managed to squash any speculation ever since. Quite the opposite actually. Anything and everything they do seems to generate a new wave of speculation.

 “It’s fucking frustrating, that’s what it is.” Isak starts. “It doesn’t matter what we do, people just assume that we are dating. Like on Tuesday, I gave her a hug because…” He hesitates for a second, not sure if he should tell Jonas about Noora’s articles. “because of a thing she did. Anyway, it’s not important, and the next day it got back through Vilde that we had all but banged against the lockers in the hallway and had ditched half the day to do some actual banging. Fucks sake, it was a hug!”

 “But you did ditch though? I saw you leaving when I was heading back to the A-building.” Jonas asks.

 “I mean yeah we did, but to hang out with Linn and Eskild.”

“You got Noora to ditch almost a day of school to hang out with your roommates?” Jonas doesn’t sound convinced and Isak can’t blame him. Noora’s good girl reputation is still going strong, despite the stories about her and Isak. At least in the mind of Isak’s friends.

 “Yeah we…Okay so Noora did a thing and we kind of celebrated her.” Isak starts cryptically only earning a pair of raised eyebrows from Jonas. _Mate, you ain’t making any sense._ “Okay fuck it, you can’t tell anyone, Promise?”

“Wait, _are_ you actually dating?” Jonas asks apparently surprised by Isak’s choice of words and fine, maybe he isn’t making sense right now.

 “No! Just, there something else about Noora and you can’t tell anyone.” Isak says, wanting to make sure Jonas gets just how important the thing he is about to tell him yet. If he could roll his eyes at himself, he would do so right now. Because he hasn’t even gotten to the part he actually wants to talk to Jonas about yet.

“Okay. I won’t. Promise.”

“Do you read VG?” Isak asks and he can tell that _that_ was not what Jonas expected to hear.

“What?” 

“The newspaper, do you read it?”

“I mean yeah, I browse it but there are better places to go if you want to stay informed about the world. Not that VG is that bad, but…”

“Nei Jonas!” Isak interrupts him because he has known Jonas long enough to be able to tell when his best friend is starting to rant about societal issues. “There is a new article series in VG, Noora writes it. Anonymously.” Jonas’ mouth forms a silent ‘o’ as Isak grabs Jonas’ phone from his hands, punches in the code that he knows Jonas has had the past couple of years. It’s 0206, Eva’s birthday, and maybe Jonas should have changed his passcode after they broke up but he claims that he’ll forget if he changes it because, _it has always been his passcode._ Isak pretends to believe him and has stopped bringing it up. He navigates to VG’s homepage, finds the article Noora wrote about Kollektivet and hands the phone back to Jonas.

“Wow.” Jonas says with a smile after a few minutes Isak nods in agreement.

“Yeah. So Eskild decided that we had to celebrate.”

“Makes sense.”

 

 

They fall back into a silence that feel familiar and should be comfortable, but as Jonas takes a bit of his kebab Isak can feel his pulse rise again, he just needs to get a grip and say it already. He’d never be able to finish his kebab otherwise. Every bite just grows as he chews. 

“You know, how I’ve been acting a bit strange lately?” Isak manages to say, immediately earning Jonas’ attention nods affirmatively while chewing a bite off his kebab.

“Yeah”

“It because of someone I like.” Isak says, he almost trembles as he speaks but manages to keep his voice steady. “And if you say Noora now, I’ll punch you!” Isak adds as a joke, although it’s probably half-true. He just wouldn’t punch that hard. Jonas chuckles.

“That first year? Emma?” Jonas asks and Isak can feel his stomach sink because of course Emma is who Jonas assumes. Who else would it be, especially when he so profusely objects to all the talk about Noora.

“Nei, not Emma.” Isak’s pulse rises and as much as he wants to say it and just be done with it, the words won’t roll off his tongue. “Guess.” He says instead. 

“Guess, I can’t guess.”

“Try.” Please try.

Jonas does try and ends up guessing that Vilde is the object of Isak’s affection which actually earns a loud laugh from Isak. Vilde is about as far from the truth as a guess could get. But the guess does ease the tension a little, at least for Isak. Jonas looks as relaxed as always.

“I’ll give you a hint.” Isak says because he needs another second to actually say it.

“A hint? Okay, give me a hint” Jonas replies and then Isak says it, the irrevocable words. 

“It’s not a girl.” For a moment, he thinks that time might have stopped or that Jonas didn’t hear him correctly because there is no visible reaction and Isak can hear his own heart beating, almost expecting a backlash. But it doesn’t come. Instead, Jonas simply makes a noise indication that he is pondering on something as he takes another bite of his kebab.

“Is it me?” He asks and it’s ridiculous. Isak feels laugh bubble out of his as he denies Jonas being the target of his affection. It’s almost ironic how less than a year ago Isak’s denial to the same question had been panic stricken and horrified.

“No, no, no, am I completely unattractive or what?” Jonas asks chuckling at Isak’s response.

“Not like that, but no it’s not you.”

Jonas goes quiet again, obviously trying to figure out who it is and Isak notices how the big knot in his stomach has almost completely disappeared over the past minute. Him cracks a small smile as he studies Jonas, waiting for his next guess and is completely amazed by how Jonas didn’t even raise one of his impressive eyebrows once he found out. The fact that his best friend simply adjusted the group of people he was considering like it wasn’t a big deal is probably the most reassuring reaction Isak could have ever received.

“Is it that guy from Vilde’s revue group?” Jonas asks a few seconds later and Isak nods.

“Yes”

“What’s his name?”

“Even.” Isak replies and Jonas turns his gaze from Isak and back to his kebab, obviously trying to find the right words. When Jonas does speak a few seconds later, with half a bite of kebab still in his mouth, the words are probably the ones Isak least expected.

“Handsome guy.”

“What?”

“Well what am I supposed to say?” Jonas asks with humour in his voice and it’s comforting to know that while it’s obvious to Isak that Jonas is trying to navigate these new waters to the best of his ability.

“I don’t even know myself.” Isak replies and while it is true, he is absolutely sure that if the roles had been reversed, he would not have done as good a job as Jonas just did. Silence settles between them for a few seconds before Jonas chuckles lightly.

“I get how the Noora comments must have been quite annoying, bit farfetched.” Jonas starts before he suddenly stops, looking regretful. “Or… you can of course be into both guys and girls, it doesn’t have to be either way.” Jonas carefulness earns a smirk, it all feels easier now.

“No. No girls.” Isak says and it only stings a little that he seems to be unable to speak the actual word. Jonas nods and it looks like he understands something. Like the dots are connecting.

“Noora knows though, right?” Jonas asks and Isak nods. “Eva too? She chewed me out after the party when…” Jonas doesn’t need to finish his sentence, they both know what he is talking about. That fucking night.

“Yeah, she knows. And Eskild. And, well… Even” Isak adds the final words with some carefulness that doesn’t go unnoticed.

“So, what’s going on with you and Even then?” Jonas asks and it feels equally as surreal as it feels liberating to be able to speak with Jonas about this. The horrible knot in Isak’s stomach tightens though because he is quite sure that nothing is going on anymore.

“I don’t fucking know ” Isak starts, braving it a little, not wanting to dive that much deeper right now. “He is such a hot-and-cold person and its… I just have no clue. Aaaand he has a girlfriend.”

Jonas nods, taking in the information a phone starts to ring. Both Isak and Jonas reaches into their pockets but it’s Jonas that answers a call. Isak on the other hand, finds himself holding more than a phone because tucked behind it is a folded piece of paper. He knows, instinctively, before unfolding it, that it’s from Even.

It’s a drawing. Again. Much like the one he had left on the pillow that Sunday morning. It feels like ages ago. This drawing too contains two rectangles representing two versions of the universe. In one (this one, the painful one) Isak eats his sad cheese sandwich alone and in the other one (the happier one, the one that doesn’t exist) Even is sat next to Isak, eating an equally sad cheese sandwich.

He can’t help smiling as he takes the comic in. It creates a wave of emotions inside of him. Frustration. Sadness. Anger. Hope. But what does it mean? That Even would rather be in the other universe? Well he could have but he decided not to. That Even misses Isak like Isak misses Even? That he is done with the whole- _I need time-_ thing? And what about Sonja?

“What’s that?” Jonas asks, ripping Isak away from his thoughts peering down on the drawing in Isak’s hand.

“From Even.” Isak replies and Jonas leans closer to get a better view at the same time as Isak’s phone buzzes.

 

_(14:32)_

_Noora: Eva wants to come over tonight, that cool?_

_Isak: Sure. With Jonas now, don’t know what the plans for tonight are_

_Isak: Will let you know_

_Noora: I guess it went well then?_

_Isak: Yeah_

_Noora: Proud of you <3 _

_Isak: <3  _

 

“He should dump her.” Jonas says as he moves his gaze away from the comic and takes another bite of his kebab.

“Huh?” Isak is confused, still halfway focused on his conversation with Noora.

“That Even-dude, he should dump his girlfriend.”


	58. Rookie mistake man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah, I'm so so sorry for the long wait. Life has been insane and I've simply not had much time to write! I promise though that I haven't given up on this story and I'm forever grateful for all of you who reads and comments! <3 
> 
> Also, I know that we miss Even in this story but it's been hard to have him physically in the story without since I'm sticking quite close to the season-3 timeline but he is returning quite shortly. I miss him too.

### Chapter 58 - Rookie mistake man

**Saturday November 19 th, 2016, 15:57, Jonas’ house**

**JONAS**

Isak is kicking Jonas’ butt in FIFA and while that isn’t too unusual (the amount of FIFA Isak has played over the years is worrying, but that’s a story for another day) Jonas rarely loses as much as he does today. This is, he has had a nagging feeling of guilt pinching away at him since he arrived home late yesterday evening. Him and Isak had headed over to Kollektivet after finishing their kebabs and spent the evening chilling. Noora, Eva and Linn had joined them after a while and for the first time in ages there hadn’t been any tension between any of them.

In all honestly, the nagging feeling of guilt was because of something Eva said as they went their separate way walking home from Kollektivet. _It must have fucking sucked for him, feeling like he couldn’t tell anyone._ Eva’s words had gotten Jonas to think. Had he, who ranted passionately about freedom and human rights, managed to make his best friend feel like he couldn’t tell him about his sexuality? Shame grew within him as he thought back about Elias and realised how he at least _used to_ use gay as something degrading. Jonas likes to think that he has improved since then, after all it was not long ago that he slagged Isak off for calling the dance-instructor _Ultra-gay_. That doesn’t, however, change the fact that Jonas in the past both had said shit that probably wasn’t okay and stood by as Elias said even more, and worse, stuff. 

Isak notices that something is up because instead of basking in the glory of another victory and starting another game he puts the controller down on the coffee table pulls his feet up in the sofa and turns towards Jonas. Isak looks closely at him as he leans back against the armrest.

“What’s going on?” Isak asks but Jonas knows that he means _Dude, you’re acting weird._

“I just…” Jonas struggles to find the right words because the guilt and shame is steadily increasing inside of him as he speaks. “I’m sorry if I ever said something, or fuck that - I _know_ I said shit about homosexuality that wasn’t great and I’m sorry. Both for saying them and not telling people like Elias off about it. I must have sucked” The words quickly flow out of Jonas with determination and power.  

“Yeah. It wasn’t great.” Isak replies with tight lips and Jonas can tell that the subject he is bringing isn’t high on Isak’s list of things he wants to discuss. For now, Jonas thinks, Isak will have to handle it, because it is important to Jonas that he gets to say this. To apologise properly. Jonas puts his hand on Isak’s leg to get him to look into his eyes. Isak’s gaze is both sad, happy, and somewhat relieved at the same time.

“I mean it. You’re my best friend and I love you. I’m sorry if you felt that you couldn’t tell me.” Jonas says and it’s important to him to stress that he really means it. That he is supportive no matter what. Because Jonas knows Isak well enough to know that no matter how much Isak brushes it off, this has weighed heavily on him for a while. He has seen the bags under Isak’s eyes grow steadily during the fall and knowing that his best friends has been struggling alone only adds to the guilt Jonas is carrying. Isak nods but offers a tight smile that gives Jonas some relief. Although, he suspects that there are more troubles buried behind Isak’s usually composed exterior. “How’s it going with your parents?” He asks and Isak winches a little. Jackpot. There is more. Jonas is determined to not let it slide for once.

Isak sighs and pulls up his phone, quickly tapping on the screen before handing it over. On the screen is a string of messages from Isak’s mother and Jonas becomes nauseous reading them. Not because of the content per say, he might not be religious but he has nothing against it. It makes him nauseous because of what they represent; how ill Marianne has become. Jonas hasn’t been there to witness much off it, Isak wouldn’t allow it, but he has witnessed enough to know the story. Jonas remembers the warm and sometimes wacky woman Marianne was during their younger school years. When Jonas and Isak spent their days playing together. Marianne used to be the best at coming up with imaginative scenarios and help them stage all kinds of plays and games. They’ve been chefs and pirates and rabbits and astronauts, even space pirates at some point. She had helped them make outfits and equipment for whatever imaginary world they were playing in. Marianne had been fun. At some point that changed although not over night.  Just moments occurred, when they couldn’t be sure if she knew that it was just a game. Then later, when they were too old to play games and rather spent time at the skate park, football field or playing FIFA, Marianne could say or do weird things. Although, maybe she always had, only they had been too young to realise.

Eventually, Isak would avoid bringing people over, only Jonas was allowed. _Mom’s acting crazy,_ Isak would say from time to time and sometimes he would embellish some details. Most often not. 

Then came the day, almost a year ago when Isak called Jonas in hysterics. Terje had left and Marianne was in pieces. Isak stopped inviting Jonas over after that and over the summer he moved out of the house and into Kollektivet. They barely spoke of why, or how Marianne was doing but Jonas knew, it wasn’t good.

 

“Shit man,” Jonas says handing the phone back to Isak, who looks agitated. “I really think that she should get some help.”  

“Yeah well, maybe dad should do something about it. It shouldn’t be my problem!” Isak bites back, defensively. Jonas tilts his head to look at Isak with compassion.

“It shouldn’t and it isn’t. ” He replies and Isak relaxes a smidge, enough for Jonas to feel confident to continue. “But if you want me to, I could ask my parents to help out, maybe they can persuade Terje to talk to her about seeing a doctor or something?” Isak purses his lips in response to Jonas’s suggestion but he doesn’t seem to dismiss it right away, which Jonas counts as a victory.

“I’ll think about it.” Isak replies and Jonas feels satisfied.

“No more secrets Isak. If you can’t sleep because of shit that is going on, you have to talk to me. Please.” Jonas says because he sees the opportunity for it. A rare moment in which Isak has opened himself up slightly. “Or at least tell Noora.”

Isak nods and furrows his brows, clearly considering something. It’s enough to make Jonas stay quiet and let Isak process whatever is bothering him. Isak opens his mouth and closes it two times before he speaks.

 

“I need to tell you something. Promise you won’t get mad.” Isak starts before he backtracks. “Or like, you can get mad but like, wait until I’m done talking.”

“Okay?” Jonas says and he is confused. What now? Isak is clearly nervous.

“You know last year when Elias told you about Eva hooking up with Chris?” Isak starts and _wow,_ not what Jonas expected. It still stings, thinking about it.

“Yeah?”

“I already knew. Eva told me a few weeks earlier.” Isak confesses and Jonas can feel his lungs constrict.

“What? And you didn’t tell me?” Jonas asks and he see Isak shrinking in shame when he speaks next.

“I did worse than that.” He confesses. “I told Eva not to tell you and then I leaked it to Nissenhook*.” _What?_ Jonas looks at his best friend with hurt, he doesn’t understand why he would do such a thing.

“Why?” He asks, trying to understand but feeling like he won’t. Isak’s cheeks are flushed with embarrassment but Jonas can’t find it within him to feel bad for him.

“I…”Isak starts but he soon pauses to rephrase his words. “Did you know that Eva used to come to me with everything that was bothering her in your relationship? Like all the Ingrid stuff?”

“Nei?”

“Yeah and, well…” Isak takes a deep breath and if possible his cheeks are even redder. Jonas can barely make out the words because of the speed which Isak talks.  “And that sucked for me because I had like a crush on you and I had to act like some kind of advisor to her when it was so clear that she didn’t trust you and I sent that stupid tip because I was angry at her and jealous and drunk and lonely and everything was shit at home and yeah, it’s not an excuse but yeah. I’m sorry”

Jonas looks at Isak in silence, trying to comprehend what he was just told. He feels himself calming down, sure it still hurts a little but at the same time, it all makes more sense now. Also, he is kind of flattered.

“You had a crush on me?” He asks with a smirk and Isak’s cheeks blossom in red.

“It was like a year ago.” Isak says trying to play it cool but then he meets Jonas’ gaze and they both burst into laughter. The kind of laughter that relieves all tension and makes you feel like home. The kind of laughter that works your muscles so hard that you can feel it the next day.

“But seriously, “ Isak says after they’ve calmed down. “I’m sorry, shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s cool man, “ Jonas replies and it’s the truth. It is cool. “But you have to tell Eva.”

“She knows, found out about it first year, cornered me about it.” Isak replies and this time his confession isn’t filled with guilt, his tone is easy going. “I told her I did it because I had feelings for her and begged her not to tell you. Because well I’d already fucked up my friendship with her and I didn’t want to lose you too”

“That’s rough man. ”

“Yeah. But we’ve talked about it again, after Emma’s party. ” Isak says and Jonas is reminded of the conversation he had with Eva during said party. Jonas was under the impression that Eva knew before that, simply because of what she said to him then. _Yes. Something is going on with Isak._

“But didn’t she know before then? About you being into dudes I mean. Because she had a very stern conversation about me talking to you that night.” Jonas asks and Isak lets out a chuckle.

“Yeah. Both her and Noora knew long before I told them. Noora borrowed my phone last year at that Christmas thing. She found a couple of tabs that I had forgotten to close, kind of clued them in on the fact that girls isn't really my thing. “ Jonas can’t help but laugh-

“Porn?” He asks although he already knows the answer.  

“Mhm!”

“Rookie mistake man.”

 

 

*Nissekhook = Instagram account, Iben says in season 1 that is was Isak who sent the tip to Nissenhook and that that’s the way she found out about it. Don’t know if the subtitled versions translates this correctly.  


	59. Guru advising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter is here Eskild makes a strong comeback! I know you're all waiting for more Even action and while it is coming, there are a few pieces of storyline that needs to be dealth with first! As always, Thank you so everyone who keeps on commenting, reading and leaving kudos, you make me so glad and motivated to keep this going!

### Chapter 59 – Guru advising

**Sunday November 20 th, 2016, 18:22, Kollektivet**

**ESKILD**

The first word that comes to mind when Isak comes to Eskild for advice on Sunday afternoon is Pride. They hadn’t really spoken about either homosexuality in general or Isak and Even in specific since their chat a couple of weeks ago. Isak had apologized the following week but they hadn’t gone in to details over what happened. Not that Eskild hadn’t understood that something had gone wrong that Friday because he had. But Eskild knew that it was hard for Isak to open up, that he had to be allowed to do it at his own pace. And also, Eskild knew that Isak had Noora and that he spoke to Noora, at least about some things.

At first, he had been sceptical about their friendship, it seemed odd. Nowadays he can really see it, how similar they are. In his mind, and sometimes out loud, he likes to refer to Isak and Noora as the two stray kittens he adopted. They don’t always appreciate it. Isak in particular becomes especially grumpy at being called a kitten, so naturally, Eskild does it as often as he can remember to. Noora only tells him with a sarcastic look that if anyone, _she_ is the caretaker of kollektivet. In fairness, that is probably true, without Noora they always seem to run out of toilet paper and other necessities. Also, when Noora is around, the apartment somehow turns out cleaner. A mystery really.

It’s only Isak and Eskild in the apartment on Sunday afternoon when Isak comes to Eskild for advice. Eskild recognises himself in how Isak tries but fails to fake being unbothered as he gives a short re-cap of what has happened with Even. They had a thing – everything was well, Even said that he had broken up with his girlfriend and then suddenly Even changes his mind. Things had moved to quickly and then Even was back with his girlfriend. And then, change of pace again with Even giving Isak some kind of drawing but not responding to Isak’s text thanking for the drawing. It breaks Eskild’s heart when Isak at first asks for a not so honest answer from Eskild but then changes his mind, because Eskild has been there; Halfway in love with a guy that doesn’t want more than a guy on the side, while sticking to his girlfriend. It’s gut-wrenching and honestly a waste of both time and energy.

Eskild can almost see Isak deflate when he gives him the bad news. Isak’s shoulders fall and he nervously fiddles with his t-shirt lining between his fingers. It breaks Eskild enough to want to soften the blows so he adds something about how what he said might not apply for Even but they both know that he is only doing so to be nice and Isak leaves the kitchen with a sulking look.

Much to his surprise, Isak doesn’t go back into his cave to hide in his lonesome. Instead Eskild finds him draped across one of the living room sofas. Eskild puts down his cereal bowl on the coffee table and tries to push Isak’s legs away to make room for himself on the couch.

 

“Hey scootch!” Eskild says when Isak doesn’t move over and in return he receives one of Isak’s trademarked grumpy glares. 

“There’s an empty couch over there, use it!” Isak says gesturing to the second living room couch.

“Uh-huh no, we are cuddling.”

“Nei!”

“Yes we are. It releases Oxycotin which makes you less irritable, something your grumpy ass needs.”

“It’s called _Oxytocin_ Eskild, not Oxycotin.”  Isak says and the annoyance in his voice fills Eskild with warmth, he doesn’t really know how, why ,or when Isak became one of the people Eskild cares most about (He is lying to himself. Eskild knows) but he his.

“Yeah yeah whatever it’s called, you need it and we are cuddling.” Eskild replies as he unceremoniously, pushes Isak’s legs down on the floor to put him in a sitting position before falling down on the couch next to him and wrapping his arm around his shoulder. Isak pouts in defiance for a few seconds before he relaxes and leans back to let his head rest on Eskild’s arm. He tries not to show it, but Eskild is almost jittery with pride.

 

For a while, actually longer, one and a half episode of Narcos to be exact, they sit in silence next to each other on the couch. Eskild with his arm rested on the couch’s backrest Isak leaned onto his shoulder. It’s clear however that Isak has something on his mind because Eskild can feel him physically gearing up to talk several times as Pablo Escobar dominates on the screen. Eventually though, Isak breaks the silence.

“How…” Eskild feels how the mood in the room has changed and that they are headed for a serious conversation as Isak catches his breath for a second. “How was it for you? Telling people?” The question is as much endearing as it is heart-breaking but Eskild basks in the enormous sense of pride that he gets, simply by the fact that Isak comes to him with these questions. If the mood was a bit different he would tempted to throw in a joke about character development but if there is one subject Eskild takes seriously, it’s homosexuality.

“About me being gay?” He asks, hoping that if he can say the word out loud enough times, Isak will soon be able to as well. Right now, is not that moment because Isak only nods and looks down on his hands, still not completely comfortable with the subject. Eskild wants to whip that internal homophobia out of Isak’s teenage body but he is all too aware that it doesn’t work like that. “It was, weird” Eskild starts but then he changes his mind. “Or maybe not weird exactly because it was mostly a relief, to get to be myself completely you know?” Eskild pauses to meet Isak’s gaze and it’s curiosity mixed with anxiety, and it makes him want to lighten the mood. “Things was, everybody has always kind of assumed that I’d be into guys, because you know, I’m so _gay-gay”_ Isak winches as Eskild refers back to their previous conversation. “Sush, we’re over that! Anyway, I’ve always had more _feminine_ interest so to speak. Gotta say though I don’t really see how an interest can be feminine but whatever. Anyway, people expecting me to like guys happened long before I had even figured it out myself and when you know _that_ _happened,_ during my early teenage years I kind of rebelled against it for a while.”

Eskild takes a break to breathe because, as usual when he gets really into something, he speaks faster than he can breathe. Isak keeps looking at him with contemplative eyes, carefully assessing the information. He thinks it’s such an Isak thing to do, storing information in his brain, sorting it, analysing it and placing it in different boxes.

“So I rebelled a little, as I said, and tried to move away from all the _girl-stuff_ I was into, tried to go the opposite way. As I saw it, there was too options; trying to become super athletic and into football and shit – thank god I didn’t choose that one, or really dive deep into the emo-punk music world. The second option also gave me an excuse to experiment with makeup, only eyeliner though but still, so it was a really easy choice actually. So for a good one and a half year I had black hair with long side-bangs and listened to the most depressing and angsty music you have ever heard. It was miserable!” Eskild chuckles, it’s actually a fond memory, and manages to coax a giggle out of Isak too.

“You were a punk-emo kid?” Isak asks with disbelief.

“Hey don’t diss them, one of the most emotionally aware group of people that I’ve ever been with. Anyway, I _joined_ them or whatever, because I figured that it would be the opposite of all the girly stuff I was into and therefore I would like girls instead of boys like everyone just assumed I did. I know, I don’t really get the logic behind that reasoning either but I was young, naïve, and so much less woke than I am know. Anyway, that planed failed spectacularly, because like one week into my _emo-phase_ – that’s what my mom calls it, I met my first boyfriend Patrik. He always wore black clothes and eyeliner and only listened to music that was fucking depressive. But he was really sweet, he used to write me poems and I was really impressed until it turned out he only translated Fall Out Boy and Panic! At he Disco songs to Norwegian. Such a blast, and honestly Patrik was the best first boyfriend I could have had. Eventually though we broke up and I could break free from the music that made my ears bleed. I’m more glitter and Britney Spears you know. “

Eskild smiles at the memories of Patrik and how he had used to listen to his favourite music in secret because he had lied about what he actually liked to impress Patrik. Isak laughs at his stories about the past and almost cries when Eskild pulls up old photos on his phone. He is almost unrecognisable and while it’s definitely not his scene, being part of that group had given Eskild some indispensable life lessons; Gay people are just as everyone else – different -  and pretending to be someone you aren’t sucks – even if you do it for someone you love.

 

“I told Jonas.” Isak says with a small smile a few minutes later, when the conversation has dulled down and Eskild smiles brightly at him filled with pride.

“I’m so proud of you baby gay!” He exclaims pulling Isak into his arms. The younger boy only struggles for half a second before admitting defeat and letting Eskild hug him. “What did he say?”

“Handsome guy” Isak replies with a smirk, like he can’t believe himself how easy it was.

“Well he isn’t wrong!”

Isak smirks a little at Eskild, filling his heart with joy, before deflating slightly again.

“Now it’s just the rest of the world left.” Isak says with a sigh reminiscent of someone who is about to clime Mont Everest. It pinches in recognition at Eskild’s heart, the frustration of knowing that Isak (and Eskild) will continuously have to ‘come out’ to people. That it never ends. It’s honestly unfair, why is it something that has to be announced? It used to be something that bothered Eskild tremendously, because you never know if someone will have a negative reaction to it. Now though, it isn’t as bad, the coming out part, the bad reactions still suck.

“You don’t have to announce it to the world you know.” He tells Isak. “I’m sure you’ll want to tell your mates eventually so they can start setting you up with guys instead of girls but you don’t have to tell the world. You might want to and that’s fine too but just know that you don’t have to. You don’t owe anyone that and whose dick you suck is honestly not the world’s business.”

Isak cracks a small smile as he nods before turning back to the tv, and relaxing against Eskild’s side and Eskild considers it as a win.

 

 


	60. A rude question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry (again!) for the long wait, thought I was going to have plenty or time to write but life happened. And I can't promise quick updates going forward because I'm starting my new job on Thursday and I think I'll be to overwhelmed with information the first few weeks that I won't be able to produce much writing wise. I had a massive flow tonight though so there is another chapter ready to go that I can post in a few days, so hopefully you won't have to wait too long between chapters. 
> 
> As usual, massive massive thaanks to all of you who comments, you make me so happy and keeps me motivated to continue this! I love to hear your opinions and thoughts<3

### Chapter 60 - _A rude question_

**Tuesday November 22 nd, 2016, 13:33, Nissen**

**SANA**

Sana can feel her blood freeze when she reads the facebook message sent from Vilde on Isak’s phone. It wasn’t intentional, reading the text, but she’s a curious human being and his phone was sitting on their table, literally in front of her. She kind of wishes that she had kept her gaze on their pop quiz though because she can’t for the life of it pretend to not have seen it. And Isak notices, of course he does, Sana has learned that he is a surprisingly observant person, and a lot nicer than she originally thought. At this point, she actually likes Isak and the rivalry bickering they have going on. Not that she’d ever tell him.

_I hope that you don’t think this is a rude question, but is it true that you’re gay?_

Isak’s reaction to noticing that Sana noticed the message on his phone and then reading the message itself makes Sana incredible uncomfortable. It is clear that Isak wasn’t prepared to read those words on this phone and she can almost see his heart beat out of his chest. Even though it was unintentional, Sana feels like she has barged into Isak’s room and read his diary. She might be someone who likes to know _things_ about _people_ but not like this. They aren’t close enough for her to be privy of that information. So she does what she considers to be the right thing in that moment, pretends that it didn’t happen and moves on to the next question on their pop quiz and when the bell signals the end of class a moment later she offers to hand in their quiz, leaving Isak alone to fiddle on his phone. Trying to not call any attention to him. Sana gazes back as she exits the room with a pit in her stomach. Isak has his phone in his shaking hands, keeping it quite close to his face, frowning as he quickly taps on the screen.

Her thoughts are spinning as she heads for the cafeteria to meet the girls, they all finish early today. Sana can’t help but to constantly replay the conversation she had with Isak about religion and homosexuality almost a month earlier. She didn’t actually mean that homosexuality is pointless from an evolutionary perspective, because honestly she has no idea, she hasn’t done the research. It’s just triggers something when people questions why she chooses to be religious, especially when it’s insinuated that she is a fool for it. And Islam’s view on homosexuality, is such a cliché thing to use as a counter argument. It angers her because it’s not like Christianity is any better, not if you follow the books down to every word. You don’t, of course, follow the book down to every last word because the world evolves but for _some reason_ people don’t assume that all Christians are homophobic, (at least not in Norway), just all Muslims.

So she feels guilty, because while her view of someone isn’t at all dependent of their sexuality and she fears that she might have given him that impression. It’s something she has thought about from time to time when she has heard more literal (or conservative) Muslims discuss it, because homophobes does exist in Islam too. For Sana the fundamentals of her beliefs are to be kind, respectful, loyal, and non-judgemental and to her that includes all life-choices her friends make. If she were to judge someone because they chose to be with someone of the same sex then she’d go against her core values. And in what way does someone’s sexuality affect her?

Another thing that bothers Sana is how she found out. Information, that was clearly supposed to be private, spread across the school and Isak being confronted about if by someone who he definitely isn’t close with. It reminds her about her previous school, about people talking behind her back and spreading rumours. She almost feels sick at the memory and can feel her blood boil. Why did Vilde feel the need to write that to Isak, and more importantly, who the hell spread it in the first place?

  

 

Her pulse is still racing as Sana finds her friends in the cafeteria in the midst of discussing some tv-show, completely oblivious to everything circling in Sana’s mind. She looks around quickly, making sure that no-one is close enough to hear her speak before she interrupts them.

 “Vilde!” Her voice is sharp enough for all the girls to look at her in surprise, not knowing why she is upset. “Why would you ask Isak if he’s gay? You don’t gossip about shit like that!” That certainly earns a reaction from the girls. Noora raises her eyebrows in judgemental disbelief (her trademarked look for moments that leaves her unimpressed) and looks at Vilde shaking her head. Eva, sprays the coffee she was about to swallow over the entire table and Chris looks like she might choke on her plastic spoon. Vilde however looks exasperated.

 “I didn’t gossip about it!” She exclaims. “Lea from Kosegruppa, a first-year, came up and asked me about it and I said I didn’t know. And then she told me about Isak hooking up with Even in the third year, that hot transfer-guy. Emma had heard it from Even’s girlfriend. So I asked Isak.”

Even. It pinches at Sana’s heart when she hears him being brought into the conversation. She doesn’t know much of what happened back at Bakka, only that part of it was Even kissing Mikael. She does know that whatever went down, it was bad enough for Even to want to end his own life. That he got depressed and stopped showing up at her house. They haven’t really spoken since his start at Nissen. Sure, they’ve said hello and casually chatted a few times only when it’s been the two of them. She hasn’t made it known to people that Even isn’t a stranger to her, wanting it to be up to him what people know about him. The girls hasn’t noticed the turmoil within Sana but they are all clearly engaged in the conversation. Noora pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep breath before speaking.

 

“You can’t go around and ask people if they’re gay Vilde!“ Noora says, clearly frustrated.

“Why not? It’s not gossip and wouldn’t it be so great if he is? I love gays!” Vilde is defensive and while Sana understands that she doesn’t have any ill-intention, she struggles to not snap at her again. Noora however doesn’t show the same restraint.

“It’s still none of your business Vilde. Regardless of if it’s true or not, it’s not something you ask.”

“Do you know if it’s true? You not dating him would make a lot more sense. Although, the rumours about Isak and Even clashes with the rumours about you and Isak, or he could be into both girls and boys of course.” Vilde turns to Noora, apparently remembering that Isak is quite a recurrent character in Noora’s life. Sana notices how Noora shares a quick, almost unnoticeable, look with Eva before she turns back to Vilde, looking at her scolding.

“Vilde.” Exhausted sigh. “I’m not going to indulge in any gossip about a close friend of mine. The rumours about me and Isak are as much bullshit as they’ve been the entire time.”

Vilde tries to keep the subject going a few more times but Noora, with some help from Eva, effectively shuts her down every time and they move on to other subjects as they all head to Kaffebrenneriet for some quality-girl time. While the Chris helps Eva with her Norwegian assignment Noora chats to Vilde about Linn and Eskild. Sana stay mostly silent, unable to let go of the events earlier that day.

 

As the girls say goodbye a few hours later, Sana lingers. Vilde and Chris leaves first, quickly followed by Eva who has to hurry home, her mother is in town. When it’s only the two of them left, Sana is thankful that she didn’t have to stage a situation that required her to be alone with Noora. Not that she couldn’t or wouldn’t do so if needed but Sana prefers to handle this as discreet as possible.

“Noora?” Sana starts, suddenly feeling a bit insecure. Noora hums in response, busy answering a text from Linn. “I think I fucked up.” That gets her attention.

“Huh? What happened?” Noora asks and Sana tells her about the conversation she and Isak had about religion and about how she snapped at him. Pity and understanding is written all over Noora’s face.

“I don’t give a shit if he’s gay or nor, but if he is, I don’t want to have made him feel bad about it.” Sana finishes and Noora gives her a small smile.

“Then say that to him, he might need to hear it.” Noora says and it both cements Sana’s guilt further and makes her feel hope.

 

 


	61. I’m not gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again and I hope you like this chapter. I'm not entirely pleased with it but I don't think it'll become any better and I really want to move forward. I've just started working but I hope my brain won't be too full of new information and that I'll be able to get some creativity flowing. After this chapter, Even finally makes his return!

### Chapter 61 – I’m not gay

**Wednesday November 23 rd, 2016,  11:49, Nissen**

**ISAK**

His original _coming-out-plan_ (courtesy of Jonas), the second one, if meeting Jonas for kebabs counts as the first one, consisted of inviting the guys to a pre-game and telling them there. By doing so Isak planned to bypass the rumours and tell the guys on his own, something he had decided with Jonas through [text](http://skam.p3.no/2016/11/22/ikke-stress/), the previous evening. Isak likes plans, he likes logical order and structure, knowing what will happen and in what order. So it felt good, to have a plan.

 

_Step 1:_

_What: Invite the guys for pre-game on Friday._

_When: Wednesday Lunch_

_Step 2:_

_What: Tell them about Even_

_When: During Pre-game Friday_

 

In some aspects is was a good plan, it allowed Isak to tell the boys himself, at kollektivet where no gossip-centred ass-hats could eavesdrop and with Jonas at his side. Jonas who just made it sound so much easier than Isak had ever imagined it. In other aspects, it was a terrible plan. It was a terrible plan because they somehow managed to forget at which speed rumours spread at Nissen. How Isak, who has been the target of an undeserved amount of hearsay as of late could forget to account for that is, in hindsight, incomprehensible. If Isak wrote a lab report about it, _forgot to account for speed of rumours_ would be first on the list of how the experiment could be improved.

In hindsight, Isak should have expected that the rumours about him and Even would have reached Magnus as well. For fuck sake, the guys always heard when there was some new bullshit about him and Noora. Isak should have expected this to spread equally as fast. He didn’t though which means that the only step he manages to execute perfectly according to plan is step one, although to be fair the only thing he messed up in step two was the _when._

Although it starts off quite well, step one that is, Isak should have smelled trouble coming before him and Jonas even arrived to meet the boys. He should have connected the dots and revised the plan beforehand because there is only one reason why random girls would say ‘hi’ to him in the hallway as Isak and Jonas make their way to lunch. It’s not because the rumours with Noora, that’s for sure. Those have only given him a countless amount of side-eye.

He didn’t though, because he was too focused on preparing for the execution of step one. Inviting the guys for a pre-game shouldn’t be nerve-racking but seeing as he hadn’t actually hung out with them since that disastrous party at Emma’s he was almost shitting himself.

It went smoothly though, inviting the guys to the pre-game. Jonas did it, and Isak told Mahdi that he wouldn’t start any more fights and that should have been that. _In Isak’s plan, that was that._ Step one done, executed, crossed off the list. Step two to happen in two days.

In the real world, Isak bringing up the fight causes Magnus to laugh loudly because he just remembered a rumour stating that the reason behind Isak and Mahdi’s supposed fight, which was honestly no more than a shove, was Isak being gay.

In this exact moment, when Magnus laughs at the absurdity of Isak being gay he feels himself freeze up inside. _How_ is he going to tell them now? This isn’t according to plan.

 

“What, No?” Mahdi asks, not as entertained by Magnus’ story.

“It’s hilarious, you haven’t heard it?” Magnus continues completely unaware of Isak’s inner turmoil.  

Mahdi is still not entertained and through the following exchange between his two friends Isak feels like time is moving painfully slow as his plan crumbles right in-front of him. He should find some solace in Mahdi reacting heavily to a rumour that paints him out as a homophobe. He doesn’t though, because even though time moves agonisingly slow it simultaneously moves too fast. Magnus agrees that Mahdi being a homophobe is actually _not funny_ but he also laughs loudly at the idea of Isak not being into girls. He doesn’t know where to look as Mahdi asks if Magnus reassured everyone that the rumour is bullshit.

“I told them that they have to watch out because you might _jihad_ the whole school. “ Magnus laughs before he continues. “No, kidding. I said that you were fighting because Mahdi joked about Noora.”

“We didn’t even fight…” Mahdi interjects.

“Jeez, relax it’s just a rumour.” Magnus says and the boys fall silent. Isak can hear his heart pumping as he shares a look with Jonas and Isak has known Jonas enough to know what he thinks without hearing it. _Just say it man, it will be fine._ Isak considers it as an awkward silence occupies the air between them. He might as well do it. After taking a deep breath he stumbles over his words.

“Gu-guys? You remember when we were looking at those dance girls?” He asks and huge smile forms in Mahdi’s face.

“Bro. I see them every time I close my eyes…” He says and as Magnus agrees Isak knows that he has to steer the conversation in another direction, otherwise he will lose his chance – Magnus and Mahdi will be busy reminiscing .

“Yeah, but do you remember that guy that came up to us?” He says, hoping that his friends will remember more than the dance chick’s moving buts and boobs.  

“That gay guy?” Magnus ask and _what?_ As far as Isak knows, Even’s sexuality has not ever been discussed among the guys – or in general at school. Isak doesn’t even know if Even is strictly a _guys-guy_ or if he is enjoys a _smorgasbord_ of options as Eskild likes to put it.

 

“Why do you think he’s gay?” Isak asks and Magnus looks weirdly at him.

“You were the one who said he was gay.” He replies and suddenly it all makes sense to Isak. Magnus isn’t talking about Even, he is talking about the guy leading the dance audition. Yes, Isak did say that he was gay.

“Nei, not him. The other guy. “ Isak continues, hoping that he guys will understand who he means. They don’t so he keeps talking, hoping to jog their memory. “He who said that I had forgotten my cap in the cafeteria.”

“Yeah, think I remember. What about him?” Mahdi asks and Isak meets Jonas’ gaze again to gather some strength. In the end he just says it.

“We had a thing.”

“A thing?” Magnus’ voice is filled with excitement, as it always is when someone talks about hooking up.

“A thing.” Isak confirms and it’s only now that Magnus seems to gather the unusualness of what Isak just said.

“What the fuck, are you gay?” Magnus No-Filter and Zero-tact Fossbakken strikes again and it burns Isak’s insides.

“I’m not gay” He starts, almost too aggressively, before he backtracks. “Okay, maybe I’m a little gay, but it’s not like I’m into you guys for example. I’m not keen on every guy I see.” _Wow_ Isak thinks to himself, _that wasn’t smooth._ Mahdi nods at him but Magnus looks incredibly confused.

 

“But…” He starts. “But what about Noora?” Magnus’ question earns an eye roll from Isak as well as an annoyed smile. It’s at least a very easy question to answer.

“It’s not a thing. Never has been and never will be.” Isak replies and Magnus keeps looking at him funnily.

“Serr? I was sure it was just one of those badly kept secrets!” Magnus says and _what the actual fuck?_ Isak assumed that his friends would at least believe him.

“What?! How many times have I told you guys that we aren’t dating?”

“To be fair,” Mahdi interrupts as he injects himself into the conversation. “I thought the same thing. That you were just keeping it on the down low because of the Noora and William thing.”

“Yeah no.” Isak says and Mahdi nods. Magnus on the other hand still looks utterly confused.

“You’re gay? But you hook up with girls all the time!” He exclaims and Isak has to resist the urge to roll his eyes because Magnus is actually correct, Isak has been hooking up with plenty of girls. And sometimes he has given them the impression that he has had even more action, simply by being nonchalant about the whole thing.

“He could be pansexual. “ Mahdi says and it sparks a discussion about the difference between bi- and pansexual, if there actually is a difference, Isak doesn’t claim to be an expert in the area. He doesn’t actively partake in the discussion, only meets Jonas’ gaze to share an entertained look. When Jonas puts an end to the conversation by stating that Isak’s sexuality isn’t what’s important, the fact that he is hosting a pre-game on Thursday is, Isak feels warmth filling up his stomach as his shoulders finally relaxes. The plan might not have worked but it worked out well anyway.


	62. Sooner rather than later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one were Even meets Noora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update is here and I hope you are excited for this! I know I am because we are diving into Noora and getting a glimpse of Even. 
> 
> The updates will come as often as I can manage now as I'm learning my new job. Also, gotta be honest, the next chapter (63) took ages because of a major block, still not quite satisfied. I really like this chapter though, so I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Massive massive thanks to you who keeps on reading and commenting, you have no idea how much you make me smile. <3 With fewer and fewer new fics coming out I love that you stand by me and my story!

### Chapter 62 – Sooner rather than later

**NOORA – Wednesday November 23rd, 15:33, Nissen**

There are different stages of heartbreak and Noora feels like she has experienced them all over and over again. The sheer pain of a broken heart. Grief for what could have been. Questioning the decision she made. Regret over how it turned out. Anger. Today, Noora feels anger.

Here is the thing. Noora absolutely wholeheartedly accepts her share of the blame in the break-up between her and William. She completely agrees that she didn’t handle it in a way that was fair to William. It was cowardly of her to leave the way she did. It might have been the only solution she could think of but it was still cowardly. Sure, Noora performed the physical act of leaving but long before that, William had left mentally. She knows that he would find _that_ particular statement extremely offensive but to her it is true.

Yes, it was Noora who first wasn’t able to witness against Nico and secondly lied about it to William and she can understand the disappointment he felt when Nico was declared innocent. She feels the disappointment in her bones. She too, was disappointed and had to deal with an incredible amount of shame over not being able to go through with it. A fragility blossomed within her. It fed on the worthlessness that consumed Noora’s inner being, got its energy from her shaking hands and ever-growing anxiety. As toxic thoughts came creeping, Noora could feel herself balancing on the edge of her eating disorder. Dangerously close. In all of this darkness, Noora knew that she couldn’t stay healthy. Not as long as she was alone. This is where Noora’s anger stems from, how William handled the aftermath of the verdict.

Because William might not have physically left their relationship but his way of handling Nico going free was by burying himself in work – leaving Noora alone to deal with the fallout. It’s not like Noora doesn’t understand that it was painful for William. She knows it was. A family member who takes nude photographs of your passed out girlfriend, manipulates her into thinking they had sex and threatens her. The ultimate betrayal.

So Noora understands that it must have been incredibly painful for him. Incredibly painful and disappointing. She gets it, she always has, but she is still angry. She is angry because while William was betrayed by a family member, Noora was the victim of the actual crime. It was Noora who was lead to believe that she had had sex with her boyfriend’s brother, who didn’t know if the supposed sex was voluntary or not. Who had to suffer through not knowing what happened, expecting the worst. It was Noora who were photographed when without clothes and consent. It was Noora who was threatened and manipulated and it is her who has to live with the knowledge that those photos still exists. Every day.

So Noora is angry. Angry that William chose to bury himself with work instead of dealing with the wounds the verdict reopened. Angry that she was left alone and didn’t get the support she so desperately needed. Angry that somehow she has to take all the blame for their break-up when William didn’t choose to fight for them either.

On top of this, she is furious over everything that has happened since she came home. Some days she is heartbroken over William’s reaction to hearing the rumours but not today. Today she is angry. Angry that he chooses to believe it – even though she only days before reached out in an attempt to resolve things. Or at least try and explain. Instead, William chose to believe rumours and to retaliate with power. It angers her, not because she doesn’t see how bad the rumours look, because she does, she isn’t stupid, but It angers her because of their past. Because William should know how easily information can be manipulated. Because William should know who seriously Noora views sex and relationships. He should know and he should have been there for her instead of running away from their problems. Again. 

So today Noora is angry, because she is sick and tired of taking the entire blame for the demise of their relationship. She might have been a coward, leaving the way she did but if that is the case, so is William. It’s a cowardly pattern he has. First he ran to London when he thought she slept with Nico and stayed away even after finding out the real truth. He almost ruined it that time but Noora fought for them and convinced him to stay with her. Noora fought for them despite being the victim of a crime. Despite feeling like the walls were collapsing around her.

When the verdict came William ran again. He ran to the office and barely came home and Noora was left to fight both against all the feelings the verdict caused, but also for their relationship. This time Noora didn’t have it in her to fight. Because this time, she didn’t have anyone else to lean on. People who could lessen her burden and help her fight parts of the battle. So this time Noora had to make a choice. To save herself or to drown trying to preserve their life together.

 

 

She is irritable as he hurries down the Nissen stairwell, anger boiling in every cell of her body. Anger at cowardly fucking boys who doesn’t dare to stick around and fight once things get difficult. With her backpack over her shoulders and cell phone in hand she doesn’t pay enough attention and doesn’t see the tall guy walking up the stairs. They crash into each other and she uncharacteristically curses loudly, still being the worst mood, as her phone falls to the ground.

“Shit, sorry, are you okay?” They guy she smashed into says and Noora only realises who it is when she meets the gaze of his blue eyes. _Even_ , stares back at her with slight panic in his eyes, like he also just realised who he crashed into. They’ve never spoken before but given how the rumours has been spreading, Noora is sure that he knows who she is although she has no idea what Isak has told him about their friendship.

“I’m fine, I didn’t look where I was going, sorry.” She says because despite being royally annoyed, she still knows how to be polite. Although to be frank, she doesn’t think Even deserves it. As if on cue her phone, still on the floor, starts to ring, with the screen up displaying _Isak Valtersen_ along with a picture of him flipping her off, smiling brightly. Isak was actually flipping Eskild off when the picture was taken but it’s a brilliant picture and Eskild made it Isak’s contact image on the phones of all the people who was at kollektivet the day it was took (Linn, Noora, Eva and Chris Berg). Noora picks the phone off the floor and answers it, looking wearily on Even, expecting him to leave. He doesn’t. Instead he stands awkwardly to the side during her entire conversation.

 

“Hi, what’s up?” She asks.

“Are you on your way home?” Isak asks on the other end of the line, obviously a bit stressed.

“Yeah” Noora says but she doesn’t add anything else, feeling awkward that Even is listening.

“Are you going shopping on the way back? Could you pick up some pasta and eggs for me? I’m doing laundry and then I’m heading to the skate park with Jonas in two hours and we’re all out of pasta, all of us. I was going to steal some and buy new on the way back but seriously, none of us has any food. Or like, you have some vegetables but I’d make those inedible.” Isak talks quickly, like he tends to do when he is doing multiple things at once, on a deadline. Noora sighs a little because she hadn’t intended to go grocery shopping until tomorrow but apparently someone decided to eat her pasta.

“I’m gonna kill Eskild.” She says, hearing Isak chuckle. “Yeah sure, I’ll do it, but you owe me. Text me what you want.“

“Yes! Thanks! See you at home.” Isak says before Noora can hear something in the background. “Linn wonders if you can buy fun-light and chocolate for her.”

“Yeah whatever, tell her to text me too. See you later.” Noora replies and hangs up.

 

Even is still there and looks even more awkward now. It triggers the anger that has resided inside Noora the entire day. She raises an eyebrow at him as if to say _did you want something?_ Even flinches slightly but recovers quickly and opens his mouth twice before speaking, as if he is insecure if he really should say anything at all.

“You’re Noora, right?” He asks and Noora watches him closely, because it’s more of a statement than a question.

“Yes.” She says but doesn’t ask anything back.

“Can I ask you something?” Even says and Noora doesn’t like the way this is going. “About Isak?” Even adds when Noora doesn’t answer.

“If you’re about to ask if it’s true that me and Isak has been banging since the beginning of time, don’t. Because you, if anyone, should know better.”  Noora’s tone is sharp, maybe unnecessarily so but she is tired of the rumours and she anger that has been bubbling inside of her the entire day doesn’t help. Even looks like she slapped him across his face but she doesn’t have the energy to apologise. 

“I wasn’t. I.. I don’t believe that.” He says with a small voice and Noora finds herself regretting the harshness of her answer. She doesn’t particularly like they guy but she is not one who likes to hurt other people.

“Okay.” Noora replies, hoping that it will be the end of the conversation, because she isn’t comfortable talking about Isak with Even. She makes a move to keep walking down the stairs when Even speaks again.

“How is he?” Even asks and Noora wants to punch some sense into him. If he really cares about Isak, he has got to grow some balls and show it.

“If you really want an answer to that, I suggest that you ask him yourself.” She replies, again with a bit too harsh tone,  and Even’s face falls.

“Do you- Do you think he’d talk to me?” Even asks and Noora both feels frustrated with and sad for Even. The boy apparently still cares about Isak, enough to talk to Noora about it. But it’s the same boy who hurt her friend so dearly and who now seems to be afraid to face him. She has to take a deep breath to not take her frustration with William out on Even in this moment.

 “I don’t know.” She says before giving him a tight lipped smile that can barely be counted as a smile at all. “There is only one way to find out though and I’d suggest sooner rather than later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that! How terrified does Noora make Even? How angry is Noora at William, Even and people in general?


	63. He is standing by his girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaah I feel like I say this every time but I'm so sorry for the wait and I'm ever so greatfull for all of you who keeps reading and commenting.<3 This isn't my favourite chapter that I've written but I don't think editing/changing it again will make it any better so I hope you like it. 
> 
> And a teaser, next time we Isak and Even at the same place again! Please let me know what you think!

### Chapter 63 - He is standing by his girl

**Friday November 25th, 2016, 17:30, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

 

A calmness Isak hasn’t felt in a long time settles within him as he watches Mahdi and Jonas playing a game of Fifa in his bedroom. The guys holding a controller each sit on the floor, half lying with their backs rested against the bed, Magnus sprawled across it and Isak sitting up, leaned against the wall. Magnus keeps a running commentary going and laughs loudly every time any one of them fails in any way. As the reigning champion of their long-running Fifa tournament, Magnus doesn’t hesitate to let the rest of them know. Isak would like to argue that he and Magnus are tied in first place but seeing as he missed the better part of the last three weeks of Fifa tournaments, he doesn’t have any ground to stand on. 

On the floor between Mahdi and Jonas, two beer cans stands open. Magnus has his on the floor too, but to the side of the bed. He is able to reach it from his lying down position. Isak’s beer stands on his bright yellow side-table, next to the glass he fills with water every night (and should probably change or dish every now and then) and a roll of toilet paper. A bag of crisps is passed around between them, although it mostly resides next to Mahdi.

Neither Jonas, nor Mahdi, are what can be classified as calm players and together with Magnus’ running commentary, they fill Isak’s room with a soothing and familiar noise. It’s as it usually is, nothing has changed. Isak can feel the warmth spreading inside his body as the realisation hits him, _nothing has changed._ It vibrates through him, and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

Things may still not be completely resolved, there is still everything with his parents – how bad everything is and how bad everything might become once he gets around to tell them. He might not, tell them that is. It’s not like he has a close relationship with any of them, so why would he put himself in that position unless he really has to. What’s the point of telling them when there is no one to tell them about?

Isak wonders if he would see things differently, had things with Even gone smoothly. Maybe. Probably eventually.

Having the boys over has distracted Isak from overanalysing all of his interactions with Even, something he had done over and over again since yesterday morning when he arrived to find a [new drawing](https://twitter.com/isakxeven/status/801688206601285632) in his locker.

_Glad you liked it. Put it there when you had PE. Miss you._

Even misses him. In all the chaos, confusion and hurt that single sentence makes him fuzzy on the inside. It fills him with warmth and a hope that it might not be completely over. It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride though because in some moments he can vividly see Even smiling down at Sonja before meeting her lips with his. There is also the fact that Even just above Isak’s latest text to Even, the one he sent after he received his second drawing, on the same day he came out to Jonas. Right above that text, is the text where Even called it off, decided that whatever they were doing wasn’t worth it. Simply opening his conversation with Even causes his stomach to turn. He sees the words of rejection and the lack of response to his latest text simply adds to it. Still, Even misses him. That has to count for something.

 Isak has yet to respond to the latest drawing. [Eskild thinks](http://skam.p3.no/2016/11/24/mitt-lille-fadderbarn/) he should let Even wait. Noora had been in agreement, let the guy wait. It took Even week to respond to a simple text, a text he initiated by giving Isak that drawing in the first place. So yeah, Even gets to wait. Isak doesn’t know what to reply anyway, he still doesn’t understand shit.

 

A knock on the door, followed by Noora peeking through, interrupts the ongoing Fifa game, where Mahdi just scored. 

“I’m heading out.” She says, nodding at Isak and walking inside the room with no care in the world. “Linn is visiting her parent’s house so I’ll use her room this weekend.”

“What? You don’t want to share with me?” Isak asks, pretending to be insulted. 

“I’d rather not get woken up by you being a clumsy and high, drunk falling all over the floor. _Again._ That’s correct.” Noora replies without a beat, smirking at him as she collects various belongings spread in the room. She grabs her toilet bag of the bookcase along with the red polo top that she wears a lot. Isak picks the book she reads some night off the floor next to his mattress and hands it over as Noora bends down to pull out her iPhone charger, her arms filled with stuff.

“You boys have fun, don’t do anything Eskild wouldn’t do” Noora gives the boys a slow wave as she exits the room and Isak turns his attention back to the screen where the game is paused. He expects them to un-pause it immediately but is met two confused faces and a very entertained Jonas.

“What?” 

“What the fuck was that?” Magnus asks as Isak hears Jonas supress a snort.

“What?” 

“ _That?!”_ Magnus repeats and Mahdi follows closely thereafter.

“Noora?! How thick are you man?”

“What about her?” Isak asks again, although by now he is only playing. Jonas looks like he is about to combust but manages to hold himself back.

“She just said that she doesn’t want to share your room this weekend, meaning that she _has_ shared it before?!”

“Yeah well, we share, mostly.” Isak shrugs, knowing that it will cause frustration with the boys. He would have hated the topic a couple of days ago but now it’s fun, teasing his friends.

“But… but… where does she sleep?” Magnus asks dumb folded, turning his body three hundred and sixty degrees around in the room, seemingly searching for a second bed.

“Where do you think? Does it look like there are more beds than one in here?”

“But I’m so confused. I thought you _didn’t_ sleep together?”

”You can sleep in the same bed as someone without having sex with them Magnus.”

“But I don’t get how you wouldn’t want to? I mean she’s not Vilde, but she’s still hot” This comment by Magnus earns a groan from Jonas and Mahdi, who seems to have caught up.

“Didn’t we cover this on Wednesday?” Mahdi ask. “Noora is a girl. That’s why Isak doesn’t want to sleep with her. She doesn’t have a dick!”

“Jeez” Jonas says before joining the rest of the guys in laughter. It’s liberating. It’s been way too long since he’d been completely relaxed with his friends.

“I have a question though” Magnus starts once the laughter has died down. “You and Noora…”

“For the love of God Magnus, don’t.”

“Shut up Mahdi, it’s not a weird question. I’m just curious about something.”

“Okay, let’s hear it then.”

“You and Noora are quite close right? You gotta be, since you share a room and all.” Magnus asks.

“Yeah, we’re friends.” Isak says as he nods in reply.

”So do you know what happened between her and William? I mean, usually I don’t care but with all of these rumours about you too and us thinking you guys were doing it but keeping it hidden because of William, I got curious.” Magnus looks up at Isak with curious eyes, and he rolls his eyes in response.

“Yes Magnus, I know what happened.” Isak expects his friends to drop it but they all turn their eyes on him.

“And?” It’s Jonas who asks.

”I bet William cheated.” Mahdi speculates.

“Did he?” Magnus asks.

“No Magnus, he didn’t. Noora and William, it’s complicated.” Isak weighs the words carefully as he speaks.

“And?”

“And it’s none of your business.” Isak really doesn’t want to share the real story – it’s way to long and personal. 

“Serr? You’re not gonna tell us? We’re you’re boys!”

“Chill out Magnus. He is standing by his girl.” Mahdi says and Jonas nods in approval.

“Sure, I’m standing by my girl.” Isak confirms and for once, he can say that and they all know what he means.

 


	64. It’s Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I found myself with two jobs and an impending apartment move but Jesus Christ, did it really take me a month to update this? I'm so sorry but also so grateful for all the response I've gotten on the last (and every) chapter<3 
> 
> And I promise, I'm not giving up on this! This is my baby and I'll see it to the finish line. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this. A certain someone returns to the action!

### Chapter 64 – It’s Even

 

**Friday November 25th, 2016, 18:26, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Even though Isak and all of this friends agree that Fifa and beer is best when combined, they’ve abandoned the game in favour of beer in the kitchen. Hip-hop is playing in the background as they get in the mood for this evening’s plans: a party at Elvebakken. Isak is more present in the conversation that he has been for months, but as much as he tries, he can’t really find it in himself to be as psyched as his friends. [Magnus had even suggested](http://skam.p3.no/2016/11/23/brosa-samla/) that they’d go to a gay bar instead of Elvebakken but Isak doesn’t feel like he is quite there yet. 

Jonas had told him to bring his A-game tonight. To get dressed up and get ready for a fun night out. That Isak wasn’t gonna give a damn about what people think and just have a great time. Well, not in that many words, zero spoken words to tell the truth. Isak didn’t get a girl-movie pep talk even though it could sometimes feel like it when Jonas was involved. Not to say that Jonas isn’t someone who goes on long passionate rants, because he really is. But when it comes to Isak, Jonas usually offers support in fewer words, not pushing Isak to talk. He had texted him earlier _Isak, no bailing tonight. Get in the mood._ _C u at 17._

Isak had made an actual effort. He put on his favourite flannel shirt, the blue and white checkered one, a white t-shirt and a red snapback. It’s a bit embarrassing, and Isak would never admit to it out loud, but he actually bought that shirt because of Jonas last autumn. Jonas who, despite his constant criticism of consumerism, owns more checkered flannel shirts than is reasonable. It had been one of Isak’s favourite looks, Jonas in an open checked shirt with a t-shirt under and they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery so he bought a checkered shirt himself.

He sips on his beer, letting the others lead the conversation, throwing in a joke every once in a while and if the boys notice his lack of excitement, they don’t comment on it.

Isak’s mind keeps going back to Even and the comic he received in his locker the previous day. He is in two minds about it. It both ignites a hope within him, that Even might like him back but it also frustrates him because why would he go through the effort of putting it in Isak’s locker while he still has a girlfriend?

 

“What’s up?” Jonas asks, ripping Isak out of his gloomy thoughts.

“Not much”

“Not much? Anything new with that guy Even?” Jonas prods and Isak partly wants to brush it off.

“Nei” He starts before he changes his mind, saying the next few words like it’s not the only think he’s been thinking about for thirty-six hours. “Or, I got a new drawing.”

Jonas scoffs, “A new drawing? What’s his deal?”

“I don’t know man” Isak replies with a resigned sigh, it’s what he himself has been wondering for weeks.

“What are you talking about? Are you talking about Even?” Magnus interrupts Isak and Jonas conversation, bringing it to the centre of attention. Isak nods in response.

“What’s going on between you two?” Mahdi asks and Isak takes a sip of his beer before answering.

“Nothing. He’s got a girlfriend.” He replies and it might not be entirely true but it’s as good as. Even _does_ have a girlfriend and with the exception of the awkward run-in in the cafeteria, they haven’t spoken since that day in the locker room before everything went to shit. Still, saying nothing kind of feels like a lie because in the bottom drawer of Isak’s neon yellow bedside table there are three drawings – two that was placed there after they supposedly became something of the past. Drawings that leave Isak with the feeling that things are still up in the air, that _nothing_ is less of a truth. They might not be _something_ right now, but he feels like they’re still more than _nothing._

“Is _he_ pansexual?” Magnus asks, because that’s obviously the most important part of this. Not.

“I don’t know. “ Isak replies with a shrug because he doesn’t have an answer.

“Like I know you’re stickily into dick, but if he’s got a girlfriend, he’s gotta be pan? Or bi? Did anyone google the difference? I forgot” Magnus continues and the guys groans.

“No Mags, no one googled it.” Jonas groans.

“Well maybe we should ” Magnus argues and if he just would have stopped there, he would have sounded like a well-aware and considerate guy – which he actually is. Sadly for Magnus though, he lacks a brain-to-mouth-filter and has absolutely zero ability to know what is appropriate or not. “I’ve actually been wondering about something and sorry if it’s a rude questions but when gays have sex, who’s the man and who’s the woman?

 

Jonas  and Mahdi let own a mutual groan as Isak rolls his eyes and Magnus tries to defend his question.

“It’s funny that you ask that” Isak starts, “Because I’ve been thinking about asking you the same thing. When you have sex, who is the man and who is the woman? But then I remembered, you don’t have sex.”  It’s a harsh burn, but Magnus deserved it and both Mahdi and Jonas laughs loudly. 

The conversation turns back to Even once the laughter has died down – Jonas thinks that Isak is letting Even use him, that he should text him to make up his mind. At first, Isak takes offence to the mere accusation that he is someone who can get played but as he listens to his friends discussing the idea determination grows within him. Sending Even a confronting text might not be such a bad idea. It’s not like he has anything to lose by sending him an ultimatum. He has to make up his mind. Even either has to stop giving Isak drawings or he has to end his relationship with Sonja. When he thinks about it, Isak really has nothing to lose. If Even stops sending him drawings, then at least he knows and then it’s done. And if Even chooses Isak… He doesn’t really want to think about it too much, don’t want to become to hopeful but his insides burn for the short moment that he allows his mind to go there. It’s a sunny thought.

 

_Hi, thanks for the drawing, but if you’re not interested in something more you can just drop it. Call me when you’ve broken up with your girlfriend._

 

Isak bites his lips as he compose a text, presses send and puts the phone done on the table.

“I did it.” Isak says earning the attention of his friends. They are impressed and Isak barely has time to appreciate their support before his phone vibrates on the worn kitchen table.

 

_What are you doing? Can we talk?_

Isak read the text out loud as a wave of nerves and hope fills him up. Even answered. He wants to talk. Isak wants to talk. His first instinct is to call him, to talk right now. Magnus agrees but both Jonas and Mahdi instructs him to play it cool. To tell him that he is chilling at home – nei Isak, no smiley – and let Even do the work. He listens, because he trusts Jonas’ judgement more than anything.

Putting the phone down again, he expects Even to answer straight away, or maybe even call. He even pictures how talking to Even on the phone would be. They’ve never done that.

Even doesn’t answer right away and with every second that Isak’s phone lies soundless on the kitchen table, disappointment rises within him. He doesn’t want to show his friends exactly how much it affects him but the boys can probably tell. They try to explain it away as Isak brushes it off, telling them that Even is just like that. Hot and cold. On and off. 

Another minute passes and Isak starts to regret sending the text. Why did he have to put pressure on him? Why did he even have to text him, Even had made clear that him and Isak weren’t going to happen. What would they even talk about? Even chose Sonja and now Isak has demanded Even’s attention again. For what? For Even to tell him again that he didn’t want him. But what if? Even had replied to Isak’s first text. What if all hope wasn’t lost? But then again, Even hasn’t answered the second text. He’s not even writing anything. Isak’s iPhone doesn’t display a speech bubble with three dots. Isak decides to come to terms with the fact that Even isn’t going to answer him.

 

The sharp noise of the building’s buzzer piercers through the apartment and Isak sighs, because this isn’t an unusual occurrence. Eskild, as absent-minded as he is caring, constantly forgets to bring his keys. He always pretends that he did it intentionally, _because he knew that someone was going to be home, because you’re always home Linn._ The chair squeaks against the floor as Isak heads towards the kitchen window to sneak a look at the porch downstairs before pressing the button to open the entrance to their building. He always checks to make sure because Linn told him that once someone accidentally let in a drunk who pissed on the front doors to all apartments on every floor. Isak doesn’t even want to think about _how_ someone manages to do that but he has double-checked through the window ever since. 

It’s not, however, Isak’s redheaded roommate who stands on the street, bouncing a little on his feet as he waits for the door to open. It’s Even. With his blond, fluffy hair and the denim jacket he always wears, it’s unmistakably Even. It’s Even who doesn’t see Isak looking down but who Isak can see turn towards the entrance as the door swings open and a couple exits. 

“It’s Even.” Isak says in chock, looking at his friends who all reacts with immense excitement. Isak’s brains stops working, ha can’t really comprehend it.

“Hah!”

“Seriously, is he here?”

“Guys, let’s meet Even then!”

Isak’s brain reconnects when he hears Magnus’ word and realises that Even is about to knock on his front door while Isak has his friends in the kitchen. Isak might know nothing about where they stand or what Even might want to talk about but he knows one thing: _there is no chance in hell that they guys are going to be allowed to be here when Even arrives._

In the subsequent chaos, when Isak almost forcibly throws his friends out, he only has one focus: To get his friends out of the backdoor before Even knocks on the front door. Thankfully, the boys doesn’t protest too much. They aren’t overjoyed about the abrupt ending of their pre-game, and Isak is sure he will be roasted for this particular moment as often as possible but he doesn’t care ,but the guys has never evacuated kollektivet faster. They stumble over shoes with their arms filled with beer and jackets and as Isak closes the backdoor he hears the bell at the front door. 

Nerves seems to take over Isak’s entire body as he walks towards the front door. He doesn’t know what to expect. Isak had been so set in his mind not to get his hope up that now that Even arrived, he doesn’t know how to react. He still wants answers, clarity.

He grabs the door know with a sweaty palm, pausing a second before pulling the door open. On the other side is Even, and the sheer look of him catches Isak by surprise, like he almost didn’t believe that it would be Even on the other side of that door, despite seeing him through the window.

Even’s piercing blue eyes stare at him and Isak doesn’t quite know where to start. At first he just stares, tries to comprehend what is going on. Even has his jean jacket on as he has had almost every time Isak has seen him and he seems to have layered up to manage the cold night in such a cool jacket. A dark navy, almost black, knitted sweater under the open jean jacket covers a grey hoodie. On top of that, a grey scarf, casually hanging around Even’s neck.

 

“Halla.” He says, more out of habit than anything else. 

“Halla.” Even replies and he doesn’t look as confident as he usually does. Isak is used to seeing him look effortlessly cool and unattainable, like he knows exactly how to handle every situation. This Even though, the one standing in front of Isak, doesn’t look confident at all. He looks almost scared, looking over his shoulder, back at Isak, biting his lip, bouncing nervously on his feet.

Maybe it’s the fact that Even looks about as confident as Isak feels. Maybe it’s the two beers Isak has in his system. Maybe it’s the fact that Even showed up. Maybe it’s everything at once.

Because when Even opens his mouth as if he is about to break the silence between them Isak takes a step forward and attaches his lips to Even, placing a hand in his neck, pulling Even towards him.

 


	65. Not now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is here and things are heating up. I felt so cringey writing this so please be nice! As always, love love love all of you who keeps reading and commenting on this <3 
> 
> TW: Sexual content

### Chapter 65 - Not now

**Friday November 25th, 2016, 20:02, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

It might have been Isak who initiated the kiss but Even isn’t slow to respond. His hand is cupping Isak’s cheek as their tongues move against each other, causing a deep desire to build up inside of Isak. For a while they are too occupied with each other to move from their position right inside the front door but then Even moves his hand from Isak’s cheek to his neck and using the other hand to pull his body closer and Isak is only sure of one thing. He needs to get closer. 

Isak runs his hand through Even’s hair, urgently pulling to keep his face as close to his own as possible. It doesn’t feel as soft as it did last time, the hair that is. Last time it hadn’t been styled under the awful God-wig Even was wearing, and any residual hair-products had probably been washed away during their swim. This time it’s styled and Isak can feel the hair sticking slightly on his fingers. Even’s hair is still very pull-friendly and Isak immediately realises that it’s something he likes, burying his finger in Even’s hair.

Isak tries to sneak a hand in-between one of Even’s many layers but struggles, how can a person wear this many layers? Jacket, scarf, two sweaters and, Isak suspects, a t-shirt. Normally, Isak would take this opportunity to make teasing comment but right now he isn’t sure he could even put together a proper sentence.

The sounds of loud, alcohol-influenced, laughter echoes in the stairwell as the upstairs neighbours exits their apartment, pulling them apart for a second. Isak meets Even’s oceanic eyes and can’t help but move his gaze to his swollen lips. Even quickly kicks of his shoes as Isak shuts the front door behind them and grabs his hand before he pulls him through the apartment towards his room. Well inside, he locks the door behind them and doesn’t waste another second before attaching his lips to Even’s again.

Isak’s impatient hands manages to find their way under Even’s knitted navy sweater (but over the hoodie) and he tries to pull it upwards but is hindered by Even’s denim jacket.

“Off!” Isak manages to breath in-between kisses, tugging at Even’s shirt. A giggle escapes Even’s lips as he momentarily detaches himself from Isak, removes his jeans jacket and scarf, and pulls his shirt over his head. Isak smiles to himself, partly because he was right, Even is wearing a fourth layer, his grey hoodie open over a maroon t-shirt. Partly he smiles because Even’s actions disturbs his doctored hairstyle, making him look incredibly endearing. Dropping his clothes on the floor, Even takes a step forward into Isak’s immediate space placing his hands on Isak’s waist, pulling him close enough that Isak can feel the heat of Even’s body on his.

Isak threads his fingers through Even’s hair when their lips meet again and the kisses are more urgent than at first. Tongues meet as Even’s hand travels along Isak’s lower back and Isak feels heat pooling in his lower stomach. His skin burns from Even’s touch and his jeans are uncomfortably tight. Isak just wants more, wants to be closer. He, if possible, deepens the kiss and sneaks a hand under Even’s shirt. The skin of his lower back is cold against Isak’s hand but gets warmer the higher his hand travels. Even grabs Isak’s jaw with his left hand while his right hand pulls Isak in by his back. An electric current flows through Isak when he, pressed against Even, realises that he isn’t the only one who is physically affected by their actions.

Even breaks the kiss, putting some distance between them for a moment and just as Isak is about to complain he meets Even’s gaze. Dark, dilated pupils, swollen lips, rosy cheeks and messy hair. It’s a silent question between them. Isak gives a tiny nod, _yes_ , not sure he is capable of speaking. Even probably feels the same because he gives Isak a miniscule nod in return before they crash back into each other.

Hands hurriedly explore each other’s bodies, mostly over their clothes as they aggressively licks into each other and Even moves them across the room, effectively pinning Isak against the wall.

Isak starts pulling Even’s hoodie at the same time as Even does the same to Isak’s shirt. It takes too long so Isak abandons his attempt with Even’s shirt to take of his own instead, letting his snapback fall the floor at the same time. He doesn’t waste another second, removing his t-shirt in the process, wanting, needing, to feel Even’s skin against his.

Feeling Even’s chest pressed against his only increases the desire that already fills Isak’s entire body, his hands exploring Even’s back, rolling his hips. Even breaks their kiss again, moving his lips to his jaw for a second before they land on his neck.

They move quickly from there. Even’s lips leaves Isak’s neck in favour his shoulder, making Isak shiver. He keeps his hand tangled in Even’s hair as Even moves further down. Warm lips leaving wet patches that burns cold as the lips find positions.  Collarbone. Chest. Isak’s vaguely defined upper abs.

They share another short pause. Even places a feather light kiss on Isak’s abdomen, just above the lining to his pants, and looks up. Desire, but also a question. Seeing Even below him, nervously biting his lower lip, his face so close to where Isak’s dick is dying to be freed from his restricting jeans, is a sight Isak never imagined he’d see. A sight that causes him to involuntarily shift his hips marginally, but noticeably, forward, while tugging slightly at Even’s hair.

Even smiles into the skin of Isak’s lower stomach as he places another kiss there while moving his hands up to undo the button of Isak’s jeans. He cuts the process short, pulling down jeans and briefs in one swift motion, leaving them to hand halfway down his thighs. Isak has to look away when Even places a soft but wet kiss against his dick.

He lets his neck fall back in pleasure as he feels Even’s tongue move upwards, towards the tip. It’s the most intense feeling he has ever experienced and when Even finally takes him in his mouth, he doesn’t last long. He tries to tap warningly on Even’s shoulder before he comes, fully expecting him to move away but he doesn’t. He swallows around him as Isak falls forward, having to bend his legs to keep standing upright, suddenly having absolutely no blood in his head.

 

Seconds later he feels Even’s lips softly pressing against his stomach as he slowly makes his way up. One of his hands softly cradles Isak’s neck as he presses a light kiss onto Isak’s collarbone, causing a swarm of butterflies to cause havoc inside of Isak, before he meets his gaze.

Even’s hair is a mess. The products that was supposed to keep it in place tells a story of Isak’s hands. Swollen, dark-pink lips, traces of saliva in the corner of his mouth. His chest moving with every quick breath Even takes. Blue eyes. Rosy cheeks.

A small smile plays on Even’s lips as he softly pulls a strand of Isak’s hair behind his ear. The look Even gives him is so warm that it fills Isak up inside and he can’t help but smile back.

“Hei.” Even whispers, playing with the curls at Isak’s neck. Isak leans in to the touch, bringing his own hand up to cradle Even’s jaw. 

“Hei.” Isak whispers back before leaning in to place a soft kiss on Even’s lips. Their tongues meet for a brief moment but the kiss itself isn’t even close to as hungry as their previous kisses were. The taste is a bit bitter, a reminder of what just happened, but the kiss itself speaks only of summer days. In this moment, everything is perfect. In this moment, Isak wants to stay as long as he possibly can. In their bubble of whispered hellos, kisses and blowjobs.

Even lets the tip of his nose nudge Isak’s when they pull apart before he looks at Isak again. He bites his lip nervously and Isak can feel the edges of his bubble crumbling.

“I…” Even start nervously, but Isak interrupts him.

“Nei.”

“Nei?”

“Not now.”

“Not now?” Even asks and Isak can see the relief that sweeps across his face.

“Not now.”

“Okay.” Even leans in to kiss him, lightly sucking on Isak’s lips and Isak relaxes. He wants an explanation, he does, but right now he just wants revel in the moment and keep it. At least for tonight. They don’t really kiss, only breathe in each other mouth as Isak’s fingers lightly travels across Even’s back, feeling bumps on his soft skin that could either be birthmarks or pimples. Even plays with the curls in Isak’s neck, eyes closed, breath increasing with every small circle Isak draws on his back.

A wave of emotion hits Isak when he feels goose bumps forming on Even’s sides. Noses touching, lips grazing in sync with every breath. Isak moves his right hand to Even’s stomach, letting his fingers travel across it’s lower parts, hearing Even’s breath hitch as he gets closer.  

Even lets out a barely audible moan from the back of his throat when Isak slowly drags his thumb over Even’s very hard and still clothed dick. All the blood in Isak’s body rushes to his groin and he only now realises that his own underwear and pants are still pulled halfway down his thighs.

“Isak...” Even lets out a low, broken, out of breath, moan that springs Isak into action. He kisses Even sloppily as he starts to undo the button to his jeans while simultaneously moving them backwards towards his bed.

When they are only steps from his bed, Isak impatiently pulls down Even’s pants in a similar fashion as his own, not wanting to wait any longer. This proves to have been a bad choice when they trip and fall only seconds later. Isak doesn’t know who or what caused it, except maybe the fact that having your pants pulled down to your knees limits your ability to keep manoeuver across a floor littered with clothes and ps4 controls while making out.

They land as a pile of limbs, halfway on the floor, halfway in Isak’s bed, Isak looking at Even in surprise.

“Smooth.” Even says smirking, earning an eye-roll and a light shove.

“Shut up.” Isak replies, hiding his face in Even’s neck, cheeks burning from a little bit more than arousal. Even is clammy, smelling vaguely of cologne mixed with sweat. He can feel Even’s chuckle as he places a kiss on Isak’s shoulder, wrapping an arm around him.

“It was efficient at least, look how fast we made it to the bed. But you need to work on that aim.” Even laughs against his skin and Isak feels his cheeks get even hotter as he too laughs.

“Dick.” He says with a smile, softly pressing his lips against Evens. The innocent kiss turns into two and Isak licks on Even’s lip to make him open up. The playful atmosphere disappears in only seconds and Isak is reminded of why he was pushing Even towards the bed in the first place.

He detangles himself from Even momentarily to get a better grip so that he can half-lift, half-pull, Even completely off the floor and onto the bed. Thankfully Even catches on and is soon resting on his back, looking up at Isak with lust and anticipation.

Isak decides that he’d rather be safe than sorry and pulls Even’s pants completely off, throwing them to the side.

“You should remove yours too” Even says sitting up, extending neck towards Isak who happily abides, pulling his pants off before sitting down on his knees between Even’s legs.

“Better?” He asks, leaning in for a kiss.

“Much. Wouldn’t want another fall.” Even laughs against his lips, kissing him again.

“Dick.” Isak says, planting another kiss before lightly shoving Even down on his back again.

“Yeah, I’ve been…” Even’s comeback gets lost as Isak lightly grips Even’s dick. It’s pulsating in his hand but the skin feels soft against his thumb when he drags it up and down. Desire burns like fire in Isak’s stomach as he watches Even breathe heavily with his eyes closed. Reacting to every miniscule movement that he makes.

Given how overwhelming and somewhat scary everything had felt the last time he had Even in his bed, he had expected to be absolutely terrified of what he is about to do. But he isn’t. Sure, there are nervous butterflies roaming in his stomach, but there are about 10 times as many excited butterflies.

Carefully he bends forward and gently presses his lips against the skin right next to Even’s penis. Even trembles from his touch and Isak can’t tell if it’s because his lips are _that close_ or because his cheek grazes Even’s dick in the process. Either way, Even shivers again when Isak moves his lips to the base, slowly moving towards the tip.

He intends to drag it out a little, shamelessly enjoying Even’s reaction to every movement he makes, but in the end he doesn’t have the patience to.

Taking Even in his mouth, licking and sucking, isn’t as strange as he imagined it. With the exception of a slight mishap when he might have almost choked himself, it’s honestly a lot more fun than he expected. Fun and Lust-building, as Isak can feel heat pooling in his stomach aching for release.

Even, similarly to how Isak acted, tries to warn him when he is getting close but Isak doesn’t pull back. Instead he helps himself while continuing working with his mouth. When Even comes, Isak is only a second behind.

Even pulls him up next to him in the bed afterwards, wrapping his arms around him. They giggle and kiss while sleepily letting their fingers travel across the other ones body, wherever they can reach. Isak explores the right side of Even’s stomach and chest while Even places feather light touches along his back.

“Hei.”

“Hei.”


	66. Goodnight Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two jobs and a move thing didn't exactly do wonders for my writing but I finally found some time to sit down and finish this next chapter - The continuation of Even's return - aka what happened the rest of the evening. 
> 
> As always, massive massive thanks to everyone who comments and keeps reading. It really makes me so immensly happy to read your thoughts and to know that you keep hanging on. Love every single one of you <3

### Chapter 66 - Goodnight Even

**Saturday, November 26th 2016, 00:01, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

The tiles are cold against his back as he leans against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment, relaxing his body as the warm water showers him from above. Opening his eyes, he meets the gaze of the same blue eyes he has spent the past hours staring into. A smile is playing on the plump lips he has kissed as much as he possibly could since they woke from their blowjob-haze laying naked next to each other exchanging soft touches. Isak’s heart is soaring. 

Even’s wet hair is pasted against his face with a centre parting that should be unattractive but is probably on the list of the most beautiful things Isak has ever seen. He pushes himself off the wall to get closer to Even, pulling him into a kiss.

Lips part and tongues meet as arms hug under the water spraying from the shower head. Standing pressed against each other Isak can feel both of them grow even though neither hands move with nor intent nor urgency. He lets his hands slowly move down to Even’s butt cheeks, realising that they are one; at the perfect height for holding while hugging and two; very nice to hold.

He squeezes his butt cheeks, pulling Even towards himself as heat starts to pool in his stomach once more. He didn’t intend for anything to happen when he dragged them into the shower a little while ago. Showering was more of a necessity after their earlier activates and sharing the water felt like the only valid option. Not that he complains about out things are developing. Quite the opposite actually.

Even responds to Isak’s firm grip on his butt by pressing Isak back up against the cold tiles again, grabbing Isak’s jaw to gain access to hiss neck while rolling his hips against him. It’s overwhelming in the best way and it springs Isak into action.

He lets hand travel from Even’s back to in between them, firmly gripping around Even, who quickly imitates Isak’s move. They don’t have to talk about it, only breathe heavily into each other’s mouth while attempting to catch a kiss or two as they – again – help each other out. 

 

 

Afterwards, after washing thoroughly, they hug on the yellow bathroom carpet sharing a towel, Even placing kisses at Isak’s temple or in his hair as Isak breath against the soft skin of Even’s neck. Despite having “borrowed” some of Noora’s shampoo Even’s neck somehow still smell like Even.

They don’t let go off each other until the steam in the bathroom has cooled down, causing them both to shiver.

 

“Fuck.” Isak mutters as he notices that he forgot to bring an extra towel but hands his own to Even to let him dry of first and, not wanting to feel like a total creep staring at Even the entire time he dries himself, he turns to the sink to brush his teeth.

“What?” Isak asks after spitting when he finds Even smirking at him.

“Nothing. You’re just cute.”

“Cute?! I’m not cute!” Isak scoffs, rolling his eyes as his cheeks heat up. Even gives him a smile so warm it could probably melt the icecaps. “I’m… I’m… cool, and… and..” Isak struggles to find an alternative word but it’s difficult with Even beaming at him while trying to supress a laughter.

Even throws the towel around Isak’s neck and pulls him towards him, causing Isak’s stomach to make somersaults. Standing close again, Isak notices how small water droplets have stuck to Even’s blond eye lashes, enhancing the blue in his eyes. 

“So cute” Even whispers. His breath hitting Isak’s face as Even uses the towel to bring them even closer together. He knows it’s not physically possible but if it wasn’t for Even holding the towel around his neck, Isak is pretty sure he’d actually lift from the ground and just float in the air.

 

He leans up to meet Even’s lips with a smile, teeth bumping momentarily before he slips his tongue in, his own mint breath meeting Even’s. The warmth of Even’s lips as the move against his is leaves Isak’s entire body vibrating. He breaks the kiss to catch his breath looking up at Even’s completely serene face. The look he gives him is so warm that Isak can feel his cheeks heating up. He looks away, attaches his gaze to a four birthmarks on the left side of Even’s throat. They form a triangle with a dot in the middle, or a pyramid viewed from the top.

Above him Even seems to be trying to supress a yawn but fails and while it is very endearing, it also makes Isak realise that he is exhausted. It’s not like he has slept well lately. He doesn’t want to go to bed though, or he wouldn’t mind if he would be sure Even would want stay and if not – he’d rather stay awake for as long as possible if it means that Even stays. Best, he thinks, would be if Even slept over.

“Tired?” He asks, pressing lips against Even’s throat, hearing him draw a breath.

“Mmm…” Even hums against and places a kiss against his. “A little, you?”

“Yeah.” Isak takes a deep breath, to give himself time to muster the courage for the word he speaks next. “Stay?” He had meant for it to be more than one word but he thinks Even understands what he means because he lets go of the towel still around Isak’s neck in favour of grabbing his jaw.

“Can I?” He asks, almost with a hint of disbelief. Like he can’t tell how desperate he is for him to stay.

“Ja.” Isak whispers as he closes the gap between them momentarily to softly press his lips against Even’s. When he opens his eyes again, Even’s smiles as he caresses Isak’s jaw with his thumb, making Isak’s entire body tingle. It’s not Even’s regular smile that takes up his entire face, making his eyes disappear. This smile is softer, tight-lipped and while Even’s eyes are still visible, his blue irises are almost hidden behind dark enlarged pupils. He pecks Even softly on the lips once, twice, a couple of times.

“Bed?” Isak asks, only receiving a kiss in response.

 

 

Isak uses the towel to quickly dry himself off while Even borrows his toothbrush. He should find the thought of sharing a toothbrush repulsing but it doesn’t faze him at all. Maybe it’s what happens when you’ve kissed each other’s mouths (and dicks). Or maybe he is just too enamoured to care right now.

Back in his room Isak, not wanting to risk a visit from any of his roommates, locks his door before grabs two pairs of underwear, tossing one of them to Even. He doesn’t bother with t-shirts, simply gets into bed and lets Even wrap his arm around him as Isak lies down on his chest.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I stay?” Even asks carding his fingers through Isak’s hair soothingly. Isak frowns.

“Yeah?”

“What about Noora?” Even asks “Won’t she be mad that I steal her sleeping spot?” Isak rolls his eyes. He could explain that they don’t really share the room. That the room is officially his, even though they’ve more or less shared since she come back home. But his eyes are droopy, and lying with his body pressed to Even’s, his head on his chest, settles him in a way he hasn’t settled in a long time. He makes a non-comital shrug.

“Linn is at her parents. Noora is staying in her room over the weekend. ”

“Okay.” Even brushes damp hair away from Isak’s forehead before tenderly pressing his lips right where the hair just resided.

Even keeps slowly touching him as Isak’s breath deepens and he feels himself relax more and more, his body becoming heavier and his train of thoughts slow down. Fingers cradling through his hair, drawing featherlight patterns across his back. If he’d always got to fall asleep like this, Isak doesn’t think he’d ever have trouble sleeping.

A phone loudly buzzing on the floor rips Isak from where he was balancing on the edge of consciousness. It buzzes again.  And again. The vibrations creating unwelcomed noise. He groans and grudgingly untangles himself from Even’s arms, trying to locate the source of disturbance. Even gets up to and finds his own phone in the pocket of his jacket about before bending down next to a pile in the middle of the floor where he also locates Isak’s phone.

Isak gets tense for a moment, when Even hands him his phone, screen facing downward. He hadn’t considered it at first, when the phone started it’s buzzing and he was subdued in Even’s arms, but now, when his brain has awoken, Isak remembers the most common reason his phone bothers him at night. His mother. Isak doesn’t ever want to read religious ramblings and he particularly doesn’t want to read them right now. In-front of Even. Who he finally got back. Who is going to stay. At least for the night.

He could choose to not look at his phone but chances are it will keep buzzing and it will look weird. Also, what kind of person doesn’t look at his phone after specifically getting out of bed to pick it up. Besides, Even knows about his mom. Isak told him. In passing. Kind of. His phone keeps buzzing in his and Isak keeps looking at it, debating what to do.

His mother might not be the reason behind the current disturbance, it could easily be Magnus asking for an update about Even, or it could be one of his roommates. Or it could be his mom, and then Isak feels like would owe Even some kind of explanation even though he in reality wouldn’t. It feel like such a heavy conversation, one that Isak isn’t up for having. Not right now. They have other heavy topics to handle first, like Sonja. Conversations Isak has promised himself that they won’t have tonight.

 

 

_Eskild (00:38):_

_Hello!!_

_Do you have someone staying over?_

_See some shoes_

_Is it Even???_

Isak giggles in relief reading the messages, letting his shoulders fall.

 

“What?” Even asks clearly curious as the phone vibrates again.

 

_Eskild (00:39)_

_I can see that you’ve read the messages. Answer!_

_Okay, I’ll leave you alone_

_Can’t I just come in and say hello?_

Isak rolls his eyes and shows the messages to Even who smiles brightly, his eyes disappearing.

“Not gonna answer?” Even asks as Isak turns the screen black.

“Nope!” He says, grabbing Evens hand to get the both back in the bed. He can deal with Eskild tomorrow. Right now, he want them to be alone.  

They settle back in the bed, Isak resting on Evens chest, his left hand on Even’s ribs. He listens Evens heartbeat and feels his body move to the rhythm of his breath. Even plays with the hair at the back of his neck and has returned to drawing patters on Isak’s shoulder with his other hand. Isak yawns, rubbing his face a little against Even’s smooth chest, as if he is trying to get closer. 

Two warm lips land on his forehead and stays there. Warm breath hitting Isak’s face as Even mumbles.

“Tired?”

Isak nods, mumbling affirmatively against Even’s skin. Even’s hands finds his jaw, softly turning Isak’s face up towards himself. A soft smile plays in Even’s lips and pushes himself off the mattress a little to kiss him.

“Goodnight Isak.”

“Goodnight Even.”

 

Isak shuffles downward to situate himself on Even’s chest again an falls asleep shortly after, soothed by Even tracing his skin with his fingers ever so lightly. Despite waking up a few times, he sleeps better than he can remember doing in a long time. Because each time he wakes up, Even’s soothing touch is still there. It’s fingers removing stray stands of hair on his forehead as he nuzzles into Even’s neck. It’s an arm pulling him closer as Isak wakes up having turned around in his sleep, feeling Even’s lips against his neck as the spoon.  It’s the phantom feeling of a kiss on his shoulder as he lies on his stomach with and arm wrapped across Even’s chest.

 

 


	67. You don’t like me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you look at that, an update that didn't take a month to produce - go me! Let's explore what happens when Noora find Even in the kitchen before Isak wakes up! 
> 
> As always, I absolutely love all of you that are taking the time to read and comment! It means the world to me! Thank you for sticking by the story<3

### Chapter 67 - You don’t like me

**Saturday, November 26th 2016, 10:48, Kollektivet**

**NOORA**

When Noora wakes up it’s already after ten, a lot later than she is used to. Or _was_ used to maybe. Since coming back from London she’s had trouble falling asleep and therefore sleeping a lot longer into the day. The fact that she and Isak sometimes stays up talking all night hasn’t exactly done wonders either. Her sleeping has improved lately and she can’t exactly blame her anxiety for last night’s lack of sleep. She should blame Sana, really. Because she was the one to suggest that they watch _The Conjuring 2_ and it had scared the absolute shit out of all of them – even Sana, though she refused to admit it.

Eva, who had cried and yelled at Sana multiple times during the movie, demanded that they watched not one, but two comedies afterwards to make sure that she could fall asleep when they all left. Watching two extra movies had definitely helped wash the residual fear _The Conjuring_ left away but it also meat that Noora didn’t arrive home until after three am – highly unusual for her.

What is also highly unusual is also the smell of bacon and eggs that hits Noora once she exits Linn’s bedroom to go grab some breakfast. Out of the habitants off Kollektivet, Noora counts herself as the only one likely to cook an advanced breakfast at eleven on a Saturday. Eskild actually tends to wake up early but out of the four of them, he is easily the worst at cooking. Neither Linn nor Isak are early risers but they can actually feed themselves, their food is just not usually of a very high quality. In Linn’s case, Noora suspects that it’s because of lack of energy, having been around a few times when Linn has surprised them all by making a fairly good meal. For Isak, Noora suspects that he simply never learned to cook growing up – and maybe it doesn’t interest him to learn it now that he is on his own either. 

With Linn being at her parent’s house over the weekend, there are only two possible suspects and they are both as unthinkable as the other, unless Eskild managed to snag himself a one night stand who serves breakfast. It could be Jonas, Magnus or Mahdi as well, if one of them slept over last night, not that Noora knows anything about their sleeping habits, nor their cooking abilities.

Either way, Noora’s stomach growls, so she sets out to disturb whoever is blessing the apartment with the smell of breakfast. Upon spotting her fellow early rising, she stops dead in the doorway. The kitchen counter is full with various groceries, freshly baked bread, ham, cheese, orange juice, bacon, yoghurt and cereal. Even, who is in the midst of cracking eggs into the pan, doesn’t notice her walk in at first. Not until he turns around in search of something, halting his motion when he spots he, almost dropping the spatula he’s holding in his right hand.

 

“Hei...” Even says hesitantly, like he isn’t sure of how Noora will react to seeing him in their kitchen.

“Hei.” Noora too doesn’t quite know what to say either, so she walks over to the kettle to make herself some tea.

They work in silence and it’s awkward. Even nervously stirs the scrambled eggs he’s cooking while simultaneously looking over his shoulder again and again. Noora takes longer than usual thinking about what kind of tea she should drink this morning – English breakfast, green or the summer-mix Linn got her for her last birthday. She didn’t bring it with her to London. Instead she left it at kollektivet to have something to drink when she visited. In the end, she decides to go with English breakfast, like she does most mornings. Coincidentally, she makes her choice at the same time that the kettle signals that her water is done. 

She turns around, leaning against the sink as the tea brews in her cup. Even is looking straight at her, biting his lip slightly.

“You don’t like me.” He says and Noora frowns a little. That is not completely true. Her sole perception of Even is based on what Isak has told her and her run-in with Even in the stairs, that day when anger was boiling out of her every fiber. It’s not the best, her current opinion of Even but it’s also not the worst. But mostly it’s one that she hasn’t made based on getting to know him herself – which is a courtesy she believes most people should receive. She remembers the quote she used to have on her wall when Isak’s room was hers. _Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always._

“I don’t like seeing my friend sad. You, I don’t know yet.” She says gently but unable to remove the slight edge in her voice. Noora hopes that he will see it as a white flag.

Even observes her for a moment before giving her a small smile and accompanying nod as he turns back to the stove. Only now does Noora really notice all the groceries spread out over the kitchen counters.

“Did you go shopping?” She asks in surprise. Even smiles, his eyes disappearing almost disappearing into his face.

“Yeah” He starts carefully, like he isn’t sure if he overstepped. “I woke up early and Isak sleeps so long, so I figured I’d make breakfast but he didn’t have any food so I went out and got some” Noora can see Even relax with every word and he says the final words with such warmth that she can do nothing but smile. Even breathe out, possibly in relief, in response to Noora’s smile. “Do you think he’ll like it? I don’t know what he eats for breakfast so I...” Even gestures towards all the food on the counter and Noora, knowing that Isak, at best has a bowl of cereal or a really tired sandwich for breakfast, giggles.

“He’ll like it.” She says reassuringly and before she can say anything else, Eskild practically bounces into the kitchen in his navy silk robe.

“Even! I knew it was your shoes in the hallway yesterday! Sleep well? Are you making breakfast?” Eskild peppers Even, who looks a little like a deer in headlights, with questions and Noora can only laugh.

“Ja, very well.” Even responds.

“Ahh yes, I bet.” Eskild smirks. “Oh and you’re cooking, aren’t you a catch. My dates never make me breakfast. Typical Isak to get this lucky on the first try. Anyway, what are you cooking? Do you need to anything, just take whatever. We basically share food here.”

“No we don’t!” Noora interjects. “ _You_ steal our food.”

“Meh, minor detail. Anyway, Even, feel free to take spices or whatever. Make yourself at home! Do you need salt, pepper. Noora usually uses cayenne pepper when she cooks – she’s quite a good chef.”

Even laughs and Noora can’t keep her face straight either, no matter how annoying Eskild’s food-stealing-habit is, he is just so endearing. Eskild, keeps talking, as he does when he is overjoyed.

“And is that a hint of lavender I smell? I think someone already made himself at home and tried out Noora’s shampoo. Don’t worry, we all use it from time to time, she has the best stuff.”  

“I used your shower.” Even replies with a chuckle and Noora spots Eskild smiling larger than she ever has seen before. He looks so genuinely happy to have found Even in the kitchen.

“It’s the same there, you can just use whatever. There are plenty of hair-products and stuff. Not all of them are mine, but - “

 

“Good Morning!” Even interrupts Eskild and turns towards the doorway where Isak stands looking at the three of them with his mouth open. Noora has to bite her lip to not burst at laughing at Isak’s shocked face. Even hurries over to him, grabs his face with both his hands and places a quick kiss on his lips.

“I made breakfast!” Even says, still cradling Isak’s jaw with both hands. Isak just stares at him and Noora suppresses another giggle and Even brushes something off the corner of Isak’s mouth. “I hope you’re hungry, cause I made lots of food.”

Isak’s shock doesn’t seem to surpass and Noora can see that Eskild is about to burst from excitement from seeing this exchange – something she thinks Isak should be spared of on this particular day.

“Eskild, we should, eeh, change, eh change for the yoga.” It’s a shitty excuse as far as excuses goes but it’s the best she can think of on the spot.

“Oh, are you doing yoga?” Even asks animatedly as Noora catches Isak’s gaze giving her a look that can only mean _what the hell is going on?_

“No, we’re not doing yoga.” Eskild, who has not gotten the hint, replies.

“ _Yes we are”_ Noora stares at Eskild as she speaks, and he looks confused for a millisecond, before she can almost see the light being switched on in his mind.

“Oh yes, we’re going to that swim-yoga!” He says and now it’s Noora’s turn to frown. _Swim-yoga?_

“Swim-yoga?” Even echoes Noora’s thought.

”Yes, at Bislet.” Eskild replies, like swim-yoga is a well-known activity, as he walks towards Isak standing just inside the doorway, giving Isak a light squeeze on his shoulder as he passes him.

“Yeah, so I think we’ll just have to... leave.” Noora follows and tries to meet Isak’s gaze as she passes him but he is staring straight at Even, mouth still open in shock. Noora kind of wishes that she could stop to take a photo of this very moment.

“Yeah, there is cayenne pepper in the freezer, I mean fridge, I mean cabinet” Eskild keeps talking incoherently as they leave the room. Eskild heads to his room and Noora does the same, quickly gathering her handbag and a scarf. They’ve silently agreed to leave Isak and Even on their own for a couple of hours. She pauses for a moment, and bites her lips as she deliberates before picking up her phone and quickly navigating to her conversation with Eva.

 

_(11:14)_

_Noora: EVEN is in our kitchen!!_

_Noora: MAKING BREAKFAST!! <3 <3_

_Noora: Me and Eskild are leaving right now, what are your plans today?_

 

Knowing that Eva will share her excitement but not share her texts with anyone, Noora puts her phone into her bag and heads towards the front door where she finds Eskild bending down to put on his shoes, using his index finger instead of the red IKEA shoehorn that lies on top of some shoes. They can hear the music and laughing in the kitchen.

Eskild squeals once they’re outside, and Noora can’t stop smiling. It seems like things might be working out for at least one of them. They go over what just happened two times, with Eskild excitedly forcing Noora to retell how she first found Even this morning, and their conversation twice, before she grabs her arm and they start walking down the street.

“Where are we going?” Noora asks even though she has learned to live with Eskild’s spontaneous ideas. He smirks at her with a hint of devilish joy.

“First we’re going to breakfast but then my dear friend, you and me are going to IKEA. I think it might be time for you to get your own bed.”

And Noora agrees. It might be time.


	68. So, is it me and you now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday November 26th 2016 - after Fem fine frøknar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn't want to try and re-create the epicness that is Fem fine frøknar, but I really wanted to explore what else happened that Saturday, so here it is. Enjoy and let me know what you think! 
> 
>  
> 
> As always, massive massive thanks to everyone who comments, leaves kudos or simply just reads. Thank you for sticking by me and this story that I hold so closely to my heart<3

### Chapter 65 - So, is it me and you now?

**Saturday, November 26th 2016, 12:02, Kollektivet**

**ISAK**

Something that Isak has learned by spending continuous time with Even, is that his joy is contagious. Around him, Isak can’t help but constantly smile and be completely giddy, even when Even is being corny in the way that usually makes Isak frown in discomfort. Like the way Even completely – and unabashed – sang and danced along to _Fem fine_ frø _knar_ just a moment ago. It should have made him embarrassed. Had it been anyone else he would have been mortified, but instead he only wanted to kiss him – again and again. He even swayed a little himself. Although, he’d like to be very clear on the fact that he didn’t dance, he simply swung a little. Enough to make Even laugh with excitement. Isak would do practically anything to make Even look that happy. 

They kiss for a few more moments after the song ends, Even eventually breaking the kiss to look deeply into his eyes, making Isak feel like the whole world around him stops.

 

“Do you have any plans today?” Even asks with one hand still on Isak’s neck, softly stoking it with his thumb.

“I was thinking about hanging with this hot third year, you might know him actually” Isak jokes, hoping that it won’t fall flat.

“Is that so?” Even replies obviously trying to contain a chuckle.

“Yeah, he’s got quite good weed.”

“Does he?” Even steps closer again so that Isak can feel his breath on his face and has to squint to keep Even focused in his sight.

“Mhm.” Isak hums, pressing a light kiss onto Even’s lips. He gets one back before Even puts a little distance between them again, although still standing close enough for his arms to stay on Isak’s shoulders.

“Well, if you got such interesting plans, maybe I should just leave then...” Even smirks, making a vague attempt to step away.

“Nei.” Isak says, stepping towards Even, keeping him in his embrace.

“Nei?”

“I think you might have to stay actually.”

Even stays. Even stays and despite being left alone the apartment for most off the day, they spend the majority of the time in Isak’s room. Only this time, Isak doesn’t lock the door to make sure they aren’t discovered. Neither does he check if anyone is home before letting Even go to the bathroom.

 

This time, they eat the breakfast (or more like brunch) that Even has made while sitting opposite each other on the small kitchen table, feet linked under the table. They eat until their stomach feels like bursting. Isak forces Even to help him with the dishes when they’re done, despite Even’s best protests. Not that he is that much of a help. Even can’t stop distracting him, hugging him from behind, placing kisses in his neck or standing next to him, leaned against the sink, talking, making Isak look up at him instead of down and suddenly he’s been holding the same glass for five minutes. Even picks up his phone to record him and Isak can’t for the life of him understand why he’d want to record him doing the dishes but he can’t stop smiling anyhow.

Back in Isak’s room, where they spend most of the day, they fall down on his bed and with bodies intertwined they speak absolute nonsense between kisses. He pushes Even down in the sheet in an effort to win the argument about the best flavour of potato chips. Isak favours the classic and trustworthy lightly salted chips but can accept sour cream and onion – both the most obvious and boring flavours of all time according to Even.

Even on the other hand says that half the fun is trying the new flavours, experiencing them for the first time. Isak laughingly tells him that that’s the most pretentious answer he has ever heard and they banter back and forth before Isak finally pushes him down in the mattress.

 

“You are never choosing our snacks, ever!” Isak says, kissing Even between every other word.

“Never? That’s a really long time.” Even smirks “Are you sure that’s a scientifically correct statement?”

“Pft, scientifically correct statement.” Isak scoffs. “I’m the master of science, of course it’s a scientifically correct statement.”

“Well then, _master of science,_ I’m starting to get really hot wearing all these clothes with you lying on top of me. How does _science_ suggest I cool down?”

“Science.” Isak leans down, letting the tip of his nose nudge against Even’s before placing a slow kiss on his lips. He continues do kiss Even in-between every word he speaks. It's the absolute corniest thing he has ever done but he doesn’t even notice it. Butterflies soar in his stomach as he feels Even’s light stubble against his skin – already sensitive from the day before. “Suggests. That. To. Cool. Down. You. Should. Remove. Your. Clothes.”

Even’s only answer is to grab Isak by his neck, pulling him down, and kiss him forcefully.

 

 

 

A few hours later, after sharing a well-needed shower, the second of the day and the result of Even trying to distract Isak from winning (yet again) at Fifa, they stand with a towel wrapped around each of their hips, in the middle of Isak’s room. Isak rumbles around in closet, trying to find two pairs of underwear.

“Shit.” He says, causing Even to raise an eyebrow in surprise. “This is my last two pairs. For _some reason_ they’ve all gotten dirty.”

“Maybe you should stop jerking off in your underwear then?” Even replies without a beat, smirking devilishly.

“Dick.”

“Yes, you should blame your dick for that.”

“Jesus Christ...”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“You’re so lame” Isak groans in response, pretending to shove Even lightly but ending up in his embrace. Even kisses his hair as Isak burrows himself into Even’s neck, feeling his pulse steadily beating and heat radiating between their bodies. Isak places a kiss on the soft skin of Even’s neck before pulling back enough to meet Even’s blue eyes.

“Fuck, I like you” Even’s words stir up a whirlwind of warmth inside of Isak, making him blush fiercely almost unable to giggle from happiness.

“Me too.”  Isak whispers, placing a kiss right below Even’s Adams apple.

 

 

 

It has been dark for hours when Isak finally dares to ask about something that he’s been trying to push it out his mind almost the entire day, something he pointedly decided not to bring up the previous night. They are back in Isak’s bed after temporarily leaving it to help Eskild and Noora carry in Noora’s new bed up the stairs and into the Livingroom where it’s now stood behind one of the couches, making the room feel a bit smaller but also giving Noora a tiny space that is entirely her own. To be completely fair, Isak and Even didn’t _help_ Noora and Eskild, they carried it completely for them while the others carried paper bags with weighing considerably less. Isak was somehow even coerced into helping assembling the bed and after some general laughter (swearing on Isak’s part) and a second IKEA image on Instagram. _Isak vs IKEA part two._

A dinner and a movie later Isak lies with his head on Even’s shoulder, conversation momentarily halted, letting a comfortable silence settle in the room, Even’s fingers slowly threading through the locks in Isak’s neck. A part of Isak doesn’t want to break the mood, avoiding to break the bubble, but another part of him, still feels a slight itch. An itch that won’t be satisfied unless he knows what went wrong the last time. 

“Even?” He asks, heart hammering in his chest.

“Mm?” Even hums against his hair. Isak detangles himself, turning to lay on his stomach next to Even.

“Last time.” Isak swallows as he notices Even stiffening beside him. “What happened? Why did you...?” He doesn’t finish the last sentence, they both know what Isak refers to and this time Even can’t brush it over, something he seems to know. Even sighs, looking up at the ceiling. His eyes are glazy and he swallows hard, before he speaks, not looking at Isak when he finally answers.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” Even’s voice is thick, riddled with guilt. It makes Isak’s heart prickle and he isn’t sure if he’ll like what’s coming next but he asks nonetheless.

“Did I? Did I do something?”

“Nei!” Even replies fast, turning towards Isak, grabbing Isak’s left bicep fiercely, slowly releasing his grips as he keeps talking. “Nei. You are... You are... You are just so amazing and I..” Isak can feel himself relax, but only slightly as Even speaks letting out a deep breath as Even takes a deep breath in. “I got scared.” Even finally confesses, his blue eyes looking fragile.

“Scared of what?”

 

Yet again, Even waits a few moments before he answers, looking back the ceiling before turning on his side towards Isak.

“Of what I feel for you. Of _how much_ I feel for you.” Warmth spreads inside of Isak as he smiles towards Even. Despite this, he can’t keep himself form asking yet another question to dampen the mood.

“And Sonja?”

“Sonja.” Even sighs, almost painfully, looking away for a moment before meeting Isak’s gaze again. “She has always been safe, a grounding force to me when I get... Caught up.” Even swallows.

“Caught up?”

“In my head, or with ideas.”

“How do you mean?” Isak asks, not completely understanding.

“Of who I am, who I want to be. She has always grounded me, been patient and honestly, she used to be really good at figuring out my thoughts and feelings when they get jumbled up. Eventually though, it was like she just assumed that she _knew_ what I felt and wanted and it made me feel like less of a person somehow.”

“Only you can feel what you feel” Isak relays the words of their previous conversation.

“Yeah, and when I realised how _much_ I felt, how much I _feel_ , for you, I got scared and, she was safe and I...I shouldn’t have done that. I knew almost right away but, having pushed you away I guess it was easier to pretend that I hadn’t made the wrong choice.”

“And now?” Isak asks, feeling like he is watching Even with a new sense of clarity.

“I think I can handle being a little bit scared.” Even’s shy smile as he, yet again, plays with the hair in Isak’s neck along with the relief of their recent conversation stirs a wave of butterflies and gives him the bravery he needs to asks another burning question.

“So, is it me and you now?” Even’s hand halts his motion at the nape of Isak’s neck, as he looks at Isak with both warmth and wonder.

“Ja, if you.. Do you want that?” He asks, as if he is still unsure of how Isak will respond.

“I want that.” Isak whispers, popping himself up on his elbows to shuffle close enough to let the tips of his nose gently  travel down Even’s nose before letting their lips meet. Even tightens his grips on Isak’s neck, responding to the kiss, licking into his mouth.

 

Later, Isak falls asleep on Even’s chest again, lulled to sleep by Even’s fingers gently running through hair and his steady heartbeat reminding him that Even is his now. He gets to keep having Even in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this idea and couldn't let it go. This is first fanfic I've ever written so be gentle with me. Have about 7 chapters already written which is nice for when I get stuck. Fair warning, it will be quite a slow burner and at first less Even content than one would like. He will show up though! 
> 
> I try to stick to the actual season 3 timeline but with some minor changes. Fic starts at the first revue party (aka Nooras return) but, to have time to build the friendship between Noora and Isak the date of the revue party in the fic is October 14th instead of October 21st. But the halloween party is still on the 28th. Meaning there will be an extra week between the two.


End file.
